


call it a comeback

by bestthreemonths



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2018-12-10 18:50:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 85,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11697747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestthreemonths/pseuds/bestthreemonths
Summary: Alex Morgan's career trajectory is far from the straight line to soccer superstardom she dreamed of as a child, but when she gets a second chance she thought may never come, she knows she has to make the most of it. Her fresh start leads her into the (incredibly chiseled) arms of the new National Team athletic trainer, Kelley O'Hara.





	1. trainer hottie

Walking through the doors to the hotel conference room gives Alex a jittery sense of deja vu, despite the fact that she doesn't think she's ever been to Jacksonville before, let alone this specific hotel. It probably has something to do with the familiar excited chatter and clinking of water glasses among the voices, or the way that all these conference rooms kind of blur together over time, or the feeling of her knuckles turning white as they grip her blue team-issued luggage. Even her suitcase, something that used to elicit feelings of confidence and pride, makes her feel self-conscious when she sees everyone else’s slightly nicer and newer bags bearing not only the US Soccer crest, but the Olympic Rings and the words London 2012.

 

She straightens her shoulders as she scans the room for a friendly face. Her eyes land on Christen Press, but she quickly looks away when she considers the implications of making eye contact. Abby Wambach, her captain for club and country, won't be in until later tonight, but nobody is quite as good at bringing newer players into the social fold.

 

Well, they are when it's your first call-up, but Alex has been here before, so the veterans are preoccupied with the brand new rookies while she flounders in the doorway.

 

“Alex!” a familiar accented voice calls from the corner of the room.

 

Alex whips her head around to see their fitness coach, Dawn Scott, smiling widely as she stands to greet her. She breathes a sigh of relief and abandons her suitcase to accept Dawn’s hug.

 

“Welcome back, baby horse,” Dawn says. “We've missed you. How was the flight?”

 

“Long,” Alex says, yawning despite herself.

 

“None of that,” Dawn admonishes. “Get something to eat, you'll want to fuel up for the team meeting in…” she checks her watch. “Fifteen minutes.”

 

Alex looks over at the bar of food and figures it's as good a place as any to make herself look somewhat busy. As she fills her plate, her fingers itch to reach for her phone, buried somewhere safely in her luggage for this exact reason. When she's nervous, she wants to text her ex, which she knows is a terrible idea after the roller coaster that was the end of last year.

 

She silently vows to herself to leave her phone as far away from her grasp as possible all camp. She's focused. She's ready. She's not taking any steps back this time.

 

\----

 

Alex settles on a seat toward the back for their team meeting, screwing and unscrewing the top of her water bottle while Tom Sermanni, the new National Team coach, goes through the typical welcome spiel Alex has basically memorized.

 

Sydney Leroux, who had approached Alex excitedly as soon as she saw her, sits to Alex’s right, with her friend Kristie Mewis on her other side. Nobody, not even one of Alex’s teammates from Seattle, sits to her left, which she tries not to take personally. It's not like she and Hope Solo are that tight anyway, and everyone wants to impress the new coach by sitting toward the front.

 

Abby walks in and slides into the empty seat next to Alex as Dawn begins her portion, explaining her goals for this camp. 

 

“Hey baby horse,” she whispers, wrapping an arm around Alex's shoulders and squeezing. “I'm glad you're back.”

 

Alex smiles tightly, relieved to have Abby around, if only because she's someone to hang out with who won't make Alex feel weird about what she feels is her conspicuous absence from the team.

 

“If you don't already know my staff—can you all please come up here?” Dawn asks, waving the trainers forward.

 

“Oh sweet, Trainer Hottie is back,” Abby whispers, nodding toward the front.

 

Alex narrows her eyes to see who she's talking about, but as soon as the unfamiliar woman steps to the front of the room, Alex knows. Alex doesn't recognize her, but she knows she has a lot to catch up on from the past nine months, and Abby was not kidding.

 

This woman is objectively attractive, but she's definitely Abby’s type—feminine with an athletic build, ridiculous bone structure (her jaw could almost certainly cut glass), and, from what Alex can tell, pretty eyes. Alex wonders if maybe that's her type, too. She's still figuring out the whole being attracted to girls thing, but “Trainer Hottie” is a fitting term for this one.

 

“This is Alex DeVries,” Dawn says, introducing a young, lanky brown-haired guy Alex vaguely remembers from last year. “He got his master’s degree in athletic training from UConn in 2009 and has been with the team for about a year now. If you aren't already familiar with him, you will be soon, but don't injure yourselves just because he's good-looking, eh?”

 

Alex hears Kristie and Syd giggle from beside her, and she smirks, rolling her eyes. Typical.

 

Dawn moves on to an older guy, one who Alex definitely remembers because they had bonded over their distaste for ice baths. “This is Carl Perkins, who has been here as long as I have. He's your go-to for all complaints because I don't want to hear them.”

 

Everyone laughs, and Carl smiles good-naturedly. He does have that “cool dad” demeanor that probably results in him being the sounding board for way too many of those complaints.

 

“Joining our team officially for the first time is Kelley O’Hara,” Dawn says as “Trainer Hottie” smiles and waves. “She comes to us from Stanford University.”

 

“Go Cardinal!” Rachel Buehler calls. Trainer Hottie—Kelley, Alex mentally corrects herself, winks toward her.

 

“You may recognize Kelley from London, where she was really doing a lot of the behind-the-scenes work. You'll see her a lot more centrally in this camp and in the future, so treat everything she says as if I said it and get used to taking orders from her. She’ll be doing a little bit of everything, from training to recovery to assessing injuries, and I know she’s going to be an excellent asset to our team.”

 

“Excellent assets indeed,” Abby murmurs.

 

Alex smacks her knee. “Don't you have a girlfriend?” she hisses.

 

“Relax, it's all good fun,” Abby says. “She's all yours. And watch out, I think you drooled on your team binder.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes and turns her head back to the front, but she can't stop the blush from creeping over her face.

 

\--

 

Kristie and Syd go straight from the team meeting to their room to change into bathing suits and enjoy the pool (and probably the college boys vacationing at the hotel) with some of the other girls, but Alex passes, opting instead to head back to her room to relax.

 

Of course, being Abby’s roommate means being at the social epicenter of camp, which means relaxation isn't in the cards.

 

Alex sits cross-legged on her bed (always the one closest to the bathroom and farthest from the window) while her club teammate Megan Rapinoe and Lori Lindsey, along with Lori’s teammates Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris, spread out over Abby’s bed and the couch and chairs in the corner.

 

Alex feels a little better that of the group, Pinoe and Abby were the only ones who actually played at the Olympics (though Lori was there as an alternate), so talk of any of that is kept to a minimum. The subject matter quickly switches from general catching up to love life catching up, where Alex learns that Ashlyn and Ali are an item, Abby and her girlfriend are talking about marriage, and Pinoe and Lori are single and loving it.

 

“Al, you should hang out with Pinoe and Lightning,” Abby says, using Lori’s self-assigned nickname that somehow caught on. “They can take you out and teach you to pick up chicks now that you're on the market.”

 

“Wait, you and Serv broke up?” Pinoe asks.

 

“Wait, Alex is gay?” Ashlyn asks at the same time.

 

Alex turns bright red. “I'm not—I like everyone,” she mumbles. 

 

“Sorry, Al, I thought—” Abby says, her brow furrowing with worry.

 

“No, it's okay,” Alex says. “It's not, like, a secret. It's just not… it's fine.”

 

“I won't say it anymore,” Abby says, zipping her lips. “Gals, no talk outside of this room.”

 

Alex feels like her skin is going to burn off, her face is so hot. “You can talk about it all you want,” she says. “Seriously. I don't want it to be a big deal, that's all.”

 

“I get that,” Pinoe says. “It's all you. But can we back up to the Serv thing?”

 

“We broke up last summer,” Alex says.

 

“How did I miss—” Pinoe starts before realizing exactly how she missed it, being away for the entire summer with Olympic prep and then the actual tournament and then the victory tour stuff.

 

Alex shrugs. “It just wasn't working out,” she says by way of explanation. “We had different goals and expectations and, I don't know, I think being single is important for me right now.”

 

“Unless Trainer Hottie is into girls.”

 

“Oh my God, she's really a babe,” Lori says. “Too young for me.”

 

“Not for me,” Pinoe says with a smirk.

 

“Gross,” Lori groans.

 

“We need to initiate her,” Abby says. “You know, welcome her to the team.”

 

“I'm listening,” Pinoe says.

 

“Everyone toss in a 20 and whoever is first to get her number wins,” Abby says.

 

“Oh my God, that's so cliche,” Ali groans.

 

“Yeah, plus some of us have girlfriends,” Ashlyn says.

 

“It's not even a real thing,” Abby says. “It's not like any of us can actually date her.”

 

“Just those of us in the room?” Pinoe asks.

 

“The game starts tomorrow,” Abby says, sounding as if she isn't just making this up as she goes along. “Anyone who wants to participate can get me their money by the start of training in the morning, so tell whoever you want, just make sure it doesn't get back to the staff.”

 

“When does it end?” Alex asks.

 

“End of camp,” Abby answers. “But if nobody manages to win before then, I'm going to be wildly disappointed with us all.”

 

\---

 

Against her better judgment, Alex slips Abby $20 at breakfast the next morning, earning herself a few eyebrow raises around the table.

 

“What?” she asks innocently, shrugging. “I love games.”

 

\---

 

Alex manages to successfully avoid the one person she has dreaded seeing since she received Tom’s call weeks ago, but not long enough.

 

“Hey,” Christen says in that gentle way of hers when Alex is slipping on her shin guards in the locker room before practice.

 

“Hey.”

 

“It's good to see you.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says, not looking up.

 

Christen sighs. “I'll see you out there?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Alex,” Abby says from behind her, using the voice that Alex knows means trouble as soon as Christen is gone. “You've got to let it go. It's not her fault.”

 

Alex sets her jaw and nods. “It'll be fine,” she assures Abby crisply, getting up and heading outside before she can say anymore.

 

It is fine when she gets on the pitch and Christen is just another player. In fact, having Christen there only drives Alex to be better. Anytime she hears anyone from the coaching staff say “good, Press,” she kicks into the next gear. By the end of training, supposedly their lightest one of the whole camp because they have fitness testing this afternoon, Alex is out of breath and desperate for electrolytes.

 

“Here you go,” a friendly voice says, handing her a bottle filled with pink liquid. Alex looks up to see Kelley, the new athletic trainer. “Alex Morgan, right? I put your initials on the cap.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex breathes, still fumbling for the monitor around her torso with her free hand.

 

“Let me help you,” Kelley says. “Turn around and just lift up the back of your shirt.”

 

Alex is too red in the face from training to blush, but she's sure she would in any other situation where Kelley’s hands are on her bare back, just under her sports bra.

 

“There we go,” Kelley says. “You were working out there.”

 

“No kidding,” Alex breathes, taking a swig of her drink and scrunching her face.

 

“Ouch,” Kelley laughs. “I made that.”

 

“Nothing personal,” Alex says. “I just hate this.”

 

“It's not the most fun part,” Kelley agrees. “That's ice baths.”

 

“I hope you're kidding.”

 

“Oh please, you don't feel like a total badass when you outlast the rest of your team in the ice?”

 

“I can't say that's ever happened.”

 

“Try it out this afternoon,” Kelley says. “Let me know how it goes.”

 

Alex grimaces. “The beep test.”

 

“You know it,” Kelley says. “You don't like that either? You're so fast.”

 

Alex shrugs. “I've been training for it for months, I just hate it.”

 

“Who do you want to beat?”

 

“What?”

 

“Who do you want to outlast?” Kelley asks.

 

“I just want to improve my own fitness,” Alex says. “I don't want the coaching staff to be able to pass me up on a roster.” Again, she thinks.

 

“That's good,” Kelley says. “That'll help you beat half the team, including the goalkeepers, but it won't put you first.”

 

“Is that the goal?”

 

“Isn't being the best always the goal?” Kelley smirks. “You don't have to tell me who your person is. But pick them out. Don't cheat either, pick someone good. Heather O’Reilly is freaky fast.”

 

“I'd die if I tried to beat her.”

 

“I bet I could beat you.”

 

Alex raises her eyebrows. “Easy for you to say when you're the one watching the test.”

 

“You don't believe me?”

 

“Knowing how to be fit isn't the same thing as being fit.”

 

“You're right about that,” Kelley concedes. “Anyway, good luck. I'm sure you'll do fine.”

 

\---

 

Fine. The word echoes in Alex’s head as she stretches in the controlled-climate gym before the beep test commences. It's hard to compare yourself to the rest of the team when doing jumps and sprints, but the beep test is where you can actually make your mark on the camp—on the year, even.

 

Alex scans the room for Kelley, who is talking to Dawn, wearing the same shorts and shirt as the players. She bends down to lace up her sneakers and Alex tears her eyes away so she isn't staring at her ass.

 

“Ready, ladies?” Boy Alex, as he's known to most of the team, calls, clipboard in arm. 

 

Alex takes her place on the starting line while the rules to the beep test are read out, looking down the line for HAO, her “mark,” and Christen, her actual mark. What she doesn't expect to see is Kelley lining up with the team.

 

Kelley waves when she sees Alex’s raised eyebrows, and then the first beep sounds and they're off.

 

As is typical, the goalkeepers go out first, followed by Abby, then one by one players start to drop off. Kelley is still hanging on, as are HAO and Christen. Alex’s heart is pounding, and her hands find her knees as soon as she crosses the line each time, but she's determined to be better than “fine.” She isn't even sure when Christen stops, she's so focused on Kelley.

 

After a particularly hard series, Alex’s chest is heaving, but when she counts she realizes she's in the final five—Kelley included—and there's no way she can't see this out.

 

HAO, Christie Rampone, and Lauren Cheney are the only others left, and over the pounding of her heart in her ears, Alex can hear Abby whistling and calling her name, cheering her on.

 

The beep sounds and Alex is off, just barely making it over the line in time. Cheney misses by a hair, but she takes it in stride, happy to finally collapse in an exhausted heap alongside Amy Rodriguez and Tobin Heath.

 

Kelley smirks toward Alex, who gives a halfhearted thumbs up, and holds up one finger as if to say ‘just one more.’ “You got this,” she says just before the next beep sounds.

 

Alex crosses the line just before Kelley, who seems to slow her run toward the end before putting her hands up and clapping toward the remaining three while the rest of the team cheers and hollers, in awe that she held on so long.

 

Alex makes it two more rounds, just to prove she can, before giving in to her screaming body and letting Christie and HAO compete for the ultimate champion spot.

 

“You were unreal!” Abby exclaims, high fiving Alex and handing her a bottle of water. “All that work you've put in has paid off.”

 

“Told you,” Kelley says, smirking over her shoulder at Alex.

 

“Better than fine?” Alex asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“I’d say.”

 

\---

 

It shouldn't surprise Alex when Kelley joins the team in the ice baths, but it does a little.

 

“I can't believe you really did that,” Cheney says. “Seriously cool.”

 

“I'm always up for a challenge,” Kelley shrugs. “Seems like Alex is, too.”

 

Alex smiles. “Guess so.”

 

It's an unspoken addendum to the unspoken original challenge, but Alex and Kelley are the last ones left in the ice bath, even after Carli Lloyd, noted ice bath lover.

 

“So guess you were wrong,” Alex says. “You couldn't beat me.”

 

“Oh, I could,” Kelley says. “I could just tell you were getting tired.”

 

“Right,” Alex laughs. “Sure.”

 

“I had already proved my point, I didn't want to kill you,” Kelley says.

 

“Rematch.”

 

“This time next year,” Kelley laughs. “Promise.”

 

Alex crosses her arms across her chest. She's numb from the waist down, but her upper body, clothed only in a sports bra, feels the chill intensely.

 

“Who was it?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Your competition.”

 

“You, obviously.”

 

“Before that,” Kelley laughs. “You were looking for someone to track, and HAO was on your other side.”

 

“Wow,” Alex says. “Creep.”

 

“Being observant is kind of my job.”

 

“Isn't it to massage us and wrap our ankles?”

 

“Wow,” Kelley says. “Rude. And you'd be lucky to get a massage or an ankle wrap from me. Please don't take the ankle thing as a challenge, though. Dawn would kill me.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes with a smile. “It was Christen.”

 

“Press?” Kelley asks, amused. “That's surprising.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I mean, she's fit, but she's not HAO.”

 

Alex shrugs. “She's also my main competition.”

 

“How do you figure?”

 

Alex shudders, suddenly feeling more than ready to take a warm shower. “I gotta get out of here,” she says, climbing out of the tub.

 

“Ha, I win!”

 

“It wasn't a competition!”

 

“Sure it was,” Kelley says. “I know you wouldn't have lasted this long in here if I hadn't been.”

 

“Whatever you say,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. “I guess we’re even then.”

 

Kelley laughs, following her out of the tub. Alex tries to look anywhere but at Kelley’s abs, which look to be carved from stone. “Whatever you say,” Kelley teases.

 

\---

 

Abby decides to host a movie night that evening, so everyone piles into their room right after dinner carrying whatever snacks they brought to camp to share and sometimes barter. As great as it sounds in theory to hang out with the whole team and bond, 26 girls cramming into a hotel room is a lot more overwhelming than Alex can deal with, so once things settle down, she slips out and heads down to the pool, clutching her phone in her hand.

 

She calls her mom first, then both of her sisters, only one of whom answers. They ask their normal questions about camp (none of them  _ really  _ understand it, but they try their best), but the best thing Alex gets out of the conversations is the sense of normalcy she's always lacking when she's in this surreal world.

 

She spreads out on her chaise lounge and scrolls through her Instagram feed, enjoying the quiet of the warm February evening. Her eyes flutter shut and she breathes deeply, letting her body find stillness. She's almost there, she thinks, at that point that Christen always talks about when she's meditating, until the gate to the pool slams shut, jarring her back to reality.

 

“Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you,” Kelley says, smiling sheepishly. “It’s such a nice night, I thought I'd chill out here.”

 

“Yeah, it’s nice,” Alex says. “Don't worry, you can stay. I was just leaving.”

 

“It looks like you were sleeping,” Kelley laughs. “The beep test get you?”

 

“Nah, I could do it again right now,” Alex insists.

 

“Another thing Dawn would kill me for letting you do,” Kelley says. “Ever heard of relaxing?”

 

“Never,” Alex smirks, standing up.

 

“You should stay,” Kelley says quickly.

 

“I thought you wanted to be alone?”

 

“I have a single room,” Kelley says. “I'm always alone. I'd rather talk to someone at least.”

 

Alex smiles, sitting back down. “And I'd rather talk to one person than two dozen in my room at once.”

 

“That seems like a fire hazard.”

 

“You have no idea,” Alex laughs. “Are you having a good time so far?”

 

“Yeah, I am,” Kelley says. “It's my first real camp I guess, I was in London because I had nothing else going on and Dawn was nice enough to take me on, but for the past few months I've been like her shadow, doing all the behind the scenes stuff. I guess I tricked her into actually hiring me.”

 

“I'm sure you're great at your job,” Alex says. “You're super fit yourself, plus you went to Stanford. I won't hold that against you.”

 

“How sweet,” Kelley laughs. “I'm from Georgia originally, but my whole education and career has been so far removed from there it's hard to imagine ever going back.”

 

“Where do you live now?”

 

“I just officially moved to Chicago,” Kelley says. “All my stuff was at my parents’ house but I haven't had a home base in forever. After this camp I go straight to a U-23 camp and then we go to Portugal for the Algarve and then I think I get like two weeks off before the April friendlies  and then Dawn and I hit the road and go visit all the NWSL teams for fitness testing and stuff.”

 

“So your life is about to be as insane as mine,” Alex laughs, her stomach fluttering. “Well, if I make the squads, I guess. If I don't, I don't know what I'll do. I don't want to go back to Seattle and wait around for season to start.”

 

Kelley smiles. “You’ve put in a lot of hard work,” she says. “It shows.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex says. “Even with all these girls around it can be weirdly lonely sometimes. Everyone competing for a roster spot and all that. I think it's easier for the veterans whose spots are kinda secure, they can relax and have fun. I just feel on edge all the time.”

 

“You sound like my ex,” Kelley laughs. “She's very… high strung. Sometimes.”

 

Alex pretends it doesn't affect her when Kelley says ‘she,’ but she probably overcompensates with the chill nodding. “That, um, kind of reminds me of something,” she says shyly.

 

“What's that?”

 

“First, don't judge. Second, don't laugh. Okay, you can laugh, just… don't judge.”

 

Kelley narrows her eyes. “Okay.”

 

“Some of the girls… I won't say who… have sort of like, a bet going. About you.”

 

Kelley raises her eyebrows. “What, if I'm gay?”

 

“No!” Alex exclaims, blood rushing to her face. “That wouldn't matter. It's just, we—they think you're hot.”

 

“Hang on, we or they?”

 

“Forget it,” Alex says, burying her face in her hands.

 

“No, I'm messing with you,” Kelley says, reaching out to pull one of Alex’s hands away. “I'm flattered. So what's the bet?”

 

“Whoever gets your number first gets all the money we put in.”

 

“Damn,” Kelley says, whistling softly. “How much money are we talking?”

 

“I'm not sure,” Alex says. “We all put in $20, so it's at least $100, but other girls probably joined who I don't know about.”

 

“All the girls who are… into girls?”

 

“As far as I know,” Alex says, her cheeks burning.

 

Kelley smirks, nodding. “So you want my number.”

 

“It would give me a lot of street cred around here,” Alex confesses. “I still feel like a rookie. I'm on the bubble, I haven't made a big roster…”

 

“To be clear, winning this bet won't actually do that.”

 

“I know!” Alex laughs. “But you know what I mean.”

 

“Alright,” Kelley says. “You can have my number, I just have three conditions.”

 

“That's a lot.”

 

Kelley laughs. “First, you have to split the money with me. Or take me out to lunch with it. Or dinner, depending how much it is. If it's a lot, I expect five courses.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Second, I want to know what you meant earlier when you said Christen is your biggest competition.”

 

“What?”

 

“There's a story there,” Kelly says. “I want to know.”

 

Alex sighs. “Okay.”

 

“Last thing is if I give you my number, I want you to actually use it. I could really use a girlfriend—a friend who's a girl, I mean—around here.”

 

“Deal,” Alex says, handing her phone to Kelley. “Put it in.”

 

“Not so fast,” Kelley says. “Story first.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes, pulling her phone back into her lap. “It's not much of a story,” she says. “Just like, I don't know. My first camp was last December—like, 2011. And I roomed with Christen, who was also on her first call-up. And it was really good. We obviously both play the same position, but we knew we were long shots for rosters and starts and whatever, so we just bonded fast and made the most of our training time and whatnot.”

 

“You're right, that sounds awful.”

 

“Shut up,” Alex laughs. “It wasn't, obviously. We both came back for every camp after, and things were good. We both got our first caps, our first goals, our first starts. We roomed together every time because we pushed each other and obviously got along really well.”

 

“So what made you look at her differently?”

 

“She made the Olympic roster,” Alex says. “Well, she was an alternate. I was nothing. They only needed one forward, you know? I was obviously sad, but I was happy for her. And she was sad for herself, I guess. For both of us. She didn't rub it in my face or anything, that would be pointless. At the end of the day, neither one of us was on the roster.”

 

“Until she was,” Kelley realizes.

 

“Yep,” Alex says. “Amy got hurt a few weeks before the tournament, and she got pulled into the squad. I had pretty much accepted the fact that I was one step behind Christen, even if it was by the slimmest margin, but then they decided not to even bring in another alternate. There was plenty of time to make arrangements, but they just… didn't. I wasn't even good enough to be a second-string alternate.”

 

“I'm sorry, dude,” Kelley sighs. “That probably felt so sucky.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex scoffs. “I was so out of sorts. And my club coach stopped starting me, and I had no idea what to do. But I wanted to come back, so I put in the work and here I am. I hope it pays off.”

 

“I know it will.” Kelley has an unreadable glint in her eye that makes Alex’s heart leap. “Now give me your phone, we have a bet to win.”


	2. game face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex wins the bet and the start.

“Pay up, Abs,” Alex announces, walking back into the hotel room where most people have settled down or left.

 

“What?” Abby asks, sitting up in her bed.

 

Christen and Tobin Heath shift uncomfortably in the spots they've decided to occupy on Alex’s bed, but Syd, lying on her stomach in between them, shushes them all, clearly captivated by the movie, which Abby pauses.

 

“I got her number.”

 

“Trainer Hottie?” Pinoe asks.

 

Christen laughs. “Trainer Hottie?”

 

Alex rolls her eyes, lifting her phone to show Abby Kelley’s name. “I'll take my money, thank you.”

 

“Wait, who's trainer hot—wait, Kelley?” Rachel gasps. “Wait, did you guys have a bet to see who could get her number first? I won, she was our AT in college. Christen even—”

 

“You're too straight,” Christen says. “I recused myself from the bet. Good job, Alex. How'd you do it?”

 

Alex shrugs, not making eye contact with her. “We just hit it off,” she says. “I'll take my winnings in cash.”

 

“Good because that's how they come,” Abby says, opening the drawer of her nightstand and handing Alex the wad of crumpled twenties. “Well played, baby horse.”

 

“Wait, how do we know she isn't lying?” Pinoe asks. “Call her.”

 

“No!” Alex exclaims. “She's gonna think it's weird.”

 

“Just compare it to the one in my phone,” Christen suggests. Alex hates to admit that it's actually a good idea that would spare her some embarrassment, but it's too late as Pinoe seizes the opportunity to take advantage of a distracted Alex and grab the phone, calling Kelley.

 

“‘Sup?” Kelley asks over the speaker. Alex turns red.

 

“Oh, I, um, must have butt dialed you,” Alex stammers.

 

Kelley laughs. “Okay. Did you get your money yet?”

 

“You told her?” Abby exclaims. “That's cheating!”

 

“Am I on speaker?” Kelley asks. “She won fair and square, y'all.”

 

“Give that to me!” Alex exclaims, grabbing her phone back from Pinoe. “Thanks, Kelley. See you later.”

 

“Bye everyone!” Kelley sing-songs before Alex hangs up.

 

“You're all horrible, horrible people.”

 

\---

 

Training the day after the beep test is always a rough time, but Alex makes it through, feeling the promise of a starting spot in just a few days within her grasp. She tries not to dwell on the way the coaches nod at her and then turn to whisper and confer with each other, she just keeps her head down and stays focused like Cheney told her to.

 

She gets a burst of energy with every “nice, Alex!” she hears, even though she figures out later in practice that sometimes Ashlyn calls Ali that. But hey, whatever works.

 

“Great practice, team,” Coach “Call Me Tom” Sermanni calls out, clapping. “No afternoon practice today, so go eat a good lunch, get in some recovery, and we’ll meet back for our team meeting at 8.”

 

“Good work today,” Kelley tells Alex when she comes to get her post-workout protein. “Your touch looks awesome.”

 

Alex scrunches her nose. “It’s okay. It’s been better.”

 

Kelley smiles. “Do you have lunch plans?”

 

“I was just going to—no, I don’t,” Alex says, flushing. Her real plan was to go upstairs and lay in her bed binge-watching Real Housewives of New Jersey unless Syd and Kristie asked her to do something else, but she doesn't want to lie.

 

“My team went to lunch the day we got here, but my flight was delayed so I missed it. They said the restaurant they went to was really good, so I wanted to try it out.”

 

“That sounds great,” Alex says immediately, not concerned with the kind of food. If it means eating and not being alone, she's game.

 

“It's not walking distance, but we can take the training staff van.”

 

Alex grins. On off days it's nearly impossible to claim a team van, so being on training staff has at least one major perk. “It's a date.”

 

\---

 

When they sit down at the restaurant (which is much nicer than Alex was expecting), Alex’s first instinct is to order a soda and a burger, but Kelley sticks with water and a healthy-ass salad, so Alex follows suit.

 

“So how much money was it?” Kelley asks.

 

“Almost $200,” Alex says.

 

“Wow, that many people wanted my number, huh?”

 

Alex laughs. “Or that many people wanted $200.”

 

“Ouch.”

 

Alex shrugs. “Not everyone on the team is into girls.”

 

“They're missing out, then.”

 

“You're telling me,” Alex says. 

 

“But you aren't.”

 

“I'm not what?” Alex says, smirking.

 

“Missing out.”

 

Alex isn’t positive, but she thinks she might see the slightest hint of a blush on Kelley’s cheeks. “I'm not missing out, no.”

 

Kelley nods. “Nice.”

 

“Not that I'm—I mean, I haven't—I broke up with my boyfriend last summer and I haven't dated since.”

 

“Why'd you break up?”

 

“What?” Alex definitely wasn't expecting that question. “We just… had too many differences.”

 

“Or too many similarities,” Kelley says, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “You know, liking girls.”

 

“No!” Alex exclaims. “That's not why—I like guys too.”

 

“That's what they all say.”

 

“I do!” Alex says defensively.

 

“Sorry,” Kelley says. “I didn't mean it in a bad way. So what were the differences?”

 

Alex sighs, pursing her lips as if she's contemplating whether she should tell Kelley, but she kind of knows she doesn't have a choice. “After I didn't make the Olympic roster, I was really torn up about it, and he basically told me it wasn't the end of the world.”

 

Kelley raises an eyebrow. “I mean, is it?”

 

“Not really, no,” Alex says. “But it felt like it at the time.”

 

“And that's why you broke up?”

 

“I mean, essentially.”

 

“Do you regret it?”

 

“No,” Alex says, shaking her head firmly. “He was just trying to make me feel better, but he didn't get it, you know? He loved me and I know he wanted me to be happy, but he couldn't understand why I wasn't satisfied with being a great league player or why I couldn't be happy to at least have gotten the chance to play for the national team. He plays professional soccer, so I thought he’d understand.”

 

“Who is he?”

 

Alex laughs. “You wouldn't know him.”

 

“Well that's why he doesn't get it,” Kelley says with a shrug. “There's a difference between playing pro sports and being among the best in the world.”

 

“The best?”

 

“I said among the best, don't let your ego get carried away,” Kelley says, sticking her tongue out between her teeth. “You wouldn't be at this camp if you weren't.”

 

Alex nods. “I was scared I'd never get called in again.”

 

“Because Harvey stopped playing you?”

 

Alex raises her eyebrows, surprised to hear Kelley reference her coach.

 

“I watch the league,” Kelley says. “I kinda have to. My job?”

 

“Right,” Alex remembers. “I guess that's mostly why. It's weird, when you're in camp you feel like part of something, but as soon as you're on the outside, you really feel that.”

 

“Is that why you're hanging out with me instead of your teammates?” Kelley asks gently.

 

“I'm not  _ not _ hanging out with them,” Alex insists. She pauses and smiles up at the waitress, who's carrying their salads. “Abby and Pinoe were the only ones who called me. After I didn't make it. Syd texted me, which was fine, I guess. Cheney had lunch with me in Seattle and we talked, but that was it. And then they were all off to London posting videos and tweeting each other and winning and not thinking about me at all.”

 

“That’s the worst,” Kelley says. “If it makes you feel better, Dawn and I made sure it wasn't all fun.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “I probably would have gotten genuinely pissed at you for saying that a few months ago.”

 

“But you're not pissed at me now. That's progress.”

 

“I couldn't stew forever,” Alex says. “That's why my coach stopped playing me. And that's why I broke up with Serv.”

 

“Serv.”

 

“Servando,” Alex says. “He plays for the Sounders. We met when I first came to Seattle, and, well.”

 

“Sparks flew,” Kelley teases.

 

“I guess you could say that,” Alex laughs. “I’m not great at making friends.”

 

“What? You’re super friendly! Look at us, we’re friends already.”

 

“I usually find one person and just cling to them,” Alex confesses. “Like Servando. Like Abby. Like Christen.”

 

Kelley nods, a look of full understanding passing behind her eyes. “Sometimes one person who gets you is better than a bunch of people who don't.”

 

A smile spreads across Alex’s face, and she turns her attention to her salad. “Something like that.”

 

\---

 

At the team meeting the night before their first game against Scotland, Alex finds out she's going to be starting alongside Abby up top, with Christen in the midfield.

 

“You earned it, baby horse,” Abby assures Alex, patting her on the back. “I know you're going to crush.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex says, beaming. She started before, way back in her first cap, but it wasn't a memorable game, at least not for her. Abby had scored, then Syd when she subbed in at halftime, and Hope had kept a clean sheet. Christen hadn't played at all that day, and Alex vividly remembers feeling sad for her to the extent that she would have been willing to leave the game early to let Christen share her moment.

 

Now, all she can think about is making the most of this system and scoring a goal (or two or three) with Christen watching from the midfield. And, more importantly, Tom (okay, and maybe Kelley) watching from the sideline.

 

She’s so excited she can barely sleep, even though she knows she has to in order to perform well tomorrow. “Do you have any hints for falling asleep when your head is spinning?” she texts Kelley around midnight. To her surprise, Kelley texts right back.

 

“I have melatonin if you want to stop by. 410.”

 

Alex slips out of bed quietly, crossing her arms tightly across her chest, which is only covered by a thin long-sleeved T-shirt. She can usually get away without a bra, but this ratty shirt can’t hide anything. She pulls on a sweatshirt and pads down the hall to 410, knocking softly on the door.

 

“Hey,” Kelley says, smiling as she opens the door. Her hair is in a loose bun and she’s wearing glasses that suit her face in a way that really shouldn’t be possible. “Come on in.”

 

Alex thinks about declining, but she doesn’t want to come off as rude. “Thanks so much.”

 

“No problem,” Kelley says, rummaging through her bag. “My mind is my worst enemy when I’m trying to sleep, too.”

 

“That or this SVU marathon,” Alex laughs, gesturing to the TV.

 

“Yeah, I can’t turn the lights off while it’s on,” Kelley says. “Here.” She hands Alex a couple of melatonin, which Alex sizes up. “You’re clear to take it.”

 

“I know,” Alex says, furrowing her brow.

 

Kelley shrugs. “A girl on the Stanford women’s soccer team got kicked off for taking something she thought was okay without checking with anyone. I wouldn’t blame anyone for being too careful.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex says. “I remember that. It freaked us all out.”

 

“Same,” Kelley says. “I got dozens of texts a week asking me about different substances. Sometimes people still ask me.”

 

Alex laughs. “You’re a woman of many talents.”

 

“I mean, I didn’t get through Stanford on my good looks alone.”

 

Alex grins. “I don’t know, I hear they pretty much take anyone.”

 

“Give me back my drugs,” Kelley says, grabbing for Alex’s hand teasingly.

 

“No way!” Alex laughs, a little too loud judging by the way Kelley’s eyebrows shoot up. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine, I just share a wall with Dawn,” Kelley says. “I’ve literally had the TV all the way down and with closed captions because I’m scared to cross her.”

 

“She’s so nice, though!” Alex says.

 

“I know, but she’s also my boss. Keeping her from getting sleep is not high on my list of things to do.”

 

“Well then I better get going,” Alex says, looking at her feet then back up at Kelley. “Thanks again.”

 

“No problem,” Kelley says. “If it helps calm your mind, the staff is incredibly confident in you. You’re going to do great tomorrow.”

 

“Are you allowed to tell me what the coaches say about me?”

 

“Not at all,” Kelley laughs with a wink. “Our secret.”

 

\---

 

The high of starting a game in her chosen number (13) on a good night’s sleep puts Alex in such a happy mood that she even gives Christen a pre-game hug after the huddle.

 

“Get me a few good balls, okay?” Alex says.

 

“You bet,” Christen replies, beaming.

 

For a few minutes, it feels like everything is coming up Alex. Alex and Christen connect well, Abby lays off balls to allow Alex into better positions, and Tobin serves in so many good balls that Alex just knows one is going in the back of the net any minute now, preferably off her foot (or head or chest, she's not picky).

 

Then, in the 13th minute, Christen collects a rebound from a great free kick sent in by Ali and bangs it in the back of the net right in front of Alex’s eyes. She's glad the team has a goal, of course she is, but she still feels behind as she halfheartedly joins in the celebration.

 

It doesn't even take 20 minutes for it to go from bad to worse for Alex, with Christen sending in another goal, her arms shooting straight up in celebration. This time, Alex barely pretends to celebrate.

 

“Hey, Morgan!” Abby shouts at the restart. “Head in the game. You got this. We’re all in this together.”

 

Alex nods curtly, refocusing before the whistle blows to restart play.

 

She finally starts to settle in, feeling better with every touch, until she receives a cleared ball in the midfield and sees nothing but space to run toward goal. She thinks quickly about her options as she moves swiftly. Well, tries to move swiftly, anyway.

 

Her movement is cut off by a sliding Scottish player who doesn't even get a centimeter of the ball, crashing right into Alex’s ankle instead.

 

Alex wants to swear out loud, but she only gets a “shit” out under her breath as she falls to the ground, her ankle throbbing.

 

The referee immediately stops play as the team crowds Alex as much as they can without overwhelming her.

 

“My ankle,” she gets out as if they don't know. What feels like a split second later, Kelley and Boy Alex are crouching over her, touching her ankle gingerly and assessing her while she winces.

 

Kelley motions for a sub, which Alex thinks might hurt worse than her ankle.

 

“No,” Alex says, struggling to sit up. “I can go.”

 

“You can't,” Kelley says calmly. “Not if you want to be able to train like normal and play in the next game or stand a chance at the Algarve roster.”

 

She and her counterpart help Alex to her feet and support her as she hops off the field. Kelley makes a joke that Alex can't really hear over the crowd, but Alex forces a smile anyway.

 

On the bench, Kelley kneels in front of her to remove her cleat, making Alex hiss in pain. She's had plenty of injuries in her career, enough to know that this isn't a huge deal, but that knowledge doesn't make it less painful or annoying.

 

“Sorry, bud,” Kelley says. “I know. We’ll get you some ice.”

 

As if on cue, HAO passes an ice pack to Kelley, who uses plastic to wrap it so it stays on Alex's ankle.

 

“It's just a sprain,” Kelley says, patting her on the knee as she gets back up to sit on the bench beside Alex.

 

Alex chews at her lip silently, her arms across her chest as she fixes her eyes on the match in front of her.

 

\---

 

The team wins 4-1, with three of their goals involving Christen and the last one scored by Syd. The locker room is chaos after the game, everyone cheering on Christen and patting her on the back.

 

“You were great, Chris,” Alex forces herself to say with a smile. She was good, after all.

 

“Thanks, Al,” Christen says. “How is your ankle?”

 

“It'll stay on,” Alex says, shrugging. “Not ideal.”

 

“Not at all,” Christen says. “She must have heard about your killer beep test and got scared.”

 

“Probably,” Alex laughs. “It feels better already.”

 

“Good,” Christen says, shaking out her ponytail. “This is going to be a great year for you, I can feel it.”

 

Alex nods, pursing her lips. “I hope so. You too.”

 

“Hey, Al?” Christen says. “Do you maybe want to like, get coffee or something?”

 

Alex must look surprised, because Christen stammers out the rest of her sentence.

 

“Not, like, right now, just sometime this camp? We haven't talked since… we just haven't talked in a while, and—”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says. “Sure. Just text me. You have my number.”

 

“You have mine too,” Christen says, pressing her lips together in a half smile.

 

Alex catches Abby’s eye as Christen walks toward the shower and rolls her eyes at Abby’s thumbs up.


	3. making nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets a new temporary bus buddy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these chapters are shorter than what most of you are used to seeing from me, but it helps me churn them out a little easier than I would otherwise :) I hope you enjoy!

Instead of fun recovery the next day, Alex gets to have a full ankle assessment with the training staff, led by Dawn. The verdict: a sprained ankle, no playing in the next game, and no full training for the rest of camp.

 

“This sucks,” Alex groans as Kelley wraps her ankle. “Can't I have one good camp?”

 

“Hey, you've had a great camp,” Kelley says. “And you're not being sent home. That's something. Injuries happen, everyone gets that.”

 

Alex pouts. “I just really wanted to make the Algarve roster.”

 

“You will,” Kelley says.

 

Alex raises an eyebrow.

 

“I mean, who else?” Kelley continues, flustered. “Nothing’s decided.”

 

“Well, Christen.”

 

“She’ll probably make it too,” Kelley shrugs. “We need more than one forward.”

 

“But there’s Abby and Syd and—”

 

“You saw how well Christen played today and you were both on the field,” Kelley says. “I don't get to be part of that decision beyond, like, assessing fitness and stuff, but from what I can see, you can both make a roster easily. And A-Rod is pregnant.”

 

“I don't want to just make a roster, I want to start,” Alex whines. “If Christen keeps scoring like that and I don't…”

 

“Why don't you feel this way about Syd?” Kelley asks.

 

“What?”

 

“Don't play dumb,” Kelley says, giving Alex an unimpressed look. “I get why Chris is different from, like, Abby or Amy, but Syd is your age. You started with the team around the same time. She made the Olympic roster before Christen got called in. But you only seem to have a problem with Christen.”

 

“I don't have a  _ problem _ with her,” Alex says. “I just don't think we’re ever going to be close friends again after…”

 

“After she made the Olympic roster over you?” Kelley asks gently.

 

“After she literally didn't call or text or anything to see how I was doing!” Alex exclaims. “She knew it was my dream.”

 

“Isn't it everyone’s dream?” 

 

“Why are you so mean?” Alex pouts. “I'm just trying to answer your questions, which, by the way, I don't even have to.”

 

“But you are,” Kelley says, sticking her tongue out between her teeth teasingly. “There. You're all wrapped up. You can escape my horrible company now.”

 

“Finally,” Alex says, feigning exasperation. She hops off the table, wincing when she lands on her sprained ankle, having chosen to forego the drugs they offered her.

 

“Easy there, killer,” Kelley says, taking Alex’s hand to steady her. Her hand is dry but warm, and her fingers are soft yet firm against Alex’s pulse, which seems to quicken as soon as skin touches skin.

 

“Thanks,” Alex says, looking down at her wrist before looking up, anywhere but straight at Kelley. Kelley lets go, clearing her throat, and Alex takes her newfound freedom as her chance to head for the door. “For the record, you aren't  _ horrible _ company.”

 

“Good to know,” Kelley laughs. “Because I like hanging out with you.”

 

“You mean you like grilling me.”

 

Kelley shrugs. “You're an intriguing person.”

 

“Or you're nosy.”

 

“Or both,” Kelley suggests, a teasing glint in her eye. “Maybe it's a mutually beneficial partnership. I wrap your ankle, you let me treat your life like a CW drama, we both win.”

 

“My life is far less interesting than The O.C., trust me,” Alex laughs.

 

Kelley grins. “Yeah, but you're beautiful enough to be one of the stars.”

 

Alex feels thankful then for the wrap on her ankle, sure that her blush covers her entire body, all the way down to her toes.

 

\---

 

A-Rod’s absence due to her pregnancy causes quite the shake-up in the seating arrangements on the bus.

 

Abby always sits with Christie, Pinoe always sits with Lori, and Hope always sits alone, but those are the only consistent bus buddies. Syd and Kristie prefer to spread out on the seats across from each other, taking up two each, but Alex feels sick if she sits too far toward the back.

 

On the first bus ride, Tobin had asked if Alex minded her sitting there, and Alex, relieved that someone wanted to sit with her at all, had said yes happily.

 

Tobin was another person she’d bonded with during her first few call-ups, but she’s the kind of veteran who doesn't seem to feel like she's a veteran. She works as hard in practice as anyone, and she always seems surprised to hear her name called for the starting eleven or when someone asks for advice, despite the fact that she's played in a World Cup and two Olympics.

 

On the bus ride from the airport to the hotel in Nashville, Tobin had approached Alex nervously, asking if she minded if she went and sat with Cheney this time. “I'm not ditching you,” Tobin explained. “She just wants to play a card game, and—I mean, you're more than welcome to play—”

 

“Tobin,” Alex laughs. “It's fine. You're really thoughtful to ask, though.”

 

Really, Alex is happy to have some time to herself and her thoughts as she stares out the window, but it doesn't last long. She's jolted from her daze when someone taps her on the shoulder.

 

“Sorry,” Christen says, her eyes widening. “Your headphones… I didn't mean to startle you.”

 

“Oh, it's cool,” Alex says, taking one of her earbuds out. “What's up?”

 

“Do you mind if I sit here?” Christen asks. “I noticed Tobin is with Lauren, and…”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says. “Whatever.”

 

“I thought maybe we could talk,” Christen says. “But if you were trying to nap…”

 

“Sure,” Alex says, taking out her other earbud and putting her phone back into her bag. “What's up?”

 

Christen shrugs shyly. “I just… I don't know. How is your new place? The pictures look great.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says, shifting so she's facing Christen but her body is closer to the window. “It's nice. It's weird not having roommates, but when everyone is in town for preseason things will feel more normal again.”

 

“It's probably nice getting to have some alone time with Serv,” Christen teases.

 

Alex clears her throat softly and turns toward the window, just enough so Christen gets the point.

 

“Oh,” Christen says. “I'm sorry.”

 

“It was my decision,” Alex says. “It's fine.”

 

Christen nods. “I can't imagine he’d break up with you,” she says. “He’d have to be out of his mind.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Christen says abruptly. “For whatever I did. And I'm sorry for not realizing I’d upset you and apologizing sooner. I really value your friendship. You were such an amazing support system last year, and I’ve missed you.”

 

“Whatever you did?” Alex asks, furrowing her brow.

 

Christen’s face is blank, the very picture of innocence. “Alex, if I knew, I would have apologized a long time ago,” she says softly. “I've recently realized that I could stand to be more thoughtful when it comes to other people, and sometimes we hurt people we care about without knowing.”

 

“When you came back from the Olympics and played in Seattle, you didn't even look at me,” Alex scoffs.

 

“You didn't look at me either,” Christen says softly.

 

“Why didn't you text me? Or call me? Or anything?”

 

“What are you even talking about?”

 

“When you made the Olympic roster and I didn't!” Alex exclaims, trying to keep her voice down. “We were supposed to be in it together.”

 

“So what, you would turn down an Olympic roster spot if I you got one and I didn't?”

 

“Of course not!” Alex says. “But I would have texted you and made sure you were okay.”

 

“You didn't text me,” Christen says. “I would have congratulated you, even if it broke my heart to miss out on a roster.”

 

“Please,” Alex scoffs, rolling her eyes. “You were drowning in congratulations.”

 

“I was,” Christen says. “But it was the ones I didn't hear from that stuck out the most. I didn't think you were too bitter to reach out to me, so I figured I must have done something to upset you first without realizing it.”

 

“I'm not bitter,” Alex snaps.

 

Christen raises her eyebrows and presses her lips together. “That's not the point,” she says. “It's in the past. I hurt you. I didn't mean to, but I did. And I feel horrible about it. And I really hope you can accept my apology.”

 

“I will,” Alex says. “I want to try. I think the Olympics are going to be a sore spot for a long time, but it's not your fault I didn't make it.”

 

Christen nods. “We don't have to talk about it. Ever, if you don't want to.”

 

Alex smiles. “Maybe I'm a little bitter,” she confesses.

 

Christen scrunches up her nose. “Maybe just a little,” she laughs, hugging Alex. “Now catch me up. Any new men in your life? Or women?”

 

Christen was the first person Alex told outside of her tightknit college group about her sexuality, and she's never had anyone react so perfectly.

 

“Sweet,” Christen had said while they sat on Alex’s bed playing cards. “Wanna make out?”

 

They hadn't, but the knots in Alex’s stomach came unraveled with shock and laughter. If Serv hadn't been a factor, Alex isn't certain she would have turned Christen down. In fact, she feels pretty sure she wouldn't have.

 

\---

 

Alex rooms with Tobin in Nashville, which is a nice change of pace from living with Abby. When Tobin wants to socialize, she leaves the room, she doesn't bring the party in. The only exception to that is when Cheney knocks on the door and comes in for quiet chats, often sitting on the edge of the bed and braiding Alex’s damp post-shower hair while Alex sits on the floor and watches whatever is on TV.

 

Alex usually just listens while she and Tobin talk about Amy and God and Cheney’s upcoming wedding, which she enjoys, but Cheney always tries to engage Alex in conversation as well.

 

She's too nice, Alex thinks. Not in such a way that it comes off as fake, but in a way that Alex considers herself undeserving of the kindness. Every time Lauren directs a question at Alex, her voice full of meaning and actual, genuine care, Alex turns a little pink, caught off guard.

 

“How have you been feeling this camp?” she asks gently, plaiting Alex’s hair so she can sleep on it the night before the second game and the last day of camp. “You've done really well in practice.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex says, pressing her palms against her thighs so she can focus on something. “My ankle feels a little better every day. Hopefully I'm back at 100 percent soon.”

 

“Yeah, but how's your heart?” Cheney asks. “I was praying for you at the beginning of camp. You seemed heavier than usual. Your personality, I mean, I'm not like, calling you fat.”

 

“Yeah, she only calls me fat,” Tobin pipes up.

 

“I'm okay,” Alex says. “I think I was a little jittery and nervous. Like my first call-up all over again.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I—I don't know,” Alex says. “I just… I guess I don't feel like I've found my place yet.” She can feel Cheney nodding as her fingers work through the strands of long, dark hair. “Syd and Kristie have each other, and you and Tobin and Amy have your thing, and then there's Pinoe and Lori and Abby and Pearcie…”

 

“What about Christen?”

 

“What about her?”

 

“I know you two were close before,” Cheney says. “I was worried you might let the competition get in the way.”

 

Tobin snorts, and Alex rolls her eyes, unable to shoot her the glare she’d like to.

 

“I don't think that's the problem,” Alex says. “Or maybe it was. We’re better, though. I’m just not that good at making friends.”

 

“What?” Cheney exclaims. “You so are. People are drawn to you. You're friends with the new trainer, aren't you?”

 

“If that's what you want to call it,” Tobin laughs.

 

This time, Alex whips her head around, braid be damned. “What?”

 

“Oh please, you both have ridiculous heart eyes for each other.”

 

“We do not!”

 

“Juicy,” Cheney teases. “But seriously, I'm sure it's just as hard for her coming into such a tight-knit group as it is for rookies, and nobody ever really reaches out to the staff, so I'm glad you are. Whatever it is, it's nice.”

 

“It's nothing,” Alex grumbles, glaring at Tobin. “Sorry for messing up your braid.”

 

“That's okay, we can blame Tobin,” Cheney teases.

 

\---

 

Alex can hardly sleep that night, her brain too preoccupied with what Tobin had said.

 

It's not like it's a secret that everyone thinks Kelley is hot, and Alex certainly doesn't take for granted that Kelley called her “beautiful,” but it's not like she obsesses over it or anything. Even if they flirt, who cares? Everyone flirts.

 

Abby flirts with Alex day in and day out because she likes seeing Alex’s reaction. Ali claims she doesn't know she's doing it, but she bats her eyes at every checkout clerk or barista or waiter she comes across. Syd flirts with anything that moves.

 

Still, Tobin’s words definitely color her perception of Kelley’s friendly wave from across the conference room the next morning at breakfast. Alex gives her a tight smile but forces her feet to march toward Abby’s table instead of the empty seat next to Kelley. She knows she’ll see her later for her ankle rehab, anyway.

 

But it's Cheney’s voice in her head when she sees Kelley’s face fall. “Nobody ever really reaches out to the staff,” she says in her Cheney way. “So I'm glad you are.”

 

She drowns out the voice and the guilty pit in her stomach with milk and cereal, eagerly joining in on the gameday excitement all around the table.

 

\---

 

Alex bounces into the training room cheerfully, buzzing off of her two cups of coffee with Christen, Kristie, Syd, and Julie Johnston.

 

“Hey Doc, I'm ready to be your favorite patient of the day!” she announces, hopping onto the table while Kelley watches.

 

“You're my only patient of the day,” she laughs. “And I'm not a doctor.”

 

“But did you stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night?”

 

Kelley’s face is blank.

 

“Never mind,” Alex says. “I've been doing my stretches, and I feel great, if you want to go ahead and write that down on your little notepad of things to tell the coaching staff.”

 

Kelley smiles and sits in her chair, rolling toward Alex’s dangling feet. “I'm happy to hear that,” she says. “I'll tell them that you're super prepared for the Algarve.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “I wanna play today,” she whines.

 

“Okay, princess,” Kelley teases, sliding off Alex’s sock. “Still a little swollen.”

 

“I’ve been icing!”

 

“I believe you,” Kelley says. “But you need to be taking ibuprofen, I'm telling you.”

 

“Fine.”

 

Kelley turns Alex’s foot gently one way, then the other, waiting for Alex to wince, which she tries not to do, but Kelley catches her grinding her teeth in slight agony. “The Advil helps with that, too.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Alex says.

 

“We’re gonna leave your ankle alone, but I’m going to do some light massage before letting you go free,” Kelley says. “Is there anything else that's been giving you trouble?”

 

“I think I slept weird, so my neck doesn't feel great, but other than that I'm fine.”

 

“Alright,” Kelley laughs. “Turn over and I'll take care of you.”

 

“Is that a promise?” Alex asks with a smirk. “In that case, there are plenty of places that need attention.”

 

Kelley shifts uneasily.

 

“I’m joking,” Alex clarifies, her face heating up.

 

“I know!” Kelley says. “I just—I was thinking about something I said the other day, and I—what I said about you being beautiful. I didn't mean—no, I meant it, but it wasn't appropriate at all, and I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have gone there.”

 

“What do you mean?” Alex asks. “It was a nice compliment. You don't have to apologize.”

 

“Maybe not,” Kelley says. “But I just don't want you to think I'm coming onto you or…” She sighs. “I really value this job and even though we've only just met, I value you as a friend.”

 

“Did someone say something?” Alex asks, her heart pounding as she thinks about Tobin making an offhand remark about their “heart eyes.”

 

“No!” Kelley says. “Just, this morning at breakfast, I wasn't sure…”

 

“Why I didn't sit with you?” Alex asks gently. “I'm sorry.”

 

“No, you don't have to be,” Kelley says. “You should be hanging out with your teammates. With Christen and Abby and… I just wanted to make sure we were all good. That's all.”

 

“We’re great,” Alex confirms, relief washing over her. “Don't worry.”


	4. sour candy and whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camp comes to an end.

Being on the bench for a game you have no chance of subbing in for is simultaneously stressful and weirdly relaxing. Alex knows she can't impact the game in any real way, which makes her heart race when she sees someone not finish a perfect ball, but it also takes the pressure off her shoulder.

 

She focuses her efforts instead on something she can impact: Kelley’s laugh.

 

She can't remember the first time she heard a real Kelley laugh, but once she does, she can't get enough. If Kelley finds Alex’s constant snide comments and stupid puns annoying, she hides it well, always granting her at least a chuckle. But the real reward is a belly laugh: a sudden, sharp, deep cackle that comes from the deepest part of Kelley’s torso and overtakes her entire body, spreading to her face by way of a wide smile or watery eyes.

 

It's the same way she laughs when Abby insists on leading the entire group in “Happy Birthday” when she finds out the bartender at the restaurant they find themselves at after the game. Abby is plenty tall enough to capture the attention of a room, but she insists on climbing onto the bar anyway, making Alex think of pretty much every scene from the movie Elf.

 

It's also how she laughs when Syd and Kristie show off their wing woman skills for each other in alarmingly successful fashion.

 

Alex can't stop watching Kelley as her face lights up in delight every time she finds something funny. The laugh comes easier with every sip of alcohol she takes, but it never feels less special, and Alex’s heart leaps every time.

 

Christen, Rachel, and Kelley pull Nicole Barnhart into some stupid Stanford cheer, and Alex rolls her eyes but can't help but smile at how much they get into it.

 

As she looks around, she takes a deep breath and lets it out, thinking about how much has changed over the past few weeks. She has a tiny beep test third-place trophy Kelley bought at the dollar store packed securely in her carry-on for tomorrow’s flight, she and Christen are on good terms, and she feels better than ever about her chances for the Algarve Cup (though she tries not to think about that too much).

 

She also tries not to think about how Kelley has impacted each of those things, because thinking about that makes Alex dizzy, and she can't handle that on top of being drunk.

 

Drunk Alex loses her phone like it's her job, which is why nobody blinks when she announces she’s lost it again. Kelley, though, who has never met Drunk Alex, is on high alert, asking Alex for the color and type and any other discerning information.

 

“I'll call you!” Kelley announces like she's never thought of that before. “Just listen close.”

 

“I don't know if the sound is on,” Alex pouts, digging through her purse.

 

Kelley calls anyway, sticking her neck out just slightly as if that could help her hear a generic iPhone ringtone in the middle of the chaos. “Wait, I found it!” she exclaims, rushing toward the end of the bar where, by the grace of God, Alex’s phone is face up, lighting up with Kelley’s call.

 

Sober Alex may have stopped Kelley as soon as she realized what was happening, but Drunk Alex is relieved and maybe a little endeared by Kelley’s heroics.

 

Kelley hands back her phone, eyebrow raised in amusement. “Trainer Hottie, huh?”

 

Alex’s eyes widen, and she grabs the phone from Kelley. “Oh my God, I swear I didn't—” Her face turns bright red.

 

“Hey, it's a nice compliment, you don't have to apologize,” Kelley teases, bumping her hip.

 

“Abby came up with it!” Alex exclaims.

 

“Oh, you think she's down?” Kelley asks, making Alex’s jaw drop. “You're so easy to mess with.”

 

“Shut up,” Alex mumbles as Kelley pulls her into a hug.

 

“It's okay,” Kelley says. “Now you know I think you're beautiful, and now I know you think I'm hot. We’re totally even.”

 

“Totally,” Alex agrees, rolling her eyes. Internally, though, she's just trying to make her heart quit racing where Kelley can feel it.

 

\---

 

The captains (well, Christie mostly) had enough forethought to choose a bar within walking distance of the hotel so they don't have to deal with the chaos of designated drivers for each van or splitting cabs.

 

It's probably more dangerous, Alex considers in retrospect, for a bunch of soccer players to drunkenly walk down four blocks of sidewalk in high heels, but everyone is too busy singing Journey songs as they walk arm in arm to care.

 

One of her arms is looped through Christen’s, and the other through Kelley’s. Christen is just as drunk as Alex, and a sober Lauren holds her up, but Kelley, despite matching Alex shot for shot, is steady on Alex’s right, her arm coming across her body to give Alex another point of contact.

 

“How are you so sober?” Alex slurs, resting her head on Kelley’s shoulder when they walk through the doors to the lobby. “You're so little.”

 

“I drink a lot of water,” Kelley says with a shrug. “Speaking of, come grab a bottle from the training room before you go to bed.”

 

They get on the elevator as quietly as they can all manage, but there is chatter and giggling and shushing much louder than they intend, and Kelley looks relieved when everyone is off the elevator and they all disperse to their respective rooms.

 

“Maybe you should give me one last massage, too,” Alex giggles, following Kelley toward the training room. “I can tell I'm going to be sore from walking in these heels.” The shoes are in her hand now, but the balls of her feet are throbbing, signaling that the damage is done.

 

“You need water and sleep,” Kelley says, managing to unlock the door without losing her grip on Alex. “You're going to be so dehydrated when you wake up, and then you have to get on a plane. It's not going to feel great.”

 

“Fine, doc,” Alex groans.

 

“Fine, princess,” Kelley teases. “Wanna know a secret?”

 

“Always.”

 

“I want to be a doctor one day,” Kelley says. “Not a surgeon, but like, a general physician who specializes in sports medicine. So I really like it when you call me doc. Even though it's not true.”

 

“Yet,” Alex says, a grin spreading across her face as she hoists herself onto the massage table, swinging her legs back and forth in front of her.

 

Kelley laughs. “I hope. It's kind of a long shot.”

 

“What's stopping you?”

 

Kelley shrugs. “I have a good degree, but I have enough student loans that it'll take half my career to pay them off, and that's if I don't take a bunch of years off to go through medical school, which will just be more loans to pay.”

 

“Yeah, but doctors are rich,” Alex teases. “You could be like Dr. McDreamy. Doctor Hottie instead of Trainer Hottie.”

 

“You guys are ridiculous,” Kelley laughs, untwisting the cap on a water bottle and handing it to Alex. “Drink.”

 

“I liked it better when you said that while handing me a Fireball shot.”

 

Kelley cringes. “The first and second were fine, but that third…”

 

Alex takes a few gulps of her water, but on the third swallow, she splashes some on her face. “God.”

 

“Let me help,” Kelley laughs, taking a hand towel and patting Alex’s chin with it. “Messy.”

 

Kelley’s close enough to Alex’s face that she can smell her breath. The peppermint gum Lauren handed out masks the cinnamon smell of the Fireball, but Alex still knows it's there, and the combination makes her mouth water. 

 

When she blinks, she lets herself imagine, just for a split second, what it would be like if she leaned forward the few inches it would take to connect their lips. How the taste of peppermint and cinnamon and sweat on skin would mix on the tip of her tongue as she pressed her lips and separated them just barely, giving Kelley the invitation to make the next move.

 

But her eyelashes flutter back open, and Kelley is no longer just inches away, and besides, she knows what happens next. Kelley wouldn't kiss a drunk girl, nor would she let that drunk girl kiss her. She apologized for calling Alex beautiful—she isn't going to be receptive to an alcohol-fueled kiss.

 

“Let’s get you to bed, princess,” Kelley says, extending her hand to help Alex off the table.

 

“You know, I've always wanted to be a princess,” Alex says as they walk down the hall to her room. “I don't think there's a degree for it.”

 

“Sure there is,” Kelley says when they stop at the door. “It's called a PITA.”

 

“Pita?” Alex furrows her brow, knowing she's missing a joke judging by the smirk on Kelley’s face.

 

“It stands for pain in the ass.”

 

“Shut up!” Alex exclaims, smacking Kelley’s shoulder playfully.

 

“Shhh,” Kelley says. “People are sleeping.”

 

“Fine,” Alex whispers. “Good night, Doc.”

 

“Good night, Pita,” Kelley says.

 

“Hey!”

 

“Fine,” Kelley laughs. “Good night,  _ Princess _ Pita.”

 

Alex narrows her eyes, finally letting down when Kelley smiles with her teeth. “I'll take it.”

 

\---

 

Seconds after Alex closes the door, her phone buzzes in her hand. She looks down to see the words “Trainer Hottie” and swipes it open immediately.

 

“Come back outside,” it reads. “I forgot to give you something.”

 

Alex racks her brain to think of what Kelley could have to give her, but she comes up short, and besides, she's wasting time thinking when she could actually do what Kelley said, so she opens the door and slips back into the hallway to find out.

 

“What did you—” Alex starts, but she can't finish her sentence with Kelley’s lips on hers, hands tangling in her hair as Kelley pins her against the wall, slipping her tongue between Alex’s lips.

 

Alex relaxes into it immediately, her hands finding Kelley’s waist. Her tongue seeks out the taste she daydreamed before… there's the peppermint and the cinnamon and the blood—she hadn't really imagined blood, but Kelley doesn't pull away, so Alex doesn't question it. She doesn't pull away when she hears what sounds like a blaring siren either, she just squeezes her eyes as tight as she can, trying to get back the taste of Kelley till it all fades away.

 

When she opens her bleary eyes, she almost cries with a mixture of grief and desperation, fumbling for the outdated alarm clock snooze button. She can feel the dream slipping away from her rapidly, and she bites down on the place she must have chewed on her lip to make herself bleed, trying to get back any of the sensory cues from the dream, but it's gone, and all that's left is what feels like a gaping hole where she was holding Kelley.

 

“Next time they better room me with someone on a later flight,” Tobin groans from her bed.

 

“Sorry,” Alex whispers, stretching her arms overhead. She wore her airport clothes—team-issued Nike sweatpants and a T-shirt she got from her very own sponsorship—to bed, so the only things she has to pack still are her toiletries, which she can do after brushing her hair and her teeth.

 

She takes a little longer in the bathroom than usual, debating whether to put any makeup on. She finally just stashes it away so the temptation isn't there anymore. It might be a little more embarrassing if she looks like she put forth effort for the TSA agents.

 

She doesn't bother waking Tobin up to say goodbye, she just takes a deep breath before rolling her luggage down the hallway toward the elevator.

 

Her hands are shaking when she stops at a room just a few doors down from the elevators. Kelley’s room. This internal debate is a lot shorter, her reflexes solving it handily when she reaches out to knock on the door.

 

Kelley looks more awake than Alex feels, and her lights are on, which is a good sign. “Hey,” she says, her voice croaky. “You headed out?”

 

“Uh, yeah,” Alex says, looking down at her luggage, then down the hall, then back at Kelley. “I'm, uh… can I have some melatonin?”

 

“Sure…?”

 

“I just—I didn't sleep great, and I never sleep on planes, so I thought it might…”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Kelley says. “Come on in. Just don't let word get around that I'm dealing, or I'll have girls knocking down my door every night.”

 

Alex bites the still-raw part of her lip hard, tasting blood again as the door closes behind her.

 

“I’ll put it in a little baggie, how's that?” Kelley suggests from the bathroom.

 

“Yeah, that won't look sketchy.”

 

Kelley laughs, stepping out of the bathroom to hand Alex a small Ziploc bag. In the tiny hallway into the room, they're standing almost as close as they were last night in the training room.

 

“Thank you,” Alex says.

 

“Thank you,” Kelley replies.

 

“What?”

 

“For being a friend,” Kelley says. “London was lonely, and I was nervous for this camp. The youth camps are different because they're kids, you know? But you guys are my age, so it feels lonelier when I’m on the outside looking in. You didn't have to be so nice to me, but you were. And I really appreciate it.”

 

Alex's cheeks turn pink, and she looks down at the baggie in her hand. “You did the same for me,” she says. “And I appreciate you pushing me. In the beep test, in general.”

 

“You're a badass athlete and a really cool person,” Kelley says. “I'm, uh, I'm sure I'll see you soon.”

 

“I hope so,” Alex says softly. She takes a deep breath, and before she can talk herself out of it, she leans forward to kiss Kelley.

 

Kelley stands frozen as Alex presses their lips together, making no moves to deepen the kiss or pull away. It's probably only a second or two before Alex pulls back, but it feels like several long, awkward minutes.

 

It tasted like peppermint, but that was mostly Alex’s chapstick. And it tasted like blood, but that was her own mouth. She still doesn't know how Kelley tastes, and she's pretty sure she never will.

 

“Wow,” Kelley says, blinking up at Alex. “I'm, um—”

 

“I wanted to do that last night,” Alex says. “But I didn't want it to be when we were…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Can you say something?” Alex asks, shifting her wait from one leg to the other, her fingers gripping the plastic bag tighter.

 

“Thank you?” Kelley tries. “I—I don't really know what to—I wanted to do that too.”

 

Alex's eyebrows shoot up. “You did?”

 

“Of course,” Kelley says. “I just don't think—this job is really huge for me, and—”

 

“Right, I get it,” Alex says. “I just feel like I'd regret not—”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley breathes. “Um, I’m glad you did. I think.”

 

“Me too,” Alex agrees, nodding quickly. “I think.”

 

“Well, I, uh,” Kelley says. “What time is your flight?”

 

“Shit,” Alex swears under her breath. “My car is probably downstairs already.”

 

“Okay,” Kelley says. “I can, um, walk you?”

 

“No, don't,” Alex says quickly. “I mean, I’d love that, but you should probably…”

 

“Right,” Kelley agrees, looking down at her pajamas. “I'll see you soon?”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says. “If all goes according to plan.”

 

Kelley nods. “Have a safe flight.”

 

“Yeah, you too,” Alex says, grabbing her suitcase.

 

Kelley leans across the luggage for a clumsy hug in which Alex almost gives Kelley a black eye with her chin, but they somehow come away unscathed.

 

Alex can hear her heart pounding, echoing through the empty mirrored elevator as she tries to process. She kissed Kelley, and it may have been the most awkward kiss of her life, but Kelley didn't hate it. Or if she did, she hid it well.

 

She squeezes her eyes shut and sucks hard on her lower lip, tasting her minty chapstick and the coppery taste of her sensitive skin. Maybe it doesn't taste like Kelley, but it tastes like that moment, and right now that's enough.


	5. up in the air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex makes the Algarve Cup roster.

Alex returns to Seattle for three long days of silence. She sees people, she runs errands, she doesn't just hole up and hide away, but the people she wants to hear from—Coach Sermanni and Kelley—are radio silent.

 

Kelley isn't good about tweeting or posting on Instagram, so Alex's normal ways of tracking her every move are moot. All she knows is that she's at a youth camp in Carson, California, and she's not thinking about Alex.

 

The silence breaks on the fourth morning with a phone call from Coach Sermanni inviting her to the Algarve Cup, which she happily accepts (after swallowing her screams). He tells her to expect a lot of emails (even more than the usual ones for training camps and friendlies) from the training staff advising her on how to prepare.

 

A few hours later, after much praying and finger-crossing, Kelley’s name appears in her inbox.

 

The email is irritatingly formal and not at all personal, but Alex devours it all as if Kelley typed it all out just for her.

 

“Thanks, Doc,” she replies. “I’m happy to hear from you and I'm excited to see you again.”

 

She gets a text not much later, from Trainer Hottie. She realizes the last time she saw Kelley’s contact info pop up as an iMessage was in her dream, and she's relieved that it's real this time.

 

“Congrats, superstar!” the text says. “See you in Portugal.”

 

“Thanks, stranger,” Alex replies. “I can't wait.”

 

“Lol, sorry..” Kelley writes back. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you but I just think it would be better in real life?”

 

“Talking?”

 

“About the kiss……”

 

“Is there more to talk about?” Alex asks, her heart racing.

 

“I think?”

 

“Idk,” Alex replies, trying her luck. “I think we covered it.” She presses send, then immediately starts typing again. “I mean, unless you wanted it to happen again… then maybe there would be more to talk about.”

 

She doesn't hear back from Kelley for the most nerve-wracking two hours of her life. She has to fight herself every five minutes from texting some sort of retraction.

 

“That’s kind of the problem lol,” Kelley finally replies. “I think we better just talk in person. You have a stop in Chicago, right?”

 

Alex smirks. Kelley had literally included her flight information in the email she sent, so she knows the answer. “Yeah,” she says. “Will I see you there?”

 

“Yep!” Kelley replies. “A couple others, but maybe we can sit together?”

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Alex says. “See you there.”

 

Alex can't convince herself it's not a dream this time, so she falls asleep clutching her phone to her chest.

 

\---

 

On the day Alex leaves for the Algarve Cup, her flight is so delayed that she's scared she’ll miss her connecting flight and the promise of 12 uninterrupted hours with Kelley. By the time her flight does arrive in Chicago, she has to take off in a full sprint to make it to the plane.

 

“I won't let them take off without you!!” Kelley assures her via text. One of the small victories of her flight delay is that Kelley’s radio silence is broken yet again.

 

“Save me a seat please,” Alex replies, including several crying emojis.

 

“Row 12.”

 

Alex is the very last person on the plane, and the gate agent gives her a disapproving look as if it's her fault her flight was so delayed. She's more of a window seat girl, but she figures Kelley probably took it to make it easier once Alex gets on the plane.

 

What she doesn't account for is the 3-to-a-row setup and Kelley sitting in the middle seat… with Christen at the window.

 

Kelley smiles when she sees Alex, waving her over. “You made it!”

 

“I did,” Alex says, plastering a smile on her face.

 

“Sorry,” Kelley mouths.

 

“How was your flight from Seattle?” Christen asks, leaning forward.

 

“Uneventful,” Alex says. “Are we like, supposed to sleep on this flight?”

 

“Yes, and yes I have melatonin,” Kelley says.

 

“My hero,” Alex says, squeezing Kelley’s knee playfully.

 

“I hope you guys don't get offended, but I think I'm going to put on some white noise and take that melatonin now,” Christen says, to Alex's relief.

 

“You bet,” Kelley says, reaching for her carry-on, which she hands to Christen. At first Alex feels smug because Kelley didn't rummage through it like she has done for Alex, but then she realizes she doesn't quite like the trust and familiarity of Kelley just handing Christen her bag and letting her find the bottle herself.

 

Then she realizes she's doing it again, comparing herself to Christen for absolutely no reason. They're both on this plane, they're both on the roster for this tournament, and they're both sitting next to Kelley. Alex is the one who kissed her, though, and Alex is the one who Kelley wants to kiss again.

 

When the plane starts down the runway, Alex tenses up, gripping the armrests on either side of her. No matter how many plane trips she takes, she doesn't think she’ll ever get over the way the huge machine revs up and makes her feel like she's heading straight to her death.

 

“You okay?” Kelley asks.

 

“Yeah,” Alex says, nodding. “Once we’re in the air and my ears pop, I'll be fine.”

 

Kelley peeks to her left at a peaceful Christen before turning back to Alex and taking the hand on the armrest between them. She rubs her thumb over the back of Alex’s hand soothingly. “Your heart is beating so fast, are you sure you're alright?”

 

“It was beating slower before you held my hand,” Alex says softly, making Kelley smile.

 

“That's how I felt when you kissed me,” Kelley says.

 

“Oh, so we’re talking about this?” Alex murmurs, her eyes darting toward Christen.

 

“She's a heavy sleeper,” Kelley laughs. “When I was at Stanford we had a lot of road games.”

 

Alex nods. “I know,” she says. “We used to room together at every camp.”

 

“I think you're back together this tournament,” Kelley says. Alex sucks in a breath. “Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah, sorry, the plane,” Alex lies. “It's fine. We’re on good terms.”

 

“That's what it sounds like,” Kelley says. “I'm happy to hear it. I think you'll have a less stressful camp this time and be able to play free.”

 

“I hope so,” Alex says, smiling. “Thanks.”

 

“You have an amazing future ahead of you,” Kelley says, squeezing Alex’s hand tighter for just a second. “That's why I really don't want to mess it up for you.”

 

“Is that the excuse it took you two weeks to come up with for why you'll never kiss me again?” Alex murmurs.

 

Kelley blushes. “You kissed me.”

 

“No kidding,” Alex laughs. “You could have like moved your lips a little.”

 

“I was afraid it was an accident.”

 

“Like I accidentally put my lips on yours and left them there?”

 

“Stop,” Kelley whines. “I had a dream about kissing you and then you did it and—”

 

“I had a dream too,” Alex says. “Except you were the one kissing me and your tongue was down my throat.”

 

“That sounds uncomfortable.”

 

“I liked it.”

 

Kelley smiles. “I wouldn't kiss you like that,” she says. “Not at first.”

 

“How would you do it?”

 

“I’d rather show you than tell,” Kelley confesses quietly.

 

“You should.”

 

“I can't,” Kelley murmurs, barely opening her mouth. She looks around as if to signal that there are people who would be able to see if she did. It's true, but nobody who would care, Alex thinks.

 

“But in Portugal you can,” Alex says.

 

“But I shouldn't.”

 

“But you can.”

 

“Are you giving me consent or just stating my physical capabilities?”

 

Alex shrugs. “I wouldn't know about too many of your physical capabilities beyond your insane beep test fitness, but I wouldn't mind finding out.”

 

Kelley looks away, blushing. “This is the worst idea ever.”

 

“But you're not saying no.”

 

“What's your plan?” Kelley asks. “You barely know me. What if you realize you hate me and want me fired?”

 

Alex thinks she's joking, but she isn't sure. “What if you realize you hate me and want me off the roster?”

 

“You are severely overestimating my power on this team.”

 

Alex raises her eyebrows. “But sure, I could get you fired.”

 

“Okay, fair,” Kelley admits.

 

“I like you,” Alex says. “You're a nice person and you're not bad to look at. And you make me feel special and important.”

 

“You are special and important,” Kelley says.

 

“See?” Alex asks, sticking her tongue between her teeth as she grins. “Who wouldn't want to kiss such a sweet talker?”

 

“You know, this conversation went a lot differently when I practiced it.”

 

“You practiced?” Alex laughs. “Nerd.”

 

“I wanted to be prepared for you begging,” Kelley pouts. “I didn't expect you to be so cute about it.”

 

“Um, I would never beg someone to like me,” Alex says. “I just have a feeling you already do.”

 

“You're right,” Kelley says. “And I'm an idiot for it.”

 

“Ouch.”

 

“You're the worst person for me to be crushing on right now.”

 

“Why’s that?”

 

Kelley shakes her head. “You were just telling me a few weeks ago how you want to fit in with the team.”

 

“That doesn't mean I can't be your friend.”

 

“Friend?”

 

Alex shrugs. “Just because I think it would be nice to see you naked doesn't mean I want a relationship. That would be a little over the top when we barely know each other.”

 

Kelley laughs. “And having sex isn't?”

 

“I'm not going to pressure you into anything you aren't ready for,” Alex murmurs, putting on her best jock high school boyfriend impression. 

 

“Shut up,” Kelley says, her face burning as she tries not to laugh.

 

“If you can honestly tell me you don't want to actually kiss me for real once we get to Portugal, I'll let go of your hand right now and we can forget this ever happened,” Alex tries. “But I know you do. And I know I do. And I know we don't have training for another day once we get there, so there's nothing stopping us. Your move, Doc.”

 

Kelley groans. “You can't pull the Doc card.”

 

“Sure I can,” Alex says. “Did it work? Are we making out in Portugal?”

 

Kelley doesn't reply, but she turns her hand in Alex’s so their fingers are interlocked, and that's enough of an answer for Alex.

 

\---

 

Alex isn't sure when she falls asleep or how long she stays asleep, but when she wakes up, her hand is still in Kelley’s, and her head is resting on her shoulder. She panics momentarily, but Christen is still snoozing like a rock by the window, so Alex lets herself relax. She can see the sun rising through the open windows around the plane and can't believe she actually slept that long, but Kelley is comfy, and she wills the plane not to land.

 

Christen finally wakes up when the pilot’s voice comes on the intercom to let everyone know they'll be landing shortly, and Alex slips her hand out of Kelley’s reluctantly.

 

“Hey,” she says. “Sleep well?”

 

“So well,” Christen says, stretching. “You?”

 

“Fine,” Alex says. “I'm ready to get to the hotel and be in a real bed.”

 

“You know they won't let us sleep,” Christen laughs. “But I'm sure the coffee will be almost as good.”

 

Not only do they not get to sleep, they barely get to enjoy their rooms before they're being roped into a team meeting and then a team walk and then a team-building activity. Alex suspects that it's supposed to distract them from the jet lag, but it just results in a bunch of cranky sleep-deprived women snipping at each other till the next time they eat.

 

Kelley disappears for most of the day, but Alex knows she's probably just helping set up the training room and coordinating the practice fields and all the boring stuff that happens behind the scenes. She isn't even at dinner, so Alex sits with Christen, Tobin, and Lauren, who seem to be handling the jet lag better than most.

 

“Okay, predictions,” Lauren says. “Christen will win the golden boot. Alex, you're winning the golden ball. It's going to be an all newbie tournament, and I can't wait to see you kids break out.”

 

“I'm okay with that,” Christen says, blushing as she looks toward Alex. “First we have to earn the playing time, though.”

 

“You're barely older than us,” Alex mumbles, trying not to show how flattered—and panicked—Cheney’s assessment makes her.

 

“Lauren is a mom at heart,” Tobin says, as if they don't all already know. “That's why they room her with me on these trips.”

 

“Someone has to make sure you're going to sleep instead of playing FIFA all night.”

 

“I'm rooming with Alex because she brings the best shampoo,” Christen says. “Seriously, this hair is no joke. I forgot my shampoo the first time I got called up and I told her I'm never going back.”

 

Alex smirks. “Maybe it gives you those magic goal-scoring powers.”

 

“I better hope I always room with you then,” Christen laughs. “Wanna watch a movie tonight? You guys can come.”

 

“No, we’re going to bed early,” Cheney says, glaring at Tobin, who's certainly about to agree.

 

“That sounds nice,” Alex says. “I might have a FaceTime date with my family, though.” It's not true at all, but Alex is still hoping Kelley wants to hang out later… alone.

 

She doesn't hear from Kelley till she's done getting ready for bed and gets a text.

 

“Hi, sorry for going ghost,” Kelley says. “The team likes to do dinner together the first night. I'm back now, what are you up to?”

 

“Coming to yours,” Alex replies, including a wink emoji. She looks at her makeupless face and sighs, mourning her skin in advance as she dabs foundation on.

 

When she gets to Kelley’s room, though, she wishes she hadn't. Kelley answers the door in what Alex now knows to be her bedtime uniform: sweatpants and a T-shirt that has to be at least ten years old.

 

“You look pretty,” Kelley says, taking in Alex’s “casual” black leggings and cream sweater with sleeves just long enough for Alex to pull over her hands when she's nervous, which she is right now.

 

“Thanks. Did you have a good dinner?” Alex asks.

 

“It was decent,” Kelley shrugs. “I prefer free.”

 

Alex smiles. “Are you, um, jet-lagged?” She looks around the room, noting Kelley’s king-sized bed. 

 

“I'll sleep well tonight, if that's what you're asking,” Kelley laughs. “But I wanted to see you for a little bit before bed.”

 

“There's a really bad movie on Lifetime right now.”

 

“What else is new?” Kelley laughs, reaching behind her head to rub her neck. 

 

“Good point.”

 

“I kind of wanted…”

 

“To kiss me?” Alex asks, smirking. “I don't have anything against booty calls.”

 

“How many booty calls have you gotten just to kiss?” Kelley laughs.

 

“Way more than I wanted,” Alex sighs, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “But this one would be acceptable because I definitely haven't shaved.”

 

“Good, me neither,” Kelley says. “I've actually never done this.”

 

“What, made a booty call just to kiss?”

 

“Stop calling it that,” Kelley whines.

 

“What? I'd be offended if you didn't even try to feel my butt. It's one of my favorite parts of me.”

 

“You are nothing like I expected,” Kelley laughs.

 

“You know, if you just get the first one out of the way, the rest of the kissing can begin,” Alex says softly, sensing Kelley’s nerves.

 

“Can you stand up?” Kelley asks.

 

Alex smiles, standing up so she's right in front of Kelley.

 

“Never mind, sit back down.”

 

Alex laughs, placing her hands on Kelley’s hips. “I've been thinking about this for weeks. If you don't kiss me right now, I'm going back to my room.”

 

Kelley doesn't need any further direction, immediately popping up on her toes to press her lips to Alex’s, softly at first, before leaning in and applying more pressure.

 

“Mm,” Alex murmurs, parting her lips the slightest bit, which Kelley takes as the invitation it was meant to be, slipping her tongue into Alex’s mouth.

 

She somehow tastes even better than Alex imagined. She can tell she brushed her teeth recently, but it's not a normal minty flavor. It actually reminds Alex of the bubble gum stuff she learned how to brush her teeth with, and the thought of that makes her laugh, interrupting the long kiss and Kelley’s focus.

 

“What?” Kelley asks, pulling away with a pout.

 

“This just feels really nice,” Alex sighs.

 

“Better than your imagination?”

 

“I think so,” Alex says. “In my imagination we've kissed way more, though, so I'm going to need a better sample size.”

 

Kelley smirks. “Nerd.”

 

“Hey, just because I didn't go to Stanford doesn't mean I'm just a dumb jock.”

 

“A smart jock,” Kelley says. “A smart, funny, beautiful jock.”

 

“I thought this was just a kissing booty call,” Alex murmurs, sitting back down on the bed and pulling Kelley to stand between her legs.

 

“Kissing and flirting,” Kelley clarifies, bending down for another peck. “You aren't complaining, are you?”

 

“Definitely not.”

 

\---

 

They kiss for what feels like hours on Kelley’s bed, but when Alex’s phone sounds with a text from Christen, she realizes it's only been an hour.

 

“She wants to know if I got lost,” Alex says, turning her phone to face Kelley. “I said I was going to FaceTime my parents.”

 

“Tell her you got lost in my eyes,” Kelley says, pulling Alex on top of her for another kiss.

 

“Very true, but I don't think that would go over well,” Alex laughs.

 

“Why?” Kelley asks, her brow furrowing.

 

“Because you're… our athletic trainer? And people probably shouldn't know?”

 

“Oh,” Kelley says. “Yeah. Of course.”

 

“You don't agree?”

 

“No,” Kelley says. “I mean yes, I do. We should keep this between us.”

 

“Okay, cool,” Alex says. “As much as I'm loving this, I should probably head back.”

 

Kelley pouts. “Thanks for coming over.”

 

“You aren't even going to walk me back?” Alex asks, mocking offense.

 

Kelley’s eyes widen. “I mean I can, I just—”

 

“I'm kidding,” Alex laughs, leaning in for a final peck. “You don't walk a girl home from a booty call.”

 

“Hey,” Kelley says softly. “You know I like you, right?”

 

“That much is clear.”

 

“I just mean that's not how I see you,” Kelley says. “As a booty call or whatever. I know I can't do anything about it, but I like you a lot. And in another universe, I'd already be asking you on a date and planning how to woo you.”

 

“You're a great kisser, which helps.”

 

Kelley smiles. “You're not bad yourself.”

 

“You know, if we’re already breaking rules by making out, I don't see why we can't break some more by going on a date.”

 

Kelley raises her eyebrows. “Oh yeah?”

 

Alex shrugs, sliding off the bed. “Portugal is beautiful. I haven't been on a date in a while. Might as well.”

 

“You make it sound so romantic,” Kelley teases, sitting up.

 

“All I require is wine and carbs.”

 

“Easy to please.”

 

“I wouldn't go that far,” Alex says with a smirk. “Good night, Doc.”

 

“Good night, Princess.”


	6. secrets taking shape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kelley go on a date.

Between training and team-building activities and (finally) actual games, Alex and Kelley don’t get another night like their first one for most of the tournament. Even the moments Alex tries to steal get interrupted by someone else needing a massage at the same time or by Abby wanting a sporadic team movie night—no excuses.

 

Still, it's been years since Alex has really gotten to this level of flirtatious texting with someone. When she started talking to Serv, he had been so eager to take her on a date, to embark on a relationship, to start counting the days of being together, that they kind of skipped this part.

 

Every time she sees “Trainer Hottie” show up on her phone, her stomach flips. It's usually a picture of some funny sign or tweet Kelley finds or a joke about Coach Sermanni’s outfit of choice. Their conversations, though, usually at night, get a little deeper. Alex wants to know everything there is to know about Kelley, and the more playfully evasive Kelley is, the more Alex has to know.

 

Alex wants to know the little things: what her family does during the holidays (“nothing much, just eat a lot and play football in the front yard”) , her favorite place she ever traveled (“hmmm…I surfed in Hawaii which was crazy cool”), all the sports she played growing up (“literally everything, every time I said I was bored my mom would sign me up for a new team”). She also wants to know the big things, but Kelley thinks those should wait. Alex goes along with it, not wanting to admit to herself or to Kelley that she doesn't know how comfortable she’d be asking these questions to Kelley’s face.

 

Christen scores in the second game, but Alex assists one goal in the first game and three goals in the second (including Christen’s), putting them both on track to fulfill Cheney’s predictions.

 

Alex’s first goal comes at the perfect time, serving as the equalizer against Sweden to secure a berth in the final game against Germany. When Christen congratulates her, she seems genuinely elated, which makes Alex feel guilty for all the resentment she’s harbored toward her.

 

When Kelley texts Alex the next day, Alex expects some sort of ridiculous quote from Boy Alex, but instead she reads, “Have you ever seen someone so ridiculously attractive that you have to physically hold yourself back from kissing them?”

 

“Ummmm, I’m not sure…” Alex replies. “Is that a problem you’re currently having?”

 

“I wouldn’t call it a problem,” Kelley replies. “But watching you work during the game yesterday did some things to me.”

 

“Care to elaborate?” Alex types, almost jumping out of her skin when the door to her room swings open as she hits send.

 

“Hey!” Christen says, dropping an armful of shopping bags.

 

“Jesus, you scared me,” Alex says.

 

“Sorry,” Christen laughs. “My hands were full, so I had to kind of body down the door.”

 

“What did you get?” Alex asks, sitting up on her knees.

 

“Some bathing suits and souvenirs for my family,” Christen says with a shrug. “A couple of us were going to go down to the water and swim and lay out a little bit because the weather is nice. Perfect recovery. You wanna come?”

 

“Sure,” Alex says. “I might have to borrow one of your fancy new bikinis though, I didn’t pack any.”

 

“No problem,” Christen laughs. “We’ll probably grab dinner after too and go for a night swim since we don't have practice till tomorrow afternoon.”

 

Alex looks back down at her phone to find another text from Kelley.

 

“I was thinking tonight might be perfect for that date we were talking about…”

 

Alex bites her lip, looking at Christen, who’s meticulously re-folding the clothes the staff brought back to her from their laundry day and placing them in her suitcase. “You know, Chris, I actually forgot I made an appointment with Carl to do some extra rehab for my ankle.”

 

“Oh no, you’re still dealing with that?” Christen sighs. “I’m sorry. I’ll have my phone on me if you want to text me and meet up with us when you’re done.”

 

“Sounds great,” Alex agrees, nodding as she texts Kelley back. “I’m in.”

 

\---

 

Kelley pouts when she opens the door for Alex.

 

“What?” Alex asks, looking down at her outfit, what she thought was a cute floral romper with pink wedges. “Should I change?”

 

“No,” Kelley whines. “You look gorgeous. I just wanted to pick you up.”

 

“I can go back to my room,” Alex laughs. 

 

“No, you're perfect,” Kelley says, leaning forward to peck Alex on the lips. “I've been really looking forward to hanging out with you.”

 

“I know, you've been so busy,” Alex murmurs.

 

“Me? You're the one with all the fame tweets to answer.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes, grinning. “It's kinda cool.”

 

“So many marriage proposals, so little time. You're going to have Sports Illustrated knocking at your door any day now.”

 

“Yeah, the people at Sports Illustrated totally follow the Algarve Cup,” Alex deadpans.

 

“I'd follow grainy streams all day long to watch you do your thing,” Kelley says, closing the hotel room door behind her. She places her hand on the small of Alex’s back before yanking it back. “Sorry, I should probably wait to do that till we’re at least out of the hotel.”

 

“Probably,” Alex agrees, her cheeks warming. “So what do you have planned?”

 

“It’s a surprise.”

 

Alex wrinkles her nose. “I hate surprises.”

 

“Oh come on, who hates surprises?”

 

“Me!” Alex laughs.

 

“Okay, well it's a surprise for us both because I have no plans,” Kelley admits. “Wine and carbs, right?”

 

“The only way to my heart.”

 

Alex finds herself thankful that Kelley doesn't have a plan in mind, unsure what she would do if Kelley had picked an activity near where the team went. Instead, she's able to steer Kelley away from that direction and toward a quiet street in town clearly not meant for tourists.

 

“How in the world are we supposed to know what any of these menus say?” Kelley complains at the third restaurant they come across.

 

“Come on, spaghetti can't be that much different in Portuguese,” Alex says. “Let me try.”

 

She squints at the menu in front of the restaurant and gives up after a few seconds. “Fuck it,” she says. “Let’s just give it a try.”

 

“No surprises, but she is adventurous with food,” Kelley murmurs. “Noted.”

 

“I'll pretty much eat anything,” Alex says. “Besides, I haven't had anything bad here yet.”

 

Kelley, despite not speaking Portuguese, speaks the universal language of charm and charisma. They're the only people in the whole restaurant, so the owner and his wife come sit with them and help them understand the menu in their broken English and Kelley’s broken Portuguese.

 

The meal the owners bring out for them to share (a suggestion that Alex whined about, certain that she could handle a whole entree by herself) is a pork dish with rice and vegetables and sauce almost as big as the entire table, and Alex’s eyes light up in awe.

 

“You think you could have tackled that?” Kelley asks, amused.

 

“Okay, maybe not, but only because you set me up for failure!”

 

“How?” Kelley laughs.

 

“You filled me up on half a bottle of wine already.”

 

“Oh no, that's part of my other plan,” Kelley murmurs suggestively.

 

“I think Christen would notice if I just don't come back,” Alex says. “But trust me, you don't need a special plan to get me in bed.”

 

“No?”

 

Alex blushes. “You specifically,” she clarifies. “Not just anyone.”

 

“You're the first girl who’s been in my bed in a while,” Kelley confesses.

 

“First girl or first person in general?”

 

Kelley smiles. “Person,” she confirms. “No guys.”

 

“No guys ever?”

 

“High school,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “I was a closet case.”

 

“I had a few of those,” Alex says, placing her hand over Kelley’s. “I mean, I've had boyfriends I liked, don't get me wrong, but there were definitely some I only hooked up with because I was in denial about crushing on one of my straight girl best friends.”

 

“Damn those straight girl best friends,” Kelley says, lifting her wine glass in salute.

 

“Damn them all,” Alex agrees with a sly smile.

 

\---

 

Alex doesn't know how they got so deep into conversation about her tumultuous relationship with her parents, but the bill is paid and there are only a few sips of wine remaining in the bottle when she's telling the story about her dad never correcting her pronunciation of “supposedly” because he thought it was cute, even when she used it like ten times in a presentation she practiced for him.

 

“That's not that embarrassing, I promise,” Kelley says. “My dad let me think he was an astronaut till I was in fifth grade.”

 

“Oh my God, what does he actually do?”

 

“He's a pilot,” Kelley laughs. “Whenever he’d be gone for a night or longer he told me he was going to Mars or Jupiter. In fairness, those sound way cooler than Tulsa or Kansas City.”

 

“You never questioned that?” Alex asks. “I'm a little worried about letting you work on my spine alignment.”

 

“Hey, I'm just getting past the trauma, don't be rude!”

 

“I'm sorry,” Alex says with a pout. “Hey, can you ask your dad if the moon really is made of cheese?”

 

“That's it, date over,” Kelley announces. “We’re done.”

 

“We are not, you want to take me back to the hotel and bang me.”

 

“Not tonight, my dear,” Kelley says, standing up and extending her hand to Alex. “You need your goal-scoring rest for Germany in a few days.”

 

“You think I can score against them?”

 

“Think?” Kelley scoffs. “I know. More than one, in fact.”

 

“Willing to put money on that?”

 

“That's way more against the rules than going on this date with you right now.”

 

“Yeah, but we’re on the date, so clearly you hate rules.”

 

“They could actually fire me for that though,” Kelley laughs. “No money. How about we bet another date?”

 

Alex smiles slowly. “If I score more than once, you have to take me on another date?”

 

“No, if you score more than once, it means I was right and you have to take me on a date.”

 

“Tomato, tomahto,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. “What if I only score one? Or none?”

 

“What happened to the confident Alex I fell for?”

 

“You fell for me?” Alex asks softly.

 

“Shut up, you know I'm so into you.” Kelley rolls her eyes, turning away, but Alex can see the blush creep over her cheeks.

 

“I'm so into you too,” Alex says, leaning down to kiss Kelley on the lips. “Hold my hand while you walk me home?”

 

“It would be my honor,” Kelley replies, kissing Alex’s hand.

 

\---

 

Dim streetlights guide their path back to the hotel as Kelley and Alex talk in low voices, hands swinging between them.

 

“You better kiss me good night before we get too close to the hotel,” Alex murmurs, resting her head on Kelley’s shoulder.

 

“If you insist,” Kelley sighs, turning to face Alex. She wraps her arms around Alex’s neck and pulls herself up ever so slightly so she can comfortably kiss Alex’s lips. “Thank you for an amazing night.”

 

“Thank you,” Alex says, pecking her again. “That was fun. And delicious.”

 

“And completely against your diet, so don't tell a soul,” Kelley laughs.

 

“My lips are sealed,” Alex promises.

 

They walk the rest of the way close enough that their hands brush every so often but never clasp, no matter how much Alex wants them to. She also resists following Kelley into her room, no matter how much she wants to crawl into bed with her and kiss for hours.

 

Her heart is still fluttering and her sides are aching from laughing with Kelley when she slots her room key into the lock.

 

“Welcome home,” Christen’s voice says, shaking Alex from her daze. “Did you have a nice night?”

 

“Oh, hey,” Alex says, her heart pounding from the surprise of seeing Christen. “Um, yeah. It was fine.”

 

“And your ankle?” she asks, looking pointedly at Alex’s wedges.

 

“I've been cleared for heels,” Alex laughs. “Weren't you guys going to go for a night swim?”

 

“Yeah, here at the hotel,” Christen says. “I came back to the room to see if you wanted to join. Imagine my surprise when you weren't here.”

 

“I went out to get a bite to eat.”

 

“Cut the crap, Alex,” Christen says sharply. “You might want to change Kelley’s name in your phone.”

 

“Why were you snooping through my phone?” Alex asks, crossing her arms across her chest defensively.

 

“It was face up on the nightstand!” Christen exclaims. 

 

“So what? Kelley and I are friends.”

 

“So you were with her?” Christen asks.

 

“Yeah, we went and got dinner,” Alex says. “After my ankle rehab.”

 

Christen rolls her eyes. “Alex, Kelley and I are friends. We go way back.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“I invited her to hang with the team tonight too. She also lied. Weird coincidence.”

 

“If you're accusing me of something—”

 

“I'm accusing you of lying,” Christen sighs. “That's all, unless there's more.”

 

“I didn't mean to lie,” Alex says. “I did have ankle rehab to do. I just wanted a low-key night, not necessarily with the whole team.”

 

“What's Kelley’s excuse, then?” Christen asks, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

 

“Shouldn't you be asking her that?”

 

Christen takes a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair. “Yeah,” she says. “I should. I'm sorry.”

 

“It's okay,” Alex says, finally setting her purse down on the dresser. “I’d be mad if my friends turned down my plans then hung out together too.”

 

Christen smiles. “Did you have a good dinner at least?”

 

“Yeah, thanks for asking,” Alex says. “Sorry for lying.”

 

Christen nods. “It's fine,” she says. “We’re good.”

 

Alex gets ready for bed in silence while Christen FaceTimes her family on the balcony, a welcome pause to reflect on the date she didn't have the chance to process before due to her confrontation with Christen. 

 

She smiles to herself thinking of a tiny Kelley gazing up at the stars absolutely convinced that her dad is up there zooming through space in his rocket, and her mouth waters thinking about the pork they shared and then the kiss at the end of the night. Christen opening the sliding glass door to come back inside is the only thing stopping her from slipping out of the room and going back to Kelley’s to pick up where they left off.

 

“Do you mind if I turn the light off?” Christen asks.

 

“That's fine,” Alex says, nestling deeper into her pillow. “I'm down for the night.”

 

The only sounds in the room before the air conditioning kicks on (they both need it freezing cold to sleep, which is why Alex loves rooming with Christen) is the two of them tossing and turning to get comfortable in their sheets.

 

Then, through the dark, comes Christen’s small voice. “Hey, Al?” she asks.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You know you can trust me, right?”

 

Alex is silent for just a beat. “Of course.”

 

“I mean, like… if there were something you weren't sure you could tell anyone. You could tell me.”

 

“Okay,” Alex says. “I'll keep that in mind.”

 

“Okay,” Christen says softly. “Good night.”

 

Alex hopes Christen can't hear her heart beating out of her chest as she rolls over and changes Kelley’s name in her phone from Trainer Hottie to Kelley O’Hara.


	7. a little reckless abandon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley cashes in on a bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, it's a little short... but take note of alex's last line before hating me for it!

Alex’s two goals against Germany, though impressive and just what the team needs to clinch the tournament, come too late to fulfill her bet with Kelley, so their date has to wait until Kelley and Dawn come to Seattle for preseason fitness testing.

 

With her pink pre-wrap and high ponytail in place, Alex is in flirt mode from the second Kelley arrives at the field. She barely says hi, but Alex knows Kelley knows she isn't just wiping her sweat with her training top because it's convenient.

 

Alex smirks when she catches Kelley staring down her abs before crushing the beep test. Her competition is lesser on the club level, but there are some fit rookies with something to prove, which leaves Alex running far longer than she really wants to.

 

Dawn splits the team into two, with one group going with her and the other going with Kelley for the rest of testing. As luck would have it, Alex ends up with Kelley, who tries everything she can think of to ignore Alex’s batting eyes and winks.

 

“I can't be held responsible for what I do if you lift your shirt up one more time,” Kelley mumbles when Alex saunters over during a water break.

 

“Is that a promise?” Alex asks, raising an eyebrow. “I'm pretty sure I owe you on a little bet we made.”

 

Kelley glances across the room at Dawn. “I don't know if I can get away with…”

 

“She can come,” Alex says, grinning. “Or we’ll invite her anyway. No way does she want to hang out with us when she could finally be having some peace and quiet.” She practically skips across the room to prove her point. “Hey,” she says, making Dawn look up from her clipboard. “Some of the girls were going out for dinner tonight and we wanted to see if you and Kelley wanted to come. Kelley said she's in, but…”

 

Dawn looks around the room before smiling back at Alex. “You girls have fun,” she says. “I think I'll sit this one out.”

 

Alex pouts dramatically, making Dawn roll her eyes.

 

“Get back to it,” she laughs, pointing toward the other side of the gym where the rest of Alex’s group is lining up for the next text.

 

“You and me,” Alex murmurs when she sidles up beside Kelley. “I'll pick you up at 7.”

 

\---

 

Kelley asks Alex to text her when she's outside so Dawn doesn't see her and ask any questions, but when Alex pulls up to the hotel, Kelley is already outside.

 

“Eager much?” Alex teases.

 

“Nah, I just didn't trust you not to come in,” Kelley says, leaning across the console to kiss Alex quickly on the lips.

 

“What was that for?” Alex murmurs, her cheeks getting warm.

 

“Because it's been too long since I last did that,” Kelley shrugs. “And you look pretty and I'd be stupid not to.”

 

“Can't argue with that,” Alex muses. “What are you in the mood for?”

 

“I can't believe you didn't take the chance to surprise me.”

 

“Honestly, every time I tried to plan something for us we ended up back in my bed, and I figured that could wait till we fill our stomachs,” Alex teases.

 

Kelley blushes. “I should stay at the hotel, our flight out is early.”

 

“You're no fun,” Alex whines.

 

“I’m lots of fun!” Kelley argues. “You’re the one who didn’t plan a date.”

 

“You didn’t plan one either, loser.”

 

“Excuse me!” Kelley exclaims, offended. “You don't think I planned that?”

 

“I chose the restaurant!”

 

“You think you chose it,” Kelley says. “That place was supposed to be closed, why do you think we were the only people there?”

 

“Liar,” Alex scoffs.

 

“Swear to God!” Kelley insists. “I even took you the long way to get there to make sure you'd be hungry enough to just want to stop.”

 

Alex looks at Kelley in awe. She can tell by her incredulous face that Kelley is telling the truth, and she doesn't know what comes over her, but suddenly Alex can't stop herself from leaning over and kissing Kelley, her fingers scratching Kelley’s neck as Alex forces her lips apart with her tongue.

 

A sharp honk from the car behind them letting them know the light has turned green is the only thing that makes Alex pull back, letting Kelley up for air.

 

“Wow,” Kelley breathes. “Is it too late to take you up on that going home offer?”

 

\---

 

Kelley’s only been to Seattle with her family when she was little (“Did your dad fly you here on his spaceship?” Alex teases), so Alex takes her to her favorite bar and tapas restaurant in Pike Place Market.

 

“I didn't take you for a small plates girl,” Kelley comments when their charcuterie board arrives with a smattering of cheese and meat and olives.

 

“Oh, this isn't dinner,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. “They have good drink specials and I love this cheese.”

 

She almost feels guilty when Kelley barely gets to taste the cheese (it's really, really good), but Alex also knows most people can't hang when it comes to keeping up with her eating, so she's probably just intimidated knowing there's more food to come.

 

Dinner is seafood, a must for all visitors, especially those (like Kelley) who come from the east coast.

 

“Sunrises are way more romantic than sunsets!” Kelley argues during their fifth “which coast is better?” debate of the night. “What's better than waking up before dawn with the person you love and stumbling out to the beach to snuggle up and watch the day begin?”

 

“Um, not having to wake up at 5 a.m.,” Alex says. “If you're going with this whole ‘person you love’ thing, you get to make out while the sun goes down then go home and make out… or more.”

 

“You're so wrong,” Kelley says.

 

“Well luckily I can prove it,” Alex insists, standing up and grabbing her purse. “We have twenty minutes till the sun sets. Let’s go.”

 

“Don't we have to pay?”

 

“I paid when you were in the bathroom,” Alex says, faking offense. “What do you take me for?”

 

They end up on the rooftop bar where Serv took Alex on their first date (a fact that Alex keeps to herself) with minutes to spare before the sun sets.

 

“Damn,” Kelley breathes, resting her forearms on the wooden railing overlooking the west. 

 

Alex wraps her arms around Kelley’s waist and rests her chin on Kelley’s shoulder. “Not bad?”

 

“I mean, it's no sunrise,” Kelley tries to joke, but Alex can feel her pulse quicken in her neck.

 

“You'll have to show me one day,” Alex murmurs, kissing her cheek.

 

Kelley pauses for a moment, taking in the view before turning herself around in Alex’s arms and smiling up at her. “I'd love that.”

 

\---

 

The last time Alex was flat on her back in the backseat of a car was in high school, and she's happy to see it actually does get better. Kelley isn't fumbling for an expired condom or making Alex’s head hit the handle on the door with every forward thrust. She's soft and gentle, taking her time kissing Alex’s neck and tracing her fingertips just under the hem of Alex’s top.

 

Then again, the last time Alex was flat on her back in the backseat of a car was in the far corner of the school parking lot after a football game, not in the bustling parking lot of a four-star downtown Seattle hotel.

 

“We should go inside,” Alex manages to breathe out after they pause upon hearing a car door slam dangerously closeby.

 

Kelley pulls back, her hands still firm on Alex’s waist. “Not tonight,” she says.

 

“Kel,” Alex whines. “You can’t get me all worked up like this and not let me come upstairs with you. You should feel me right now.” She tightens her legs’ grip on Kelley’s waist so she has more leverage to lift up her hips as if to prove her point.

 

That makes Kelley squeeze her eyes shut and finally take her hands off of Alex. “God, you can’t just say that,” she groans.

 

“It’s true!” Alex exclaims, sitting up. “Come on, I promise I’ll be really careful sneaking out in the morning. Or tonight, even. One and done.”

 

“I’m almost positive I wouldn’t be able to stop at one,” Kelley sighs.

 

“That’s not a bad thing,” Alex murmurs, leaning forward to nip at Kelley’s earlobe.

 

“I know,” Kelley says. “But right now it is.”

 

“What, do you have a girlfriend or something?” Alex jokes.

 

“No!” Kelley exclaims. “God, if I had a girlfriend, I’d be way past the point of inappropriate with you.”

 

“Good to know,” Alex says.

 

“I’m just not ready,” Kelley admits. “I really like you.”

 

“You’re not supposed to really like me,” Alex teases.

 

“I don’t want to just jump into something I’m not ready for. That’s not fair to you.”

 

“Bad break-up?”

 

“You have no idea,” Kelley laughs. “It’s more than that, though. Sex is important to me.”

 

“I hope you aren’t waiting for marriage,” Alex says with a smirk. “Although Vegas could be fun.”

 

“Definitely not,” Kelley says. “I’m not even sure I want to get married.”

 

“Yeah?” Alex asks, surprised.

 

“I just haven’t thought about it in a long time,” Kelley says. “Marriage, kids, whatever. I’ve just been focused on other stuff, you know? First it was school, now getting my career on track. Who knows what’s next?”

 

Alex nods. “I get that,” she says. “Serv was ready to get engaged. Can you imagine? Me with a diamond ring right now? At 23?” She holds up her left hand to the light and laughs at the absurdity.

 

“Sure,” Kelley says, her smile soft as she follows Alex’s gaze to her ring finger. “I feel like when you know it’s real, it doesn’t matter how old you are. You could spend the rest of your life with that person and your only regret would be not knowing them sooner.”

 

“You’re a romantic,” Alex notes, turning her head toward Kelley.

 

“You’re not,” Kelley retorts, smiling.

 

“Sure I am,” Alex says. “I took you to see the sunset, didn’t I?”

 

“Sunrises are way more romantic,” Kelley argues again, but Alex just shakes her head, leaning in for a kiss.

 

“Sometimes romance is sharing your cheese plate with some girl who isn’t even planning to ravish you later.”

 

“You barely shared!” Kelley laughs, pinching Alex’s side where it’s most ticklish, something she discovered about 20 minutes ago.

 

When Alex is done giggling, finally wrestling away Kelley’s hand, she leans into Kelley’s chest and places a kiss on the base of her neck. “Every great romance has to start somewhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.... sunrise or sunset???? battle it out in the comments, babes


	8. heaven wasn't built in a day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kelley pick up where they left off.

Alex has never had a girlfriend before, but she’s pretty sure this is what it feels like. She wakes up almost every morning to a “good morning” text or Snapchat from Kelley, and on the days she wakes up first, she sends her own without question.

They don’t talk on the phone or FaceTime, which seems like a deliberate line until Kelley casually FaceTimes her the night before camp while they’re both packing.

“Hey,” Alex says, holding her phone at the angle she knows best shows off her good side and her neck and collarbones. “What are you up to?”

“Just getting all ready for tomorrow,” Kelley says. “How are you feeling?”

“Great, haven’t you been tracking my fitness?” Alex teases.

Kelley smiles. “You’re not on my list,” she says. “You’re Dawn’s.”

“Really?” Alex asks. “I can’t believe she does it herself.”

“We’re tracking like 100 players between the National Team pool and the youth teams, so we split you up about twenty a piece. Once we are fully staffed on those, you’ll be all mine.”

“Who do you have now?”

“All the Chicago players, so Julie, Lori…”

“Christen,” Alex says.

“Christen,” Kelley repeats. “And Cheney and Becky, um, HAO, Syd… I think that's all the senior team, then I have a bunch of the U-20s.”

“But you can see my data, right?”

“Yeah, it all goes into one big database,” Kelley says with a shrug. “But it’s such a pain in the ass just to do my work I don’t really spend time creeping.”

“You should,” Alex says. “See how I compare to everyone else. Tell me who my competition is.”

“Your biggest competition is yourself,” Kelley says, a wry smile on her face. “I can’t do that.”

“Come on,” Alex whines. “I need to know I’m better than other people.”

“Alex, it would be wrong,” Kelley says softly. “I’m sorry.”

“I was just kidding,” Alex says defensively, though she’s not sure she was. Her stomach feels heavy with guilt at the thought of putting Kelley in an uncomfortable situation. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Kelley says. “What are you packing?”

“Hmm, the usual,” Alex sighs. “My favorite black lace bra and panty set, some massage oil…”

“You’re hilarious,” Kelley groans. “What makes me so fun to mess with anyway?”

“How visibly uncomfortable you get when I talk about sex,” Alex laughs, turning over so she’s lying on her stomach, chin resting in her free hand at the foot of the bed. “Even over text I can picture you blushing when I ask you things and you change the subject.”

“I’m not that bad,” Kelley protests, but her face turns pink, proving Alex’s point. She's quiet for a moment, and Alex takes the opportunity to search her face, deep in thought. “I do think about it, you know.”

“Sex?” Alex asks. “I’d be concerned if you never did.”

“Yeah,” Kelley says. “But like… with you.”

Alex crosses her ankles and straightens her posture, smirking down at her phone. “Do tell.”

“Nothing in particular!” Kelley says, clearly regretting her choice already as she moves her face away from the camera shyly. “Just… like, when you bring it up, I do think about it before changing the subject.”

“And at night?”

“Well, you’re usually texting me about dirty stuff at night.”

“It’s not that dirty,” Alex insists.

“I’m scared to see really dirty Alex, then.”

“You should be,” Alex teases. “She’s fun, though. Maybe I should bring my lacy lingerie.”

“Oh my God,” Kelley groans while Alex giggles. “Okay,” she finally says. “Fine. Bring it.”

Alex raises both eyebrows in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Kelley says. “Why not?”

“What if my roommate sees?”

Kelley raises her eyebrows. “How often do your roommates pay close attention to your underwear?”

“I mean, the first girl I ever hooked up with was at a U-23 camp.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep,” Alex says, popping the p. Kelley looks interested, but Alex decides she's going to have to ask if she wants to know.

Kelley doesn't ask, choosing instead to change the subject to how many German words Alex knows. They trade off words till Alex runs out and she's pretty sure Kelley is just making things up.

“Next time I see you we’ll be in Deutschland,” Kelley says, yawning.

“Get some sleep, schatz,” Alex says, trying to give it her best German pronunciation.

“Will do, bratwurst.”

“That is not going to be a thing.”

“Better or worse than Princess Pita?”

“At least with that one I'm a princess and not a sausage.”

“Hey, women can be anything,” Kelley teases. “Don't limit yourself.”

“You're a charmer,” Alex says before biting her lip nervously. “I can't wait to kiss you in Germany.”

“Now I can't wait either,” Kelley says softly. “We won't have a car to make out in the backseat of.”

“No, but you'll have a bed,” Alex says. “And I'll have my really nice underwear.”

\---

Alex isn't wearing her really nice underwear on the second night of camp when she ends up in Kelley’s room under the pretense of watching a movie, but that doesn't stop her from making a move.

They take a break from making out to actually try to understand the movie, which they've missed too much of to really appreciate. Kelley lies with her back pressed against Alex’s chest, head resting on Alex’s collarbone while Alex sits up against the headboard, her fingers interlaced with Kelley’s over her stomach.

“Is that her dad?” Kelley asks. “Weren't they just making out five minutes ago?”

“No!” Alex laughs, her arms tightening around Kelley’s waist. “Can you really not tell them apart?”

“I'm a lesbian, Alex,” Kelley sighs. “I definitely cannot tell them apart.”

Alex kisses her cheek and unclasps their hands, crawling her fingers underneath Kelley’s to ghost over her lower abs. “These are absurd,” she murmurs, pressing her thumb against the muscles. “You have to have better abs than any of us.”

“No way,” Kelley laughs. “I just work out for fun, you guys do it for work.”

“You're the weirdest,” Alex says, moving her hands downward so her fingers are tracing the waistband of Kelley’s shorts. “I would be more than happy never working out again.”

“Your body would miss the endorphins,” Kelley says evenly, ignoring Alex’s advances. “You'd be super depressed.”

“And fat.”

Kelley rolls her eyes so hard Alex can feel them. “I suppose.”

“I guess when I retire I better keep you around.”

“I guess so,” Kelley says, her breath hitching when Alex’s hand slips all the way beneath the waistband of her shorts, her fingers sliding down to cup her over her underwear.

“Darn,” Alex whispers, kissing Kelley’s temple before nestling her chin against her neck. “I was hoping you wouldn't be wearing any underwear.”

“I'd never make that mistake around you,” Kelley says, her breaths uneven.

Alex presses her fingers into Kelley through the fabric, but when Kelley grabs her wrist, she jerks her hand back.

“No,” Kelley says. “Stay there, I want you to.”

“Here?” Alex asks, pressing her fingers against Kelley once more, making her gasp. She pulls her hand back just slightly and pulls Kelley’s underwear away from her skin so she can slide her fingers underneath. “Or here?”

Kelley is quiet, but Alex can feel her heart racing.

Alex places a soft kiss to Kelley’s neck, her fingers slipping even lower so she can feel her wetness. “Kel?” she asks. “What do you want, babe?”

Kelley’s hand is still firmly wrapped around Alex’s wrist, but she stays quiet.

Alex freezes, feeling uneasy. She draws her hand away and wipes her fingers on Kelley’s abs. “That wasn't okay, was it?” she asks softly. She cranes her neck to look at Kelley’s face, which looks freaked out for a half second before she returns to normal.

“It was fine,” Kelley says, sitting up and turning to face Alex. “I'm sorry. I didn't—”

“If you don't want to… do stuff, we don't have to,” Alex says softly, trying to set her jaw. “You can just tell me.”

“I thought I was,” Kelley says. “I thought I was ready, I didn't mean to panic, I just…”

“Kelley,” Alex says sharply.

“Please don't be mad,” Kelley says, alarmed.

“I'm not mad, I'm embarrassed,” Alex says. “I don't want to push you into something you clearly don't want to do.”

“I do!” Kelley insists. “I promise I do. Just not right now.”

Alex nods, folding her arms across her chest to stop her hands from shaking. “Will you tell me when you are?” she asks.

“Of course.”

“Seriously,” Alex says. “I'm not going to initiate anything. Not when I don't know where you stand.”

“Okay,” Kelley says, criss-crossing her legs. “We could just… go back to making out.”

“I think I'm just going to go back to my room,” Alex says, standing up. “I'm really sorry.”

“Alex,” Kelley sighs, but she doesn't make any move to stop her.

Alex leans down to kiss Kelley’s lips gently, pulling away even when Kelley places a hand on her neck to keep her close. “I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Kelley nods, squeezing Alex’s hand before letting it go.

Alex peeks out of the peephole to ensure nobody is in the hallway before slipping out to walk down the hall to her own room, where Christen is sitting on her bed, scribbling furiously in her journal.

“Hey,” she says, looking up with a smile. “What were you up to?”

“Hanging out with Kelley,” Alex says, tugging at the ends of her hair. “Remember when we were at the Algarve and you said I could trust you with anything?”

Christen closes her journal and straightens her back. “Yeah, of course.”

“I need to cash in on that.”

Christen laughs. “You don't have to cash in, it's always available.”

“Okay,” Alex says, nodding as she starts to pace slowly in front of their beds. “I think I might be having, like, a thing with Kelley.”

Christen raises her eyebrows. “A thing.”

Alex's eyes flutter shut and she raises her head to the ceiling. “We've gone out a couple times,” she says. “And like… just now, I was in her room with her.”

“Oh,” Christen says. “I mean, I figured you—thanks for telling me.”

“I'm telling you because I need advice,” Alex says firmly. “How close were you with Kelley? Back in college?”

Christen’s mouth, which was open, snaps shut. “Um, pretty close,” she says. “We lived together for two years with another girl on the team and another trainer. Why?”

“You've stayed in touch all that time?”

“Well yeah,” Christen shrugs. “We were friends. She did some athletic training internships and fellowships here and there and when her last one ended we were about to… the timing worked out.” Her face turns slightly pink. “For her to come work with the team.”

Alex rolls her eyes. “You can say London.”

“Okay,” Christen says. “We were about to leave for London. And she needed a job. Is that what you're…”

“What were her exes like?” Alex asks. “I mean, if you've stayed in touch for this long.”

“I don't—she doesn't date much, I guess,” Christen says. “If she did, we didn't really talk about it.”

“Didn't she have a girlfriend up until recently?”

“That would be news to me,” Christen says. “Why?”

Alex sighs. “The trusting you with shit thing extends to her too, right? Now that you know we’re like… whatever we are?”

“Sure,” Christen says, uncurling her legs from underneath her.

“A few weeks ago we were talking about… seriously, this has to stay between us.”

“I promise.”

“We were talking about sex, and she basically said she had a bad break-up but didn't go into details. And she said she wasn't ready to have sex with me then, which… okay, fine. But then tonight we were hooking up and I really thought it was going somewhere, but…”

Christen looks at her expectantly.

“She freaked out,” Alex sighs. “Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe she was acting like a normal person who doesn't want to have sex with someone—”

“A foreign experience for you,” Christen teases lightly. “When you say freaked out…”

“I touched her and she froze,” Alex says. “She didn't tell me to stop, but she obviously didn't want me to continue. Even though she told me to pack my best lingerie.”

Christen’s eyes widen. “Your black lace set?”

“Yes,” Alex laughs wryly, remembering her shopping trip with Christen prior to her first (and only) Valentine’s Day with Serv. “I guess it's staying packed.”

“So why do you think she changed her mind?”

“I don't know, that's why I'm asking you! I thought maybe if she had some…”

“Dark, mysterious past?” Christen laughs. “Al, if she said she's not ready, maybe that's just it.”

“Yeah, but what if someone, like, hurt her?”

“Just because she doesn't want to fuck you right now?”

“Don't be crass,” Alex tuts. “Nobody is that weird about sex unless they have a bad history with it or, like, no history. Oh my God, do you think she's a virgin?”

Christen sighs. “I don't think it's appropriate for us to be talking about this.”

“You said—”

“I know,” Christen says. “If you're worried, though, you should ask her. Even if I did know some super-privileged information about her, it wouldn't be my place to tell you, and it wouldn't be your place to tell me if she confided something in you.”

Alex flops on her bed dramatically, groaning in frustration. “What good are you?”

“Gee, thanks.” Christen rolls her eyes, but the slight smile on her face shows Alex she knows she's just being dramatic.

“Do you really think I should ask her?”

“Not if you don't want to,” Christen says. “Or if you think it'll put too much pressure on the sex situation.”

“The situation is that there is no sex.”

“Duh, but do you like her?”

“Of course, but she lives in Chicago, I live in Seattle…” Alex trails off. “I just wanted to have some fun, not get in so deep here. If I ask her about that, all of that looseness goes away. It gets all tangly and serious.”

“So who else would you be having sex with if you weren't… entangled with Kelley?”

Alex shrugs. “I'm not saying I'd be sleeping with anyone, I just—options are nice.”

“You're not exclusive,” Christen says with a shrug. “Wait, are you?”

“No! God,” Alex sighs. “But she's hot, obviously I want to sleep with her.”

Christen laughs. “Obviously.”

“Am I crazy?” Alex asks.

“For what? Hooking up with Kelley?”

Alex purses her lips. “Yeah,” she says in a small voice.

“I think…” Christen starts, pausing to mull over her words. “I think Kelley’s a great person and you could do way worse. And I think she could do way worse than you. And if you actually like her, then you two should discuss even the uncomfortable things. And if you just want to have sex with her, you need to figure out if that's even going to be possible.”

“So you're suggesting we actually talk?” Alex asks, smirking.

“Instead of just making out?” Christen retorts. “As fun as I'm sure that is, I don't think it's going to solve either of your problems.”

Alex sighs. “Okay,” she says, standing up.

“Not right this second!” Christen laughs. “You both need a night. Text her if you want, just so it's not awkward when you see her tomorrow, but…”

“You don't have time for another crisis pep talk tonight if it goes horribly wrong.”

Christen giggles. “I'm pretty tired.”

“Fine,” Alex groans, lying back down on the bed on her stomach, facing Christen. A smile spreads across her face as she rests her chin in her hands and kicks her feet up behind her. “But enough about my makeouts. Who are you kissing these days?”


	9. cold little heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kelley talk about the previous night.

When Alex wakes up the next morning, Christen is already gone, so she rolls over and texts Kelley.

 

“Hey doc,” she writes after re-reading the texts from the night before where she had apologized, Kelley had apologized, and they'd chatted for another hour before retiring to bed. “Wanna get coffee with me?”

 

She doesn't expect a reply right away, so she takes a long hot shower. When she comes back, she still doesn't have an answer, so she pulls on her lounging clothes and marches down the hall to knock on Kelley’s door.

 

She knocks loud enough to hopefully wake her if she's sleeping, but not hard enough to wake up the whole hallway—or so she thinks.

 

“Alex?” Dawn asks, poking her head out of the next room. “Do you need something?”

 

“Oh,” Alex says, jumping away from the door. “I'm sorry, I was just—” She racks her brain for a good excuse. “I need some kinesiotape? For my, um, hamstring?”

 

“Did you hurt it in training?” Dawn asks. “I can open the training room for you, just give me a second.”

 

“Yeah, uh, just a tweak,” Alex says. “Don't worry, I didn't mean to bother you.”

 

The elevator dings, and Alex looks up to see Kelley and Christen getting off, both holding coffee cups from somewhere other than the hotel.

 

“Hey guys,” Kelley says. “What's up?”

 

“Alex needed some kinesiotape for her hamstring,” Dawn says.

 

“What did you do to your hamstring?” Kelley asks, looking at Alex with concern.

 

“Nothing, I just… you know what, I think I packed my own. Let me check before I make you do all that for me.”

 

“No prob,” Kelley says smoothly, seeming to understand what's going on. “I actually have some in my room. You can just use that.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex says, avoiding Dawn’s eyes.

 

“I'll be in the room, Al,” Christen says. “I'm going to shower before breakfast.”

 

“Sounds good,” Alex says, casually following Kelley into her room as if it's totally normal and not at all something for Dawn to concern herself with.

 

“Hamstring, huh?” Kelley asks, amused.

 

“I panicked,” Alex says. “Coffee with Christen, huh?”

 

Kelley gives Alex an odd glance. “We’re friends.”

 

“I know, but you didn't text me back—” Alex stops her sentence short when she sees Kelley’s phone still plugged into the charger on the nightstand. “Oh.”

 

“Sorry, I didn't expect to be gone that long,” Kelley says, leaning forward to kiss Alex on the lips. “How did you sleep?”

 

“Fine,” Alex says, still perturbed by seeing Kelley and Christen so buddy-buddy less than 12 hours after spilling her guts to Christen. “I thought we could talk.”

 

“I think that's a good idea,” Kelley agrees. “Is there a reason you told Christen about us?”

 

Alex feels like her jaw drops to the ground upon hearing that. Traitor. Snake. Bitch. The words spin through her head a million miles a minute as she tries to process Kelley’s words.

 

“I'm not mad,” Kelley says. “You just seemed like you wanted to keep things quiet.”

 

“Christen was supposed to stay quiet,” Alex says.

 

“It's just the three of us who know,” Kelley assures her. “She was… concerned. Understandably.”

 

“What the hell did she tell you?”

 

“Nothing!” Kelley insists. “Just that you were worried about my ‘bad break-up.’”

 

Alex bites the inside of her lower lip, trying to maintain a neutral face. “I was just concerned about what happened last night.”

 

“Well, I want to assure you that the break-up I told you about is very much in the past,” Kelley says. “It's completely irrelevant to any of this. Us.”

 

“When you reacted like that, I thought maybe, I don't know, maybe your ex… hurt you or something.”

 

Kelley scoffs. “What, like she assaulted me?”

 

“Well!”

 

“I've had sex with two people ever,” Kelley says. “Both of them I knew for far longer than two months when we first slept together. With you, things are moving faster than they ever have before, and that's a little intimidating.”

 

Alex straightens her shoulders. She's never been called intimidating in a relationship—at least not to her face.

 

“I wanted to be ready this camp,” Kelley says. “Mostly because when I'm not with you I feel ready. When you send me texts about touching yourself in the shower, I really think I'm ready, but I'm probably just horny. When we’re together, though, I just freeze. Like I did last night. And I'm sorry about that. I knew it and I still let it get that far.”

 

“You could have stopped me,” Alex says softly.

 

“I didn't want to,” Kelley says. “My body and my mind and my heart are in three completely different places. I'm attracted to you at levels I don't think I've ever experienced, and when I'm alone at night, you're the one I'm thinking about. My body wants you. I want you. But there are parts of me that can't go there yet.”

 

“I kinda thought we were just doing the physical thing,” Alex admits.

 

“And I kinda thought those dates and long conversations meant something more,” Kelley says, clearly a bit wounded.

 

“I know,” Alex says. “They did. That's why this is all confusing. I really like you as a person and as a friend, and I also really like you physically.”

 

“Which sounds an awful lot like a relationship.”

 

“Or friends with benefits.”

 

“Benefits like having someone on your side when the staff is discussing rosters?”

 

Alex's face falls. “What?”

 

“Or getting fun insight into who's doing better than you on fitness evaluations?”

 

“I was joking, Kelley, I—”

 

“You said something when you first kissed me that I've been thinking about ever since.”

 

“What?” Alex asks, her palms clammy.

 

“You said you'd see me at the Algarve if everything went according to plan.”

 

“Yeah?” Alex says, furrowing her brow. “What about that is—”

 

“Was your plan to seduce me so you'd have a leg up on the competition?”

 

“Are you kidding?” Alex exclaims. “My plan was to work my ass off at camp and rehab my injury at home in hopes of being deemed worthy of a spot!”

 

“Christen made a good point—”

 

“Christen?” Alex asks. “ _ She _ put this ridiculous notion into your head that I would use you?”

 

“She didn't say that, she said I should be careful because—”

 

“What a traitorous bitch!” Alex exclaims. “I can't believe you would actually listen to her knowing full well how I feel about her!”

 

“You've been pretty tight lately,” Kelley scoffs. “You spilled your guts to her last night. How am I supposed to know you wouldn't have told her your plan? Even if you weren't trying to do that, it is awfully convenient, isn't it?”

 

“I wouldn't know, I hadn't considered it,” Alex spits, her eyes filling with tears. “I'm glad you freaked out about having sex. You don't deserve to be with me.”

 

“Alex, don't,” Kelley sighs, grabbing her arm when she turns away. “Just—fuck, dude, stop!”

 

Alex stops trying to wrestle her arm away, and Kelley lets go. “What?” she barks.

 

“I'm sorry,” Kelley says. “I told Christen she was out of her mind, I didn't believe it. You saying friends with benefits just made me… it's not like it's the first time I've thought it.”

 

“Great, that makes me feel way better.”

 

“Not because of you,” Kelley sighs. “I just have a lot of trouble believing someone like you would want to be with me.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes.

 

“I know how it sounds, and I promise I'm not trying to be that way,” Kelley says. “I'm not being self-deprecating for the hell of it. There's a lot I want you to know, and there's so much I want to know about you. And when we have sex, I want it to mean something. Even if we can't technically be together or exclusive or whatever because of our situation, I want my whole heart and mind and body in it when it happens.”

 

“What's our situation?” Alex asks in a small voice.

 

“Different cities,” Kelley says. “Work. I'm in a position to directly impact your career. I'm doing my best to stay impartial, which is easier when it’s just a girl I flirt with and like to kiss. Harder when it's a girlfriend who I'm planning a future with.”

 

Alex nods, chewing at her bottom lip. “I don't want you putting your integrity at risk.”

 

“Me neither.”

 

“But I also want you bad.”

 

Kelley laughs. “Oh, I know the feeling.”

 

“Do you think you'll ever tell me about the girl who got you all out of sorts?” Alex asks, smiling slightly.

 

“I'm sure I will,” Kelley says, nodding as she pulls Alex toward her. “But first maybe you can tell me about the girl you hooked up with at U-23 camp. I've been waiting a while to hear about that one.”

 

\---

 

Alex arrives at breakfast with Kelley almost half an hour late, kinesiotape on her hamstring for show. Abby waves her over, but when Alex sees Christen at her table, she shakes her head quickly, gesturing that she’ll catch up with her later.

 

Her avoidance of Christen doesn't last long, though, as they end up at the coffee area at the same time.

 

“How's your hamstring?” Christen asks, a conspiratorial twinkle in her eye.

 

“Great,” Alex says shortly. “My back has been better though.”

 

Christen furrows her brow. “Wait, did you actually hurt it?”

 

“Yeah, when my friend stabbed me in the back,” Alex says bitterly. “Literally what is wrong with you?”

 

“Me? What did I do?” Christen asks, her voice rising.

 

“You told Kelley I was using her for playing time,” Alex says, her voice trembling. “Why would you do that?”

 

“I didn't say that!” Christen exclaims. “I told her to be careful because if people find out, it could look like that. Which would be bad for you both.”

 

“We’re adults,” Alex says. “We can handle it.”

 

“I know,” Christen says softly. “I'm sorry. I know how it must have sounded. I’ll tell Kelley what I meant.”

 

“I think you've done more than enough,” Alex says. “Can you just let me handle my own shit for a while?”

 

“Of course,” Christen says. “I'm really sorry. It's just, you're two of my best friends. I know this job is a dream come true for Kel, and I know how hard you've worked to get back here.”

 

“What about the fact that I like her?” Alex asks. “Why doesn't that matter?”

 

“It does!” Christen insists. “I think you two would be great together. But it would also be a shame for your relationship to get in the way of your careers. That's all.”

 

“Did you…” Alex sighs, looking around. “Did you tell her I told you about the sex thing?”

 

“No,” Christen says firmly. “When I said you could trust me, I meant it. You can.”

 

“I don’t really feel that way right now.”

 

“I know,” Christen says. “But you’re better off not telling anyone else about this right now, for both of your sakes. So if you want to talk to someone, I hope it’ll be me.”

 

“Well I don’t really have another choice, do I?” Alex grumbles.

 

“I won’t tell her anything you say,” Christen says. “If that’s what you’re worried about. She’s happier than I’ve seen her in a long time, and if you have something to do with that, there’s no way I’ll get in the way.”

 

“That break-up really fucked her up, didn’t it?” Alex sighs, looking over to where Kelley is poring over a notebook with Dawn.

 

Christen shrugs, following Alex’s line of sight. “Apparently.”

 

“Did you get the scoop on that this morning?”

 

“Not really,” Christen says, stirring too much sugar into her coffee. “She didn’t want to get into it much. I wouldn’t worry about it, though. I think she’s just being careful with you.”

 

“Because of her evil ex.”

 

Christen laughs. “Sure,” she says. “But more because Kelley is a sweetheart who doesn't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else. I've always said anyone who gets a chance with her should consider themselves extremely lucky.”

 

“I do,” Alex says, rolling her eyes playfully. “I mean, landing someone all the other girls on the team are thirsting over isn't so bad.”

 

“I’d say the same about you, for the record,” Christen says gently. “I did, actually. To Kelley this morning.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex says, her cheeks tinged with pink. “Sorry for coming at you like that. All accusatory and stuff.”

 

“No biggie,” Christen says with a shrug. “I probably could have been a little more clear. Communication hasn't always been my strong suit.”

 

“You don't say.”

 

“Hey!” Christen laughs, tossing an empty sugar packet at Alex and accidentally landing it in her coffee. “Oops.”

 

“I'll just take yours,” Alex says, smirking as she takes Christen’s small mug. “We’ll call it even.”

 

\---

 

When the team goes to the Netherlands, Alex and Christen are split up, which makes it a lot more difficult for Alex and Kelley to find time to themselves, especially with social butterfly Syd as her roommate.

 

“Come over :(“ Kelley texts Alex the night before their game against the Netherlands.

 

“I can't,” Alex replies, including her own pouting emoji. “We’re doing nails and face masks and judging guys on Sydney’s Tinder.”

 

“Wow, and my invite was…?”

 

“Darn, lost in the mail,” Alex replies. “Tomorrow night? I can try to get away.”

 

“Staff dinner after the game. I could get out of it if I were dead or dying.”

 

“Lol,” Alex types. “This sucks.”

 

“That's what I think most of the time, but then I see you and I'm like, okay I can make this work.”

 

“Yeah?” Alex asks, looking around the room to see if any of the girls notice the smile creeping across her face. They're all too preoccupied with googling who Taylor Swift is dating right now to see. “I do wish we could make out just a little bit more.”

 

“Just a little bit? You have way more self-control than I do.”

 

“No way,” Alex replies. “If we had too much time to make out I’d get addicted.”

 

“I wouldn't hate that.”

 

It takes a few minutes for Kelley to text back, breaking up the cadence of their conversation, but when she finally does reply, it's worth the wait.

 

“I wouldn't hate seeing your black lace lingerie.”

 

Alex's eyes widen when she reads that. She hasn't initiated anything naughty since their heart-to-heart in Germany, and Kelley never has. Instead of questioning it, though, she rolls with it. “I would love to show you,” she says. “The lace in the bra makes it almost see-through minus these little flower things over my nipples.”

 

“Okay, does the word nipple make you laugh or am I just immature?”

 

“The latter,” Alex confirms, rolling her eyes as she presses send.

 

“I bet it's really hot,” Kelley says. 

 

“Better than a sports bra.”

 

“You rock those too,” Kelley replies.

 

“I don't see as much action in them.”

 

When Kelley doesn't reply right away, Alex keeps going.

 

“So, say I were to wear that lingerie for you… what would you do?”

 

“Besides pass out?”

 

“That wouldn't be very sexy.”

 

“I would kiss you first,” Kelley types. “What would you want me to do?”

 

“I’d want your hands on my waist first,” Alex says. “Maybe in my hair when you're kissing me. But then slowly up my spine till you get to my bra clasp.”

 

“I would love to see you,” Kelley replies after a few minutes. “I'm picturing it right now, but I'm sure the real thing is even better.”

 

Alex coughs loudly to cover up the noise she makes inadvertently, and the whole room turns to look at her. “Sorry!” she says. “I, uh, have something in my threat. I think I'm gonna shower, anyone need the bathroom first?”

 

“No, we’re okay,” Cheney says without looking up from her toenails.

 

Alex grabs some items from her suitcase, shoving them under her arm before scurrying into the bathroom. She takes a deep breath and ensures the door is locked before turning on the shower and laying her pajamas on the counter and shimmying out of the shorts and tank top she had been wearing. 

 

She slides the black thong up her legs, immediately feeling the need to stand up straighter, like she's wearing the black stilettos she bought to go with it. She pulls off her sports bra and slips the straps of her lacy bra over her shoulders, reaching behind her to clasp it.

 

After assessing herself in the mirror and adjusting the bra so the little flower appliqués are centered on her nipples like she told Kelley they would be, she straightens her spine and reaches for her phone.

 

It takes a few poses and a few different angles in the mirror for Alex to find the one she wants to send Kelley, but when she does, she doesn't think twice about the caption.

 

“Here,” she types. “We wouldn't want your imagination to have to do too much work.”


	10. ready for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex travels to Chicago as the season comes to an end

Despite Kelley’s mostly positive reaction to Alex’s bathroom lingerie shot (a fully positive reaction would have included sending back a scandalous photo of her own), the physical part of their relationship doesn’t progress much, and Alex doesn’t press the issue.

 

Making out with Kelley after scoring two goals on Canada for a 3-0 win isn’t bad, after all. Neither is making out with Kelley after not scoring at all in two games against South Korea where the opportunities were right there in front of her. Alex isn’t sure which she prefers, because Kelley is extra soft and attentive after the hard games, but she thinks she’ll take winning on and off the pitch any day.

 

Sneaking around at camp isn’t hard because Kelley so easily becomes part of the USWNT family that after a few camps, lots of girls hang out in her room from time to time, and nobody questions how close she and Alex get—well, almost nobody. 

 

Abby is Alex’s roommate for the Korea games, and after spending two months in season with her in Seattle, Alex starts to think maybe there’s such a thing as too much togetherness.

 

“Who ya texting?” Abby sing-songs from the spot on Alex’s couch that she’s essentially adopted as her own. “Trainer Hottie?”

 

Alex’s head shoots up at that, and she furrows her brows. “No,” she says. “My sister. Why?”

 

Abby shrugs, a smirk gracing her face. “I don’t know. You two seem friendly.”

 

“We’re friends,” Alex says with a shrug.

 

“Damn, someone should tell her that,” Abby teases. “Or at least tell her eyes.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Alex asks, looking back at her phone to keep up the illusion that she doesn’t really care.

 

“She checks you out at practice nonstop,” Abby says. “At first I thought it was just her doing her job, but no, she’s super into you.”

 

“Hm,” Alex hums, texting Kelley quickly. “Stop staring at me at training!!!!!”

 

“I’m just saying, if you’re still into her, you should go for it.”

 

“When was I into her?” Alex asks, looking up at Abby again.

 

“Uh, when you crushed us all by getting her number?” Abby laughs. “Unless you were just faking it for the bet, which would be impressive.”

 

“I just like to win,” Alex mumbles.

 

“Oh, I know it,” Abby says. “The bruise on my ass from you tackling me in training on Tuesday says it all.”

 

“Harvey shouldn’t have made me play at right back,” Alex grumbles. “Tell me a time in history when a forward to outside back conversion has ever been successful.”

 

Abby laughs. “You’d get red carded so fast in an actual game.”

 

Alex feels her phone vibrate in her hand and looks down to see a text from Kelley that makes her smile.

 

“Stop being so hot and maybe I’ll be able to control myself!!!”

 

“There’s no way your sister is making you cheese like that,” Abby says, lunging forward for Alex’s phone. “You’re texting Serv, aren’t you?”

 

“No!” Alex shrieks, pulling her hand back, but it’s too late.

 

Abby looks down, her eyes widening in amazement. “No fucking way.”

 

“Abby, please,” Alex whines, reaching for her phone, which Abby gives back easily.

 

“I was totally kidding!” Abby exclaims. “Holy shit! You and Trainer Hottie!”

 

“Abs!”

 

“I’m sorry, I need to process. Oh my God. You really landed that. Should I like… bow down or something?”

 

“Shut up,” Alex grumbles. “Please don’t say anything to anyone. Especially not Pinoe. Or Syd.”

 

“This is so good,” Abby says, laughing in disbelief. “I’m never going to be able to look at her without picturing you both naked.”

 

“Oh God, please try,” Alex says, wrinkling her nose.

 

“I need to know everything!” Abby exclaims. “Is the sex as mind-blowing as I assume it would be?”

 

“Ew, Abby, stop!” Alex says. “Please, I’m begging you.”

 

“I’m offended. Does my influence mean nothing to you?”

 

“We haven’t had sex,” Alex says.

 

“Wait, seriously?” Abby asks. “Wait, are you just doing the text flirt thing? Oh my God, that’s actually kind of sweet.”

 

“No!” Alex exclaims, flustered. “We’re… we’ve hooked up. Just not, like, gone all the way.”

  
“The definition of hook-up changes too fast for me to keep up with.”

 

“We’ve made out,” Alex says. “A lot. But no sex.”

 

“Yet.”

 

“I guess! I don’t know. We’re not rushing anything.”

 

“So is she, like, your girlfriend?”

 

“No!” Alex says, exasperated. “We’re just like, seeing where it goes I guess.”

 

“And not telling anyone, I assume.”

 

“Just you and Christen.”

 

“Christen knows? Alex!”

 

“I know!” Alex sighs. “Don’t be mad.”

 

“I’m not mad, I’m just… wow, you really haven’t hit that yet.”

 

“Don’t you have a home to be at?” Alex asks.

 

“Oh shut up, you love having me here.”

 

“When you aren’t grilling me about my personal life, it’s mostly tolerable.”

 

“So I shouldn’t anticipate having to cover for you next weekend in Chicago?” Abby asks, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “Doesn’t she live there?”

 

“Yes,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. “We’re getting dinner the night before the game, but I’ll be back by curfew.”

 

“Shame,” Abby sighs. “Do you like her?”

 

“Of course,” Alex says.

 

“Yeah, but like… like her like her?”

 

“Are we in middle school?”

 

“No, I’m just making sure,” Abby says. “I haven’t seen you smile at your phone like that since Serv. It’s nice. I’m happy when you’re happy.”

 

Alex smiles, glancing down at her phone to another text from Kelley.

 

“How many more days till you get here?” Kelley asks.

 

“Okay, I get the hint, I’m going,” Abby says, grabbing her keys. “Let me know if you need a ride to training tomorrow.”

  
“Will do,” Alex says. “Thanks, Abs. For being such a good friend.”

  
“And inspiration,” Abby reminds her.

 

Alex laughs. “Sure. That too.”

 

\---

 

A few days before the Chicago game, Kelley texts Alex with some bad news.

 

“Someone dropped out of U-23 camp starting this weekend, so I have to fly to LA and won't be in town for your game,” she writes. “Very bummed.”

 

Alex's heart sinks when she reads it. The last time she saw Kelley was toward the end of June, and now July is almost over and they don't have plans (or really any opportune times) to see each other until the next camp in September, which Alex hasn't even officially gotten called up for.

 

“Nooooo,” Alex replies with a string of sad emojis. “When do you have to leave?”

 

“Friday morning,” Kelley answers. “Maybe I'll see you in the airport arriving with the team, lol.”

 

“That sucks,” Alex sends before racking her brain for a better option. “Wait. What if I just fly in Thursday?”

 

“Don't you have training?”

 

“Only in the morning,” Alex says. “I could get a flight and be there by dinner time. Seriously. Do you have plans??”

 

“No,” Kelley replies. “Are you sure you can do that?”

 

“Yeah, I'll say I have a meeting with my agent or something,” Alex says.

 

“That would be kind of amazing.”

 

“I really want to see you,” Alex confesses.

 

“I really want to see you too,” Kelley replies. “Let me know if it'll work out and I'll arrange to pick you up.”

 

Alex sends back a kissing emoji before swiping to her thread with Abby. “Change of plans,” she writes. “I actually do need your help with a thing this weekend.”

 

\---

 

Thanks to Abby’s airline and hotel connections, Alex is on a plane to Chicago just two hours after practice ends. Everyone on the plane gives her dirty looks for clearly not showering first, but she barely pays them a second thought, too excited about the concept of seeing Kelley.

 

It feels kind of unfair a lot of the time, how Christen gets to hang out with Kelley all the time purely by virtue of living nearby. Alex knows she can't logically be jealous, but that doesn't stop her from feeling envious every time she sees an Instagram or a Snapchat from one or both of them having fun together.

 

She casually asked if Kelley was planning on inviting Christen under the guise of not wanting to fraternize with the enemy before a game, but Kelley hadn't seemed bothered.

 

“No,” Kelley had replied. “I was hoping this could be you and me time. Is that ok?”

 

“Like a date? ;)”

 

“Yep,” Kelley had replied, casual like it should have been a given. Maybe it should have been.

 

“What kind of car should I be looking for?” Alex texts Kelley as soon as the plane lands.

 

“Trust me, you'll recognize me,” Kelley replies.

 

Sure enough, when Alex walks out of the airport, Kelley is waiting by the baggage claim, flowers in hand.

 

“Oh my God,” Alex laughs, rolling her eyes.

 

“Flowers are an apology gift apparently,” Kelley says. “But I'm sorry I'm missing your game, so I guess it works.”

 

“Thanks, Doc,” Alex murmurs, looking around before kissing her on the cheek. “That was really sweet of you.”

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sweet,” Kelley laughs, taking Alex’s bag from her hand. “What do you want to do tonight?”

 

“I know this might shock you, but I am a little hungry,” Alex says, sticking her tongue out between her teeth. “Maybe we could drop my stuff off at the hotel and get dinner near there?”

 

“The place I wanted to take you is kind of in the opposite direction,” Kelley says. “Do you need to check in right away or is it cool if we just leave your stuff in my car?”

 

“That's fine,” Alex says, charmed that Kelley has a plan in mind. “But I'm kind of gross from training.”

 

Kelley laughs. “The restaurant is near my apartment if you want to shower there.”

 

“Oh, okay,” Alex agrees. “That sounds good.”

 

Kelley grins, leading her to the car, and Alex can't believe how comfortable this feels, being picked up from the airport from someone she likes this much without even having slept with. She's desperate to kiss her, having gone more than a month without her lips, but she resists until they're safely inside Kelley’s apartment.

 

“Mm, I missed that,” Alex murmurs against Kelley’s lips, drumming her fingers against Kelley’s chest.

 

“Me too,” Kelley says. “We could always just skip dinner and keep doing that right here.”

 

Alex laughs. “I'm still hungry.”

 

“Delivery.”

 

Alex pulls back, raising an eyebrow. “I don't want to ruin your plans.”

 

Kelley shrugs. “I’d really rather just spend time with you,” she says. “I don't care where we are. I just think it's probably easier to make out here than there.”

 

“You're right,” Alex says, leaning in for another peck. “I hope you don't mind if I trade in my going out outfit for some comfy clothes.”

 

“Absolutely not,” Kelley assures her. “I'll order while you shower.”

 

When Alex is finishing toweling off her hair, she can smell the food Kelley ordered. She had given Kelley permission to surprise her with the food, and when she sees what she's ordered, she's glad she did.

 

“Is that what I think?”

 

“The best Portuguese food I've found in the US,” Kelley says from her spot on the couch. “Too cheesy?”

 

“Not at all,” Alex laughs, leaning down to kiss her on the lips. “Just cheesy enough.”

 

\---

 

They settle on Mean Girls, which is on ABC Family, because Kelley refuses to watch a movie she hasn't seen before, knowing full well they won't actually watch it. It's a good plan because as soon as the food is done, Alex is straddling Kelley’s lap and pressing her against the back of the couch, kissing her breathless.

 

“You are so gorgeous,” Kelley groans, her hands slipping under Alex’s T-shirt. Her fingers dance across Alex’s ribcage gently, and Alex grinds down into Kelley’s thigh to relieve the pressure on her lower half.

 

“Sorry,” Alex says. “Let me catch my breath.”

 

Kelley kisses the base of Alex’s neck, her hands finding her waist as Alex takes a few deep breaths. When she turns to look at the TV, the clock says 10:30, and there's an episode of Full House playing at a low volume.

 

“God, it's kind of late,” Alex says, her hands betraying her words when they grip Kelley’s shoulders. “I should probably get going.”

 

Kelley’s hands move to Alex’s legs, rubbing the tops of her thighs softly. “You can stay here if you'd rather,” she says. “I know the team doesn't get here till tomorrow.”

 

Alex shrugs. “Yeah, but the hotel is paid for,” she says. “Might as well.” She looks down to see Kelley chewing the inside of her bottom lip. “What?” she laughs.

 

“Nothing,” Kelley says. “I just—maybe you could stay here anyway?”

 

“No offense, but I think I'd prefer a bed,” Alex laughs. “And I'm not kicking you out of yours.”

 

“We could sleep in my bed together.”

 

“Oh,” Alex says. “You mean like stay… with you.”

 

“Well it is my apartment.”

 

Alex laughs. “I know, I just didn't know if you'd want to sleep in the same bed. You know, without…”

 

“I don't,” Kelley says, her face turning redder by the second. “I can't believe I have to spell this out to the queen of having her mind in the gutter.”

 

“I prefer Princess Pita,” Alex laughs. “Wait… are you saying…”

 

“I want to have sex with you,” Kelley says. “Naked. In my bed. In my apartment. Tonight.”

 

“Naked is my favorite way to have sex,” Alex murmurs, a smile creeping onto her face. “Are you sure?”

 

“I'm very sure,” Kelley says.

 

Alex decides not to question it any further, just tightening her legs around Kelley’s waist and wrapping her arms around her neck, letting Kelley lift her and carry her to her room (an impressive feat, considering the enormous meal they just ate).

 

Kelley is hesitant and a little too gentle at first, but when she gets into a rhythm, she's even better than Alex had imagined. She only has two hands, but it feels like they're everywhere Alex wants them exactly when she wants them there, without her even having to ask. She falls apart underneath Kelley, biting down hard on her own hand when she realizes how loud she's being.

 

Kelley is a little less considerate when it's her turn, her teeth digging hard into Alex’s shoulder as she comes on top of Alex, her thighs trembling as Alex works her fingers gently inside her. Alex already knows she won't be able to wear a tank top tomorrow due to the bite marks, but no part of her cares right now.

 

Alex pulls Kelley down into her chest as she catches her breath, rubbing her back soothingly. “Wow,” she murmurs.

 

“Yeah,” Kelley agrees, kissing Alex’s collarbone. “I can't believe we haven't been doing that for months.”

 

Alex giggles. “Can I ask?” she says softly. “Why the change of heart?”

 

Kelley rolls over so she's lying beside Alex, propping herself up on her elbow. “I always knew I would want to do that eventually,” she says. “I'm just glad I got you to stick around.”

 

Alex smiles. “It helps that you're really nice to look at.”

 

“I like sex a lot,” Kelley says. “But it was only ever good with one person, and she broke my heart.”

 

“Idiot,” Alex murmurs.

 

“No,” Kelley laughs. “I wasn't what she wanted in the long run.”

 

“Was she what you wanted?”

 

“I thought so for a long time,” Kelley says. “Sometimes I still do.”

 

“Do you still talk to her?”

 

“I tried not to for a while,” Kelley sighs. “We were on and off, I guess. You kind of caught me right when I had finally accepted that we were off for good. But you were kind of exactly what I needed, I think.”

 

“Yeah?” Alex asks with a smirk. “I'm not just a rebound?”

 

“That's why I didn't want to have sex,” Kelley says. “I told you it wouldn't have been fair.”

 

“I've fucked people in way worse situations,” Alex laughs. “I can be a rebound.”

 

“You aren't,” Kelley says seriously. “When we broke up, I didn't think I would ever feel the same things for someone else, which is probably why it took me so long to let go. But then I started feeling some of those things with you.”

 

Alex smiles, but her heart races with nerves. Whatever Kelley is getting ready to tell her she doesn't think she's ready to hear.

 

“Don't worry, I'm not trying to tell you I'm in love with you or anything,” Kelley says. “It's just nice to know I don't have to be in a super deep romantic relationship with someone to be… intimate with them or whatever. I like that we can go on dates and make out and even have sex without any pressure on the situation. I've never had anything like this, but it's special in its own way.”

 

Alex nods, leaning forward for another slow kiss. “I'm happy I could help.”

 

“I'm happy it's you,” Kelley says with a smile. “You know, as opposed to one of those other girls competing for my affections on the team.”

 

“Who?” Alex gasps. “Are you serious? Oh my God, Christen.” A fire flashes behind her eyes. That would explain why she felt so uneasy about Christen and Kelley talking about her and hanging out in Chicago all the time after Christen told Alex she was completely single—aside from the obvious jealousy Alex still harbors a tiny bit (and probably always will).

 

“What? No!” Kelley laughs. “I was talking about the stupid phone number bet.”

 

Alex feels a weird mix of relief and disappointment wash over her. Part of her feels comforted that Christen isn't flirting with Kelley, but another part of her almost wishes it were her, if only because Kelley said she prefers Alex. “What, you would have given Abby or Pinoe your number?”

 

“If they went about it smoothly and I didn't know any better, probably!”

 

“But they wouldn't be in your bed right now.”

 

“Not a chance,” Kelley says. “That was always gonna be you.”


	11. shades of wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kelley blow off some steam to celebrate the end of the NWSL season

Alex wasn't too bothered by Kelley not being able to go to the game until her team loses 3-1, effectively knocking them out of the playoffs, which feels shitty to say the least.

 

Luckily, LA has an internet connection and Alex comes back to the locker room to an encouraging text from Kelley about keeping her head up and finishing the season strong.

 

Once she gets back to Seattle after their long road trip takes them to New York and D.C. for two more losses, being out of the playoffs takes off a pressure Alex didn't even know was there. Training almost feels like a January camp without any friendlies on the end of it, a chance for Alex to work hard every day without worrying about results.

 

It works, because she gets to start the final home game of the season against Portland, which she knows is going to be her biggest chance to make a statement. Her goal comes just three minutes into the first half, and at the bottom of the dogpile of teammates, Alex can’t stop grinning, thinking about Kelley seeing that.

 

They still lose 2-1, but Alex feels like she's walking on air. The season—an incredibly tough season—is over, she played every game (even when she was just coming back from national team call-ups), and she physically felt herself getting better every single day, in stark contrast to last season, when she felt herself getting worse for a stretch of time.

 

Best of all, she has her next call-up in her back pocket, a single friendly against Mexico next month that she knows she’ll be ready for.

 

“Season OVERRRR,” she texts Kelley when she's out of the shower. “I have never been so happy. Whatcha up to tonight?”

 

The locker room is an entertaining scene to behold, with all the players changing out of their nasty sweaty kits into their “going out” clothes. For some (like Alex), that means a tight dress and heels, and for others (like Abby), it means “nice” jeans and a recently dry-cleaned button-down shirt.

 

It doesn't take long for Alex to get comfortably drunk at the bar, mainly due to the fact that the Seattle fans who stuck out the season with them came out to the same bar, a popular Sounders bar that has adopted Reign fans as well. As the lone goal-scorer tonight, Alex gets the lion’s share of the free drinks from appreciative fans.

 

“Tell me I'm pretty,” Alex types along with a picture she took in the bathroom mirror that she sends to Kelley. She looks hot, and she'd know it without random guys coming up to her to say so.

 

As soon as she's out of the bathroom, Abby grabs her. “We can go somewhere else,” she says.

 

“What?” Alex giggles, feeling the alcohol all through her system. “Why?”

 

“The guys are here.”

 

It doesn't sink in immediately what Abby means, but when Alex looks up, she figures it out. The Sounders and the Reign aren't officially affiliated, but there's enough overlap with friends and significant others that they socialize now and then. “The guys” are Serv’s teammates, most of whom Alex hasn't spoken to since they broke up.

 

“No, it's fine,” Alex says, standing up straight. She and Serv ended on good enough terms, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want him to eat his heart out when he sees her in this dress. Abby doesn't look convinced. “Abs, it’s fine. We’re having a fun night with everyone, we aren't just gonna bail.”

 

Abby looks less than convinced, but she hands Alex a glass of water. “Here,” she says. “Sober up, I don't want to pay a clean-up fee in an Uber.”

 

\---

 

Alex isn't sure if she's avoiding Serv or if he's avoiding her, but either way, she manages to last almost an hour without seeing him. She fills her time taking pictures with fans who ask, drinking more, drinking water when Abby forces her, and texting Kelley, who has yet to respond, which probably means she's asleep, as it's almost 2 a.m. in Chicago and, well, Kelley has more than a few grandmotherly tendencies.

 

That all comes to an end when Alex slides off her barstool and almost misses the floor with her feet. The only thing stopping her from biting the dust is a pair of strong arms that catch her. She half expects it to be Abby, but of course it's Serv.

 

“You okay there?” he asks with his familiar crooked smile.

 

“Yeah,” she says, matching his grin before looking down and seeing the dark spot on his shirt from where she must have made him spill his drink on himself. “Oh, shit, I'm so sorry,” she says, turning to motion to the bartender. “Club soda please!” she calls, motioning to his shirt.

 

“Don't worry about it,” Serv laughs when Alex starts dabbing at his shirt. “Ali, it’s fine, I promise.”

 

He's the only one who's ever called her Ali outside of her own family, but she doesn't hate the way it sounds. It feels comfortable and sweet coming from him, not fake like it does from most people trying to act overly familiar.

 

“How have you been?” he asks. “Your goal tonight was beautiful.”

 

“That was certainly a highlight,” Alex laughs. “I've been good. Lots of training, pretty much all soccer all the time.”

 

“With the National Team too,” he says with a smile. “You've been kicking butt.”

 

“It's been incredible,” Alex says, nodding. “How's your mom?”

 

“Oh, she's good,” Serv says. “The girls ask about you a lot.” Hanging out with his nieces was always Alex’s favorite part of Carrasco family gatherings.

 

“Aw, I miss them,” Alex says. “You should bring them to a game if they're ever in town.”

 

“I'm sure they'd love that,” he agrees, grabbing her hand gently. “I think you got it.”

 

Alex looks down sheepishly, not even realizing she was still patting the spilled drink stain with her paper towel. “Can I buy you another?” she asks.

 

“Sure,” he agrees, looking over his shoulder. “Is Abby still here?”

 

“Yeah, I hope,” Alex says, looking around. “Why?”

 

“She told me if I talked to you she’d kill me.”

 

“What?” Alex exclaims. “She did not.”

 

“She did!” he laughs. “But then you were falling and I was right there, and…”

 

“My knight in shining armor,” she teases. “Hey, can I get a Jameson neat?” she calls toward the bartender, requesting Servando’s favorite.

 

“You remembered.”

 

“Of course, after watching you order that every single time we went out,” Alex laughs, handing him the glass.

 

“Thanks,” he says, taking a long sip. “So, uh, how have you been other than soccer?”

 

Alex raises her eyebrows in amusement, feeling more sober than she has all night. “What do you mean?”

 

Serv blushes, just like she knew he would, and looks away before clearing his threat. “You know… dating. Anyone new in your life?”

 

Alex smiles. “I'm dating,” she confirms. She presses her lips together, careful not to say anymore. Something makes her want to keep any little glimmer of Kelley to herself, not just from Serv, but from the world. Even saying ‘I'm seeing someone’ feels like too much exposure.

 

“Good,” he says. “You… seem happy.”

 

“I seem drunk,” Alex laughs. “Because I am. I was. I don't think I am anymore.”

 

“Yeah? Need another drink?” he asks.

 

Alex nods, and he grins, waving to the bartender. 

 

“Whiskey sour,” he says. “Jameson.”

 

“Big spender,” she teases, only half paying attention as she looks down at her phone, opening up Instagram. The first thing on her feed is a post from Christen from ten minutes ago, a photo of her in a dress similar to the one Alex is wearing (but blue instead of black) at a bar similar to the one Alex is standing in, surrounded by a gaggle of people Alex recognizes as her family… and Kelley.

 

“The Press Pack traveled all the way to Kansas City for our last regular-season game,” reads the caption. “No playoffs this time around, but these people make me feel so loved no matter what!”

 

Alex's stomach sinks as she reads the caption. Kelley hadn't mentioned going out of town, not that it really affects Alex at all, but still, they text all day every day about the most mundane things. Surely a flight to Kansas City to be part of the “Press Pack” would have come up.

 

Suddenly, the silence from Kelley feels a hell of a lot louder, especially when Alex's eyes narrow in on the phone she's gripping in her hand in the photo—the hand that isn't wrapped securely around Christen’s waist.

 

“You gonna drink that?” Serv asks, gently shaking Alex from her daze.

 

“Oh,” she says, looking up. “Yeah. Thanks.” She raises the glass to clink against his before placing the straw between her lips and sucking down the liquor as fast as she can.

 

“Do you just want your next one in an IV?” Serv teases.

 

“Make it a tequila shot,” Alex says, setting her jaw as she powers down her phone and slips it into her purse. She can hear the blood rushing in her ears, overpowering the thumping music on the dance floor. “And let’s dance.”

 

\---

 

Water is the first thing Alex thinks about when she wakes up to a dry mouth and a pounding head. She's grateful that she's wearing her own cotton shorts and tank top and that she's in her own bed—till she opens her eyes and realizes she's not.   
  
The clothes are her own, but the familiar and cozy bed is not hers, it's Servando's. As soon as she opens her eyes, the previous night's questionable decisions come flooding back to her, and her need for water suddenly seems like the least of her worries, in part because there's a bottle waiting for her on the nightstand, along with a note.   
  
"Sorry, had to head out for a meet the team breakfast thing," he wrote. "Your phone is plugged in in the bathroom and all your things are on the kitchen counter. Help yourself to anything and use your key to lock the door. Text me when you wake up so I know you're okay. Last night was fun, I hope it's not the last I see of you."   
  
Even though she's clothed, she knows they had sex. She can smell it on the sheets, and there's an open box of condoms on the nightstand, but she's lying to herself if she says she can't remember. She just doesn't really want to.   
  
Alex prides herself on never slipping back into bed with an ex, mostly because all the friends in her life who have done that are weak and desperate. Nothing about last night felt weak or desperate, except maybe the four unanswered texts to Kelley. Hooking up with Servando felt gratifying in some weird way, like checking a box on a to-do list. It felt good, but only in the way that having an orgasm always feels nice after a long night, no matter whose hands (or tongue or other appendage) it comes from.   
  
Serv isn't the love 'em and leave 'em type (if he were, they would have ended up at Alex's place), but it doesn't feel great to wake up alone. Last time Alex had sex, with Kelley in Chicago, she woke up to warm arms wrapped around her and soft lips on her neck. Probably the same way Christen woke up this morning, if last night's picture was anything to go off of.   
  


She doesn't want to, but she rolls out of bed after chugging her bottle of water and trudges toward the bathroom, where her phone is fully charged thanks to Serv’s forward thinking. He’d probably plugged it in after making Alex go to the bathroom after they had sex, which she remembers clearly now, along with brushing her teeth with a brand new toothbrush in his drawer. He's a better host than she’ll ever be, probably.

 

She sighs when she sees exactly what she knew she would: new texts from Kelley. There are just two messages, but they are enough to tell her last night was a mistake.

 

“Way beyond pretty,” it says, in reply to Alex’s selfie. “You're a bombshell. I can't stop thinking about taking that dress off you… just a few more weeks :)”

 

The next one is more of the same Kelley being perfect. “I'm sorry I didn't answer last night, I'm in KC for the Red Stars game (longggg story) and my phone died streaming your game. Luckily I saw your goal, but I saw the final score later :( I'm sorry bud. You'll get em next time.”

 

Alex types out a few different options of replies to Kelley before finally just calling her.

 

“Hey!” Kelley greets her, way too chipper for Alex’s hungover ears.

 

“Hey.”

 

“You sound like shit,” Kelley laughs. “You weren't kidding about being happy the season is over. How hard did you celebrate?”

 

“Way too hard,” Alex groans. “What are you doing in Kansas City?”

 

“Christen’s whole family was in Chicago this week and her little sister wasn't able to make the trip to Kansas City, so I was a last-minute sub,” Kelley says.

 

“I didn't realize how tight you were with them,” Alex says, trying to make her voice sound less icy than she knows it does.

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says. “You know Chris and I, like, lived together, right?”

 

“Yeah, she told me all that,” Alex says, rolling her eyes.

 

“You just always seem surprised when I hang out with her, I don't know.”

 

“I forget.”

 

“Gotcha,” Kelley says, letting the silence hang between them for a moment. “Uh, any fun plans now that the season is over?”

 

“I'm going home for a few days,” Alex says. “Before camp.”

 

“Ah, yes,” Kelley says, sounding brighter. “I can't wait to see you.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says. “Me too.” She almost jumps a foot in the air when she hears the front door slam shut, signaling Serv’s arrival. “Uh, I have to go.”

 

“Okay,” Kelley says, amused. “Feel better, drunky.”

 

“Thanks, doc,” Alex says, hanging up the phone quickly.

 

“Alex? You still here?” Serv calls.

 

“Yeah, uh, in the bathroom!” she replies. “Just a minute!”

 

She turns to unplug her phone and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her makeup didn't do such a bad job of staying in place overnight, and her hair isn't too mussed, but regardless, she doesn't like what she sees.


	12. something to tell you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex struggles with a secret she's keeping from Kelley.

Guilt isn't an emotion Alex has much experience with. It's not like she's never done anything wrong or hurt anyone in her life, but it's usually easy for her to move on. She's never hurt anyone like Kelley. There's never been anyone like Kelley to hurt.

 

What Kelley doesn't know won't kill her. That's what Alex decides when she comes bouncing toward her in the hotel lobby in D.C., already talking a mile a minute to fill Alex in on the crazy people staying on the floor below them. They aren't exclusive, anyway.

 

She's over her Christen issues, mostly because if it took Kelley six months to have sex with Alex (with both of them supposedly so obvious about their infatuation with each other), there's no way she’d do it with Christen in less time than that.

 

The guilt weighs so heavily on Alex that she berates herself constantly—not for sleeping with Servando, but for caring so much about what Kelley would think. She's going to tell her next time they see each other, for the last camp of the year, but then she doesn't. It happened. It's over. She doesn't belong to Kelley, and Kelley doesn't belong to her, a fact she tends to forget until she has to share her attention with 20 other needy athletes. A conspiratorial eye roll across the gym does just enough to make Alex feel special.

 

Maybe Kelley just doesn't need sex the way Alex does, Alex rationalizes when scrolling through Kelley’s family Thanksgiving photos after a month of convincing herself she isn't going to worry about it anymore. She looks happy in a way Alex has never experienced at a family holiday. That's why she and her sisters go out and get drunk when the togetherness clock has finally ticked all the way down. 

 

Alex has had way more partners, anyway. When you aren't exclusive with someone, one half of the partnership is having more sex. That's just how it works. She's not breaking any rules when she texts Serv to see what he's up to after his dinner with family. There aren't any rules to break.

 

She stays home for New Year’s Eve, satisfied to watch the ball drop from the comfort of her bed, if she even makes it that far. She gets a text from Kelley at 8:55 asking if she can call her.

 

“Of course,” Alex replies, waiting for her phone to ring, which it does seconds later.

 

“Hey,” Kelley says. Her voice is soft, but Alex can tell she's at a party, maybe in a bathroom or a closet somewhere.

 

“Hi,” Alex replies.

 

“I heard someone say once that the way you ring in the New Year is how you'll spend the rest of the year,” Kelley explains. “I thought maybe I could spend it talking to you.”

 

Alex smiles despite herself. “It's only 9 here.”

 

“You can call me at 3 a.m. my time.”

 

Alex laughs. “I'll be in bed,” she says. “Don't you have a girl to kiss?”

 

“Yeah, but she's in California,” Kelley says smoothly. “I've never had a New Year’s Eve kiss, actually.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yep. The one time I thought I would, the girl ended up ditching me and hooking up with someone else.”

 

“Damn,” Alex hums. “If I had the chance to hook up with you tonight, I wouldn't look at anyone else.”

 

“You sure know how to sweet talk a girl,” Kelley laughs. Alex can hear the noise pick up in the background and she knows the countdown is beginning.

 

“You don't want to get back to your party?” Alex asks, that guilty feeling creeping back in.

 

“No,” Kelley says. “Hey, Al?”

 

Alex hums in response.

 

“I think this is going to be the best year yet.”

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“I'm a little drunk.”

 

Alex laughs. “Oh?”

 

“You can't make fun of me for this later.”

 

“Me? Never.”

 

“I've never had you in my life for a whole year,” Kelley says. “That's why it's going to be the best.”

 

Alex takes three long swallows before answering, but she isn't quick enough.

 

“Alex?”

 

“I'm here.”

 

“Thanks,” Kelley says. “You don't know how much I needed you this year.”

 

“Me too,” Alex answers honestly, though she wishes it weren't so true. “I wouldn't feel as good about January camp without all your help. Especially this off season.”

 

Kelley holds her accountable to her diet (sometimes) and workouts (usually), which very few people have successfully done for hard-headed Alex who usually prefers to do a pre-season “cram session” of sorts. It’s always worked in the past, but it probably won't work forever.

 

“It's 2014,” Kelley says. “Happy New Year.”

 

“Happy New Year,” Alex says. “Best one yet?”

 

She can almost hear the crinkle of Kelley’s skin turning to a smile. “Best one yet,” Kelley agrees.

 

\---

 

The madness of January camp begins as soon as Alex gets off the plane and realizes the airline lost her luggage. She is already a day late due to a poorly timed death in the family, and by the time she is able to get her shit together, she's practically sprinting into a halfway finished training session.

 

Carl, the trainer who had picked her up at the airport, offered her the option to just go to the hotel and pick back up tomorrow, but no way is Alex missing an opportunity to show everyone that she belongs on any and every roster this year, up to and including World Cup qualifiers.

 

Kelley pretends not to pay her any mind when she gets on the field, but Alex’s eyes are drawn to her as if by magnets, and she knows Kelley’s the same. 

 

It's been two long months of off season and holidays and no Kelley, and Alex is relieved to see it finally come to an end the minute she makes eye contact.

 

“Hi,” Alex mouths. Kelley responds with a casual wave, but the blush that shows up on her cheeks as she looks away says it all. Best year yet, indeed.

 

\---

 

Thanks to rooming with Abby, Alex doesn't have to wait long for alone time with Kelley, who knocks on the door while Alex is unpacking.

 

“Hey, cutie,” Alex says, pulling Kelley into a tight hug.

 

“Is abby here?”

 

“Yes!” Abby calls from the bathroom. “And I don't want to walk out to you two having sex!”

 

“Noted,” Kelley laughs, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Alex. “How are you doing?”

 

“Well I just got off a plane and then had to sweat for an hour, so I've been better.”

 

“Yeah, but otherwise,” Kelley says gently. “With your aunt and everything.”

 

“Oh, she was distant,” Alex says, waving her off. “I mean, it was sad, but I was more irritated about not being here than anything else.”

 

Kelley laughs. “Okay, remind me never to die when you have stuff going on.”

 

“Don't joke,” Alex says. “I'd be really sad if you died.”

 

“When,” Kelley corrects.

 

Alex raises her eyebrows.

 

“I mean, we all die someday.”

 

“Dark,” Abby says, toweling off her hair from her shower as she walks into the main room. “Sup, Trainer Hottie?”

 

“Abs,” Alex chides. “She has a name.”

 

“I'll take it,” Kelley says.

 

“Do you know what we’re having for dinner?”

 

Kelley shakes her head and Alex laughs.

 

“It's also like two hours away, relax.”

 

“I'm hungry!” Abby says, throwing her wet towel at Alex.

 

“Ew!” Alex shrieks.

 

Kelley grabs the towel off of Alex and hangs it over the chair. “I have to go, I told Christen I'd help get her set up with the big legs.”

 

Alex frowns, and Kelley leans in quickly to kiss the pout off Alex’s lips.

 

“See you at dinner, princess.”

 

“That's cute,” Abby comments when Kelley is out the door. “When are you telling her about Serv?”

 

“Never,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. She had called Abby tearfully the last time she had a bout of guilt. It felt good to get it all off her chest to someone, even if it's not the person who really needs to know.

 

“Are you going to bang him again?”

 

“Don't be crude.”

 

“I'm just asking!” Abby insists. “I mean, it's one thing if it was just a one-time thing…”

 

“Two-time,” Alex says.

 

“Wait when was the second?”

 

“Thanksgiving,” Alex sighs. “Don't lecture me.”

 

“I wouldn't do that.” Abby says gently. “But still, if you don't think it'll happen again, I don't think you have to tell her as long as you aren't exclusive. But if you do plan on hooking up with him again, she should know just as a sexual partner.”

 

“Isn't the assumption always that if you're not exclusive, they're sleeping with someone else and you should act accordingly?”

 

“You know Kelley isn't.”

 

Alex groans. “I think that's my issue,” she says. “Like maybe if she just fucked someone else I'd feel less guilty. Like we’d be even.”

 

“You'd hate that,” Abby laughs. “You like her.”

 

“Duh, but maybe if I felt a little shitty it would get rid of my guilt.”

 

“Or you could just suck it up, say something vague like ‘the seeing other people thing isn't working for me,’ and fall madly in love.”

 

“Pass,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. “I'm not ready for a relationship.”

 

“Really?” Abby asks, raising an eyebrow as Alex’s phone lights up with a text. Her lock screen is a picture of her and Kelley and a group of players from their early holiday party in November. It's easy to see that the other people are there for show and the main focus is the two of them in the center. “Because I'm pretty sure you're in one.”

 

\---

 

No matter how hard she tries to focus on her sweet potatoes and broccoli, Alex can't ignore Kelley’s eyes piercing through her all throughout dinner. She looks up several times to Kelley’s eyes widening in apparent amusement at her, but she has no idea what she's trying to say.

 

She checks the back of her spoon to see if there's something in her teeth, which there isn't, and shakes her head at Kelley in confusion.

 

Kelley finally sets her phone on the table in front of her and points to it.

 

Alex furrows her brow and pulls out her own phone, but it doesn't have anything from Kelley, so she sets it next to her plate and waits.

 

Kelley rolls her eyes and walks toward the drinks table. After a moment, Alex excuses herself and gets up to join her casually.

 

“I know I'm cute, but why are you staring at me like a weirdo?” Alex asks in a low voice.

 

“I texted you!” Kelley says.

 

Alex lifts up her phone to show Kelley there's nothing from her, and Kelley’s face turns white.

 

“Oh shit.”

 

“What?” Alex asks, but the question is barely out before Kelley is walking quickly back to her table and picking up her phone, turning even whiter.

 

“I fucked up,” Kelley texts her. “Bad.”

 

Nobody is ever in the bathroom near the conference rooms, so it's easy for Alex to escape for a quiet moment. “Oh my God, what happened?” she asks when Kelley meets her there.

 

“I meant to text you,” Kelley groans. “Asking you if you wanted to watch a movie in my room tonight.”

 

“Oh God, who did you text?” Alex laughs.

 

“The other Alex,” Kelley says in a pained voice.

 

Alex looks at her with confusion before realizing. “Wait, Boy Alex?”

 

“Yep,” Kelley says. “I am such an idiot.”

 

“Did he reply?”

 

Kelley nods, holding up her phone so Alex can see. The text from Alex is there: “Sure! Sounds fun:)”

 

“He uses smiles as punctuation,” Alex notes in amusement.

 

“Dude, what do I do?” Kelley exclaims. “I don't want him to come to my room!”

 

“Just tell him it's a group hang with the other trainers. Invite Carl and Jessica.”

 

Jessica is a new staff intern, and Alex doesn't think Kelley has ever been as grateful for her presence as she is right now. “Yes,” Kelley breathes. “You're right. I'll invite them.”

 

As is the case with any comedy of errors, Carl and Jessica both have plans for the evening already, leaving Kelley to deal with a coworker in her room to “watch a movie.” Alex is just dismayed not to have the pleasure of being a fly on the wall for the experience, though texting Kelley is almost good enough.

 

“Can you confirm that I am a better cuddler?” Alex texts.

 

“Can't confirm, there's a full yard in between us,” Kelley replies. “I'm glad this is so entertaining to you!!!”

 

“What did you decide to watch? Porn?”

 

“Fast Times at Ridgemont High. His hand just ‘accidentally’ brushed my thigh.”

 

“Hot! Isn't there full frontal nudity in that?”

 

“Lots of boobs if memory serves.”

 

“Perfect, something you'll both enjoy ;)”

 

“I hate you,” Kelley types.

 

“That's such a lie,” Alex says. “Has he tried to feel you up yet?”

 

“You aren't funny.”

 

“Another lie.”

 

“Please save me,” Kelley texts, and Alex smiles, almost hearing the whine in her voice. “This is soooo uncomfortable. He clearly thinks the ‘group hang’ was a lie and my intentions were to get him alone all along.”

 

“I mean to be fair, the group hang WAS a lie.”

 

“Not helpful.”

 

“Just hook up with him then kick him out,” Alex says.

 

“Lol”

 

“Not even kidding, he's kinda cute! It would be good for you. Plus I know for a fact you haven't had sex since November.” Alex’s fingers type out the words quickly, ignoring her heart, which is begging her to stop. 

 

“I've gone longer.”

 

“You chaste angel,” Alex replies. “Go for it. Why not?”

 

“He's a guy.”

 

“You've fucked guys before.”

 

“One guy. Singular. There's a reason I haven't slept with another.”

 

“Hahaha breaking news: high school bf was bad in bed. You've only slept with women since. Trust me, guys get better over time.”

 

“Are you seriously ‘maybe you just haven't found the right dick yet’-ing me right now?”

 

“Lol noooo,” Alex says. “Obviously I like girls too. I'm just saying!”

 

“Saying what exactly?”

 

“Sex is sex,” Alex replies. “Who cares who it's with? Get it girl ;)”

 

“He's not you,” Kelley says after a few minutes.

 

“It's not like I'd be mad if you did,” Alex replies. “We’re not exclusive.”

 

It takes Kelley a while to write back, during which time Alex tries to pay attention to anything other than the typing bubble disappearing and reappearing.

 

Abby has half the team over as usual, and Alex is being antisocial, texting on her bed and pretending to be enthralled by whichever edition of Real Housewives this is.

 

“Maybe I want to be,” Kelley’s text says when it finally shows up.

 

Alex's heart leaps in her chest, but quickly sinks back deep into the pit of her guilty stomach. “That sounds like a convo we should not have over text.”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley agrees. “You're right.”

 

“I get it though… I'm pretty unbeatable,” Alex replies. “If you sleep with him it'll just reinforce that.”

 

“You spelled unbearable wrong.”

 

“Because I'm encouraging you to get your freak on? Ummmm you're welcome! Trust me, if I could give you an orgasm tonight I would, but I can't, so I'm giving you permission not to cheat yourself out of this once in a lifetime opportunity. $5 he brought a condom with him.” After Alex presses send, she starts another text. “I mean, not that you need my permission.”

 

“I'm not sleeping with him, stop.”

 

“God you're so fucking boring,” Alex replies, not really thinking about how saucy she's probably coming off till she hits send. Everything she's feeling, some horrible mixture of jealousy and guilt, clouds her judgment.

 

Still, she expects Kelley to reply, at least. Even if she's mad. But she gets silence. She can't tell if she's mad or actually taking her advice. Or both. Alex doesn't know which would be worse. The jealous starts to overtake the guilt, and Alex finally feels like she's paying for her sins.

 

“I'm just kidding,” Alex replies. “I think it's sweet that you take sex seriously.”

 

She goes 20 more minutes without a reply, then 20 minutes turns into an hour. Her mind starts to wander, and she can feel her stomach turning when she thinks about Kelley actually hooking up with someone else. Even the concept of him kissing her makes her want to throw up. Now she knows how Kelley would feel if she knew about Serv. Now she knows Kelley can never know.


	13. maybe tomorrow you'll be mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kelley talk about the night before.

When you wake up to a text from the person you're seeing that just says “can we talk?,” you know you're going to need more than the usual cup of coffee to get through the day, which is why Alex is relieved when Kelley suggests they walk to a coffee shop near the hotel.

 

They meet in the lobby, which feels a little awkward and formal, but Kelley still greets her with a quick kiss, comforted by the fact that nobody who would care is up this early.

 

“I'm sorry about last night,” Alex says. “I didn't mean to… I know I struck a nerve.”

 

Kelley smiles tightly. “Can we talk about it when we're sitting down? Preferably with caffeine?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Alex says, staring at the ground as they walk. “How was the movie?”

 

“Good, how was Real Housewives?”

 

Alex laughs. “Dramatic.”

 

The coffee shop is only a block away, so the silence of the morning is almost comfortable. Alex doesn't read too much into the way Kelley doesn't reach for her hand because they're in public, and who knows?

 

Kelley orders her coffee first before turning to Alex and raising her eyebrows as if to ask what she wants.

 

“Um, a medium Americano,” Alex says. “Thank you.”

 

It's a cool morning, but the sun is out, so they set up camp at a small table just outside, gazing out at the street and their surroundings.

 

“So,” Alex says. “Can I apologize now?”

 

Kelley smiles softly. “For what?” she asks.

 

“Um,” Alex says, shifting in her seat. “For being annoying last night?”

 

“Did you actually want me to have sex with someone else?” Kelley asks.

 

“No, of course not!” Alex says. “I mean, I didn't want you to necessarily, I just… I don't know, I feel like we said we weren't exclusive, but the way you treat me is—”

 

Kelley bristles. “Do you not want me to act like I like you?” she asks. “Because I do. A lot.”

 

“That's not it,” Alex insists. “I just… I don't know. I feel like we haven't established what we are in a while.”

 

“Do you want to be with me?” Kelley asks. “Like for real. Exclusive, dating, calling each other girlfriend or whatever.”

 

“I…” Alex starts. “Yeah, I do, I just—”

 

Kelley looks down at her hands fidgeting with her coffee cup. “Are you seeing other people?”

 

“No,” Alex says immediately, but her face colors, giving her away. “Not dating.”

 

“Just having sex with,” Kelley says quietly.

 

“It only happened twice.”

 

Kelley nods. “Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“I'm not—we didn't have clear rules, you're right,” Kelley says. “I mean, for what it's worth, it would have been nice to know you had other partners while we were sleeping together.”

 

“I know,” Alex says. “I'm really sorry. I should have told you. I was just worried.”

 

“About what?”

 

“That you'd be mad.”

 

“I'm not  _ happy _ .”

 

“I know,” Alex says. “I wouldn't be either. I know that now.”

 

“I'm not going to hold it against you,” Kelley says with a shrug.

 

“I know I'm only the third person you've ever had sex with, but that's a lot of pressure sometimes,” Alex says. “That's why I was being weird last night probably. I don't know. I thought if maybe you—I don't know. I felt guilty, and I thought if you had random sex with someone we’d be even.”

 

“That's ridiculous,” Kelley says. “You've had way more sex than me, but that doesn't matter to me.”

 

“But last night bothered you.”

 

Kelley scoffs. “Um, yeah.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

Kelley sighs. “We haven't talked about our past relationships much. And that's been purposeful for the most part, at least on my end.”

 

Alex raises an eyebrow. “Okay.”

 

“I didn't want to know about your past, partly because it doesn't matter to me when it comes to liking you, but partly because I know you've only had boyfriends, and I have a lot of… I don't know, resentment maybe?”

 

“About my exes?”

 

“About any girl who can have sex with anyone.”

 

“I don't—” Alex starts, on the defensive.

 

“I didn't say that right,” Kelley says. “I just mean, okay, this is where it gets hard to talk about.”

 

“I'm listening,” Alex says gently.

 

“I only like girls,” Kelley says. “Exclusively. I had a boyfriend in high school because it was easier than coming out to my friends and family.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“So no, I'm never going to sleep with a guy for the hell of it,” she continues. “It's never going to be ‘just sex’ like it is for you. Do you get that?”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says. “I'm sorry. That was shitty of me last night. I know it was.”

 

“Good,” Kelley says. “Because when I was in high school trying to explain that to my sister, the conversation went a lot differently.”

 

“She wasn't accepting?”

 

Kelley’s right, they don't talk much about their past or their families, but as far as Alex knows, her family is pretty cool.

 

“She just had no idea,” Kelley says. “The first time I told her I thought I might be gay was right after I lost my virginity. It was awful, I hated every second, and I told her that. Her reaction was ‘oh, everyone’s first time sucks, it gets better, just keep doing it till you like it.’”

 

“Did you?” Alex asks, voice barely above a whisper.

 

“Like it? Never. Keep doing it? Yeah, for a year.”

 

Alex cringes, thinking back over every text she sent last night. “Jesus.”

 

Kelley takes a deep breath. “I found out he was cheating on me and I was actually relieved because I had a reason to break up with him.”

 

“That must have been awful.”

 

“It was, not to mention my sister’s reaction made me too scared to come out to my family until I was almost a year into my relationship with Christen.”

 

Alex’s sip of coffee is halfway down her throat when she feels herself almost throw it back up. “Wait, what?”

 

“I know,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “They were great. I had no reason to worry. Erin was just an idiot.”

 

“You dated  _ Christen _ ?” Alex exclaims. “ _ Christen _ is the one you've been so heartbroken over that you couldn't even look at another girl?”

 

“I—I thought—” Kelley stammers.

 

Alex's eyes don't feel like they can get any wider, but they do. If she thinks about it, like really digs down deep, she feels like a part of her might have known, but nothing could have prepared her for this.

 

“You said she told you,” Kelley says. “I just figured you didn't want to talk about it or…”

 

“When would she have told me?” Alex exclaims. “Before or after trying to sabotage us by telling you I was using you to advance my career?”

 

“Alex, you know she didn't—”

 

“It turns out I don't know much of anything!” Alex says, her heart picking up in pace. Every memory over the past year comes rushing back as she tries to piece them all together in a way that makes sense. Nothing does. “It's also not her responsibility to tell me that, it's yours. You're the one I'm trusting with the deepest parts of me. God, you're the one I bitched to about Christen like every day for a month! I was pissed when I just thought you might have been hooking up in Chicago, but I never thought you'd both have been lying to me this whole time.”

 

“Wait, you thought we were hooking up?”

 

“For like five minutes!” Alex exclaims. “I felt so stupid for thinking that later, but… oh my God.” She stares at the sidewalk in front of her, trying to calm her racing heart as she tries to process this information.

 

“Alex, I wasn't trying to lie—”

 

“But you did!” Alex says, standing up abruptly. “I need to go.”

 

Kelley stands up too. “Okay, we’ll go back.”

 

“No, I need to be alone,” Alex says, not making eye contact. “Thanks for the coffee. I'll pay you back.”

 

\---

 

Alex is on the verge of hiding out and missing team breakfast until Abby realizes she’s still in the room and comes back from her.

  
“Leave me alone,” Alex groans from under her pillow as Abby bounces on her bed. “Abby, go away!”

 

“It can’t be that bad,” Abby says. 

 

Alex lifts up her head, tossing her pillow to the side. “She fucked Christen.”

 

“She did what?” Abby exclaims. “Well, I mean, you fucked Serv.”

 

“Abby!”

 

“I know, not helping,” Abby says. “But hey, you said you wished she would so you’d feel less guilty.”

 

“No,” Alex groans. “I mean before. She dated Christen.”

 

Abby’s face is blank like she’s waiting for Alex to continue. “And?”

 

“Christen’s the girl who ruined her for everyone else!” Alex exclaims.

 

“I’m confused,” Abby says. “You didn’t know they dated at all?”

 

“You did?” Alex asks, incredulous. “Am I the only one who didn’t?”

 

“I guess!” Abby says. “I mean, nobody ever told me, I just assumed. You really didn’t… wow.”

 

“You’re making this so much worse,” Alex says.

 

“I’m sorry, Al,” Abby sighs. “I can imagine it would be shitty to find out this late in the game. But I don’t think it changes the fact that Kelley really likes you.”

 

“I don’t care about that!”

 

“Sure you do,” Abby says. “Last night you were all giddy that she might want to be exclusive with you. Does this change that?”

 

“Yes,” Alex grumbles stubbornly. “No. I don’t know. I just know I’m mad.”

 

“I can tell,” Abby laughs. “Come on, mopey. I know you, and you’re not going to be any less miserable without food in your belly.”

 

Abby practically drags Alex down to breakfast, gripping her wrist to stop Alex from turning right  around when she sees Kelley and Christen talking at a table alone.

 

“Come on,” Abby insists, pulling Alex toward the buffet table, acting every bit the bodyguard older sibling to Alex’s scared high school freshman. “You can stick with me, I won’t let those meanies get you.”

 

\---

 

Abby’s protection only extends as long as she’s paying attention, which she most certainly isn’t when she gets distracted by putting on a show in the locker room, shaking her butt to some rap song Alex barely recognizes.

 

“Hey,” Christen says, sitting down on the chair next to where Alex is lacing up her boots. “Can we talk?”

 

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about,” Alex says icily.

 

“Come on, of course there is,” Christen sighs. “Kelley told me what happened this morning.”

 

“That’s nice, at least she’s honest with one of us.”

 

“It’s not her fault.”

 

Alex turns to glare at Christen. “You’re right,” she says. “She lied by omission. You lied straight to my face.”

 

“Alex, I understand why you're upset, but—”

 

“That night I was freaking out to you about Kelley, you had every chance to say something, and you didn't.”

 

Christen is quiet. “I know. I didn't know if she hadn't told you for a reason, and I wanted to talk to her about it first. We agree to keep our history quiet. There's no need for the whole team to know and for that to distract from our jobs.”

 

Alex scoffs. “How noble of you. Did you ever stop to think I deserved to know anyway?”

 

“Not really,” Christen says. “It's in the past. She and I are never going to… we've been over for a while.”

 

“Good talk,” Alex says, standing up.

 

Every eye is on her as she storms off. So much for not distracting anyone.

 

\---

 

Training goes better than Alex expects, mostly because all of her nervous and angry energy comes out on the pitch in the form of tackles that make Coach Sermanni laud her aggressiveness.

 

By the end of it, she's so physically and emotionally exhausted that she barely talks to anyone in the locker room or on the bus and goes straight to her bed for a nap when they return to the hotel, much to Abby’s chagrin.

 

She wakes up to soft knocks on the door and like five texts from Abby telling her to come down to the pool or the coffee shop or Syd’s room, seemingly updating her as she moves around.

 

“You have a key,” Alex groans, rolling out of bed. “You have a key, Abby!” she yells louder as she gets to the door, swinging it open.

 

It doesn't even occur to her sleep-fogged brain until the door is halfway open that maybe it isn't Abby knocking.

 

“Hi,” Kelley says, raising a hand in a slight wave. She's wearing her training gear, but she looks and smells clean, down to the still-damp bun on her head. “Can I come in?”

 

Alex doesn't say anything, but she steps out of the door, allowing Kelley entrance before closing it behind her. “If you're here to have sex, I'm not in the mood. If you're here to talk, I'm not in the mood for that either.”

 

“So why'd you let me in?” Kelley asks, leaning against the dresser.

 

Alex shrugs. “Didn't want to be rude,” she lies.

 

“You don't have to talk,” Kelley says. “I'm the one who owes you an explanation.”

 

Alex crosses her arms and sits on the edge of her bed, looking up at Kelley expectantly.

 

“I messed up,” Kelley says. “I should have been open and honest with you from the beginning. I—I didn't expect you to become this much of a thing in my life.”

 

“A thing.”

 

“I thought you'd be someone who I befriended and maybe had a little crush on that I'd never do anything about,” Kelley says. “I didn't know I'd become close friends with you, let alone like you the way I do now.”

 

“But you could have told me,” Alex says. “Any of the hundreds of times we've talked on the phone or texted or stayed up late kissing and talking in bed. And you didn't.”

 

“No,” Kelley says. “I'm sorry. I should have.”

 

“No fucking kidding!” Alex exclaims. “I get being private, I figured you'd tell me most things eventually and I'd tell you about Serv, but I genuinely didn't think you were actively keeping anything from me. That's what hurts. Not to mention everything I'm rethinking now about you and Christen talking about me, you and Christen hanging out in Chicago, you traveling to Kansas City with her whole family…”

 

“We’re over,” Kelley insists.

 

“Yeah,” Alex says. “But you aren't over her.”

 

“Yes, I am!”

 

Alex shakes her head. “If you were still dealing with your feelings for her when we met, it isn't as in the past as you're both trying to make it sound.”

 

“No, Alex,” Kelley says, sitting on Abby’s bed and facing Alex. “It is. That's part of why I didn't want to tell you about her. There's stuff she doesn't even know about my feelings for her. Things I never wanted anyone to know.”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like that I haven't been on more than one date with anyone since we broke up at the end of college?” Kelley says. “Like I withdrew all my med school applications in hopes that she’d change her mind about us breaking up when I graduated? Like she broke my heart over and over again without having any idea?”

 

“Wow,” Alex says. “I was right. I really didn't want to be right this time.”

 

“It's not what you think,” Kelley sighs. “I was over her. I mean, I wasn't stupid enough to think we’d get back together. I haven't been, like, waiting around for her since college.”

 

“And yet you haven't been with anyone since her.”

 

Kelley shrugs. “I was focused,” she says. “I was trying to figure out my career. My plan was to go to med school. Once I wasn't going to med school anymore, I had no idea what I was going to do, and my degree—and the only experience I had—was in athletic training. Luckily I had connections that helped me find some good internships while I was figuring things out. Then Christen and I were talking before the Olympics and she jokingly mentioned me coming along to work with the team, and then at some point it wasn't a joke anymore and I was on a plane to London.”

 

“Where you got back with Christen.”

 

“So to speak.”

 

“You had sex.”

 

“My feelings came back, and I guess hers didn't.”

 

“So when’s the last time you slept with her?”

 

“Her birthday,” Kelley says timidly. “In 2012. Before I met you.”

 

Alex scoffs. “A month before,” she says, her lip trembling. “You said I wasn't a rebound. That's two lies at least.”

 

“Alex.”

 

“Stop!” Alex says, standing up and turning around, arms crossed tightly across her chest. “Stop saying my name.”

 

“I can call you Princess Pita if you'd rather,” Kelley teases, but Alex isn't impressed.

 

“Do you still have feelings for her?”

 

Kelley opens her mouth, but Alex cuts her off.

 

“Don't lie,” she says. “At this point I'm still open to being your friend one day. If you lie again, we’re completely done.”

 

“One day?” Kelley asks, her face wounded.

 

“I don't want Christen’s sloppy seconds,” Alex says sharply. “And I don't do liars.”

 

“I think I'll always have some feelings for her,” Kelley says. “Don't you always have feelings for your first love?”

 

“Maybe,” Alex says. “But most people don't see their first loves every day at work. Or hang out with them in their free time. And usually their new lo—romantic interest doesn't have to see them every day either.”

 

“I get that it’s hard for you.”

 

“Anyone else, Kelley,” Alex says, trying with everything she has to keep from showing any emotion. “Anyone else in the world and maybe I'd feel different.”

 

“But it's Christen.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says, her voice barely above a whisper.

 

“If I could take it back…”

 

“You wouldn't,” Alex says, a soft smile tickling her lips for the first time since Kelley arrived. “You can't say you would.”

 

“No,” Kelley says. “But I would have been honest from the beginning. Maybe that would have made things turn out differently.”

 

“Maybe,” Alex says.

 

“I really do hope you can forgive me. And that we can be friends again.”

 

Alex nods noncommittally, walking toward the door in a less than subtle suggestion that it's time for Kelley to go.

 

“I appreciate you hearing me out,” Kelley says softly. “It felt good to talk to someone.”

 

“Great,” Alex says. “I'm  _ so _ glad  _ you _ feel better.”

 

Kelley presses her lips together tightly as if she's trying to stop herself from saying anything else.

 

“I guess I'll, um, see you,” she says finally.

 

Alex nods. “Safe bet.”

 

“You know if you ever need me…”

 

Alex holds the door open, looking at the ground. “You should really go.” She doesn’t look up until Kelley is out of the room, and then she closes the door quickly, forcing herself not to look down the hall and watch Kelley leave.


	14. mosaic broken hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley and Alex have to see each other for the first time after ending things between them.

The sound of her phone vibrating loudly on the nightstand wakes Alex up way too early on her day off.

 

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” she whispers to the groaning lump beside her as she slips out of bed and answers. “Hello?”

 

“Hi Alex,” a familiar Scottish voice says. “It’s Tom. Is now a good time?”

 

“Uh, yeah,” she says, her head cloudy. “How are you?”

 

“Wonderful, how’s Seattle?”

 

“It’s good,” she says, closing Servando’s bedroom door behind her so she doesn’t disturb him any further. “I’m getting restless waiting for preseason so I’ve gotten in a lot of training with the Sounders B Team.”

 

“So I’ve heard,” he says. “The training staff and I have been really impressed with the effort you’ve put in, and we’d like to invite you to be on the roster for this year’s Algarve Cup.”

 

“Yes, of course!” Alex says. In her sleepy fog, she’d forgotten that she was anticipating this call in the next couple days.   
  


“Fantastic,” he says. “Kelley will be emailing you with some of the things you should be doing to prepare, and you’ll get your flight information and all that soon. Do you have any questions for me?”

 

“Um,” Alex says, hesitating slightly. Some people, like Abby, don’t even think anything of asking the most ridiculous questions, but she’s a little more reserved. She feels like she should just take the call-up and shut up, but something compels her not to this time around. “Yeah, actually. You, uh, mentioned that the whole staff has a role in the selection?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I just, like, what was the conversation about me?” she asks, feeling her face turn red. “Like, were there any concerns? Or suggestions on what I can do to improve by the time I get to camp?”

 

Tom chuckles. “You were one of our easiest selections,” he says. “Everyone agrees that you’re instrumental to our team, especially with the style we’re hoping to play. You can never go wrong with as much recovery as your body needs and tightening up your nutrition wherever possible, but as far as concerns, none of us have any. You have our full confidence.”

 

Alex bites her lip, nodding. “Okay,” she says. “I’ll be looking for Kelley’s email.”

 

“Great,” he says. “If you have any other questions, I’m sure she’ll be happy to answer.”

 

Alex is pretty sure she won’t—not as long as it’s Kelley she has to communicate with—but she assures Tom she’ll ask if need be before saying goodbye.

 

“Everything okay?” Serv asks when she gets back to his room.

 

“Yeah,” she says. “That was my call-up for the Algarve.”

 

“Of course it was,” he says, smiling. “Superstar.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes, but she can’t help but smile as she lets her hair down from its messy ponytail and ties it back up in a cleaner version she can rock to the grocery store in a little while.

 

“When do you leave?” he asks.

 

“Don’t know,” she says. “Kelley’s gonna email me.”

 

Serv raises his eyebrows. “Ah.”

 

“As a trainer,” she laughs. She told Servando everything the first night she spent with him once back in Seattle.

 

“So you two haven’t talked since?”

 

“Nope,” she says, hoping to cut off the conversation there. She still feels weirdly protective over that part of her life, like she wants to lock it away and only revisit it when it suits her—and never with anyone else, especially not him.

 

“Alright,” he says, taking the hint. “Well, maybe when you get back we can go out to dinner or something.”

 

“I don’t know, I’ll be in preseason,” Alex says, throwing her things into her purse. “I’ll probably be exhausted.”

 

“Right,” he says, clearing his throat. “So I shouldn’t expect you staying over much?”

 

“I wouldn’t say that,” Alex laughs, sending him a wink. “Wait… were you asking me out on a date?”

 

“I was trying,” he mumbles.

 

“Oh,” she says, an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, especially because she actually does enjoy what they’re doing right now. “Um, I mean, I guess that would be fine.”

 

“You won’t be too busy with preseason?” he teases.

 

“Shut up,” she says, leaning over his bed to kiss him quickly. “See you later?”

 

“Sure,” he says, a glimmer in his eyes. “I guess that would be fine.”

 

\---

 

Alex makes herself ignore how nervous she is about seeing Kelley again for the next week, but once she’s on the plane to Portugal, it all hits her.

 

“Need some Benadryl?” Abby asks as she pops a few of the pills.

  
Alex wrinkles her nose. Benadryl seems more intense than what she needs to calm her mind and get some sleep. She curses herself for not picking up melatonin at the airport shop, but she’s just used to someone else having it. She’s used to Kelley having it. “I’m okay,” she says before turning to rest her head on the open window.

 

“Hey, buddy,” Abby says softly. “It’s gonna be okay. It’s a normal camp.”

 

“I know,” Alex says, swallowing a lump in her throat. In reality, she didn’t have much interaction with Kelley toward the end of their last camp, but this feels different. She wasn’t supposed to sleep with Servando again, but that was a natural effect of her boredom upon getting home and realizing she has nobody else to talk to. She wasn’t supposed to think about Kelley every day and every night, but when she doesn’t have any form of communication with her (and unfollowed her on Instagram and Twitter), it’s natural to be curious about what she’s doing and who she’s with.

 

She barely sleeps on either of their two flights, and by the time they land in Portugal, Alex thinks she might truly rather be dead, because then at least she’d get some rest. Lucky for her, Kelley makes herself scarce for the first team meeting, and Christen seems to know everything will be okay if she just stays on the opposite side of the room.

 

Alex doesn’t have much time to feel sorry for herself when she finds out that her roommate is Sarah Killion, one of the newest call-ups. She’s quiet, but once Alex opens up their line of communication to let her know if she needs anything, just ask, she has nothing but questions. While normally Alex might be annoyed by it, especially after almost a full day of travel and little to no sleep, it gives her something to focus on that isn’t Kelley.

 

She falls asleep the very second the sun goes down and manages to get 12 hours of sleep so deep she wakes up having forgotten what year it is. She’s thankful that Sarah has waited for her to go down to breakfast, because the last thing she wants is to walk into that room by herself.

 

Sarah scores them a table, and Alex tries not to be obvious as she looks around to find either Kelley or Christen so she knows where she should avoid.

 

“If you want to sit with your friends, that’s okay,” Sarah says quietly.

 

“No, no,” Alex says, putting on a peppy voice that only sounds slightly fake. “I want to sit with you, roomie!”

 

She doesn’t think through the seat she takes, the one facing the door to the room, until she looks up from her eggs to see Kelley and Christen walking in together, laughing and holding coffee cups from the place all the players go when they’re off. She looks away before they can notice her and—God forbid—think she’s looking at them.

 

For the most part, Kelley’s time at training seems to be mostly occupied by the goalkeepers, a move Alex thinks must be at least somewhat purposeful, but she doesn’t question it. At least not until gameday, when she’s assigned to Kelley’s group for warm-ups.

 

The first time Kelley speaks directly to Alex, it’s to correct the way she’s doing the passing drill, and Alex doesn’t exactly mean to, but she knows the dirty look she shoots Kelley’s way could cut glass.

 

“Chill,” Abby says under her breath as she jogs past Alex. “You’re at work.”

 

Abby likes to act like she’s never personally berated a referee for a bad call, but Alex knows she’s just looking out for her, so she gives her a thumbs up in understanding.

 

They tie the game on a goal against Japan with a goal from Syd and barely any product from Alex, who feels like she’s dragging her body across the field for the 60 minutes she’s on before she gets subbed.

 

Kelley’s the one who hands her an electrolyte drink when she pulls on her pinny, but what she doesn’t anticipate is Kelley sitting right next to her on the bench.

 

“Hey,” Kelley says.

 

Alex turns to her and raises her eyebrows in response.

 

“Don’t be weird,” Kelley says under her breath. “Dawn told me to come talk to you.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Just checking in,” she says. “You looked tired. Are you okay?”

 

“Fine.”

 

Kelley takes a deep breath and sighs it out, looking out onto the pitch. “Did you do all your recovery after the plane?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Okay,” Kelley says. “Everything?”

 

“Kelley!” Alex snaps. “I’m trying to watch.”

 

“Fine,” Kelley says, standing up. “Just trying to do my job.”

 

“Yeah, and I’m just trying to do mine,” Alex retorts.

 

Kelley turns back to roll her eyes. “Good luck with that.”

 

\---

 

Alex isn’t sure what she means by that till the next game, which she doesn’t start. Or sub into. They lose 1-0 to Sweden.  _ Fucking Sweden _ . 

 

\---

 

She doesn’t say anything to Kelley until the next game, which she doesn’t start either. When she still hasn’t even been told to warm up after 75 minutes, when they’re down 4-3, she gets up anyway and starts pacing till she stops at Kelley.

 

“I hope you’re happy,” she hisses.

 

“Excuse me?” Kelley asks, raising an eyebrow and glancing toward the coaches, who are just a few feet away but preoccupied talking among themselves.

 

“Tell me you weren’t the one who got me sat for both of these games.”

 

“Okay,” Kelley says. “I wasn’t the one.”

 

“Bullshit, you’re mad I didn’t want to talk to you the other day.”

 

Kelley turns to face Alex, crossing her arms. “Nothing you’ve done in training has convinced anyone that you should be on the pitch. You haven’t been to the training room once, you’ve missed at least one team meal almost every day to go out to eat instead, and you don’t seem to be recovered from jet lag after a week, which suggests you aren’t getting proper sleep. That’s mostly what I’ve gathered from our meetings.”

 

“What you’ve gathered or what you’ve told them?” Alex asks.

 

“I keep my mouth shut when it comes to you,” Kelley says. “Christen too.”

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

“I don’t really care if you believe me,” Kelley says. “I’m doing my job. Why don’t you focus on doing yours?”

 

\---

 

They win their next game, which Alex subs into at halftime, but it’s not enough. Seventh place is the best they can do. Fucking  _ Iceland _ finishes ahead of them. The last night of the tournament is usually a huge party with the team, but nobody is in a very festive mood, least of all Alex. 

 

“Are you okay, Alex?” Sarah asks while Alex’s fingers tap furiously against her phone.

 

“Yeah,” Alex lies. “You?”

 

Sarah shrugs. “It was a tough tournament, even just watching from the sidelines.”

 

Alex laughs bitterly. “Tell me about it.”

 

Sarah smiles sadly. “I didn’t know if you were, like, injured or something.”

 

“Nope,” she says. “Just out of favor I guess.”

 

“It’s a meaningless tournament,” Sarah tries. “Maybe they were just trying different options? Getting ready for World Cup qualifying maybe?”

 

“Maybe,” Alex says, uninterested in getting into politics with the wide-eyed rookie. “I’m sorry your first tournament wasn’t a great experience.”

 

“It was amazing,” she says, earnest as ever. “I learned so much. I know how much it sucks to lose, but I’ll never take this for granted. Plus, it’s a beautiful area. And the food is amazing. We went to the cutest place the other night when we were wandering around, this little restaurant owned by a married couple.”

 

“I’ve been there,” Alex says, cutting her off. She doesn’t want to think about it. “You’re right, it’s great.”

 

Sarah smiles, nodding toward Alex’s phone. “Are you texting your boyfriend?” she asks.

 

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Alex says, looking up.

 

“Oh,” Sarah says. “Sorry, I thought that, uh—I guess I shouldn’t believe internet gossip.”

 

“What does the internet say?” Alex laughs, setting her phone down beside her to show Sarah her full attention.

 

“That you’re dating a Sounders player,” Sarah says, obviously embarrassed that she knows gossip about Alex.

 

“Oh,” Alex laughs. “Servando. We did date, yeah. We broke up like a year ago. That’s funny, though. How about you? Do you have a special someone?”

 

She tries to pay attention to Sarah’s answer, but she gets distracted at the turning of her insides when she realizes she hasn’t thought about Serv the whole time she’s been here. She feels a little guilty at first, but the guilt turns to anger when she realizes it’s partly because he hasn’t texted her once. She thinks about Kelley’s texts last year during the NWSL season. Win, lose, or draw, Kelley always had something encouraging or constructive to say about Alex’s game. Sure, on some level it’s because of her job, but Servando is literally a professional soccer player. Of anyone Alex could date, he should want to watch her games, even when streams are almost impossible to find.

 

As if on cue, he texts her right before she goes to sleep.

 

“What time do u get back tomorrow?” he asks. “Wanna see you if you aren’t too tired.”

 

“Idk,” she replies. “I probably will be. I’ll let you know when I’m free.”

 

She swipes left on the message thread to delete the conversation and flips to her contacts, scrolling to his name just to change it from “Servando Carrasco” to “Do Better.”


	15. connection in an isolating age

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex faces some uncertainty about her future

A rolled ankle at her last preseason training before she’s supposed to leave for a pair of friendlies against China leaves Alex at home on her couch, stewing about her shit luck. The only silver lining she can find is that she doesn’t have to see Kelley, but even that frustrates her because she’s sure an opportunist like Christen will take her chances when and where she can. Her innocent bystander act may work on Kelley, but Alex doesn’t buy it for a second.

 

She watches the games on TV, willing away her boredom by inviting her teammates over instead of texting Servando. Changing his name in her phone really has worked pretty well so far. Every time she sees it, she thinks about the things she wants more than decent sex at midnight: a World Cup, an Olympic gold, someone who gives a shit about her success. Settling for less isn’t part of the game plan.

 

She wakes up to a text from Abby sent early in the morning the day after the second friendly: “Tom’s out. Call me.”

 

She calls immediately, grateful for Abby’s calm monotone on the other end, the only thing that really works to settle Alex when she’s freaking out.

 

“You have nothing to worry about,” Abby assures her. “He addressed the team this morning and explained what happened.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“The federation decided to go in a different direction.”

 

“Meaning what?” Alex exclaims.

 

“I don’t know,” Abby says. “Don’t worry, though.”

 

“You’re Abby Wambach,” Alex says, exasperated. “You know more than you’re telling me.”

 

“What I know is that a coach getting fired isn’t the end of the world,” she says. “We all go through it. I’ll be home soon and we can drink a bottle of wine on the couch. I’m sure he’ll be calling you soon to say goodbye.”

 

“Abs—”

 

“I gotta go,” Abby says. “Boarding. Get your ass to training, you’re going to be late if you freak out about this.”

 

Alex saves her freaking out per Abby’s advice, which turns out to be an excellent choice, because when she gets to training, she gets more to freak out about.

 

“Tomorrow won’t be a normal training,” Coach Harvey announces to the team. “Come prepared to work, but we’ll be doing fitness testing conducted by the U.S. Soccer training staff, so I expect you all to bring your absolute best effort.”

 

“Wait,” Alex says. “Like, we’re doing their tests and they’re tracking our results? Or they’ll actually be here?”

 

“Dawn Scott and at least one member of her staff will be here,” Harvey answers. “I don’t know the actual structure of the day.”

 

“But we already did fitness testing.”

 

The coach sighs. “I’m aware,” she says. “But this is something they’re doing with all the teams, we just happen to be first. Lucky us.”

 

She probably thinks she’s the least enthused about this news, but she can’t see the inner workings of Alex’s mind.

 

As soon as Alex gets home, she sets to her lurking. Immediately, she has her answer. Kelley doesn’t tweet often, but her last tweet says “Awesome week with the #USWNT gals! Off to #Seattle for more soccah! #nodaysoff,” confirming Alex’s worst suspicions.

 

\---

 

Faking sick has never been in Alex’s wheelhouse. Even in high school, missing a day of school literally gave her hives, which would have made faking sick ironically easy, but she doesn’t lie often either. That’s probably why her coaches don’t question it when she texts them and tells them she has a fever. They just tell her to rest, get a lot of fluids, and go to the doctor. She’ll do two out of three of those things just to feel a little better about her lie.

 

Days off don’t happen often for Alex either. Even with her rolled ankle she was up and about as often as possible, running errands or driving herself to the park down the road just to get some fresh air. Sitting around her stuffy apartment all day just encourages laziness and makes her fall asleep on the couch twice in two hours while watching an HGTV marathon of God-knows-what.

 

Finally she gets herself off the couch long enough to make lunch, but as she’s slicing an avocado to put on her sandwich, she’s interrupted by a knock at the door.

 

“Coming!” she calls, trying to sound at least slightly sick as it’s probably one of her teammates coming to check on her or bring her something from the team like they usually do when someone is sick. What she isn’t expecting is Kelley.

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Kelley demands.

 

“Excuse me?” Alex asks. “What are you doing here? How did you even get my address?”

 

“I literally send you shit all the time for US Soccer,” Kelley says. “Why weren’t you at training?”

 

“I’m sick.”

 

“Like hell you are,” Kelley scoffs. “You were avoiding me.”

 

“Wow,” Alex says. “You’re kind of full of yourself.”

 

“Cut the bullshit, Alex,” Kelley says, pushing past Alex to get inside. “You’re better than this.”

 

“Better than what?”

 

“Faking sick so you wouldn’t have to deal with me,” Kelley replies. “If you hate me, fine, hate me, but I’m not letting you tank your career because of a petty grudge. This is why we never should have gotten involved in the first place.”

 

“Not everything is about you!”

 

“No, but this is,” Kelley says. “You’re fine. I’m not here because I need an ego boost. I don’t want to impact your life so much that you’re willing to screw yourself over just because you can’t be around me. That doesn’t make me feel good.”

 

“Missing one training isn’t going to tank my career.”

 

“No, but it’s exactly this kind of petty shit that makes the people who matter think you aren’t ready for the level I know you’re ready for.”

 

“They don’t—”

 

“They know more than you think, Alex,” she says. “Not about us, don’t freak out or whatever, just… they can see when you let outside stuff affect practice. And you’re better than that. I don’t know what’s going to help you, like, scream in my face or something, I don’t know. But you’ve got to keep going. Who even knows if I’ll be around much longer? It would be ridiculous for you to put your own career at risk because of me.”

 

That stops Alex from brainstorming her next comeback. “What do you mean?”

 

Kelley sighs. “You know what happened,” she says. “Tom’s gone. Whoever they hire can make whatever personnel changes they want. Nobody’s job is safe, least of all mine.”

 

“That’s ridiculous,” Alex says. “I’m the one who should be worried. I’m in a position where we have a ton of depth and I’m prone to injury. Not to mention the training staff hates me.”

 

“Nobody hates you,” Kelley says. “We all think you’re incredible. That’s why we want you to put forth the effort. That means showing up first and foremost.”

 

“What about you?” Alex asks, regretting it right after she says it.

 

“What about me?” Kelley laughs. “I think you’re amazing. I think you have a nose for goal like nobody I’ve ever seen, and I think you hate losing more than you love winning, which means you fight for every ball and never give up on a play. I think you could start in the World Cup next year and the Olympics the year after and be the most impactful player on the field for both whether you’re scoring or assisting or just never letting the ball get out of your attacking half because of your defensive knack which has gotten so much stronger over the past year.”

 

Alex swallows hard and takes a deep inhale.

 

“You’re the only person stopping yourself,” Kelley says. “If I genuinely thought it was me, I’d leave. I love my job, I love working for Dawn, but I can find another job. There are other opportunities I could find with upward growth. The National Team is your pinnacle. If one of us has to go, I’m fine being the one. But it’s not me, it’s you. So get your shit together.”

 

“Are you done?” Alex says sharply.

 

Kelley looks surprised. “Yeah,” she says, exhaling. “I am.”

 

“Good,” Alex says, taking the slightest step toward the door Kelley’s standing in front of.

 

Kelley backs away, reaching for the door handle like she’s about to let herself out, but Alex grabs her wrist in one hand and her chin in the other before pressing her lips against Kelley in a bruising kiss. Kelley’s lips part, more in surprise than anything else, and Alex tilts her head so their noses don’t smash together like they kind of do at first.

 

Out of instinct, maybe, Kelley’s hands find Alex’s waist, but when they creep under her loose tank top, Alex knows she means it.

 

Alex walks backwards toward the couch, never detaching their lips for more than a split second, and pulls Kelley down on top of her as she leans back onto the arm of the sofa. Kelley’s hands don’t waste any time untying the drawstring on Alex’s sweatpants and sliding underneath the waistband to find Alex uncovered underneath.

 

“Fuck,” Alex gasps, not expecting things to escalate so fast. She feels Kelley begin to pull back, but she grabs her hand. “Don’t you dare stop.”

 

Kelley follows her directive, slowly but purposefully drawing circles around her clit. Her teeth and lips drag across Alex’s neck, making her wet enough for Kelley to slide one finger inside her, followed not long after by another.

 

Alex hasn’t felt so full in months as her mind and body activate, every nerve ending ablaze. She knows she can come just like this, so she lets Kelley work, holding her in place. “Right there,” she breathes, affirming every movement. “Just like that. Please.”

 

The fingers on Kelley’s free hand scratch over Alex’s lower abs, creating a sensation nobody else knows about but Kelley. When Alex squeezes her eyes shut, she’s brought back to that night in Kelley’s bed in Chicago, Kelley taking her time to learn everything about Alex and commit to memory the places she could touch that would make Alex gasp or whimper.

 

As it turns out, she hasn’t forgotten any of it, because as her fingers curl inside Alex, the heel of her hand presses into Alex’s stomach, hurling her over the edge, legs shaking and hips moving without her say.

 

“Fuck,” Alex breathes, unable to say or think anything else. “Fuck.” She lets out a long whimper that might embarrass her with anyone else, but it’s Kelley, who just kisses her as she whines into her mouth.

 

“I love touching you,” Kelley murmurs against her jaw when she pulls away, wiping her fingers on Alex’s abs. “I love seeing you like that and knowing I’m making you make those sounds.”

 

Alex can’t do anything but whimper again, biting her lip as tears sting her eyes. “Thank you,” she says.

 

“Hey,” Kelley says softly, sitting back on Alex’s thighs. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Alex whimpers, but after nodding quickly, her body is wracked by sobs. “I’m fine, don’t—”

 

“Baby,” Kelley says, wrapping her arms around Alex’s shoulder and pulling her into a seated position to rub her back soothingly. “Don’t cry. I hope it wasn’t that bad.”

 

Alex laughs. “It wasn’t at all,” she says, wiping her tears. “I don’t even know why I’m crying. Maybe I really am sick.”

 

“I hope not,” Kelley says. “I’ve got a busy schedule coming up.”

 

“Does that mean you’re planning on kissing me a lot more?” Alex asks pathetically, looking up at Kelley.

 

Kelley smiles. “If you want me to, I’d love that.”

 

Alex nods, leaning back in for a soft kiss. “I’m scared,” she says quietly.

 

“I know,” Kelley replies. “I get it. But you can’t be. You just have to work your ass off and make it impossible for them not to put you on a roster.”

 

Alex takes a deep breath, willing away her sniffles. “You were good at doing that on the couch, but maybe we should go to my room for me to return the favor.”

 

Kelley laughs, but they’re both shaken from their haze by the front door swinging open.

 

“Hey sickie!” Abby calls, holding a brown bag that Alex assumes has a carton of their favorite matzo ball soup in it. She looks straight at Alex, who looks like a deer in the headlights, and Kelley beside her. “Oh. I, uh, guess you’re feeling better? I brought soup.”

 

“I was just leaving,” Kelley says, standing up.

 

“No she wasn’t,” Alex says, standing to grab Kelley’s hand and stop her. “Thanks for the soup. I appreciate it.”

 

“Sure,” Abby says, still glancing between Kelley and Alex. “I can, uh, come back.”

 

“You don’t have to,” Alex says. “I mean, not that you don’t have to come back, I mean, you can stay or whatever.”

 

“No, I think I should come back when you’re ready to fill me in on… whatever this is,” Abby says, wiggling her fingers at them. “I’ll leave the soup, though.”

 

“I’ll text you,” Alex promises, but Abby can’t seem to get out the door fast enough. “Oh my God.”

 

“Was that as bad as I think?” Kelley asks, her face bright red.

 

“No,” Alex says. “She won’t—she’s fine. Are we?”

 

“Are we fine?” Kelley asks. “You’re the one who just had the orgasm, you tell me.”

 

Alex laughs, burying her head in Kelley’s neck. “Maybe I should level the playing field before we talk about it.”

 

“You won’t hear any argument from me there.”

 

\---

 

When Alex stretches her arms long after her third nap of the day, she almost forgets she's not alone in her bed and has to snap her arms back just before she accidentally punches a sleeping Kelley in the face.

 

Her jerking motion stirs Kelley, who immediately stretches her own arms without having the same realization as evidenced by her knuckles hitting Alex’s chin.

 

“Oh my God,” Kelley says, coming to and yanking her hand away from where she basically just punched Alex. “I'm so sorry.”

 

Alex laughs, rolling over so she's face-to-face with Kelley, and drops a kiss on her nose. “I like it rough.”

 

“You should have said so,” Kelley says, pulling Alex on top of her. “God, I needed that nap.”

 

“Is that all you needed?” Alex teases, grinding down suggestively.

 

“I needed to know we were okay,” Kelley says honestly, her thumbs rubbing over Alex’s naked hip bones.

 

“We are,” Alex says.

 

“Is that all we are?” Kelley asks. “Okay?”

 

Alex climbs off of Kelley and the bed and stumbles toward her dresser. “Want a T-shirt?” Alex asks. “I'd feel weird having this conversation naked.”

 

Kelley smiles. “Yeah,” she says, reaching a hand up to catch the blue shirt Alex sends her way. She pulls it on without looking at it, frowning when she looks down. “Cal? Really?”

 

“Too late, it's yours now,” Alex laughs, grabbing her phone and snapping a picture. Kelley's sitting cross-legged under the comforter, and even though she's braless, the shirt is big enough to hide it. Her face looks pink and sleepy but soft, and her sex hair got thrown into a bun not long after they finished, but now that it's been slept on it looks just as mussed.

 

It doesn't matter how obvious it is that they just had sex in Alex’s bed and how endearing it is that Kelley’s wearing her college shirt, though, because the picture is for Alex’s eyes only.

 

“I missed taking candid pictures of you,” Alex says with a smirk. She doesn't say the rest, which is that she deleted all the ones she had before and needs to seize every opportunity to start fresh.

 

“I didn't,” Kelley grumbles.

 

“Yeah you did,” Alex giggles, sitting on the bed next to her.

 

“I want to be your girlfriend,” Kelley says, correctly sensing Alex’s nerves about jumping back into the conversation. “And I want you to be mine.”

 

“And a few hours ago you said it was a mistake for us to ever get together,” Alex reminds her.

 

“It was,” Kelley laughs. “But that doesn't change how I feel about you. And it doesn't change that I think we could have something special if we gave it a fair shot.”

 

“Like by telling each other everything,” Alex says.

 

Kelley nods slowly. “I don't need to know  _ everything _ ,” she says. “I like a little mystery.”

 

“But I don't like surprises.”

 

“Right,” Kelley says with a smile. “That should have been a red flag, huh?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“You start,” Kelley says. “I need to get warmed up.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes playfully. “You know about my most relevant ex.”

 

“And is he still in the picture?”

 

“No,” Alex says firmly. “Not since last month. And we never, like, got back together…”

 

“Right,” Kelley says, nodding to indicate she doesn't need any further clarification.

 

“But what you should know is when I am with someone, they get all of me,” Alex says. “If you're my girlfriend, that's it for me. I'm not talking to my exes or wondering about what else is out there. I'm in.”

 

Kelley smiles tightly. “Yeah,” she says. “I know.”

 

“I know that can't really work the same for you,” Alex says.

 

Kelley nods. “I just want you to know Christen didn't mean to upset you or hurt you. She thought she was doing the right thing.”

 

“This isn't about her,” Alex says. “She's irrelevant to me right now.”

 

“Well she's not to me,” Kelley says. “If you forgive me, you can't hold it against her.”

 

“Sure I can,” Alex shrugs. “She's not giving me orgasms.”

 

“I'm sure she would if you were looking for volunteers,” Kelley says, smirking.

 

“I think I'm set.” Alex clasps her hands together and takes a deep breath. “Just tell me about her. I can take it.”

 

“What do you want to know?”

 

“Everything,” Alex sighs, exasperated. “How you got together. Why you broke up. How you managed to be friends with her after breaking up. Why the fuck you're so hung up on her… no offense.”

 

“None taken,” Kelley laughs. She runs a hand through her hair and looks around the room without making eye contact, something Alex knows means she's slightly overwhelmed. Finally, her eyes settle on Alex. “How much time do you have?”


	16. haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley tells Alex about her past.

The first time Kelley O’Hara sets eyes on Christen Press, she's a goner. It becomes her sole purpose in life to stay as far away from the green-eyed beauty as possible.

 

Despite her best efforts to deny it, Kelley fully accepted by the age of 16 that she’ll never be in love (at least not mutually). She spent far too many nights as a young teenager crying about the best friends who got boyfriends and no longer want to be attached at the hip. She doesn't think it's jealousy—plenty of guys like her, at least according to her friends and her sister, Erin—she just doesn't think she's there yet.

 

Until Connor.

 

Connor was nice and handsome and a leader at youth group at church. Kelley doesn't know how she feels about church (or God, really), but youth group is something she can do to fill her time outside of soccer and cross-country practice. After two friendships ended in stunning fashion, Kelley refusing to talk to either of the girls who claimed to be her best friends before becoming distant and preoccupied with their new grown-up lives, her mom gently suggested she find something else to occupy her time. Erin was the one who pointed out Connor.

 

Their first “date” was to their church’s version of a dance, a chance for the boys to court the girls in a Christian manner and a chance for the leaders of the church to watch them with hawk eyes. When Connor’s hand went even a centimeter below the middle of her back, the lead pastor’s wife cleared her throat and gently moved it back up with a smile.

 

Those hawk eyes didn't extend to the Sonic parking lot, though, where all the couples met up after to smoke pot together and make out in their cars. Connor’s hand got halfway up her thigh before Kelley pulled it away and smiled innocently, letting him know it was getting close to curfew and her dad would be waiting up.

 

(It was only 9:30, and her curfew was 11, but she was ready to go.)

 

She liked Connor, and she tried to like kissing him. She tried to like touching him and being touched by him, and she tried to like sex, but she felt stunted, like a preteen in a teenager’s body.

 

One thing she did not feel was confusion. She knew exactly why it felt a million times better when her best friend Katie touched her shoulder than when Connor kissed her neck.

 

The first person she told she might be into girls was Erin, who laughed it off and said she should give Connor another chance to prove himself, that it's never very good the first time.

 

“You're not gay,” Erin’s voice repeated in her head for months until she ended things with Connor (grateful to have found out he cheated on her). She was gay, and she knew it, but maybe Erin’s insistence otherwise was her way of saying, “if you were, it would be a problem.”

 

\---

 

Avoiding Christen goes fine for a few weeks until she turns her ankle in practice and Kelley is the only trainer on hand to help out.

 

“Thank you so much,” Christen gushes after Kelley helps her wrap it and brings her ice.

 

“It's my job,” Kelley says, smiling slightly.

 

“Kelley, right?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“I'm Christen.”

 

“I know.” Kelley wants to die when she says that, but Christen laughs and her green eyes light up and her sole mission in life changes from avoiding Christen to making her smile again and again and again.

 

\---

 

Being a student athletic trainer who travels with the team can be weird and lonely. The staff is limited, and everyone Kelley’s age is on the team, which means they do team bonding activities and have a little clique that would be impossible for Kelley to break into even if she tried.

 

The only real perk (aside from free travel, which is great) is getting her own hotel room where she can hang out when she isn't working. It's not glamorous at all, she's mostly just doing homework and watching TV, but it's time for peace and quiet that she never gets back at school.

 

On the second away trip of the year, she hears a soft knock on her door just before 11. When she looks through the peephole to see Christen, she opens the door just a crack as to not reveal her entire bedtime attire (a tank top and sweatpants, no bra or underwear, and suddenly she's feeling a chill in the air).

 

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother you,” Christen says. “I just—do you mind if I hang out with you for a while? Maybe sleep here?”

 

Kelley's eyes must shoot up past her hairline with the way Christen reacts.

 

“Is that weird?” she asks quickly, her face turning pink. “I, um, don't think I can go back to mine.”

 

“Why?” Kelley asks.

 

“Well, I just—” Christen stammers. She looks like she's about to cry or explode or both.

 

“Come in,” Kelley says. “What's wrong?”

 

“I know we have a curfew,” she says, sitting down on the bed that Kelley hasn’t mussed up. “I don’t want to be a snitch.”

 

Kelley laughs, sitting across from her on the bed she claimed when she arrived. “What, does someone have booze?”

 

“No!”

 

“Dude, I’m not a narc,” Kelley says, putting her pinky out to wrap around Christen’s. “Unless someone’s, like, doping, or breaking some major NCAA rule, I have no obligation to tell anyone.”

 

“My roommate is… dating another girl on the team.”

 

“Oh?” Kelley asks, her heart speeding up. “Um, that’s—is that a problem?”

 

“Yes!” Christen exclaims. “Wait. No, it’s not a problem like that, like I have a problem with… I’m gay. Like super gay. I just… they kind of politely asked if I could make myself scarce for a while. I thought maybe the whole night would be my safest bet.”

 

Kelley’s still reeling from the revelation that Christen is gay—not just gay, but so cavalier about telling people—when Christen is ready to move on, asking Kelley about her coursework and her job with the team and the movie that’s on TV in the background. She tries to pretend she isn’t obsessing over the gay thing, but then she feels like she’s overcorrecting in a way. Do gay people… talk about it? Do they ignore it?

 

Christen seems to have plenty else to talk about, but Kelley can’t get her mind off its lone track. She’s not even sure if Christen realizes she’s barely responding, but she must, because she pauses and clears her throat before keeping quiet, probably assuming she’s disturbing Kelley’s quiet. Which she is, but Kelley doesn’t mind it. She’s beautiful, she’s interesting, she has a nice voice and interesting stories, and she hasn’t mentioned a girlfriend once.

 

“Can I ask you a kind of personal question?” Kelley asks.

 

Christen’s eyes light up. “Sure.”

 

“You, um, you mentioned that you’re… that you like girls.”

 

Christen smiles, amused. “That’s not a question.”

 

“No, I was just thinking, like, is it easier being around groups of girls like, I don’t know, the soccer team seems to…”

 

“Be super gay?” Christen teases.

 

Kelley blushes. There she goes again, dropping that like it’s nothing.

 

“I’d imagine it’s probably nice to be around people who you know aren’t going to judge you or leave you,” Christen says. “But as far as if it’s easier, I don’t know, I’ve just always been around teams like this my whole life.”

 

“Yeah, but I was on a soccer team, and—”

 

Christen smiles. “Kelley, are you gay?”

 

“No!” Kelley exclaims, feeling bad as soon as she does.

 

Christen nods. “Gotcha, sorry, I just thought you might have been asking because—”

 

“I’m a total closet case and needed some reassurance that being gay is normal?”

 

“That wasn’t exactly what I—”

 

“I’m sorry I asked.”

 

“Kelley, if I offended you, I didn’t mean to,” Christen says, but it’s clear she’s the one who’s offended.

 

“You didn’t,” Kelley says, face turning redder by the second. “I—last time I tried telling someone—”

 

Christen tilts her head and leans forward just slightly, clasping her hands in her lap.

 

“I think I might be,” Kelley says. “You know…”

 

“You don’t have to know,” Christen says. “If you don’t have a label. Or you don’t want one. Or you’re just not sure.”

 

Kelley nods. “Just hearing you say it to someone you just met…”

 

“I know good people when I see them,” Christen says. “I don’t go shouting it from the rooftops, I always mind my audience and my surroundings. So yeah, maybe it does help to be from a pretty liberal place and have open-minded friends. What about you? Where are you from?”

 

“Georgia,” Kelley mumbles. It's way different from Christen’s hometown of LA, but she's not ashamed of it. She loved growing up in Peachtree City, and she never wants anyone to give her the pitying look she gets from Christen when she says it.

 

“And your family?” Christen asks. “Are they religious?”

 

“Kinda,” Kelley says. “My mom always volunteers for church stuff, but I think it's because the other moms are kind of judgy. They drink and curse and stuff though.”

 

Christen laughs. “So do I.”

 

“Maybe you'd get along.”

 

“Maybe so,” Christen says, a wide smile spreading across her face that sends a tingling warmth down Kelley’s spine. “So, did you grow up with pets or anything?”

 

\---

 

After the first sleepover, Christen and Kelley dive headfirst into their newfound friendship. Christen is grateful to have someone outside the team to talk to, and Kelley mostly fits the bill. Kelley uses her time with Christen to become more comfortable thinking and talking about her sexuality.

 

She tells Christen things she's never told anyone, like about how her first kiss was with her best friend when she was 11 and they were “practicing.” Her best friend had told her mom, who wouldn't let her go to Kelley’s to play anymore after that. Kelley never told her parents why.

 

Kelley doesn't know she wants to kiss Christen until one night when Christen is in her bed at her apartment (Christen tries to get off-campus and away from her roommates at least once a week, but lately it's been more often). Christen is trying to remember her last kiss and failing miserably until she sighs with exasperation and throws her head back like she's ready to give up.

 

“You know, you could just kiss me and then you'd be my last kiss instead,” Christen says nonchalantly, and Kelley’s throat goes dry and she realizes it's all she's wanted to do for months.

 

“That would be pretty dumb,” Kelley laughs. “I'm sure you can remember.”

 

Christen smiles softly then. “I don't want to remember,” she says, leaning over to kiss Kelley on the cheek once, then twice. By her third time, Kelley gets it, turning her head to meet Christen’s lips.

 

She’ll never be able to wear Burt’s Bees lip balm again without being transported directly back to this moment in time.

 

She makes a mental note to buy 50 tubes of it.

 

\---

 

Kelley finds out quickly how fast relationships can move when, after their first kiss, Christen never leaves. She spends more nights at Kelley’s than at her own apartment, and when the team hits the road, it's never a question of if Christen will be knocking on Kelley’s door a little before curfew, but when.

 

The first time they sleep together—like, actually sleep together—involves a lot of fumbling on Kelley’s part. Christen knows exactly what she's doing thanks to some combination of natural skill, experience, and knowing Kelley’s body better than anyone ever has.

 

“And I masturbate a lot,” Christen says when Kelley tells her how good she is. Christen’s irreverence will never fail to make Kelley blush all the way to her toes.

 

When the time comes to figure out their living situation for the next year, it’s only natural for them to wrangle together two more girls (one of Christen’s teammates and her friend, who also happens to be an athletic trainer for the women's indoor volleyball team) and sign a lease for an apartment together.

 

Kelley volunteers to take the smallest bedroom, everyone knowing full well it won't matter because she’ll just stay in Christen’s most of the time. Everyone at school knows by that point, as does Christen’s family, but kelley isn't sure how to tell her family until Erin comes to visit.

 

Kelley thinks she's playing it cool with Christen, but by Erin’s second night, the jig is up.

 

“Come on, Kel,” Erin whispers in the dark as they lay in the bed Kelley hasn't used in months. “I see the way she looks at you.”

 

Kelley stays quiet.

 

“Kel,” Erin sighs. “Why didn't you tell me?”

 

“I did tell you,” Kelley says, biting her trembling lip. “In high school.”

 

“What, that you were gay?” Erin asks. 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Well, duh,” Erin laughs. “We all knew that.”

 

“We?”

 

“Me, Mom, Dad… I mean, they were respecting your time and space or whatever, but… Jerry was probably clueless.”

 

Kelley sits up. “Wait, what are you talking about?” she exclaims. “You told me I wasn't gay.”

 

Erin sighs. “Well I didn't  _ know _ know,” she says. “I thought maybe you liked guys too, just not Connor. I just knew it would be easier if you weren't.”

 

“Easier for who?”

 

“For you!” Erin says. “For all of us. I didn't want you to deal with ignorant people.”

 

“Like the ones we sat next to in church.”

 

“Sure,” Erin says. “But if you're happy, I'm happy. And Christen is gorgeous. I can't believe my baby sister landed her.”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says softly, not sure whether to laugh or cry. “I can't believe it either.”

 

\---

 

Learning how to communicate with Christen is the most difficult adjustment Kelley has to make. Kelley prefers to downplay her emotions and let things fizzle so as to not lose her head. Christen, on the other hand, wants to talk about every single thing.

 

When Kelley leaves a dish in the sink, Christen needs to discuss it. When Kelley drops Christen’s hand in public because she sees people looking, Christen lets her hurt be known.

 

Kelley doesn't think she'd have any complaints or even be able to speak to their “relationship problems” even two years into the relationship if it weren't for Christen bringing them up.

 

From Kelley’s vantage point, their relationship is the picture perfect situation everyone on the outside looking in believes it is. It helps that they were best friends first (and still are), but Kelley really believes they have something impossible to recreate.

 

They joke that being roommates for two years is practice for marriage, but Kelley secretly loves the idea that she’ll never need to look for roommates. Unless, of course, she goes to med school anywhere but Stanford (which is her No. 1 choice, given that Christen has another year here before she graduates).

 

Christen is as much a planner as she is a free spirit, so their conversations at bedtime are a mixture of talking about their future house and careers and babies and silly conversations about the puppy zoo they'll have when they get a house with a huge yard.

 

When Kelley’s med school letters start rolling in, though, the conversations get deeper and longer and sometimes scarier. Like when Christen asks, “what happens if you don't get into Stanford?”

 

“Don't say that,” Kelley pouts.

 

“You know I think you're brilliant,” Christen murmurs, nuzzling into Kelley’s neck. “But there's every possibility the admissions people aren't that smart.”

 

“We’ll be sad for a year,” Kelley says. “Then you'll come to me wherever I am and we’ll live happily ever after. And I’ll apply for residencies in LA and we’ll move to be close to your family.”

 

“What if I don't get drafted to a team near you?” Christen asks. “What if we can't do long distance even for a year?”

 

“Are you kidding?” Kelley asks. “It's us, baby.”

 

“You're too romantic,” Christen says. Usually that might sound soft to Kelley’s ears, but tonight it's almost angry. “You think we can just overcome anything with the power of love.”

 

“You don't agree?” Kelley asks, but she's pretty sure her answer comes in the form of Christen’s racing heart.

 

“No,” Christen says. “Why should I when you barely claim me here?”

 

“What are you talking about?” Kelley scoffs. “I love you. It's not like that's a secret to anyone.”

 

“I know that,” Christen says. “And that's important to me. But how are we supposed to grow old together and get married and have the three babies we've always talked about when you won't even kiss me on our dinner dates?”

 

“That's not fair,” Kelley protests. “You don't like PDA either.”

 

“I don't want you groping me at a nightclub,” Christen laughs. “It doesn't mean I don't want your hand on my back or a quick peck on the lips from time to time.”

 

Kelley squirms uncomfortably, and Christen sighs.

 

“It's not the first time we're talking about this,” she says softly. “I usually just drop it because I've never wanted to rush you into anything you aren't comfortable with.”

 

“Maybe I'm still not ready.”

 

“It's been two years.”

 

“Chris,” Kelley sighs. “I’m not going to promise you something I'm not sure I can deliver. But I can promise to try.”

 

“That's fair,” Christen says, kissing Kelley’s cheek. “I hope you do. Because honestly, visiting my hot girlfriend at med school and making sure everyone knows she's mine is a fantasy of mine.”

 

“Yeah?” Kelley murmurs, moving to slot a thigh between Christen’s legs, pulling herself up to hover over her. “Tell me more.”

 

\---

 

Kelley applies to five medical schools and gets into both of her “safety schools,” one in Georgia close to home, and the other in Southern California. She gets denied from Harvard (a very long shot) and wait listed at Stanford and Duke, but she's still holding out for Stanford.

 

All the admissions officers know her by name with how much she's hounding them, but the more she looks into the schools she's already accepted to, the more excited she gets for the possibilities. 

 

Christen insists on packing only Stanford gear when she goes to visit UCLA with Kelley, including a Cardinal-red cocktail dress for an admitted students happy hour they attend with Kelley’s parents, who are so proud of Kelley for getting into medical school at all that they don't care where she goes.

 

“Want another drink, baby?” Christen asks, tapping Kelley’s almost-empty glass of white wine.

 

“I'm okay,” Kelley says. The first glass had been almost essential in calming her nerves, but she worries another will send her over the edge when she really should be networking with her future professors and classmates.

 

“Kel!” her dad calls, waving her over. “You should meet Dr. Curtis. He specializes in orthopedic surgery. I told him all about your athletic training.”

 

“Thanks, Dad,” Kelley laughs, embarrassed. “I'm Kelley O’Hara,” she says, reaching out her right hand for the doctor to shake. Her left hand reaches for Christen, resting on her lower back. “And this is Christen.”

 

“Your dad was telling me about his two beautiful daughters,” Dr. Curtis says, shaking Christen’s hand genially. “It's wonderful to meet you both.”

 

Christen smiles, looking toward Kelley to correct him, but Kelley just laughs uneasily and moves her hand (subtly, she thinks) away from Christen.

 

“So be honest with me,” Dr. Curtis says. “Where is UCLA on your list? How hard am I going to have to work to persuade you? Or should I even bother?”

 

Kelley forces a smile and angles her body toward him, trying to get Christen’s stony face out of her peripheral vision.

 

\---

 

She knows she's in trouble as soon as the door to their hotel room closes and Christen begins getting ready for bed in complete silence, save for the clinking of her jewelry in the little tin Kelley gave her for their first Christmas together.

 

To be clear, she knew she was in trouble way earlier, but Christen was laughing and joking with her parents, so she thought maybe it had rolled off her back. When someone like Christen, who wants to talk about every little thing in the hopes that they can solve their problems before they get too big, stays silent when she's mad, it's not a good sign.

 

“So the drive wasn't awful, huh?” Kelley says, trying to make small talk. “Definitely not an every weekend thing, but maybe we can pick a weekend each month and trade off.”

 

“I can't do it,” Christen says.

 

“Okay,” Kelley says slowly. “I'll get you a bus ticket then.”

 

“I don't mean the drive,” Christen says. “I mean this. Us.”

 

“What?”

 

“Why don't you want people to know you're gay?” Christen asks. “That you're in love with me?”

 

“That's ridiculous.”

 

“Why would you rather let someone believe I’m your  _ sister _ than hold my hand in public?”

 

“It was a mistake,” Kelley says.

 

“Yeah, yours!” Christen exclaims. “You could have corrected him. We look nothing alike. It's a fucked up mistake that only happens to same-sex couples because we don't normalize same-sex relationships. And we should. You're my girlfriend, and that in itself is an act of protest against heteronormativity.”

 

“Okay, step off your soapbox, Women’s Studies,” Kelley says, using a benign nickname some of the girls on the team have for Christen when she goes on her feminist rants.

 

“No!” Christen exclaims. “It's true. And the fact that you don't care about that at all really bothers me.”

 

“So what, because I don't want to rock the boat and tell people I've just met who might be super influential on my career that oh, no, you aren't my sister, you're actually my lesbian lover, I don't love you enough?”

 

Christen raises her eyebrows. “No, it just means you've so deeply internalized your homophobia that you don't even realize how much you hate yourself for loving me.”

 

“You're insane!” Kelley says. “I can't do anything right, can I?”

 

Christen’s lip trembles, and she sits on the edge of the bed, burying her face in her hands. “I can't do it,” she cries. “Tonight reminded me of how much everything is about to change.”

 

“I know, baby,” Kelley says softly, rubbing Christen’s back. “But it's not for sure. I could still get off the waitlist at Stanford.”

 

“And we buy ourselves an extra year in this weird fantasy world where we aren't headed in completely different directions?” Christen asks. “What are we supposed to do with that?”

 

“We aren't headed in different directions,” Kelley says. “Even if the universe tries to keep us apart, we get to make the choice if we let it.”

 

“Maybe the universe is trying to tell us we should be apart.”

 

Kelley rolls her eyes, but makes sure Christen doesn't see. “Baby, what can I do to make it better?”

 

“Freeze time?” Christen suggests quietly between sniffles.

 

“I'll do what I can,” Kelley laughs, kissing her temple.

 

\---

 

The sun is out on a Saturday in March a week later when Christen breaks up with Kelley. Nobody sees it coming, least of all Kelley. Their roommates are out of town and Kelley has just finished making breakfast to bring Christen in bed when she comes out to the kitchen and sits at the table, looking sad and serious and absolutely, completely decided.

 

“I withdrew all my other applications,” Kelley tells Erin over the phone, tasting copper in her mouth and willing her nausea down. “I turned down UCLA and Georgia.”

 

“Wait, she told you to turn them down and then dumped you?” Erin exclaims.

 

“She doesn't know,” Kelley cries. She's on her bathroom floor with the sink running partly because Christen is home and Kelley doesn't want her to hear, partly because she has felt on the verge of throwing up ever since Christen shredded her heart, and partly because she can't bring herself to lie down on the bed in her room that's as unfamiliar to her as a hotel bed. “I was going to tell her when I got accepted to Stanford. So she’d see how serious I was.”

 

“Oh, Kelley,” Erin sighs. “I'm sure it's not too late. Call them. Now! You aren't missing out on your dream because of some girl.”

 

It is too late. Both schools had already offered her spot to others on the waitlist, a cruelly ironic twist of fate. Their best option is to add her name back to the bottom of their waitlists, where she knows she doesn't stand a chance of ever cracking the top half.

 

She gets her official rejection from Stanford that week, and the Duke admissions people ask her as politely as they can to please stop calling, she’ll know when she knows. But she never hears back, not even to inform her that the waitlist is no more.

 

\---

 

Kelley’s only consolation in the last two months of school is the fact that for a pair of exes, she and Christen are extremely bad at being broken up. They don't kiss or call each other “baby,” which is a weird adjustment, but when Kelley can't sleep at night (which is often), she is always welcomed into Christen’s bed with open arms.

 

“It's basically yours,” Christen murmurs into her pillow when Kelley thanks her again. “The memory foam still has you memorized.”

 

Kelley gets that, because when she closes her eyes, she's still in bed with the love of her life, not the girl who broke her heart and ended it with “but we’re okay, right?”

 

They're so bad at being broken up that Kelley doesn't even tell her family, sure that summer is going to come and Christen is going to feel reality set in and beg for Kelley back. Kelley won't make her beg too hard, just enough to make sure she really wants it.

 

Then comes graduation, which Christen happily attends, cheering along with Kelley’s whole family when she crosses the stage. That night, after one too many tequila shots, Kelley tries to kiss Christen—“tries” being the operative word. Christen’s reflexes are too fast, and she turns her head to make Kelley's lips land on her cheek.

 

“It's not a good idea,” Christen says softly, stroking Kelley’s hair. “Maybe you should sleep in your own bed tonight.”

 

Their goodbye the next morning comes too quickly for Kelley, who can't sleep a wink.

 

\---

 

For a year, Kelley can't think about Christen without feeling like a crumbling shell of a person. They text every so often, usually when Kelley catches a Stanford game or when Christen can't remember the name of some supplement Kelley used to put in smoothies. Kelley would send Christen all her recipes if she ever asked, but she doesn't.

 

Kelley goes back to Georgia, living at home and working at the school she turned down for med school as an athletic trainer for their men’s soccer team. Supposedly that’s a “promotion” from working with women’s teams, but she doesn’t feel promoted, she just feels lost. She gets along with the guys, who call her “Miss O’Hara,” but she can’t connect with them like she could with the women. Maybe that’s because she’s no longer a student, but she feels kept at arm’s length.

 

She stays because she doesn’t have the freedom to be choosy, and the farther she gets from her med school dreams, the less she cares to get back to it.

 

Her parents worry. When she’s not at work, she’s at home. When she is at work, she’s going through the motions, spending any free time she has sucking up to the athletic director because she knows he’s her best bet for getting a good recommendation for her next move. Her mom urges her to “talk to someone,” as if Kelley wants to talk to anyone other than Christen.

  
Erin calls it “post-grad depression” and tells their mom to chill out, that Kelley just needs to put herself out there. She invites Kelley to all her girls nights, but her friends aren’t Kelley’s friends, and Kelley is never going to be anything other than “Erin’s little sister” to any of them. She sets her up on a “blind date,” which is amazing because Kelley doesn’t think Erin really knows any other lesbians, but she finds out almost immediately that it’s only because Erin made a fake Tinder profile to set her up. She buys the girl dinner anyway, and they have a fine time, but Kelley spends most of the evening spilling her guts over everything she still feels for Christen, and Ann smiles and nods sympathetically.

 

Maybe her mom is right. It does feel good to talk to someone.

 

\---

 

When Christen gets called up to the National Team at the beginning of 2012, Kelley’s heart finally doesn’t ache.

 

Christen texts her and says “hey can you call me when you get a min? Nothing bad!”

 

Despite the disclaimer, Kelley’s heart races when she dials. As soon as she hears Christen’s voice, peppy and excited on the other end, she feels calm. Then happy. Talking to Christen finally feels like it used to: comfortable and safe and relaxing.

 

She doesn't get the rush of dopamine she used to experience, but that's probably for the best. She was addicted to Christen (at least according to her therapist), but the feeling she gets while Christen chatters away makes her feel like maybe she's finally ready to start introducing her back into her system in small doses.

 

“I want to keep talking, but I need to call my parents,” Christen says after a little while. “They're going to flip.”

 

“Wait,” Kelley laughs. “You didn't tell them first?”

 

“There's been too much happening,” Christen says. “Sorry, is it weird you're the first person I thought to tell?”

 

“No,” Kelley says softly, even though it probably is. Christen is still the first person she wants to tell every time anything happens, good or bad. She just stops herself from acting on that impulse.

 

\---

 

The “small doses” of Christen don't last long. Kelley sends her a “plan” to get as fit as possible for fitness testing, including training and meals and affirmations, but Christen texts her several times a day with questions. Kelley knows she's just nervous, so she answers everything calmly and completely to ease her anxieties. The texts turn into 20-minute calls, which turn into hourlong calls about everything and more.

 

When Christen gets to camp, she mostly disappears again, but Kelley is too busy to go through the withdrawals she might have a year ago. Besides, she pops up from time to time via a text or Facebook message, which is enough to sate Kelley, who makes sure she watches every friendly that Christen could possibly play in.

 

Christen is named an alternate for the Olympics in May, and Kelley hears the news from a press release instead of straight from the source. She texts Christen her congrats in an effort to appear less hurt than she is.

 

“Thanks,” Christen replies. “I know it's silly, but I haven't stopped crying.”

 

When Kelley calls immediately after getting that text, she's met with silence on the other end, save for some deep breaths and sniffling. “Chris,” she sighs.

 

“I know,” Christen says. “I'm honored, I promise.”

 

“You don't have to put on a happy face for me,” Kelley says. “You know that.”

 

“Yeah,” Christen says, taking another long, strangled breath.

 

“Free trip to London, right?” Kelley teases.

 

“Sure,” Christen laughs. “Can you just, like, tell me about your life for a little bit? I need a distraction.”

 

“Of course,” Kelley says. “Um, there's not much to say I guess.”

 

“You still loving your job?”

 

Kelley had stretched the truth a little bit when telling Christen about her not-so-new gig, but now she thinks twice about sugar coating. Christen is a problem solver, and Kelley knows if she tells Christen she's super happy and everything’s great, it will only distract her as long as Kelley can ramble. If Kelley tells the truth, Christen’s brain will spring into problem-solving mode.

 

So she spills about everything—the way the players shut up as soon as she steps into the locker room, the “yes ma'am” thing she hates, how nobody ever follows their damn diet or takes her recovery suggestions to heart—while Christen listens quietly.

 

“So, yeah,” Kelley sighs. “Not exactly a dream come true.”

 

“What is?” Christen asks. Her voice is free of sniffles, and Kelley knows it worked. “Med school?”

 

“Nah,” Kelley lies. “Med school is… I don't know, sometimes things work out how they should. I think I'd just be happy doing what I did at Stanford.”

 

“But as a full trainer, not just an intern or a student.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Isn't that a step backward?” Christen asks. “I mean, there has to be somewhere you can go beyond men's soccer. Especially at a school like that.”

 

“I guess,” Kelley says. “But it's not the same. I liked the relationships I formed with you guys.”

 

“And you can't sleep with the dudes,” Christen teases.

 

“Stop,” Kelley laughs. “You know what I mean.”

 

“Yeah,” Christen says, but she sounds distant. “Hey, why don't you send me your resume? Our coaching staff probably have some connections.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah!” Christen exclaims. “Worth a shot, right?”

 

Worth a shot indeed. A week later, Christen texts Kelley. “Hey,” she says. “Weird question but how much notice do you have to give if you quit?”

 

“I don't know,” Kelley answers honestly. “The season is over, but I’d probably need to help train my replacement.”

 

Christen never answers, but a few hours later, when Kelley is stuck in traffic on the way to afternoon training, her phone rings.

 

“Hi, is this Kelley O’Hara?”

 

“It is,” Kelley says slowly.

 

“Hi, Kelley,” the voice says. It's accented, but Kelley can't place the accent exactly. “Christen Press passed along your resume to me. My name is Dawn Scott, I'm the strength and conditioning coach for the US Women’s National Team. Do you have a few minutes to chat?”

 

Kelley doesn't really have a few minutes—she's already late—but she says yes anyway, and she almost knows as Dawn begins to talk that she’ll look back on this very phone call as a turning point in her career. She just doesn't know how much it'll impact her entire life.

 

\---

 

A few days after Kelley accepts Dawn’s offer—an apprenticeship, of sorts, that could turn into a job if it goes well—Christen gets called into the full squad for the Olympics. This time, Kelley hears it straight from Christen.

 

“Can you believe it?” Christen gushes. “Who would have thought we’d be here back when I was just an awkward freshman and you were a cute sophomore who wanted nothing to do with me?”

 

Kelley has to laugh. “That has never been true.”

 

“Well good,” Christen says. “Because it looks like you're stuck with me now.”

 

Being stuck with Christen sounds like music to Kelley’s ears, but a voice in her head keeps her from telling her plans to anyone except her family, worried they'll talk her out of it for some reason. After the team's first win in Scotland against France, Kelley knows it was the right choice because Christen is back in her bed, right where she belongs.

 

\---

 

Sleeping with Christen is probably a mistake, but that doesn't stop Kelley from making it again. And again. And again. Kelley might not get a gold medal (though Christen does let her try on hers), but she leaves London feeling like a winner.   
  
Every senior camp Dawn invites her to is a chance to advance her career, but more importantly, it’s another chance to see Christen. Even though it usually takes them a few days, inevitably Christen is going to end up naked in her bed or shower or on her bathroom counter eventually. Christen usually says something along the lines of "God, I'm so glad we can still do that and not let it mess up our friendship" when it's over, and Kelley usually agrees (at least verbally), even though she knows it's just a nice way of saying "this doesn't mean anything." She agrees so much she actually convinces herself she means it.   
  
Kelley meets with Dawn at the end of the final camp of the year to discuss her progress, which Dawn is pleased with. She gives her a few more projects and promises that she's going to do her best to advocate for Kelley as a full-time addition to the team and will let her know before the end of the year.

 

“Before the end of the year” is a pretty broad time frame, as it turns out, because come Christmas, Kelley still hasn't heard a peep from her sorta-almost-boss. She can't stop obsessing over it, something she doesn't notice till Christen calls her out.

 

“You've sent me 12 texts about that and zero wishing me a merry Christmas,” Christen says after another tirade.

 

“Oh my God,” Kelley replies. “I'm sorry. Merry Christmas, obviously. I suck. I'll stop.”

 

“Lol,” Christen says. “All good. You just need to get your mind off it.”

 

“Easier said than done.”

 

“Maybe,” Christen says. “But I hear LA is nice this time of year and there's a birthday girl you know who has a place for you to stay…”

 

“You're nuts.”

 

“It's my birthday wish!” Christen insists. “Tyler is throwing me a party. A bunch of my high school friends are in town. And I think Tobin and Amy and Lauren and a couple other girls are in town. You'd know people!”

 

“And how am I supposed to get there?”

 

“Your dad’s spaceship, dummy.”

 

\---

 

Free plane tickets during the holidays aren't easy to swing, even when your dad is a pilot, but it turns out Kelley really is as unbearable as Christen claims, because her parents are thrilled to get rid of her anxious overthinking ass.

 

She hears from Dawn the day after Christmas to confirm that she will be taking her on full-time and the contract will be emailed to her after the first of the year, but the tickets are already booked, and now, Christen says, they have even more to celebrate.

 

She lands at 8 a.m. on Christen’s birthday, but Christen happily picks her up anyway, complete with a coffee (“for your early wake up!”) and a hug.

 

“I hope you don't mind hanging with the Press Pack for a bit,” Christen laughs, rolling her eyes. “Birthday brunch is a tradition.”

 

“I remember,” Kelley says, smiling softly. “I'm excited to see them.” She’d seen them in London, but only briefly or in large group settings. Hanging out with them in a situation like this feels different. But better. Definitely better.

 

“Brunch” goes well past noon, but Christen’s family is good at making it feel like no time has passed. For them, maybe it hasn't. It's not like Kelley’s absence has meaningfully impacted their lives in any way, which is a realization Kelley doesn't have till she's a couple drinks in and cozy on the couch in Tyler’s apartment that night.

 

Christen, wearing a tiara and a short silver party dress that shows off her toned golden legs, is naturally the center of attention, but she's the kind of hostess who somehow makes every attendee feel like the only person there. She manages her time flawlessly, and Kelley just watches her, amazed.

 

Everyone (except the handful of people who are staying the night at Tyler’s) has left by the time Christen finally takes a break, collapsing in a heap next to Kelley on the couch.

 

“Are you having fun?” she asks, smiling at Kelley. “I wanted to play beer pong against you.”

 

“That would have been a bad decision,” Kelley laughs. “I ran the table.”

 

“I like a challenge,” Christen teases, her eyes glimmering.

 

“How about you, birthday girl?” Kelley asks, nudging Christen’s knee with her own. “Did you get everything you wanted?”

 

Christen’s eyes dart to Kelley's lips for a split second before moving back to her eyes. “Almost everything,” she says, voice barely above a whisper before she leans in to kiss Kelley on the lips.

 

Kelley’s hand goes to Christen’s neck out of instinct, but she can't pretend she isn't surprised. Nobody knows about their hookups, but now they're in Tyler’s tiny living room surrounded by a dozen other people who can see them but probably are too tipsy to be all that interested. 

 

Christen’s lips and tongue move against Kelley’s slick mouth gracefully, and it's the kind of soft kissing they used to do all the time, no end goal in mind. Until Christen pulls away for good and stands up, tugging at Kelley’s hand to follow her into the guest bedroom.

 

\---

 

Erin is the voice of reason (if “are you fucking insane?” counts as reason) when Kelley finally tells her about hooking up with Christen (and apparently agreeing to go as her date to some fancy New Year’s Eve gala that Tyler’s boyfriend, Will, got tickets to through work), but that doesn't really do anything for Kelley’s desire to keep doing it.

 

Neither does Christen’s outfit for the evening, a floor length black dress that Tyler wore to a wedding. It's silky and smooth and hugs Christen’s body just right, making her subtle curves look like they were carved from stone. Kelley can't stop staring at her ass, hard as she tries (especially after a few drinks).

 

It's a stuffy party filled with business types, but it's clear that a lot of people are in the same boat as she and Christen, lucky extra-ticket holders because the original recipients already had other plans. They end up at a table with a handful of them, most recent college graduates and young professionals looking to network with high-powered executives. One girl, who has already had way more alcohol than she can handle, actually admits she's looking to lock down a sugar daddy.

 

Kelley comes up with a game for their new friends called “Girlfriend, Daughter, or Escort,” which is pretty much as self explanatory as games come.

 

“How about her?” Aspiring Sugar Baby suggests, pointing to a couple standing by the bar. “I'm going escort. She's taller than him, and I'm willing to bet he's the type who would make his girlfriend take off her heels.”

 

Christen turns to follow her point. “Oh my God, none of the above!” she laughs. “I know her!” She stands up, grabbing Kelley’s arm to come with her. “Tobin!”

 

The woman turns, and sure enough, it's Tobin Heath. “Oh, hey!” she laughs. “Marcus, meet my friends. This is Christen, my teammate on the national team. And this is Kelley, our trainer.”

 

Christen grins, shaking the guy’s hand. “How wild! I had no clue you'd be here!”

 

“Yeah, kinda last minute,” Tobin laughs. “Marcus is a friend from college, and when he found out I'd be out here, he wooed me with the promise of a nice hotel room and free drinks.”

 

“How romantic,” Kelley says.

 

“Just friends,” Tobin clarifies, placing a hand on Marcus’ shoulder. “Trust me, the promise of my own hotel room bed is way more enticing than having to share. No offense.”

 

“None taken,” he laughs. “Nice to meet you guys. Can I get you a drink? I have plenty of drink tickets.”

 

Christen smirks, lifting her wrist. “Unlimited,” she says.

 

“Damn,” Tobin whistles. “Now I know who to suck up to next time.”

 

Christen laughs a little too loudly for Kelley’s liking. “Why don't you two come sit with us?”

 

\---

 

Twenty minutes to midnight, Kelley starts to worry that she won't be able to get Christen alone when the ball drops. Sure, she proved a few nights ago that she’ll kiss Kelley in front of people, but Kelley isn't looking for a quick midnight kiss. She's ready to tell her exactly how she feels.

 

She doesn't want their hookups to be so meaningless that they don't affect their friendship. She's tired of being friends. She loves Christen. Always has, always will.

 

At least, that's the jist of the speech she's been rehearsing in her head for the last two days. The more she tries saying it to herself tonight, the more sure she is that she's going to stumble over her words, but the spirit of her words is the only thing that matters. And what more romantic occasion is there than New Year’s Eve, on this hotel rooftop, watching fireworks in an intimate corner?

 

If there's anything more romantic, it certainly isn't their current situation, in a throng of people including Tyler, Will, Tobin, Marcus, and their random new friends who are already looking for an after party.

 

“I need a bathroom,” Tyler groans. “Anyone wanna come?”

 

Christen is preoccupied with some riddle Marcus is teaching her, so Kelley puts her hand up. “I'm down.”

 

The line for the bathrooms is surprisingly short, but Kelley chalks that up to everyone mostly being over the party and ready for midnight anyway. Even the rooftop is starting to empty out because people are trying to race for Ubers.

 

“Kelley, I've known you a long time,” Tyler slurs as they're washing their hands, the fluorescent lighting really exposing how bloodshot her eyes are. “So I feel like I can say this.”

 

“Oh God,” Kelley says, attempting levity, but in reality, she is nervous for what drunk Tyler will say.

 

“I think my sister is an idiot for breaking up with you,” she says. “But not enough of an idiot to let you go completely.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“When I saw you two kissing at her birthday party I was so happy,” Tyler says. “Like, finally! And I know it's like, just sex, like she told me it meant nothing but whatever, she totally loves you. Like I can't imagine anyone else being the fourth Press sister.”

 

Kelley laughs uneasily, but Tyler’s words give her a surge of confidence she didn't know she needed. Nobody knows Christen better than her big sister, and if Tyler says Christen is in love with her, she’ll take it.

 

\---

 

“Took you long enough,” Will says when they finally make their way back through the crowd. He takes Tyler’s hand and kisses it. “I was afraid I'd have to find a plant to kiss.”

 

“Never,” she giggles. “Where's Sissy?”

 

“Oh, uh,” he says, his eyes darting toward Kelley. “I thought she was going to find you guys?”

 

“We must have just missed her,” Kelley says, standing on her toes as if it'll help her look out into the sea of people. “Do you think she’ll be able to get back?”

 

“Um, I don't think she was planning on coming back,” he laughs nervously, his hand reaching to rub at the back of his neck.

 

“Is she okay?”

 

“Yeah!” he exclaims. “She's fine, she just left with that girl. Your friend.”

 

Kelley furrows her brow before realizing. “Tobin?” she asks, her lungs emptying.

 

“Yeah,” he says. “She said she has her phone with her and that she’ll get an Uber tomorrow when surge pricing goes back down.”

 

Kelley can't even laugh or roll her eyes at how freaking Christen that is, she's so shellshocked. “I need to go to the bathroom again,” she says, her face turning white as she starts seeing spots.

 

Instead of ringing in the new year kissing the love of her life, she spends her time on the floor of the hotel bathroom, puking up the contents of her stomach and weeping into the toilet while two drunk girls stand outside the stall asking her if she needs water and assuring her she's going to be okay, which is a pretty bold statement considering Kelley can't imagine ever being okay again.


	17. dust off your highest hopes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kelley embark on a new adventure

Alex’s thumb rubs over the back of Kelley’s hand, calming her as she finishes telling her the story.

 

“So it was fresh,” she says. “When you met me.”

 

Kelley shrugs and smiles. “Yeah,” she says.

 

“Did you and Christen ever talk about it?” 

 

“Barely,” Kelley says. “The next morning, when she came home, she apologized for disappearing and asked if I had fun. So I told her yeah, but I would have had more fun if my date hadn't ditched me. And she laughed it off and was all ‘I know, I'm the worst.’”

 

“Your Christen impression isn't bad,” Alex says with a soft smile.

 

“You should hear Erin’s.”

 

“Does she totally hate Christen?”

 

“Maybe more than you do,” Kelley laughs. “She wasn't easy on me though. I got a couple of told you sos.”

 

“You probably deserved them,” Alex says. “Sorry. I promise I'll try to be nice.”

 

“No, you're right,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “I didn't listen when Erin said I was in hot water. I don't think she could have spared me the pain, but she tried to stop me from getting too over my head.”

 

“And now?” Alex asks. “Do you think Christen knows how you felt? Or… feel?”

 

“Felt,” Kelley confirms, chuckling softly. “She, uh, she does now.”

 

“Now?”

 

“She did a little after New Year’s,” Kelley says. “Like, the bare minimum. I kind of told her my feelings were hurt because I wasn't sure what was happening between us and she was sending me mixed signals. But after you asked her about my bad breakup, she got curious. I tried to make something up, but I think she already had it figured out.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Not your fault,” Kelley says. “Really. I should have… I don't know. There's a lot I should have done differently.”

 

“Me too,” Alex says. “But maybe we can have a fresh start now.”

 

Kelley nods. “I hope so.”

 

Alex slides off the bed and walks toward her desk, shuffling through the drawers for an old barely used legal pad she knows is in there. “Here,” she says triumphantly, walking back over to hop onto the bed. “Our blank slate.”

 

Kelley smirks. “Literal.”

 

“I am who I am,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. “What do you need from me to make this work?”

 

Kelley hesitates, but finally exhales long and slow. “I need to be the only one you're with.”

 

Alex sticks her tongue out between her lips as she scribbles that down. “Done. I need you to consider me a little more when you're hanging out with Christen.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“When you get up and do your early coffee runs, for example,” Alex says. “I don't want to be invited or anything, but it would be nice to know when it's happening so I don't get my hopes up about hanging out with you and then get bummed. It'll just make me resent her more.”

 

“That's fair.”

 

“And when you do, can you please text me when you're leaving to see if I want anything? I hate that shitty hotel stuff.”

 

Kelley laughs. “That's doable.”

 

“Good.”

 

“I think we should tell the coaching staff,” Kelley says. “Before it's too late.”

 

“If I ever get called up again.”

 

“You  _ will _ ,” Kelley says. “And I'll keep my job. There's no point in planning for the worst right now. Besides, it would make it easier if we weren't working together, which almost certainly means we’ll have to.”

 

Alex laughs. “You're probably right.”

 

“Wow,” Kelley gasps dramatically. “The Alex Morgan admitting I'm right? I'll need that in writing.”

 

“Fine,” Alex says, scrawling that on the corner of the pad and ripping it off. “Hang onto the signature, it'll be worth something someday.”

 

“I know it will,” Kelley says, a glimmer in her eyes. “I think it's already more valuable than you know.”

 

\---

 

Kelley cancels her flight back to Chicago and stays the next few days with Alex in Seattle, but it's just delaying the inevitable moment she has to leave. Alex feels more emotional than she thought she would when she drops Kelley off at the airport to catch a flight to New Jersey for her next NWSL team visit. 

 

“Don't pout, baby,” Kelley says. “I get to see you soon for camp.”

 

“If I get called up,” Alex whines for the hundredth time that week.

 

“Jill loves you,” Kelley promises. “Well, she loves Dawn who loves you.”

 

“Great,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. “It's my first time dropping off my girlfriend at the airport, I’m allowed to be emotional.”

 

“I love hearing you say that,” Kelley murmurs, leaning across the console for a kiss. “I have to go. I promise I'll text when I get to Jersey.”

 

“Is this insane?” Alex asks.

 

“You've asked me that like a million times,” Kelley laughs.

 

“I just can't believe I'm getting into a long-distance relationship with a co-worker. It's wild on a lot of levels.”

 

“Don't think too hard about it,” Kelley says. “I'll miss you a lot.”

 

“Me too,” Alex pouts, grabbing the back of her neck for another kiss. “Okay, that's it. I'm done.”

 

\---

 

Alex gets the call for her next camp a week later, but it's no fun to tell Kelley, who already knows.

 

“Can you at least pretend to be excited?!!” Alex texts.

 

“I'm sooooo excited,” Kelley replies. “More to see you than anything else.”

 

“Yeah?” Alex says. “What are you planning to do when you see me?”

 

“Probably check out your ankle.”

 

Alex replies with an eye roll emoji. This is where flirty texting with Kelley always gets lame. She thought officially being girlfriends (not to mention the hourslong marathons of lovemaking they had in Seattle) would bring Kelley out of her shell, but no such luck.

 

When they're together, Alex has to remind herself that Kelley has only been with two other people, she's so good in bed. But when they're apart, Kelley might as well be a virgin, she's so uncomfortable talking about sex. When Alex offers to send pictures, Kelley always says yes, but she never asks or says more than “wow, you're gorgeous” in response, which, to be fair, Alex does appreciate.

 

“Should we talk about telling the staff?” Alex asks. “It should probably happen early in camp, right?”

 

“Probably,” Kelley agrees. “The sooner the better.”

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

“Nah,” Kelley says. “Dawn is on our side, we’ll be okay.”

 

“Dawn???????”

 

“She wasn't born yesterday,” Kelley replies. “I didn't come back to the hotel because I was with you and then I didn't fly back to Chicago with her.”

 

“So you told her??”

 

“She put it together. Don't worry. It's a good thing.”

 

“Oh my God, I just talked to her on the phone!” Alex exclaims, thinking back to their conversation earlier. Dawn had been the one to call her about her call-up because she wanted to talk more about her ankle injury.

 

“She's cool,” Kelley replies. “She’ll back us up if anyone else has any concerns.”

 

“What if I'm the one with concerns?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Liiiike how I'm supposed to resist my hot gf when she's wearing those tight shorts they make you wear?”

 

“I think you'll be fine,” Kelley says. “You're a pro ;)”

 

\---

 

Alex's excitement about being back in camp is almost overshadowed by her nerves about telling the coaching staff, but her anxiety dies down after dinner because she figures it won't happen today.

 

That changes once she's in her pajamas and Kelley knocks on the door.

 

“Hey!” she says, looking behind her to see if her roommate is there.

 

“You ready?”

 

“For…?”

 

“Our talk with the staff,” Kelley says. “We’re having a meeting now.”

 

“Wait, what?”

 

“We agreed it had to be early, like before the first training.”

 

“I just took off my makeup!”

 

“You don't need makeup, dude,” Kelley laughs.

 

“I'm meeting with my bosses, I should look somewhat nice!”

 

“Alex, trust me, the most casual the better,” Kelley sighs.

 

“Can we please wait a few more days?” Alex begs. “I'm not ready.”

 

“You'll never be ready,” Kelley says. “And besides, we shouldn't kiss or do anything coupley till we tell them.”

 

“Kel!”

 

“Now, Al,” Kelley insists.

 

Heart in her throat, Alex follows Kelley to the elevator and then down to the conference level, where the coaches are waiting.

 

“Oh, hi, Alex,” Jill says, clearly confused about Alex’s presence. “Do you need something?”

 

Dawn, on the other hand, greets them with a warm smile.

 

“Um, kind of,” Alex says.

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says. “I asked Alex to come for the start of the meeting so we could talk about something.”

 

“Alright,” Dawn says, the other trainers exchanging a look. “Come on in, ladies.”

 

Kelley pulls out a chair for Alex, and everyone tries to subtly close their binders, but they aren't subtle at all. Alex tries not to take it personally.

 

“Alex and I wanted to tell you that we are in a relationship,” Kelley says without even trying to beat around the bush. “It's a relationship that's important to us both, and we are open to any suggestions you have about how we can keep this environment as professional as possible.”

 

Nobody looks super surprised, but then again, they're good at keeping poker faces. Jill just raises her eyebrows slightly and sits back in her chair, arms folded against her chest.

 

“Well, thank you for letting us know,” she says. “How long has this been going on?”

 

“Officially, a few weeks,” Kelley says. “But we began, um…”

 

“It started last year,” Alex confesses. “And while I know now we should have told you all sooner, I think it's evident that it didn't affect the team or either one of our jobs, and I expect that to continue.”

 

Dawn clears her throat quietly. “And if things don't work out?”

 

Kelley smiles at Alex and squeezes her hand under the table. “If there's ever a point at which our relationship or lack thereof impacts the team negatively, I will be more than willing to step aside. I think this job has more than prepared me to take on any other opportunity, but Alex is an irreplaceable asset to this team.”

 

“And I promise to do everything I can to not let this impact the work I put onto the field,” Alex adds. “But if you ever worry that it is, please tell me.”

 

Jill looks between them. “Well,” she says. “I don't think we've ever faced this situation before.”

 

“A U-20 intern did once…” Dawn says, but Jill puts her hand up.

 

“Don't remind me,” she says, cringing. “Alex, you can go. Try to get some rest before tomorrow morning’s training.”

 

Kelley looks up at Alex as soon as she stands, and Alex gives her a tight smile.

 

“Thank you,” she says to the staff. “I'll see you in the morning.”

 

She isn't sure what to make of the meeting, so she just goes over it in her head again and again until finally Kelley texts her around midnight.

 

“Good night beautiful,” she says. “Sorry, didn't have my phone in the meeting. The staff was really understanding though. I think everything is going to be okay.”

 

“What did they say??”

 

“Why are you still up?”

 

“I couldn't sleep,” Alex says. “Nervous wreck. I was worried they'd say we couldn't be together.”

 

“I wouldn't have listened.”

 

“Lol.”

 

“I'm serious,” Kelley replies. “I like you too much. This is for real. Get some sleep princess. Coffee in the morning? I think you'll need it.”

 

“Yes,” Alex says. “Good night, doc.” She adds a heart emoji for good measure.

 

\---

 

The one request the coaching staff makes is that Kelley and Alex not publicize their relationship beyond the confines of the team. Of course, what Alex hears is “you can tell the team.”

 

She tells Syd while they're getting on the bus to training, so by the time Dawn blows her first whistle of the day, the whole team knows.

 

“I can't believe you're banging Trainer Hottie!” Pinoe exclaims as soon as Alex enters the locker room.

 

“I hate you, Syd,” Alex calls over her shoulder, setting down her things in her cubby.

 

“Please, I should be the one hating you for telling both Christen and Abby before me.”

 

Alex sees Christen smile out of the corner of her eye. “Trust me, I wish I hadn't,” she says, feeling a grim sense of satisfaction from the way Christen’s face falls.

 

Practice is almost annoyingly normal given that Alex knows she's going to get to kiss Kelley as soon as it's over. Well, almost. She's pretty confident that Kelley will not kiss her in front of anyone else for a long time, but as long as she kisses her behind closed doors, Alex couldn't care less.


	18. if you trust your rebel heart, ride it into battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex makes a bonehead decision

Alex feels prepared to embark on a long-distance relationship after her year or so with Serv, each one of them being out of town every other weekend. Being in Seattle at the same time was always a special treat, but she hadn't considered quite how often that was, at least in comparison to someone whose home base is in another time zone.

 

Being in season means Alex is away just about every other weekend, and the one time her team is actually scheduled to be in Chicago is during a National Team camp, which is nice because she still gets to see Kelley, but it could be nicer if it meant a relaxing weekend with her girlfriend.

 

She realizes quickly that she's not at all prepared for a long-distance relationship, especially because Kelley isn't used to any type of relationship. Phone sex makes her giggly and uncomfortable, and even Alex’s sexy Snapchats aren't reciprocated (though they are very much appreciated).

 

Still, they spend almost every night on the phone or on FaceTime talking about everything under the sun, from Kelley’s morning run to Alex’s near-wreck on the freeway because of some idiot merging into her lane late. And every phone call ends the same: once one of them (usually Kelley, being two hours ahead) admits to being sleepy, the other says “okay, get some sleep.” Then they trade miss yous and see you soons (even though they're never 100 percent sure when).

 

Kelley keeps Alex's head straight when she's a space case, always worrying about her spot on the National Team, her starting role for the Reign, what she should get her cousin for the baby shower she’ll miss. In return, Alex forces Kelley to have fun and let loose, even when she isn't feeling fun or loose herself.

 

“How about this one?” Alex asks, cradling the phone to her ear as she texts Kelley yet another link to the sex toy online shop she's on.

 

“I'm not clicking that!” Kelley exclaims. “I can see the word handcuffs in the URL.”

 

“You're so vanilla,” Alex groans. “If you won't let me buy you any of the cute vibrators I'm going to have to find something else.”

 

“You're unbelievable,” Kelley laughs.

 

“I know you have magic fingers, but seriously, this is going to change your life,” Alex insists.

 

“Fine,” Kelley says.

 

“Really?”

 

“One condition,” Kelley says. “You have to be here the first time I use it.”

 

“Here like in Chicago? Or does camp count?”

 

“No way am I trying out a vibrator while sharing a wall with God-knows-who!”

 

“But I don't know when I'll be in Chicago,” Alex whines. “That's not fair.”

 

“I don't want to do it myself!”

 

Alex sighs, exasperated. “That's like the entire point, Kel. For you to have something when I'm not there.”

 

“I still want my first time to be with you.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes but smiles as she places the small pink pod in her shopping cart. “Fine,” she says. “I just wish I was there right now.”

 

“I wish you were here always,” Kelley says, murmuring the way she does when she's getting sleepy. “Why can't you just play here?”

 

“Because the stupid Reign drafted me,” Alex teases. “Third pick in the first round, mind you.”

 

“I'll never forget,” Kelley says. “But isn't that why trades exist?”

 

Alex laughs. “Coach Harvey is famous for her trades,” she says. “I’m pretty sure the second you know it's happening, it isn't happening anymore. Till you hear it straight from her.”

 

Kelley sighs. “A girl can dream,” she says. “Being in the same city as you would be great.”

 

“I agree,” Alex says.

 

“I would sleep way better,” Kelley yawns. “Because I hate telling you I have to go to bed.”

 

“I’d rather hear that before joining you in bed to cuddle.”

 

“Just cuddle?”

 

“I thought you were tired.”

 

“Oh, I am, but I'm always up for a bedtime story.”

 

\---

 

That night, Alex dreams of being in Chicago with Kelley. Well, she assumes it's Chicago, even though it's all blurry around the edges. Kelley is clear though, technicolor against the greyscale of all the less important details.

 

Alex thinks it's going to be a sex dream at first, but then it's not. She lays in bed with Kelley and goes for walks with her and makes amazing meals for the two of them. That's how she knows it's a dream, because she can barely make canned soup in real life.

 

The dream feels like a montage of what dating Kelley would be like if they did have the chance to live in the same place. Alex doesn't think she’d want to live with Kelley, at least not at first, but the idea of their lives seamlessly fitting together relaxes her to the point where she knows that's her goal in the long run.

 

When she wakes up, still warm and blissed out from the dream, she finds herself wondering why it has to be the long run. Why not go for it now?

 

\---

 

Her meeting with Laura is short and sweet. Alex asks if they can talk after practice, and her coach happily agrees. She knows she's never been one of the favorites, but working her ass off over the last year has put her comfortably in the starting line-up and Laura has started to warm to her for sure.

 

Alex had her whole sob story planned out, pinning the majority of her desire to leave Seattle on the fact that she can't stand being in the same city as the man she loved. She doesn't really have to use it, though, because as soon as she sits down, Laura seems to know what she's going to say.

 

“Are you happy, Alex?” Laura asks. “With this team?”

 

“I am,” Alex answers honestly. “I'm so thankful that you drafted me and that you've invested in me so much over the past four seasons.”

 

“Three and a half,” Laura corrects.

 

Alex blushes. “Well, yes, technically, but—”

 

“If you want a trade, now is the time,” she says. “This is a business, you know. If you're unhappy, word will spread, and your worth will go way down. No offense.”

 

“None taken,” Alex says, straightening her back. “I've thought about this a lot.”

 

“What aren't we giving you here?” Laura asks. “I assume you have another team in mind.”

 

“I do,” Alex says confidently. “Like I said, I'm grateful for everything I've learned here, but I think I've plateaued.”

 

“I disagree,” Laura says with a shrug. “If I thought that, I would have benched you.”

 

Alex shifts in her seat. “I think there are other teams in the league who could use me,” she says.

 

“Who would pair better with Abby?” Laura asks. “She can play lone striker, and having Pinoe on the wing always helps, but that gets predictable. Who should I trade you for?”

 

Alex takes a deep breath and looks around like she's pondering it. “I think she and Christen Press have worked well together on the National Team,” she lies. Christen and Abby play completely different styles, and nobody in their right mind would play them together, but Alex also knows how highly rated Christen is. Abby isn't the future, but Christen is. Even if that means she has to toil away on the bench in Seattle for a bit.

 

She apologizes to Abby silently in her head. “Or, um,” she tries, racking her brain for another lesser forward who wouldn't be as appealing to Laura. “Lauren Cheney?”

 

Laura smiles softly. “I appreciate you coming to me,” she says. “You've given me some good things to mull over. You know I don't want anyone on my team to be unhappy here.”

 

“I know,” Alex says. “And I'm not! You've been amazing, I just…”

 

“Feel it's time to move on.”

 

Alex nods, relieved that she got that to come across. “Thanks for hearing me out.”

 

“Of course,” Laura says. “In the meantime, let’s find a way to make you feel like you're not… plateauing.”

 

\---

 

Alex leaves the meeting feeling great about the conversation. She saw the way Harvey’s eyes lit up at the mention of Christen, and if it really works out, it would be like killing two birds with one stone, getting rid of Christen and taking her place in Kelley’s city.

 

She won't tell Kelley anything till it's official—after all, her own hopes are high enough—but she does sort of tell Abby, just to feel out her reaction.

 

First, it's laughter. “Alex, I love you, but you're insane if you think it's a good idea to live with your brand new girlfriend.”

 

“It's been like two months,” Alex whines. “And we've been like, back and forth for over a year now!”

 

“With a pretty important break in between, wouldn't you say?”

 

“Yeah, based on stuff we've worked out!” Alex insists. “I like her a lot, Abs.”

 

“No kidding,” Abby says. “I've seen her calves.”

 

“You haven't felt her abs when she—”

 

“Ah, stop!” Abby exclaims, covering her ears. “I know you have amazing sex like the time you banged on this very couch.”

 

“Literally best sexual experience of my life,” Alex sighs, remembering it fondly. 

 

“Literally?”

 

“It was hot and spontaneous and…”

 

“Okay, okay,” Abby groans. “We get it, you have a hot girlfriend who you fuck constantly.”

 

“Not constantly, we’re long distance.” Alex rolls her eyes.

 

“Then I feel bad for your hypothetical neighbors.”

 

“They could be real,” Alex says.

 

“I believe you.”

 

“No, seriously,” Alex says. “I might get traded.”

 

“To Chicago?” Abby laughs. “Says who?”

 

Alex shrugs. “I talked to Coach Harvey.”

 

“Talked to her like she told you you're getting traded.”

 

“Talked to her like I asked.”

 

Abby sits up and stares right at her. “You didn't.”

 

“Why do you say it like that?”

 

“You asked her for a trade? Laura Harvey? I honestly hope you're joking.”

 

“No!” Alex exclaims. “Why?”

 

“Because she's going to fuck you over so bad, Al,” Abby says. “I don't know how, but she's going to make you pay. That's what she does. You have to… I don't know, you have to figure out a way to take it back.”

 

“But I want to go to Chicago!” Alex exclaims. “Why wouldn't she want Christen?”

 

“Christen and you aren't like for like,” Abby sighs. “Not every coach is going to get the most out of her.”

 

“Yeah, but—”

 

Abby shakes her head, incredulous. “You have no idea how royally fucked you are.”

 

\---

 

Alex doesn't know how “royally fucked” she is till she sits on the bench in their next home game. Then in their next away game, where she subs in 70 minutes in and scores two goals, an equalizer and a game winner. No way could anyone bench Alex after a performance like that.

 

But Laura does.

 

Finally, Alex takes Abby’s advice, putting her metaphorical tail between her legs and asking for another meeting in her office after training.

 

“I just… I’m not really sure why I'm not playing,” Alex says. “I feel really fit and good, and when I have been playing, I've been playing well.”

 

“You aren't sure why?” Laura asks, an amused smile gracing her face. “Alex.”

 

“I know asking for a trade wasn't the best choice,” Alex says. “If I wasn't happy with something, I should have found another way to deal with it instead of looking for the chance to run away.”

 

“That's very mature of you.”

 

“I just… what can I do?” Alex asks, trying not to sound like she's begging. “I want to give my all to this team.”

 

Laura smiles. “I appreciate you saying that,” she says. “It's nice to hear.”

 

“So you get it?” Alex asks, chewing at the inside of her lip.

 

“Oh yes,” Laura says, in that guarded way of hers that doesn't make Alex feel much better at all. “I understand completely.”


	19. lost all control and i need you now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finds out her fate (and Kelley finds out about her bonehead move)

When Alex starts packing early in the week for the weekend’s road trip, she's packing for two days in Boston. She's interrupted by her phone ringing, cutting off the music she had playing. The voice on the other end tells her she’s going to be in Boston a lot longer than two days. 

 

“The Breakers?” Kelley asks, incredulous. “For who?”

 

“Syd,” Alex sobs. “I'm such an idiot.”

 

“Baby,” Kelley says softly. “No you aren't. This stuff happens. And besides, Boston’s great.”

 

“Not as great as Chicago.”

 

Kelley laughs. “Well, no, but it has water and coffee and nice restaurants and cute areas to explore.”

 

“It doesn't have you.”

 

“It will in a few days,” Kelley says. “I'm booking my flight to Seattle now. Can you pick me up or should I rent a car?”

 

\---

 

“You didn't have to do this,” Alex murmurs into Kelley’s neck when she gets into her car at the airport.

 

“Of course I do,” Kelley says, rubbing Alex’s back. “I can take a few days and help my girlfriend pack up and move across the country.”

 

“I love hearing you call me that,” Alex says, turning her attention back to the wheel.

 

“And now we’ll only be one hour apart.”

 

Alex lip quivers, but Kelley sees and grabs her hand, pulling it up to her lips for a kiss.

 

“Don't cry,” Kelley says. “Getting traded isn't always bad. Boston will give you the chance to lead a young team and hone your leadership skills. You'll get better because you'll be getting a lot of minutes. We just need to keep you healthy.”

 

Alex squeezes Kelley’s hand and smiles gratefully, her eyes still prickling with tears. “You're nice,” she says. “But I have to tell you the truth about why I'm getting traded.”

 

Kelley's hand gets clammy in Alex’s, and she drops it to wipe it against her shorts. “Okay…”

 

“I asked to be traded to Chicago,” Alex mumbles.

 

Kelley blinks at her slowly. “You what?”

 

“I just mentioned that maybe I'd be a better fit…”

 

Kelley's jaw drops. “Alex. You asked Laura Harvey to trade you. To Chicago.”

 

Alex nods glumly, and Kelley bursts into laughter. “What?”

 

“Oh my God!” Kelley exclaims. “Alex, babe, I'm so sorry, but oh my God. You're insane.”

 

“Stop!” Alex whines.

 

“Sweetheart,” Kelley says pityingly. “You're so cute.”

 

“I can turn around and drop you right back at the airport.”

 

“You wouldn't,” Kelley says. “Holy shit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I just… you really did that.”

 

“I hate you and Abby and everyone who didn't stop me.”

 

“Liar,” Kelley laughs. “You're too stubborn to be stopped.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“No,” Kelley says, grabbing Alex’s hand again. “I mean that in a good way. Nobody’s going to stop you, even when they probably should. But that means you won't let anyone stop you from getting what you want and what you're willing to work for. And that's an amazing thing.”

 

“You're such a sweet talker,” Alex grumbles.

 

Kelley grins, kissing her on the cheek. “Maybe so,” she says. “But I mean every word. You adorable stubborn idiot.”

 

\---

 

“Don't throw that away!” Alex exclaims, lunging across her bed to grab the piece of paper Kelley found stuffed in the back of her dresser drawer.

 

“Al,” Kelley groans, unwrinkling it. “It's a movie ticket stub… it's a receipt! It's not even the ticket!”

 

“Yeah, to the first movie Serv and I saw together!”

 

Kelley raises her eyebrows. “And you need a keepsake because the dozens of Instagram posts aren't enough?”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “There are like six tops.”

 

“Nine,” Kelley corrects.

 

“Yeah, and you already have one, so you're tracking way better than he is.”

 

“Group pictures don't count.”

 

Alex shrugs, snatching the receipt from Kelley and shoving it into an already filled box Kelley knows will never get unpacked completely. “If you're going to whine instead of help, you can go somewhere else.”

 

“I'm the whiner?” Kelley asks, astonished. “Please.”

 

“You are a whiner,” Alex quips, crawling across her bed toward Kelley before stopping at the edge and sitting back on her knees. “Kiss me.”

 

“No,” Kelley says, turning away. “We’re packing.”

 

“All work and no play…”

 

“We've  _ played _ three times,” Kelley reminds her.

 

Alex pouts. “One more.”

 

Kelley surveys the room before looking back at Alex. “Throw away ten things and we’ll talk.”

 

“You're so annoying,” Alex groans. “First you make fun of me for my misfortune and now you try to make me get rid of all my memories.”

 

Kelley smiles, grabbing Alex’s hands in her own. “I'm never going to stop making fun of you for this,” she says. “But I am sorry. And it was really romantic for you to try to come to Chicago.”

 

“Maybe you can move to Boston someday,” Alex mumbles.

 

Kelley smiles, pecking her on the lips. “Maybe,” she says. “But I'll never live in a place with this much crap, so let's get you decluttered.”

 

\---

 

After a day on the road with Kelley, Alex is sure that taking a cross-country road trip should be mandatory before getting in too deep in a relationship. She doesn't think she's ever bickered this much over the stupidest shit (when to stop for gas, who should drive, which lane Kelley should be in, why Alex is such a backseat driver).

 

But she also hasn't laughed this hard in ages or felt as adored as she does when Kelley grabs her hand and sings a cheesy pop song into it like a microphone before kissing her knuckles. When they stop for the night at a highway motel with a neon vacancy sign that looks like it belongs on an episode of CSI, Kelley makes her feel safe despite Alex’s probably bratty-sounding protests about bed bugs and murderers.

 

“I took a million of these road trips with my parents growing up,” Kelley insists, hoisting Alex’s overnight bag onto her shoulder as Alex opens the door, her sleeve covering her hand as if that'll protect her from the invisible germs. “Would I let anything happen to you, princess?”

 

“I'm not fucking you on those sheets,” Alex says drily.

 

“I'm on my period anyway,” Kelley says, sticking out her tongue.

 

“Is that why you wanted to stop so many times?” Alex asks.

 

Kelley turns pink. “I mean!”

 

“Oh my God, are you embarrassed talking about that?” Alex exclaims. “Babe, how are you ever going to be a doctor if you can't talk about your period with the only person who really has a reason to care?”

 

“I'm not going to be a doctor,” Kelley laughs, rolling her eyes. “And I'm not embarrassed, I just… I don't know!”

 

“When it's me, you'll know,” Alex says with a smirk. “And you're going to be a doctor. I just have a feeling.”

 

“Yeah?” Kelley asks. “How's that?”

 

Alex shrugs, sitting on the bed. “It's what you want,” she says. “You're super smart and you like helping people.”

 

“That's why I'm dating you,” Kelley teases. “And helping you move across the country.”

 

“I thought it was because you wanted to bang me. But I guess not if you're menstruating.”

 

“That too,” Kelley laughs. “And because you're the cutest girl I've ever seen in my whole life.”

 

“You mean that?” Alex murmurs, standing up to press her hands against Kelley’s chest.

 

“Of course.” Kelley kisses her softly.

 

“Even if I'm a princess?”

 

“Princess Pita Alex is my favorite Alex.”

 

“Noted,” Alex says. “Because I am never staying in a place like this ever again.”

 

\---

 

Alex is nervous about a lot, but nothing makes her more nervous than living with her new teammates. She's essentially just taking Syd’s place in the apartment she shared with three other girls, who had been nice enough to add Alex to their group text.

 

Her National Team teammate Heather O’Reilly is one of the roommates, which is a source of comfort, but the other two are rookies, one of whom Alex knows is not going to make it easy to just walk into a starting spot every week.

 

“So the story is we met because you were a trainer on the National Team and we became friends.”

 

“Al, that's just the truth,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes from the passenger seat, where she's been relegated after failing to go more than 10 miles over the speed limit in the left lane on the highway. “We don't have to make up a story.”

 

“They said our relationship shouldn't be public!” Alex exclaims. “I'm not getting kicked off the team because these girls have big mouths.”

 

“You won't get kicked off the team, they won't spill all your secrets, and you will become friends. Quit stressing.”

 

“I'm not a quitter,” Alex smirks, taking a deep breath as she pulls into the driveway her GPS has taken her to.

 

“I like that about you,” Kelley says, kissing her on the cheek. “Looks like you're home, bud.”

 

\---

 

All three of her new roommates are home and waiting to welcome her with open arms, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies at the ready.

 

She's unpacked and settled in just a few hours thanks to everyone’s help (but mostly thanks to Kelley for helping her weed out so much of her stuff). HAO and Kelley make a bed for Kelley on the couch, but when it comes time for bed, Alex doesn't want her to stay there.

 

“Can you sleep with me?” Alex asks in a small voice, her head resting on Kelley’s shoulder.

 

Kelley looks around at Alex's new roommates, who are enamored with whatever Nicholas Sparks movie they picked out. “Are you sure?” she whispers.

 

“Yeah,” Alex says. “It's my first night in a new house and a new bed. Plus you leave tomorrow. I really want you to spoon me.”

 

Kelley laughs. “Okay,” she says, turning to kiss Alex’s temple softly. “Whenever you're ready.”

 

Alex smiles, squeezing Kelley’s hand under the blanket. “I'm ready now.”

 


	20. ask me what's my best side, i stand back and point at you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley visits Alex in Boston

As prepared as Alex was to be miserable in Boston, she finds herself thriving. She doesn't expect to hit it off with her roommates as much as she does, but HAO does a good job of bringing them all together. Crystal, the forward who Alex knew would be competing hard for her spot, slots perfectly into a wide role where she feeds Alex perfect balls time and time again. The other rookie, Kim, got traded to Sky Blue a week after Alex arrived (which Alex feels partially responsible for), so their new roommate, an Australian named Caitlin, is even newer to the team than Alex.

 

She misses out on the first game they play against her former team, but after that, she doesn't miss a minute. She loved Seattle, but Boston’s atmosphere feels completely different. She doesn't have too much competition for a starting spot, but now she faces different challenges. She embraces her role as a leader on the team, even though more than half the time she feels like she's making it up as she goes along.

 

The way Alex knows Boston is really for her, though, is how she gets homesick for it at National Team camps. She’ll never take a call-up (or a chance to see her girlfriend) for granted, but she misses her roommates (minus HAO, who becomes her consistent National Team camp partner in crime and often her roommate there as well) and her teammates and training and Wednesday night froyo parties.

 

Plus, despite her success with the Breakers (well, personally, anyway… even though she finds the back of the net almost every game, they haven't managed to dig themselves out of their hole in the standings), the National Team is a hard nut to crack. After a week of training her ass off, she's rewarded with a start, but she's subbed off at the half, having barely been given the chance to impact the game. Then she doesn't enter the second game till the 80th minute. Christen scores three goals over the course of both games. Because of course she does.

 

Alex doesn't wear her frustration well, and she knows it, but she does her best to sign for every little girl in the crowd wearing pink pre-wrap in their hair and Morgan 13 jerseys on their back. It usually doesn't take too long.

 

In Boston it takes longer, and the crowds for her autograph grow every week, though perhaps it's all in her head. She doesn't even mind so much when some stay away from autograph alley and try to flag her down on her way back to the locker rooms, even though they're technically not supposed to. It's usually the shy ones or the older ones who are embarrassed to be begging for autographs and selfies next to the U12 crowd, and they're usually a breath of fresh air anyway.

 

“Alex, can I have your autograph?” she hears as she walks with HAO after her least favorite kind of game: a hard-fought battle where they scored early before giving up an equalizer in second half stoppage time.

 

She forces a smile that feels more like a grimace because she knows how important it is to acknowledge every fan and keep them engaged and coming back, but when she turns toward the voice, the smile becomes genuine.

 

Kelley's standing in the grass, grinning like an idiot in the game-worn Breakers jersey Alex sent her after her second game (she kept the first, as is her tradition). She's holding out a program that Alex knows has her face on the cover, but Alex almost knocks it out of her hand when she jumps into her arms, making Kelley catch her. It's miraculous that she doesn't fall over given their size difference, but Kelley has a knack for keeping Alex upright.

 

“What are you doing here?” Alex squeals, her arms wrapping around Kelley’s neck tightly.

 

“I was in the neighborhood,” Kelley teases, her face buried in Alex's neck. She kisses it surreptitiously before putting Alex back on the ground. “I thought I'd take in a soccer game.”

 

“You're so cute, babe,” Alex laughs. “Are you staying?”

 

“If you'll have me,” Kelley shrugs. “I literally came straight here from the airport. I left all my stuff with the locker room security dude and hoped for the best.”

 

“Luckily I drove here alone,” Alex says. “So I can take you back. How long are you here?”

 

“I have a flight out Tuesday morning,” Kelley pouts. “But I'm all yours till then.”

 

“Why?” Alex asks, incredulous.

 

“Why not?”

 

“You're absolutely crazy.”

 

Kelley smirks, looking around before deciding the coast is clear and kissing Alex on the lips. “Crazy about you, princess.”

 

\---

 

Alex and her roommates have a typical Sunday evening routine of watching TV and eating junk food (except HAO, who's annoyingly strict with her diet and will have one cookie max), but Kelley being there changes it. Now she's watching TV and eating junk food with cute underwear on for Kelley to discover in a few hours.

 

Kelley doesn't seem to mind, though. If anything, she likes that she gets to fit in seamlessly with Alex’s Boston life. Secretly, Alex loves it. It just builds her case for Kelley eventually moving for her. One day.

 

Alex lifts a spoonful of chocolate ice cream to Kelley’s mouth before taking the last of the pint for herself and kissing the sticky remnants off Kelley’s lips. “You're cute,” she murmurs.

 

“You're cuter,” Kelley says.

 

“You're actually both disgusting,” HAO deadpans, tossing a pillow at them. “Get a room.”

 

“If you insist,” Kelley says, standing up and grabbing Alex’s waist to get her off the couch.

 

Alex squeals as Kelley basically throws her over her shoulder (not that Alex puts up much of a fight) and carries her down the hall to jeers and whistles from Alex's roommates.

 

“You're so strong it's actually alarming,” Alex laughs when Kelley sets her down.

 

“You're just light.”

 

“Am not,” Alex says, flexing her arms in front of the mirror. “Okay, maybe. But you're still strong.”

 

“It's kinda my job,” Kelley shrugs, sitting on Alex's bed and scooting under the covers.

 

“Mine too!” Alex laughs, bouncing on the bed to join her.

 

Kelley doesn't say anything as she settles.

 

“What?”

 

“What what?”

 

“You have this look,” Alex says. “What?”

 

Kelley sighs. “Nothing,” she says. “I'm fine. Can you get your ass under the covers so we can cuddle?”

 

“Not till you tell me why you're being weird.” Alex folds her arms across her chest.

 

“You've been bitching and moaning about your National Team career for months,” Kelley says. “And you know I'm on your side. But there's a reason you aren't getting the playing time you want. Well, a few reasons. And I've been biting my tongue because I want to be your girlfriend first, but…”

 

“What?” Alex asks. “If you have some magic insight into making all my dreams come true, I’d love to hear it.”

 

Kelley laughs. “It's not a secret, babe,” she says. “You literally just said it. It's your job to be fit. And yet…”

 

Alex raises her eyebrows and leans back defensively. “Excuse me?”

 

“I just watched you inhale half a bag of salt and vinegar chips and almost a pint of chocolate ice cream,” Kelley says.

 

“We shared!”

 

“You gave me three bites.”

 

Alex furrows her eyebrows. “Okay, well you don't have to be mean.”

 

“I'm not being mean,” Kelley says gently. “I'm just being honest. I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world, and even if you weren't, I would still want you for who you are as a person. But when it comes to your career, the goals you have can only be accomplished if you're willing to do what it takes, and I'm not the only one who notices that you aren't.”

 

Alex's heart feels like it's beating faster and slower at the same time, and her throat clenches as if to stop the junk food from coming back up (and probably proving Kelley’s point). “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean there's a reason you aren't getting the minutes you want, Al, and it's not because the midfield isn't providing you enough service when you're on.”

 

“I've never said that,” Alex snaps.

 

“You literally have,” Kelley says. “I don't want to have this conversation, dude, but I want what's best for you, and eating like shit and phoning it in at training isn't it.”

 

“That's none of your business.”

 

“That's my entire business!” Kelley exclaims. “Work and personal. You said when we first met that you wanted to be with someone who would push you to be your best and that's what you deserve. So here I am. You're too good to leave off a roster, but you're not so good that you have to be on the field every minute. In fact, you're a liability when you are on too long.”

 

Alex is quiet, staring at her hands on her comforter. There's tough love and then there's a verbal beat down. She can't tell which side Kelley is on right now. “Then why do I even get called up?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper. She can't look up to meet Kelley’s eyes for fear that she’ll break down crying.

 

“Al,” Kelley sighs. “Please don’t be upset. I want you to succeed.”

 

“Then why?” Alex asks, firmer this time. “Why put me on a roster if I’m such a liability?”

 

“You’re too good to overlook,” Kelley says with a shrug. “They’d be idiots not to include you. If we’re down a goal with 15 minutes to go, we’d look to you to be that game changer. Every team needs a handful of those. But I know that’s not all you want to be.”

 

Alex gnaws at her lip. “I’ve been working hard.”

 

“I know,” Kelley says, reaching out to clasp her hands. “But you can be better. You could be the star of this team.”

 

“That’s Abby,” Alex says, rolling her eyes.

 

“Abby isn’t going to be Abby forever,” Kelley says. “And there’s room for more than one star forward. Christen--”

 

“Can we not bring her into this conversation?”

 

“You’re faster than she is,” Kelley continues, brushing Alex off. Alex smiles smugly. “But the reason she can go a full 90 against the speediest defenders in the world is because of her diet and her fitness. If I were putting together a line-up for a World Cup group match game against New Zealand or Brazil today, you’d be one of the first on my list. But if I had to draft a starting eleven to play in a World Cup final against Germany today, you’d be on the bench till we got desperate. And I don’t think that’s what you want. I think you want to be starting in every game regardless of opponent. And I think you could be. You could be wearing the captain’s armband, being the first to hold up the World Cup trophy, you could win the Golden Ball at every tournament you play in. You could be on billboards, babe. I don’t know if that’s what you  _ want _ , but you could be everything Abby is and more. And it kills me to watch you be complacent because you’re now a National Team regular. You want more than that. You can  _ be _ more than that.”

 

“Then help me!” Alex exclaims.

 

Kelley raises her eyebrows. “You know I will.”

 

“I don’t know much of anything,” Alex grumbles.

 

“Don’t be like that,” Kelley chastises.

 

“Like what?” Alex asks, frustrated. “It’s been how many months and you haven’t said anything?”

 

“Church and state,” Kelley shrugs. “I don’t want the personal to become professional, nor vice versa.”

 

“Well too bad, it is.”

 

“I see that,” Kelley laughs, trying to get Alex to crack a smile. It doesn’t work. “Let’s get some sleep. That’s the first step. It’s almost 11, that’s way too late for a world champion to be awake.”

 

Alex narrows her eyes, thinking about the late-night phone calls that keep them both up well past midnight. “Will you be saying that when you get back to Chicago?”

 

“I’m on your schedule, bud,” Kelley assures her with a quick peck to the lips. “All you have to do is say the word and I’m yours. Day or night. But preferably not this late at night. I’d rather you be getting your rest.”

 

“My beauty rest?” Alex challenges.

 

Kelley just smiles. “If you got any more beautiful, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.”

 

Alex presses her lips together, trying not to beam with adoration. “Right answer.”

 

\---

 

There's no such thing as an early night when Alex spends the night with Kelley, but Kelley holds firm in her “bedtime” stance, only letting Alex get away with about 15 minutes of kissing before giving her a single forehead kiss indicating that it's time to sleep.

 

Alex sleeps soundly—so soundly, in fact, that she doesn't wake up when Kelley gets out of bed. She doesn't wake up till Kelley leans over her side of the bed to kiss her gently awake.

 

“Morning, beautiful,” Kelley murmurs. “Get up, I made breakfast.”

 

Alex groans and rolls onto her back, puckering her lips for another kiss, which Kelley grants, falling victim to Alex’s evil ploy to pull her back down into bed.

 

“Nuh-uh-uh,” Kelley says, prying Alex’s arms off her neck.

 

“The sun isn’t even out yet!” Alex groans.

 

“That’s the best time to get your butt out of bed,” Kelley says. “You’re an East Coast gal now, we’re going to chase the sunrise.”

 

“That’s really stupid,” Alex whines.

 

“You know what else is stupid? Saying no to a delicious and nutritious meal prepared by your favorite person when I know for a fact that your next best option is a bowl of cereal.”

 

“Cereal is good.”

 

“Cereal can be good,” Kelley says. “Your cereal has a mountain of sugar in it and a million other ingredients I can’t even pronounce. I checked.”

 

“It’s not my fault you didn’t learn how to sound things out in elementary school.” Alex opens her eyes wide and grins.

 

Kelley just rolls her eyes. “Get up, smartass. And brush your teeth, your morning breath sucks.”

 

\---

 

Alex won’t dare admit it to Kelley, but running before dawn isn’t the worst thing ever. Once she actually gets a healthy breakfast in her stomach and gets past the first mile, she feels almost weightless as her feet hit the pavement in almost perfect time with Kelley’s. She doesn’t even feel the need to race Kelley, which is a first.

 

She isn’t even completely sure how far Kelley is planning on taking this run or where they’re even headed, but Kelley keeps looking at her running watch, so she must have some idea.

 

They wind up on a bridge not far from Harvard’s campus, where Alex likes to walk around now that students are coming back from their summer vacations. It’s a fun game for her and her teammates to see how many people think they’re students and ask them for directions. It’s even more fun to see how many underclassman party invites they score.

 

Kelley finally starts to slow, and Alex finds her body almost wanting to keep going, but she makes herself stop. She's breathing more heavily than Kelley when they come to a complete stop, and Kelley laughs.

 

“Jesus, woman,” Kelley says, trying to catch her breath. “You shouldn't be able to do that.”

 

“What do you mean?” Alex laughs. “I'm an athlete.”

 

“Clearly,” Kelley says. “I thought I could wear you out, but you hung in there.”

 

“Aren't we running back?” Alex asks.

 

“Were you saving energy?”

 

“Race me and find out.”

 

“No way,” Kelley laughs, grabbing Alex’s waist before she can run off. “This is one of my favorite places in Boston,” she murmurs, looking over the bridge onto the water.

 

“How much time have you spent here?”

 

“Enough,” Kelley shrugs. “I ran by here the first time we had a road trip here in college, and I just watched the sun rise and felt more peaceful than I had in years.”

 

“Did you ever bring Christen?” Alex asks quietly.

 

Kelley smiles softly. “Alex.”

 

“I know,” she says. “I want to stop. I want to not care, but I do so much.”

 

“What will it take?” Kelley asks. “For you to stop comparing yourself to her?”

 

“I don't know.” Alex crosses her arms and rests them on the railing, turning away from Kelley. “I guess it'll happen with time.”

 

“Nothing happens by accident,” Kelley says. “You didn't get good at soccer without practicing.”

 

“I'm supposed to practice not being jealous?” Alex laughs.

 

“No.” Kelley shakes her head. “But when you feel that way, maybe it's worth taking some time to figure out why. I get jealous of you all the time, babe. When I'm in bed and you're out doing stuff with your friends, when you're on team-only outings, all that stuff. It's not just you, I promise.”

 

“But you never tell me you feel that way,” Alex pouts.

 

Kelley raises an eyebrow. “And you're so open about your feelings?” she laughs. “I'm not going to ruin your fun by telling you that I need attention. Your job isn't to make me feel less jealous. That's my problem to deal with. Just like Christen is your problem.”

 

“Okay, rude.”

 

“I’m just saying!” Kelley laughs. “I've told you everything about my history with her. I think it's pretty clear that she and I aren't going to happen. And I don't want us to, not anymore.”

 

“Not ever?”

 

Kelley shrugs. “I think about it sometimes, but more as a ‘what if I had done something different two or three or five years ago’ scenario, nothing else. You make me happy now. I make me happy now.”

 

“I'm not enough?” Alex teases. “You have to make yourself happy too?”

 

Kelley rolls her eyes, wrapping an arm around Alex's shoulders and pulling her down for a kiss on the temple.

 

Alex softens under her touch and turns to drop a peck on Kelley’s lips. She waits for Kelley to tense up and pull away, but it never happens. “Ready to run home?”

 

\---

 

The work finally catches up with Alex, who falls asleep on the couch with her feet in Kelley’s lap not even 10 minutes after finishing her avocado toast. When she wakes up, Kelley is busy rummaging through the pantry in the kitchen.

 

“What are you doing?” Alex asks, her sleepy voice raspier than usual.

 

“You guys don't label your food,” Kelley says in frustration.

 

“Well we all have our own shelves,” Alex says.

 

“Which one is yours?”

 

“The top one,” Alex says with a smirk as Kelley gets on her tiptoes. “Need help?”

 

“Okay, you aren't that tall,” Kelley grumbles as Alex easily reaches her arm over Kelley’s head to grab a bag of M&Ms. “No.”

 

“No?”

 

“Those are a special treat,” Kelley says, taking them out of her hand. “Something you grab in a little packet at the grocery store checkout. Not what you keep in the house in huge bags. You can't out-exercise a bad diet. Get your shoes on, we’re going grocery shopping.”

 

Alex drags her feet behind Kelley throughout Whole Foods, but Kelley makes it at least a little fun. Alex likes fruits and vegetables, but she also loves chocolate and ice cream and bread, and none of those things are on the strict plan Kelley created for her.

 

“You're playing catch-up now,” Kelley had said. “The World Cup is next year and some of your teammates—HAO, for instance—have been training and eating at this level for years. That means less room for cheat meals and snacks and alcohol.”

 

Alex pouts as Kelley kisses her forehead in the checkout line.

 

“This is going to be great!” Kelley exclaims, and the saddest part is Alex knows she's being genuine.


	21. we tumbled down like jack and jill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kelley take on World Cup qualifying

The season ends without much fanfare, save for Alex managing to make the NWSL’s Best XI and winding up a strong contender for the Golden Boot. The Breakers don't make postseason, but Alex isn't too heartbroken over it, knowing a full season with them is in her future.

 

She goes home to California for a few weeks, where Kelley comes to visit and train with her. Alex would be irritated at how much fitter Kelley is following the exact same diet and training plan as she is, but she can't complain when she's the one who gets to drool openly over Kelley’s abs.

 

When she shows up for training camp in advance of World Cup qualifiers, though, it's not Kelley’s fitness the training staff is admiring. Alex’s hard work over the past few months gets rewarded with 90 minutes against Trinidad & Tobago, during which time she scores the game winner and assists another goal from Abby.

 

“Baller,” Kelley murmurs into her neck as they embrace on the field after the game.

 

“Just trying to earn my pie,” Alex says with a grin, pulling away so they don't linger too long. Ever since Kelley invited Alex to Georgia for her family Thanksgiving, she's been raving about her mom’s pie, how comfy her bed is, the beautiful yard, pretty much anything that will make Alex excited instead of nervous about meeting the family.

 

“You've earned it, babe,” Kelley says. “But first we gotta win this tournament. Which means…”

 

“Having a sleepover in your room tonight,” Alex tries, a sparkle in her eye.

 

“I was going to say recovery.”

 

Alex pouts. “You promised.”

 

“I did,” Kelley says. “And I'm planning to follow through. But we’re putting an emphasis on the sleep part of sleepover.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes and looks away from Kelley so she isn't tempted to kiss her in front of all these people. “Fine.”

 

\---

 

There is sleeping at their sleepover, but there is also plenty of kissing and touching and moaning into pillows so their next-door neighbors (and Alex’s teammates) won't hear them.

 

Even better than sleeping over is waking up to Kelley all warm and cozy, usually clutching the comforter or a pillow in her hands close to her chest. It's rare that Alex wakes up before Kelley or the alarm, so she always seizes the opportunity to wake her up softly, trailing soft kisses down her neck.

 

“Morning,” Kelley mumbles, her hair standing on end as Alex continues to kiss her shoulders. “Are you trying to tell me you're ready to get up and get coffee?”

 

“More like that I'm ready to make out again,” Alex murmurs.

 

“As cute as you are, I don't want to fall asleep with your head between my legs.”

 

“Mighty presumptuous!” Alex scoffs. “Plus you'd never fall asleep with me doing that. I keep it exciting.”

 

“Then you better get coffee in my system,” Kelley teases, rolling over to pucker her lips for a kiss from Alex that never comes. “Rude.”

 

“You're the rude one for taking this for granted,” Alex says. “You get one night with me.”

 

“One night for every game,” Kelley reminds her. “I have four more chances to cash in.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Don't jinx us.”

 

“I have all the faith in the world that my girl will carry us through to the finals and beyond,” Kelley says, smirking.

 

“There is no beyond after the final.”

 

“Sure there is. The World Cup, silly.”

 

Alex turns pink and finally drops the kiss to Kelley’s lips she’d been waiting for. “Don't jinx us,” she says again.

 

“I wouldn't dream of it,” Kelley says. “You're a bunch of losers.”

 

Alex nuzzles into Kelley’s neck and wraps both arms around her waist. “That's better.”

 

\---

 

It's easy for Alex to take recovery seriously when recovery means a massage from her girlfriend (even though it's not as sexy as it sounds) and long walks and cold baths with her best friends, dreaming out loud about what it might be like to win a World Cup. Such conversations usually start with a handful of girls in one ice bath before spreading to the whole group, managing to bring together even the fiercest rivals.

 

“Your goal yesterday would have beat any defense,” Christen gushes to Alex. “The keeper didn't stand a chance. I can't even see Germany’s keeper saving that.”

 

Alex blushes. “It never would have happened without you making that run to draw the defenders that left me wide open.”

 

“All I know is if you two can combine like that for a whole tournament, there's no way we don't win,” Abby says with her usual near-boasting confidence.

 

Instead of rolling her eyes this time, though, Alex nods, smiling at Christen. “We’ll give it a try this tournament,” she says. “Then by the time we get to Canada, watch out world.”

 

“I'll drink to that,” Abby jokes. “Once we win, I mean.”

 

“Sure, Abs,” Sydney says, tossing an ice cube at one of the only non-immersed parts of Abby’s body. With that, the spell is broken, the World Cup discussion forgotten in favor of half the group pelting each other with ice cubes and the rest scrambling out of the tub to safety.

 

\---

 

Alex doesn't tell Kelley about her interaction with Christen, but word must get back to her based on the way Kelley squeezes her at training the next day and whispers “you're the best” in her ear.

 

Alex rolls her eyes, trying not to blush as hard as she is. “Leave me alone, weirdo, I'm at work,” she teases, sticking her tongue out between her teeth. She rolls up her shorts just one more time for good measure before turning and jogging away, knowing full well Kelley’s eyes are on her the whole time.

 

In the team meeting back at the hotel after training, they discuss their game plan for Guatemala and learn the line-up. Christen isn't starting, but she smiles at Alex and gives her a thumbs up when Jill says her name.

 

Alex shifts in her seat, looking down at her lap after giving Christen a grateful smile. Weirdly, she doesn't have the same smug satisfaction as she does when she gets something and Christen doesn't. She really does think they could be an unstoppable pairing and wants to see what more they could accomplish in the same formation as last time, but different teams call for different formations. For now, anyway.

 

When Alex gets to the sideline after warm-ups, Kelley hands her a bottle of water and touches her hip gently, her way of saying “good luck,” “I’m proud of you,” “you look good,” “fix your hair,” or a combination of all of the above. Alex smooths her hair back under her pre-wrap and Kelley smiles. Definitely all of the above.

 

Five minutes into the game Alex has a feeling this is going to be one of those unnecessarily long matches that could probably be put away in one half and instead is going to leave the whole team exhausted tomorrow. She’s surprised when they’re only up by one goal at the half, and bitterly resents the fact that Christen isn’t on the pitch, certain they could have three between them by now.

 

In the locker room, Abby gives a rousing speech that doesn’t do much for inspiration, but does plenty to get everyone loose and laughing instead of overthinking. Two minutes into the second half, Alex adds to the tally with a header off of a corner, making Abby and Kelley pump their fists in almost perfect unison. She winks toward them before joining the team for a celebration, and from there, the floodgates open.

 

Tobin scores again, and then Whitney Engen (a center back) less than a minute later. It’s clear that the Guatemalan players feel deflated, but Alex wants to feel that goal-scoring high again, so she keeps pressing like her life depends on it, ignoring the way the coaching staff is motioning for her to settle.

 

Finally, they get another corner, and Tobin motions for a set piece they’ve practiced. Alex eyes the space where she knows the ball is going and quickly looks away, keeping an eye out for defenders. Nobody’s marking her, so as soon as the ball leaves Tobin’s foot, she races toward that empty space and jumps to reach it. A flash of blue streaks across her periphery, but she trains her eyes on the ball. Then, everything goes black.

 

\---

 

When Alex opens her eyes, she feels a wave of nausea and then a sharp pain in her temple before the blurry faces hovering over her come into focus.

 

She locks in on Kelley’s eyes, finding it difficult to focus on anything else.

 

“Alex,” Kelley says calmly, placing her hand over Alex’s hand, which is now on her stomach. “Can you see me?”

 

Alex nods, but another trainer holds her head still. “Y-yeah,” she says, her voice trembling. “My leg hurts.”

 

Kelley smiles. “You're okay,” she says, rubbing Alex’s arm gently. “That was a hard knock, so we have to be careful with you.”

 

Alex sighs. “We’re in Chicago,” she says. “It's… October something. We’re playing Guatemala. Not concussed.”

 

“How many goals have you scored?” Kelley asks gently, a teasing lilt to her voice.

 

“One,” Alex grumbles, rolling her eyes. “I was about to score another but then…”

 

“What happened?” Kelley asks.

 

“Obviously I hit my head,” Alex says. “Can you let me up now?”

 

Kelley nods to the other trainer. “She's okay,” she says. “Let her get some air.”

 

He helps Alex sit up, and as soon as her head is off the ground she feels the nausea again, this time paired with dizziness. “You alright there?”

 

Alex nods, grabbing a bottle of water from Kelley’s carrier. “Can you help me up?”

 

Kelley takes her hand and helps her to her feet, steadying her with a strong arm. Alex hears the stadium erupt with polite clapping as if to say “glad you're alright, now let’s get on with the game.”

 

“Gonna have to change that sock,” Kelley comments, nodding down to Alex’s calf as she lets her off the field. “Someone got you good with their cleat.”

 

Alex grimaces, but the pain in her leg can't distract her from Kelley motioning for a sub. “What? No sub,” she says. “There are thirty minutes left!”

 

“Uh, yes sub,” Kelley laughs. “There are twenty minutes left and we’re up by four goals.”

 

“I passed the on-field test!” Alex protests.

 

“What on-field test?” Kelley laughs. “You were out cold for 30 seconds. You were face down and didn't come to until we flipped you over. It was really freaky. That's your on-field test, not being able to tell me the month.”

 

Alex's heart races as she looks toward the bench where she's headed. “This is bullshit,” she gripes, pulling away from Kelley, who just rolls her eyes. She watches as Christen subs into the game for her and shoots Kelley an unforgiving look.

 

Abby tosses her a pinny to throw over her head, and Alex plops down on the bench next to her, arms folded while Kelley reaches for her boot.

 

“I can do it,” Alex grumbles, but when she pulls her sock back from the wound, she winces.

 

“I'm sure you can,” Kelley says, blotting at the bloody area after gently pulling back the sock and rolling it down, disposing of her shin guards. “You've been playing in the grass and dirt for an hour, I don't want it to get infected.”

 

“Good game, baby horse,” Abby says, patting Alex’s head.

 

“Ow.”

 

“Don't do that,” Kelley says. “She needs more tests.”

 

“You can do whatever you want,” Alex says, smugly satisfied at the way Kelley rolls her eyes.

 

“Don't be mean to Trainer Hottie, she's working very hard,” Abby chastises. “And you freaked her out.”

 

Alex looks up when the crowd erupts. Of course. Christen scored.

 

“Alex, can you look at me?” Dawn asks, sitting next to her with a clipboard in hand. “Can you rate your pain for me, 1 to 5?”

 

“I'm not in pain,” Alex insists.

 

“Headache?”

 

Alex looks down at Kelley, who looks back to her calf as if she wasn't just eavesdropping. “Two.”

 

“Neck?”

 

“It's fine.”

 

“You fell pretty hard.”

 

“Okay, like three.”

 

“Nausea?”

 

Alex sighs. “Right now like two.”

 

“And when you first hit your head?”

 

“Five,” Kelley answers, ignoring the look Alex gives her. “You were completely pale and looked like you were about to heave.”

 

“Four,” Alex says.

 

Dawn continues her questioning, moving from general questions to riddles that feel designed to trick her, and Alex continues to sugarcoat the truth, that she feels like she's going to pass out if she moves her head a centimeter, that her temple is throbbing, that an elephant might as well be sitting on her brain with how much pressure she feels.

 

She tries to focus on the game, but every time Christen touches the ball she zones out, biting hard at her lip so she doesn't cry. Alex should be getting those touches. Alex should get that second goal. She folds her arms across her chest and watches glumly as they throttle Guatemala.

 

\---

 

Alex doesn't speak to Kelley till they're back at the hotel and Kelley asks if she's planning on spending the night.

 

“No,” Alex says. “I need my rest. Thanks for the offer, though.”

 

“Al,” Kelley sighs. “You can't be mad at me.”

 

“Yeah I can,” Alex says. She leans forward for a quick peck of the lips. “Good night.”

 

“Would you rather she let you stay on the field and pass out or worse?” Abby asks, having witnessed the whole exchange.

 

“Mind your business, Abby,” Alex sighs.

 

“It is my business,” Abby says. “I was hoping to get the room to myself tonight.”

 

“Hot Skype date with Sarah?”

 

“More like hot date with a bag of Doritos,” Abby laughs. “I know you and Trainer Hottie are anti-processed food these days.”

 

“She always has been,” Alex says, looking down at her phone. “How do you think she has that body?”

 

“I like you two together,” Abby muses. “I think she makes you better.”

 

“I make myself better,” Alex retorts, but a small smile creeps across her face.

 

“She helps,” Abby says. “You've got a good thing with her. Don't fuck it up?”

 

“Moi?” Alex gasps. “Never.”

 

Later, as she's lying in bed, her fingers tap mindlessly over her phone screen while she tries to figure out what to say to Kelley before going to sleep.

 

“Sorry for being a little psycho tonight,” she types. “You know I hate sitting out. But thank you for looking out for me, baby.”

 

Kelley writes back almost immediately. “Always looking out for you, pretty girl,” she says. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Okay,” Alex replies. “My head feels better and the room finally doesn't feel like it's spinning lol.” She adds a few dramatic crying emojis for good measure.

 

“I thought you didn't have a headache?”

 

“On and off,” she says. “The nausea is the worst. And my leg doesn't feel so hot either.”

 

“Poor baby,” Kelley replies. “Come over? Cuddles only, don't want to shake up your precious little brain too much.”

 

“Be there in a sec,” Alex replies, sliding out of bed as quietly as she can.

 

“You're not slick,” Abby mutters from her bed. “I knew you wouldn't last all night.”

 

\---

 

Alex joins Crystal and Heather for a walk to get coffee and catch up on roomie stuff while Kelley is in meetings with the training staff all morning. She doesn't realize how much time has passed—and how much drama can occur in just a few weeks of not living together—till she looks at her phone and sees that three hours have passed and she has three texts from Kelley.

 

“Out of meetings! Need a massage?” says the first one.

 

“Helllooooo,” says the second. “Lunch date?”

 

“Babeeeeee,” says the third, accompanied by distraught emojis. “I'm so hungry.”

 

“I'm sorry!” Alex replies. “So caught up in gabbing with the gals. On my way back to the hotel now. Don't eat without me!!!”

 

As soon as Alex steps foot in the hotel lobby, though, Jill pulls her into a conference room with some of the coaching staff.

 

“How do you feel today?” Dawn asks.

 

“Pretty good,” Alex answers chipperly. “I got a good night’s sleep.” She’d complained about her headache to Kelley for a solid 15 minutes before Kelley finally got out of bed to give her some ibuprofen, but they don't need to know that part.

 

“Good to hear,” Dawn says. “You have an appointment this afternoon to get some scans. It's lucky we’re in Chicago, because most of our US Soccer contacts are here or in LA.”

 

“That'll be a tight squeeze to get from there to the airport,” Alex says.

 

Dawn looks at Jill, who shifts in her seat before folding her hands in her lap. “Well,” the coach says. “If the doctor clears you to fly, we’ll get you on a flight home to LA tonight or tomorrow.”

 

Alex's stomach sinks. “You're sending me home?”

 

“It's better safe than sorry,” Dawn says. “With your symptoms lasting through the night, we just have to be cautious.”

 

Alex furrows her brow. She just told them she was feeling better, so she can't wrap her head around the sudden change. “So what, you'll fly me back out for the semis?”

 

“We’re ruling you out of the tournament,” Jill says. “It's precautionary.”

 

“Since when? Last night Dawn told me to rest up for practice tomorrow.”

 

“I didn't know the extent of your symptoms at the time,” Dawn says. “We met this morning, and decided as a group that it would be best…”

 

Alex bites her lip hard, nodding. “Okay,” she says, willing her tears away. “I understand.”

 

“We’re incredibly impressed by the hard work you've been putting in on your own time,” Dawn says. “And you've had a wonderful few games, and we’re going to miss you sorely. But we need you in peak condition for 2015, yeah?”

 

Alex nods, looking anywhere but at them. “Can I go?” she asks.

 

“Sure,” Jill says. “Please let us know if there's anything…”

 

Alex doesn't hear the rest of the sentence, her ears filled with blood pulsing through her veins as she hurries out of the room and into the hallway to cry.

 

“There you are!” Kelley exclaims, turning the corner down the hall. “I was about to put out an APB for your location.”

 

“Don't talk to me,” Alex says, her voice trembling.

 

Kelley's face falls, and then she looks up to see the door Alex is coming out of. “Oh, Al.”

 

“Don't ‘Al’ me!” Alex exclaims. “I told my girlfriend how I was feeling. Maybe I whined and exaggerated a little for sympathy. From my  _ girlfriend _ .”

 

“Alex, please—”

 

“I tell you things I would never tell my trainer, not in a million years!” Alex says. “You should know the difference. If you don't, fucking ask me!”

 

“Can we please talk about this somewhere private?”

 

“No! I don't want to talk to you.”

 

“Why would I put your health at risk?” Kelley asks. “Why would you?”

 

“I'm fine,” Alex insists, gritting out her words through her teeth. “This tournament means everything to me.”

 

“Okay, well your long term health means everything to me.”

 

“Jesus!” Alex exclaims. “This is why they say not to date your coworkers. This is only a problem because you're treating it as a personal matter when it's not. You wouldn't have done this to any other player. It's not fair! I shouldn't get preferential treatment, but I also shouldn't have a harder time because of you.”

 

“It's both!” Kelley says. “Everything between us, as long as we are both part of this team, everything is personal and professional. If I weren't working here I'd want you to be honest with the training staff about how you're feeling because I love you and want you alive and well. But if I knew any other girl had the same symptoms as you, hell yeah I’d bring it up in a meeting.”

 

Alex blinks back her tears and clenches her fists, too mad to have this conversation right now. “I'm going to my room,” she says. “Do not follow me.”

 

As she storms off toward the elevator, she's disappointed when Kelley does what she's asked for once.

 

\---

 

Alex wants to hold out for Kelley to give in and apologize first, but her doctor’s appointment is an hour before the rest of the group even has to leave for the airport, so she's the one begrudgingly knocking on Kelley’s door.

 

“Hey,” Kelley says softly.

 

“Me too,” Alex says.

 

“What?”

 

“I love you,” Alex says. “I'm really pissed that you said it while I'm mad at you, but I love you and I just wanted to tell you that so you don't like, think you should never say it again or whatever.”

 

“That's why you wanted to tell me?” Kelley teases. “Not because it's how you feel?”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “Don't be obnoxious about it.”

 

“Never,” Kelley says softly, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Alex on the lips. “I want to keep saying it. I love you and I love your cute little noggin and I love watching you do your thing on the football pitch.”

 

“Nerd,” Alex prods.

 

“Pita,” Kelley responds easily.

 

“I'm still a little mad at you.”

 

“I would expect nothing less.”

 

“I just want to start in the World Cup.”

 

“You will.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“Pinky promise.” Kelley extends her pinky, but instead of taking it, Alex wraps her arms around her neck, squeezing tight.

 

“I'm going to miss you, doc,” she murmurs into Kelley’s neck.

 

“I'll miss you, princess.”

 

“No spending time with Christen for the rest of the tournament while I'm not around.” Kelley raises an eyebrow. “Okay. Just not like all the time.”

 

Kelley rolls her eyes and kisses Alex again. “Love you.”

 

“I love you,” Alex says. “Traitor.”


	22. that feeling that doesn't go away just did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex spends Thanksgiving with Kelley's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought y'all deserved something nice ;)

Under strict orders to stay away from screens for a week, Alex can't even watch the team win the CONCACAF championship that qualifies them for the World Cup. Instead, she lies on the couch and listens to the commentary with her eyes closed, trying to picture the game in her bruised head.

 

Kelley speaks extra softly on the phone, even when Alex talks to her at full voice, but Alex doesn't mind. It reminds her of when Kelley is sleepy and soft late at night, and sometimes if she really tries and squeezes her sweatshirt tight and inhales the scent she can pretend Kelley is next to her in bed.

 

Luckily, her concussion symptoms are long gone by the time she has to fly to Georgia for Thanksgiving, because she doesn't think she’d be able to handle waking up at 4:30 a.m. for a long travel day otherwise.

 

She lands around 3 and falls asleep in the passenger seat of Kelley’s car almost immediately, only waking up once they pull into her driveway.

 

“Oh my God, I'm so sorry,” Alex says groggily to an endeared Kelley.

 

“Come inside, you can take a nap,” Kelley says. “My parents won't be home for a few hours anyway.”

 

Alex only makes it to the living room, where she curls up and falls asleep with her head in Kelley’s lap. When she wakes up, Kelley is spooning her from behind, her head nuzzled into the back of Alex’s neck. She can hear voices from the next room, so she tenses up, making Kelley stir slightly.

 

“I think your parents are home,” she hisses.

 

“I'm sorry, we didn't mean to wake you!” a woman’s voice says, jarring Alex from her daze as she sits straight up, limiting Kelley’s ability to do the same.

 

“Oh, no!” Alex says. “You didn’t. We must have slept longer than…” She stands up, realizing she doesn't really want to meet Kelley’s mom like this. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. O’Hara.”

 

“Karen,” she corrects, forgoing Alex's outstretched hand in favor of a hug. “Welcome! Did Kelley get you settled?”

 

“Um,” Alex says, noticing her suitcase in the corner of the room. Her face turns pink.

 

“We were getting there,” Kelley says. “We got sidetracked.”

 

“I can see that,” Karen says. “Your dad needs help bringing in the groceries.”

 

“I can help!” Alex exclaims.

 

“No, you're a guest,” Karen tuts. “After a few glasses of wine tonight you'll be family, then you can help.”

 

Alex smiles warmly, and Kelley kisses her cheek before heading outside to help her dad.

 

“I hope you don't mind sleeping in Erin’s room,” Karen says. “I know you're adults, but Kelley’s twin bed isn't even that comfortable for one person, let alone two. And my husband is a little old-fashioned.”

 

“No worries,” Alex says. “I don't mind.”

 

Erin has a twin bed too, but it's cozy and long enough for Alex’s legs. She tries not to snoop, but she can't help but look closely at all the pictures on Erin’s vanity. There are family photos over the year and several of just Erin and Kelley, including one where they're on a boat and five-year-old Kelley looks like she wants to be anywhere else on earth.

 

“Creeping?” Kelley asks from the doorway, making Alex jump. “Sorry.”

 

“You were a cute baby,” Alex murmurs, wrapping her arms around Kelley’s waist when Kelley gets closer to her. “What happened?”

 

“Years and years of not being appreciated,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes and pecking Alex on the lips. “Wanna fool around in my sister’s bed?”

 

“Absolutely not,” Alex laughs.

 

“Good call,” another voice says from the doorway. A head Alex knows belongs to Erin, Kelley’s sister, pops around the corner. “Dinner’s ready, brat.”

 

“That's not a very nice thing to call my girlfriend,” Kelley says with mock offense.

 

Erin rolls her eyes. “I'm Erin,” she says. “I've heard nothing but great things about you. That's why we’re getting you drunk tonight, so we can find out the interesting stuff.”

 

“That's the second time I've heard I'm getting drunk tonight,” Alex laughs. “Should I be nervous?”

 

Any nerves Alex does experience get wiped away by how incredibly warm and welcoming Kelley’s family is. The number of people isn't overwhelming to Alex, who's used to having two sisters and various significant others, but usually not all at the same time. When she gets downstairs, Kelley doesn't even have to introduce her to Jerry (her brother), Kristy (his wife), or Derek (Erin’s boyfriend).

 

They order takeout (“We have enough cooking to do tomorrow,” Dan says) and eat around the coffee table in pajamas and lounging clothes, not bothering to put on a show for Alex. She appreciates their lack of airs, feeling right at home immediately among their loud laughter and stories about Kelley’s childhood.

 

“Wait, did you guys tell her how you didn't know who she was?” Erin asks, her hand coming in front of her mouth as she chews her lo mein.

 

“Erin, no,” Kelley groans. “Don't.”

 

“No, it's funny!” Erin protests, turning toward Alex, who's sitting close to Kelley’s side. “Kelley told our parents she was bringing her girlfriend, Alex, home for Thanksgiving, and they were all excited because they'd heard so much about this girlfriend and how much she adores you and all that.”

 

“All very true,” Kelley says, kissing Alex’s shoulder.

 

“So we watch like every game where we might see Kelley,” Erin says. “Mom and Dad get so excited when the camera pans to the bench or when someone needs water or whatever. So they're, like, pretty familiar with the team at this point.”

 

“And we like soccer!” Karen exclaims. “We do!”

 

Alex laughs. “Hey, I'm glad you're watching. I'd watch just for a glimpse of that face too.”

 

Kelley rolls her eyes, and Erin continues.

 

“So we were watching the World Cup qualifiers and Mom is like ‘I feel bad for the poor girl who hurt her head, but I'm glad we got to see Kelley for so long!’”

 

“And then Dad goes ‘we should send her a muffin basket or something, like, sorry about the head injury, but thanks for letting us see our daughter,’” Jerry chimes in.

 

“So I was like, horrified,” Erin says. “And then I realized they had no idea Kelley’s girlfriend Alex was the same Alex who just got hurt.”

 

“I felt awful!” Karen says, her face blushing madly. “I still do.”

 

“In our defense, Kelley never mentioned how you met, she just told us she was seeing someone and it was long-distance,” Dan says.

 

Alex smiles, resting her head against Kelley’s shoulder briefly. “It was all a scam to get this one to pay attention to me,” she teases.

 

“You're a great actor,” Kelley says. “Better soccer player, though.”

 

“Kelley has a type,” Jerry jokes.

 

Alex glances down at her food, not sure what to say as Kelley shifts uncomfortably beside her.

 

Karen seems to sense the change in mood and clears her throat. “Alex!” she says. “Tell us about Boston.”

 

“After she figured out who you were, she did some Googling,” Erin laughs. “She's now your biggest fan.”

 

Kelley slips her hand through Alex’s and squeezes tight. “She’ll have to fight me for that title.”

 

\---

 

Alex hardly has the lights out for two minutes before there's a gentle knock on her door and Kelley's slipping in.   
  
"Scoot over," Kelley whispers, crawling into the bed beside Alex.   
  
"What are you doing?" Alex whispers.   
  
"I haven't seen you in over a month," Kelley whines. "I'm not spending our first night together separated by a wall. I just want to cuddle."   
  
"That's all?" Alex murmurs. "Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?"   
  
"Shh," Kelley says, burying her face in Alex's neck and wrapping her arms around her waist. "Erin's bed creaks anyway."   
  
"And you'd know that how?"   
  
"I grew up next door," Kelley says, pulling a disgusted face.   
  
"You never snuck in here when another girl was staying?" Alex can almost feel Kelley's eyes rolling.   
  
"I can assure you I have never had sex with any girl in this house."   
  
Alex is quiet for a moment. She wants to ask the question—the obvious next one about Christen—but she thinks about their day so far and the way Kelley's family made her one of their own, and instead, she enjoys Kelley's steady breaths against her neck.   
  
"I like your family a lot," she says softly. "They seem so happy."   
  
"They're nuts," Kelley laughs. "But they like you a lot too."   
  
"I'm glad," Alex says. "Because I'm hoping you'll keep me around for a while."   
  
Kelley smiles against her collarbone. "Of course."   
  
"How long have they been married?" Alex asks. "Your parents."

 

“Several millennia?” Kelley jokes. “I think it's 30 years next year.”

 

“Wow,” Alex breathes. “I want that.”

 

“Thirty years with the same person?”

 

“A lifetime,” Alex says. “I want to grow old with the person I love, my soulmate. Have a baby or three and raise them, then spend our golden years even more in love than we ever thought was possible.”

 

“I like that,” Kelley murmurs. “Anyone lucky enough to get that with you would never let go.”

 

Alex bites her lip. “My parents separated when I was in high school. Before that, I thought for sure they'd be together forever. Like, I couldn't imagine them ever not being together. But I don't know how long they were happy. Or if they ever really were. It just made me question everything.”

 

Kelley reaches for Alex’s hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of it soothingly. “We can never really know anyone else’s experience,” she says. “Like, I always stress about how I feel like I know what love is but maybe if I were in my mom’s shoes I'd realize whatever I felt wasn't even scratching the surface of what she feels.”

 

Alex laughs quietly. “That's exactly how I felt when they got divorced,” she says. “I know they love us and don't regret anything, but I can't imagine pouring my life into someone and then one day just not having them.”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says. Alex can feel her heart speeding up.

 

“I don't think I've ever been in love,” Alex says. “Not really. Like, I know I love you. I love you so much. But I'm worried I'll never know what it's like to be in love.”

 

“You'll know,” Kelley says.

 

“How?”

 

Kelley laughs. “You're so eager,” she says. “You have to let it happen naturally.”

 

“I think it will.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Alex wraps her arms around Kelley’s shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug. “Thanks for bringing me here and letting me be a part of this. It's really special.”

 

“Thanks for coming,” Kelley says. “I was a little scared. I still am. A little.”

 

“About what?”

 

“I still feel like I walk on eggshells around my family when it comes to my sexuality. Like in my day-to-day life it's not an issue or something I ever even think about. But when I'm here it's all I think about. Especially with you being here.”

 

“Oh,” Alex says. “I'm—”

 

“I'm so glad you're here,” Kelley says. “I think it's easier for people to understand a person than a concept. My extended family has never met anyone I've dated, so this is new. But I'm excited. I know they're going to love you.”

 

“I wish you had told me that sooner,” Alex says, suddenly feeling a tremendous amount of pressure.

 

“I didn't want you to know I'm such a ball of nerves,” Kelley says.

 

“You aren't,” Alex says, biting at her lower lip. “I'm—I understand.” She loosens her grip around Kelley, pulling back so they're face to face, barely able to make out each other’s features in the dark. “My parents didn't know at all.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I never had a girlfriend,” Alex says, laughing nervously. “When you invited me to Thanksgiving, you sounded so confident and casual and I didn't want to tell you that I still hadn't told my parents about you. Or about me.”

 

Kelley swallows hard. “Oh.”

 

“But I did,” Alex says. “I told them I was going to Georgia to spend Thanksgiving with my girlfriend’s family.”

 

“What did they say?”

 

“First they asked which girlfriend,” Alex laughs. “I had to clarify a little that I only have one because we’re together. Like in a relationship.”

 

“And…”

 

“And I love you,” Alex says, kissing Kelley’s forehead. “But they were cool. They had questions, which I expected I guess. But they love me and they're happy for me.”

 

“Why didn't you tell me?” Kelley asks.

 

Alex thinks back to all of their late-night texts and phone calls, all the opportunities she had to speak up that she didn't take. “I was scared,” she answers. “I want to be good enough for you, not some scared baby bisexual who can't tell her parents because maybe she’ll end up with a guy.”

 

Kelley doesn't say anything, but Alex knows she was thinking the same thing, no matter how much she was trying not to. “I'm glad you did,” she says softly. “I know it must have been scary, so I'm sorry I couldn't support you.”

 

“You did,” Alex says. “I wanted to spend Thanksgiving with you more than anything, and you invited me. You gave me a reason to be brave. You made me brave enough.”

 

“You did that,” Kelley whispers, kissing Alex softly on the lips. “You did it all by yourself. I'm proud of you.”

 

\---

 

Alex isn't sure when Kelley slips out, but the spot next to her is still warm when she wakes up. She uses Erin’s vanity to freshen up before going to the bathroom to brush her teeth, where she runs straight into Kelley.

 

“Morning, beautiful,” Kelley says, leaning in to peck Alex on the lips. “Sleep well?”

 

“Of course,” Alex says softly. “You were—”

 

“Good morning, girls!” Karen says, walking out of the master bedroom and almost giving Alex a heart attack in the process. “Who's hot to trot?”

 

The Turkey Trot 5K, as it turns out, is an O’Hara family tradition that Alex is expected to take part in. As is Turkey Tennis. All before dinner even gets started.

 

Despite Karen’s pleas for the kids not to take the competition too seriously, Alex sets a personal 5K record and Kelley still beats her by 4 seconds. Alex gets back at her by teaming up with Karen to beat her and Erin in doubles tennis, though.

 

“She can stay,” Erin declares on the drive home, high fiving Alex, who won shotgun privileges in a race to the car, leaving Kelley and Derek relegated to the backseat.

 

“We’ll see,” Kelley grumbles, squeezing the hand that Alex reaches behind her. “You might not say that when she's gobbling down the last of the mashed potatoes.”

 

“Oh, Erin will throw down over mashed potatoes,” Derek laughs. “I learned that the hard way.”

 

“She didn't speak to him for like two hours after dinner last year,” Kelley confirms.

 

Alex smiles at her new best friend Erin. “I'm more of a pie girl anyway, don't worry.”

 

\---

 

“Pie girl indeed,” Kelley murmurs in Alex's ear as she rubs her bloated stomach. “No regrets?”

 

“None,” Alex groans, curling tighter into a ball, practically on Kelley’s lap on the couch while the rest of the family watches Pitch Perfect on the couch, one of Kelley’s little cousins’ picks.

 

“I'm thankful for you, you know,” Kelley whispers.

 

“I'm thankful for you,” Alex replies, turning her head to accept a small kiss from Kelley. She can feel eyes on them—probably from one of Kelley’s older cousins—but it doesn't make her feel shy like she thought it would.

 

Every touch, every smart remark, every fleeting glance has been for Kelley. Everything Kristy and Jerry do, Alex wants to do better. Not bigger—she doesn't want to call too much attention to them—but just right. When Derek puts his hand on the small of Erin’s back and whispers something in her ear, Alex takes Kelley’s plate and tells her to sit down while she fills it up for her, adding a “babe” at the end for good measure.

 

Everyone’s been kind to Alex. Maybe they're just on their best behavior because of the holiday, but Alex can see the way they react to her and Kelley while they ignore the other couples, whether they mean to or not.

 

All in all, it's one of the best Thanksgiving Days Alex has ever had. She enjoys hanging out with Kelley’s whole family, but her favorite part is when it's just Kelley’s immediate family after everyone else has gone home. They drink wine and beer and break out the family photo albums, old to everyone else, but new and exciting to Alex.

 

Alex tries to help Karen and Dan clean up in the kitchen, but they shoo her off, telling her she's done enough and that it's time to rest up for the rest of the weekend.

 

Just like the night before, Kelley slips into Alex’s room, but Alex isn't in bed. She places her hand on Kelley’s chest and kisses her softly, pushing her out the door and down the hallway back toward her own room.

 

“Al, what—” Kelley breathes.

 

“That bed is creaky,” Alex says, sliding a hand underneath Kelley’s shirt and running it over her abs. She leans forward to kiss Kelley’s neck softly. “You said you've never had sex with a woman here.” She tilts her head to the other side to place another soft kiss lower on the other side of her neck. “I just want to give you something to be thankful for.”


	23. slow dancing on landmines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A drunken night with the gals goes wrong (doesn't it always?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm just like.....really sorry in advance.

Alex’s call-up to the December tournament in Brazil is the first time since being left out of the Olympic roster that she’s not surprised by a call-up. Based on all her conversations with the coaching staff since her concussion, she knows she’s nearly a lock for the World Cup roster as long as she stays fit and healthy, which is exactly what she plans to do.

 

As exciting as it is to get to hang out with Kelley, Alex has mostly been with her for the whole first half of December, flying back and forth between Chicago and LA and Georgia to spend a few days together here and there. So after they land in Brazil, they spend most of their time with their respective teammates instead of each other.

 

Alex ends up rooming with Christen, which feels surprisingly normal. Kelley’s name rarely even comes up, but Alex doesn't feel like she's dancing around it either. They just come up with other things to talk about, like soccer and Christmas and apartment decor.

 

On the field, they gel just as much, finishing each other’s through-balls and crosses in training, where they're always paired. In games, however, Alex seems to be the coaches’ flavor of the month while Christen bites at her cuticles on the bench, subbing in almost like clockwork for Alex in the 70th minute every time. She's clearly frustrated, but after every game they rehash what happened on the field, Christen always giving Alex a complimentary (yet realistic) assessment of her play.

 

In the final game of the tournament, against the hosts, they're deadlocked nil-nil and Brazil doesn't look like they're in any hurry to do much more than sit back and wait it out.

 

For once, when Christen’s number lights up in green on the sideline, the number next to it isn't Alex's. Instead, she comes on for Tobin, who hustles off to let Christen enter, giving her a double high five and a wink that Alex has a feeling is a little more than friendly, though Christen hasn't said a word about it and still probably doesn't know that Alex even knows.

 

Five minutes after Christen enters, Alex sprints for a ball sent in by Becky headed for the endline, catches up to it against all odds, and slips it to a completely open Press waiting at the penalty spot.

 

Christen makes no mistake, slotting it past the keeper easily, throwing her hands up in the air as she gawks at Alex as if to say she can't believe that just happened.

 

“Yes!” Alex cheers, a new burst of energy pulsing through her legs as she runs toward Christen to hug her before the whole team can descend on her.

 

The game is far from over, but they manage to lock down defensively while Alex and Christen keep pressing, leading to a 1-0 victory and a USA tournament win. It's no World Cup (or even World Cup qualifying), but it feels good to celebrate something big with her team, especially when she played a major role in making it happen.

 

When this team celebrates, they go big, especially just a few days before Christmas. When they get back to the hotel, they're treated to Christmas sweets and spiked egg nog to overindulge in, early flights be damned.

 

The party continues back in Abby’s room, where a slightly tipsy Alex finds herself curled up on Kelley’s lap, arms wrapped around her neck as they whisper sweet nothings while music plays from the makeshift speakers (Syd’s iPhone in a glass from room service) and everyone laughs and talks and dances, just happy to be alive and together.

 

“Guys, can we play a game?” Syd whines, pausing her music. “Like strip poker or something? Someone must have cards.”

 

“Okay, token straight girl,” Abby laughs. “You just want us all to take off our clothes?”

 

Syd rolls her eyes. “Or Never Have I Ever or something.”

 

“Let's do that!” Christen pipes up. Alex has to imagine she usually wins, but then again, there's a lot about Christen she doesn't know.

 

“Yeah,” Alex agrees, making Kelley’s eyebrows shoot up. “Let's do it.”

 

“You start then, Baby Horse,” Abby says.

 

“Never have I ever played in an Olympics,” Alex says with a smirk. Almost everyone around the room drinks while Kelley’s hand strokes her thigh softly. “Kel?”

 

“Um, never have I ever… smoked weed.”

 

“You're so cute, baby,” Alex laughs, dropping a kiss on Kelley’s head before taking a sip of her drink.

 

Tobin is next, and in her usual style, she thinks about it first, dragging it out with a long “uhhh” before deciding on, “Never have I ever had sex with a dude.”

 

“Boo,” Syd calls as she and most of the other girls drink.

 

“Always taking your chances to brag about being a gold star lesbian,” Kelley teases.

 

“Be nice,” Alex chides.

 

“Never have I ever scored an international goal,” Becky says, forcing almost everyone else to drink.

 

“Because you won't take any PKs!” Abby exclaims. “Okay, never have I ever… Jesus, I've done everything. Oh! Never have I ever seen Harry Potter.” The room explodes with incredulity, but Abby just rolls her eyes, waving toward Christen. “It's lame, leave me alone.”

 

“Okay,” Christen giggles. “Never have I ever cried during a bikini wax.” She lifts her glass toward Kelley, who rolls her eyes.

 

“Brat,” Kelley grumbles, but she's smiling.

 

“That was literally the funniest thing I ever witnessed,” Christen laughs.

 

“Okay, never have I ever witnessed someone else getting a bikini wax,” Alex deadpans.

 

She's out of turn, but Christen smiles and takes a sip anyway. “Fair play.”

 

The game goes on for two more rounds, and every time it's Christen’s turn, she chooses something aimed specifically at Kelley. Every private joke and teasing glance between them makes Alex’s irritation grow.

 

“Can we go?” she murmurs to Kelley.

 

“Sure, can I finish my drink first though?”

 

“You just opened that,” Alex whines, lifting the hand holding Kelley’s beer to test how heavy it is. “I'm tired.”

 

“I'll make it fast, promise,” Kelley says.

 

“I'll help,” Syd says. “Never have I ever hooked up with someone in this room.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes but kisses Kelley quickly before taking a sip. Almost half the room takes a sip, so nobody pays any attention to Tobin taking a sip, but Alex’s eyes hone in on her and she smirks. Christen may have private jokes, but so can Alex.

 

She sits up straight in Kelley’s lap. “Never have I ever hooked up with  _ two _ people in this room.”

 

“Thanks, babe,” Kelley jokes, pinching her hip as she lifts the can to her mouth, but Christen doesn't make a move.

 

“Anyone else?” Alex asks, raising her eyebrows. “Anyone? At all?” She looks straight at Christen, who is staring straight at Kelley.

 

“Babe,” Kelley says softly. “Drop it.”

 

“Oh come on, we’re all friends,” Alex laughs, looking from Kelley back to Christen. “If we can't be honest with our teammates, who can we be honest with?”

 

Christen takes a quick sip of her drink, looking down at the floor while her cheeks turn bright red.

 

“Chris!” Syd squeals. “Oh my God, who did you sleep with? Besides Kelley, obviously.”

 

“Thanks,” Kelley mumbles.

 

“I just figured with the number of times we had sex maybe Kelley counts for two,” Christen says. She doesn't look at Alex, but her words feel like a punch in the gut, and Alex knows that was exactly her intention.

 

“Then that makes three?” Alex asks innocently.

 

“Wait, I'm so confused, what's going on?” Abby asks, looking around the room. “Kelley slept with Christen and Alex. Christen slept with Kelley and who else?”

 

It would be obvious if they weren't all drunk, the way Tobin turns redder and redder, her arms wrapping around her own waist.

 

“Tobin,” Christen says sharply. Everyone’s head turns to her, then to Tobin. “We hooked up one time like two years ago. It meant nothing and we were hoping to keep it relatively quiet, but I guess discretion isn't in everyone’s vocabulary.”

 

“Oh, come on,” Alex says. “It's not like anyone cares.”

 

“I don't know, seems like some people do,” Christen says, getting up from her spot on the edge of Syd’s bed. “Thanks for hosting, guys. I'm going to bed.”

 

\----

  
"I really wish you hadn't done that," Kelley murmurs into Alex's neck as they stand outside the door to the room Alex is sharing with Christen. Her abrupt exit had shifted the mood of the party considerably, and as much as Alex wanted to avoid her own room as long as Christen is in it, the reality that she hasn't packed at all for her early flight prevents her from staying with Kelley (not that it matters, as Kelley's flying back with her to LA).   
  
"I just didn't like her little attitude," Alex whines. "If you don't want people at work talking about who you're fucking, don't fuck people you work with."   
  
"You're one to talk," Kelley laughs.   
  
"I'm more than happy with people knowing what I get to see naked whenever I want," Alex says, pulling Kelley in for a kiss. She jumps back when the door to her room opens, revealing a disheveled Tobin. "Oh. Hey."   
  
"Hey," Tobin says, her cheeks still pink from the alcohol and embarrassment of before.   
  
"Listen, I didn't mean to put you on blast..."   
  
"I know," Tobin says, shoving her hands into the pockets of her sweatpants. "I didn't realize anyone—well I guess Kelley—you know..."   
  
"Yeah," Alex shrugs. "I mean, good for you, she's obviously super hot."   
  
Tobin turns redder. "Yeah," she says. "Um, I'm gonna... go to bed or whatever. See you, uh, when I see you."   
  
"Sure," Kelley says. "Have a safe trip home."   
  
Tobin says her goodbyes and shuffles down the hallway back to her room.   
  
"You, little miss, need to get packing," Kelley says. Alex can hear the shower turn on in her room, and Kelley smiles. "If you start now, I bet you can be done and in bed by the time she gets out."   
  
That's enough to get Alex moving, giving Kelley a quick kiss goodnight before opening the door to her room and setting to her packing.   
  
She underestimated the task at hand, though, because she's only halfway packed when Christen emerges from the bathroom silently dressed in a bathrobe with her hair in a towel. She sets about her own bedtime routine while Alex tries to avoid her artfully.   
  
"Is this yours?" Alex asks quietly, holding up a sock she doesn't recognize.   
  
"No," Christen says without looking.   
  
"Okay," Alex tuts, rolling her eyes and tossing the sock to the side.   
  
"The attitude isn't necessary," Christen says sharply.   
  
"Mine?" Alex laughs. "Dude, it was a stupid game."   
  
"Really? Because it didn't feel like it was in a very fun spirit."   
  
"You're a sensitive drunk," Alex says. "Which is interesting considering you were the one flirting with my girlfriend all night with your little inside jokes."   
  
“I don’t want your girlfriend!” Christen exclaims, her anger bubbling to the surface. “Which you should be thankful for, because you and I both know if I did, I could have her.”   
  
Alex's eyes go wide in shock. "You're a piece of work."   
  
“Can you honestly tell me you think if I went to Kelley’s room right now and told her I was in love with her and wanted her back she wouldn’t drop everything?” Christen folds her arms across her chest.   
  
Alex feels a familiar sting behind her eyes, and Christen scoffs.   
  
"Anyone who's that insecure in a relationship shouldn't be in it," Christen says. "That's why Kelley and I aren't together. Well, part of why. Tobin and I tried for a few weeks. I never told Kelley that because I knew she was mad about me ditching her on New Year's Eve and I didn't want to rub salt in the wound. But I couldn't do the distance, so I told her we'd be better off as friends and keeping our stuff private. It's literally that easy to spare yourself the stress and eventual heartbreak."   
  
"I guess we can't all be so perfect and self aware," Alex spits, dropping to the floor and packing faster, her heart racing.   
  
"Maybe you should try."   
  
Alex looks up. "Excuse me?"   
  
"I don't know, she clearly saw something in me she liked. It probably wouldn't kill you to figure out what that was and, I don't know, try to be what she wants instead of being mad at me for being those things."   
  
"Is that the key to success, then? Being more like you?"   
  
Christen rolls her eyes. "You tell me, you've been trying since the Olympics."   
  
"Right," Alex scoffs.   
  
"Hey, it's working out," Christen says, her face getting blotchy while her eyes rim with red from the salty tears. Alex doesn't think she's ever seen her look this unattractive, and she savors it. "You've got the girl. You've got the starting spot. You've got the same sponsorships I do. Next thing I know you'll be coming for my spot in Chicago. Oh wait, you tried that too, didn't you?"   
  
Alex zips her suitcase shut and yanks her charger out of the wall, shoving it into her purse. "I don't know what you're talking about, but you should take several steps back and sleep this off before you really embarrass yourself."   
  
"Embarrass myself or embarrass you by making you face the truth? Come on, Alex. Don't be naive."   
  
"You know what?" Alex says, trembling as her voice elevates. "You're worse than I am. I can come across as a bitch sometimes, and sometimes I am. Nobody's perfect. But you pretend you're so perfect, then you act like this behind closed doors. Maybe that's why everything is falling apart for you, not because of me. Maybe it's time for you to face the part you play in your own goddamn life!"   
  
She storms out and slams the door as hard as she can—which, unfortunately, is not that hard because the hotel door prevents it from being slammed—before dragging her suitcase down the hall toward Kelley's.   
  
Her head is spinning with everything Christen said, everything she said back, what she could have said better. When she gets to Kelley's door, she reaches out to knock before stopping herself and turning around.   
  
She gets halfway down the hallway and stops at a quiet room whose occupants are probably fast asleep and knocks, over and over, harder and harder.   
  
Cheney comes to the door, squinting at the unwelcome hallway light. "Alex?" she asks. "What are you—"   
  
"Can I sleep on your floor?" Alex asks through her tears, doing her best to keep the sobbing at a minimum so she doesn't wake the entire floor.   
  
"Of course you can stay in here," Cheney says, putting an arm around her shoulder. "But I'm not letting you sleep on the floor. Come in. I've got you. We've got you."


	24. one of our hearts will break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley finds out.

Alex barely sleeps a wink in Cheney’s bed, so when her alarm is set to go off the next morning she's already wide awake and slips out before she can wake anyone else up. She slept in her airplane outfit of leggings and a big T-shirt, a sweatshirt packed in her carry-on bag even though she knows she’ll just end up stealing Kelley’s.

 

With clear eyes and a clear head, Alex knocks softly on Kelley’s door.

 

“Good morning, gorgeous,” Kelley says in her crackly morning voice. She leans in for a kiss and smooths Alex’s hair back. “I was afraid I'd have to come in and snuggle you awake.”

 

Alex smiles weakly, hesitant to tell Kelley anything about the night before, knowing full well they have a van ride and long plane trip back to California with Christen ahead of them.

 

Christen, of course, doesn't make it that easy. The van ride to the airport is quiet for the most part, everyone either too tired or too hungover to make even the most mindless small talk, but as soon as they're all through security, Christen grabs Alex’s wrist and asks if they can talk.

 

Alex looks pleadingly toward a confused Kelley, who doesn't seem in much of a rush to pull her away, so she's mostly helpless against Christen unless she wants to make waves, which she absolutely does not.

 

“What I said last night,” Christen says quickly in the line for bagels. “I didn't mean it.”

 

“Yeah you did.”

 

Christen sighs. “If I did, I shouldn't have said it.”

 

“No, you shouldn't have.”

 

“I was hurt, and—”

 

“You were hurt?” Alex exclaims. “How do you think it makes me feel when my girlfriend’s ex threatens me by suggesting she could snap her fingers and end my relationship?”

 

“That's not even true,” Christen says. “I was trying to make the point that you—you know what? Never mind. There's no excuse for my behavior. I was unkind and horrible and I understand if you never want to talk to me again.”

 

“Great,” Alex says. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

 

“But I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't involve Kelley in this,” Christen continues. “I know it stresses her out, the concept of us fighting or having to choose, and I just—she doesn't need that.”

 

“Maybe she should choose,” Alex says. “You're the one who said last night—”

 

“I know what I said last night,” Christen says. “It was mostly terrible and untrue, but some of it was true, like how you should be less insecure. She loves you. She and I are in the past, and that's where we’re going to stay. We don't need more drama on this team heading into the World Cup. You are an adult, you can handle this as you see fit, but just please consider it. That's all I ask.”

 

Alex chews at the inside of her cheek while Christen orders for them both. “Thanks for the bagel,” she says, taking it from her hand. “I really hope you have a great Christmas and birthday. And when we’re both in January camp, I hope we can have a healthy working relationship.”

 

“Me too,” Christen says, smiling in relief.

 

“But that's all our relationship will ever be,” Alex finishes. “If that's a problem for Kelley, I guess she’ll have to figure it out.”

 

\---

 

“What was that about?” Kelley asks when Alex sits beside her at the gate. Christen finds a seat a few rows away, facing away from them.

 

“Nothing you need to worry about,” Alex says, kissing Kelley’s cheek. “Bagel?”

 

\---

 

Alex made sure to introduce Kelley to her family slowly but surely before Christmas to avoid the overwhelming chaos that always comes along with Morgan family holidays, including bouncing between parents and grandparents and taking a few moment to breathe and regain sanity when necessary.

 

Kelley’s presence makes Christmas surprisingly relaxing, though, and her ability to charm the pants off absolutely everyone means last-minute shopping on Christmas Eve is the most successful Christmas shopping Alex has ever done.

 

As soon as the festivities end and the leftovers are packaged and cleaned up, the rest of their time off together consists of bike rides to the beach and paddle boarding and ice cream, all the things Alex dreamed of when she was growing up reading YA summer romance books.

 

Alex doesn't even think about Christen once, until Kelley kisses her good morning and tells her she's going to the back porch to call Christen for her birthday. She knows it's Kelley’s way of asking permission, and she smiles tightly and nods.

 

She waits 10 minutes, then 20. How long does it take to wish someone a happy birthday? She doesn't even try to participate in small talk with her mom and sisters, too busy thinking about how she should have played it, how she could have just taken her coffee out to the porch and sat on the rocking chairs with Kelley. She would have held her hand and sipped her coffee while Kelley had a short and sweet conversation with Christen.

 

“I'm gonna go see if Kelley’s okay,” Alex announces, not that anyone really cares what she's doing. 

 

When she gets to the back door, she sees Kelley pacing back and forth, her hand running through her hair as she listens to Christen on the other end.

 

“Hang on,” Kelley says, pulling the phone from her ear. “What's up, Al?”

 

“Everything okay?”

 

Kelley sighs. “Yeah. I'll be in soon. Sorry.”

 

“Okay, love you,” Alex says in a small voice.

 

“Love you too,” Kelley replies, smiling.

 

Alex slides the door shut again and heads upstairs to make herself busy with something other than what the hell Kelley has been talking to Christen about for half an hour. She ends up taking a long, scalding hot shower, and when she emerges, Kelley is finally back and off the phone, sitting on the edge of Alex’s bed.

 

“Hey,” Alex says, toweling off her hair. “That was quite the birthday call.”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says. “She was surprised to hear from me.”

 

Alex furrows her brow. “Why?”

 

“Because she thought you would have told me about your falling out.”

 

Alex takes a deep breath. “I don't know if I'd call it—”

 

“She told me everything,” Kelley says calmly. “I'm just not sure why I didn't hear it from you.”

 

“When you say everything…”

 

“She told me what she said to you about your insecurity, how you're trying to steal her life, how I'm still in love with her, all that fun stuff.”

 

Alex is quiet. “Are you?” she asks, voice barely above a whisper.

 

“No, Alex!” Kelley exclaims. “Jesus. Why didn't you tell me about any of this? Were you ever going to?”

 

“I don't know,” Alex says. “I didn't want you to feel pressured about… I don't know, like, choosing between us.”

 

“That's ridiculous,” Kelley says. “She was completely out of line. She's important to me, but I have the ability to reason.”

 

“Coming from me wouldn't that have sounded a bit dramatic?” Alex asks. “Knowing what you know about our history?”

 

“Probably,” Kelley says. “But I'm on your side. I love you. You're my girlfriend and you're one of the most important people in my life. I care a lot about her, but that's not… I would never choose.”

 

“So what did you say to her?”

 

“That I need some time,” Kelley says. “And that I think it's best if we maintain some distance right now while I focus on my relationship with you.”

 

Alex tries to control her surprised reaction but fails miserably. “Oh, wow.”

 

“Can you tell me now why you didn't tell me? For real.”

 

“I did—”

 

“You gave me a political answer,” Kelley says, exasperated. “You're cute when you're being diplomatic, but… did I do something? To make you think any of what she said was true?”

 

“No,” Alex lies.

 

“Yes,” Kelley prods. “Come on, Alex. I want to fix this. I can't do it unless you help me.”

 

“I don't know!” Alex exclaims. “I've never been this insecure in my life. And then you came along with all this Christen baggage and I'm too scared to talk to you about any of it because I'm afraid I'm going to lose you!”

 

“Lose me to Christen?”

 

“Lose you in general!” Alex says, her lip trembling. “I wouldn't want to be with someone this neurotic and ridiculous. I feel silly because I'm not jealous of your friendship or whatever, I'm just scared. Maybe you two are meant to be together and I'm just standing in your way, and I hate that idea so much!” She starts to cry, turning away from Kelley to bury her face in her hands.

 

“Ali Cat, come here,” Kelley says, reaching out to turn Alex back around and hug her. “That's not how I feel at all. I'm not waiting for her. I stopped waiting for her two years ago. It sucked, and my feelings for her and our memories are still hard to deal with sometimes, but I'm looking forward now and all I see is you.”

 

“You called me Ali Cat,” Alex cries.

 

“I'm sorry, did you not—”

 

“No, I like it,” Alex says, burying her face into Kelley’s shoulder. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Kelley says, rubbing Alex’s back. “I'm sorry for what she said to you. I know she is too. But I know you're hurt.”

 

Alex nods.

 

“I need a little time,” Kelley says. “To figure things out. I know there's a way for us to all coexist in peace, a way to move forward. I'm hoping it doesn't involve ending my friendship with her forever, but… I just need some time to think it all through.”

 

“I know,” Alex says. “I'm sorry for not telling you.”

 

“It's okay,” Kelley murmurs. “I'm glad I heard it straight from her, but I wish I could have made you feel better sooner.”

 

“Stop that,” Alex says. “You can't regret things you never had the chance to do. Looking forward.”

 

“Looking forward,” Kelley agrees.

 

\---

 

Kelley gets her first New Year’s kiss at midnight on one of Alex’s neighbors’ docks, watching fireworks over the canal. Everyone cheers and gets back to drinking after a peck, but Alex and Kelley stay wrapped in their own little universe at the end of the dock, holding each other tight while talking about what the year holds.

 

“I'm super in love with you,” Alex tells Kelley in the car ride home, her eyes barely staying open in the backseat beside her.

 

“Yeah?” Kelley murmurs, turning to kiss her quietly to avoid Alex’s sisters’ attention.

 

“Super duper.”

 

“I'm super duper in love with you too,” Kelley says. “This is going to be the best year.”

 

“People always say that.”

 

“Yeah, but I actually mean it. I made a lot of mistakes this year, and I'm really thankful we had this week to just relax and be quiet so I could think about how to make next year better, and I really believe it will be. We’re going to win the World Cup and fall more in love and have a ton of sex.”

 

“Promise?”

 

Kelley squeezes her hand tightly. “Promise.”


	25. everybody wants their shot but you're bulletproof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex visits her girlfriend in Chicago, but Kelley acts weird all weekend.

Alex adjusts the overnight bag on her shoulder, biting her lip before finally reaching out and knocking on the door in front of her. There's no answer, so she knocks louder. Still nothing.

 

She groans, regretting the fact that she sweet-talked some guy in a business suit downstairs into letting her in instead of buzzing up. She saw Kelley’s car in the parking lot, but maybe she's taking a nap or off on a run.

 

She stamps her foot on the ground, whimpering slightly in frustration, and dials Kelley’s number. It rings once then goes to voicemail, but a few seconds later she gets a text. “Can't talk right now, in the middle of something. Can I call you in like 10??”

 

Alex pouts, sliding her back down the wall outside Kelley’s apartment. “Yeah,” she replies. “The sooner the better… love you though.”

 

“Lol promise,” Kelley replies. “Love you more.”

 

“This is why I don't do surprises,” Alex captions the selfie she snaps to her roommates, the only people who know about her early arrival to Chicago prior to their team road trip. She scrolls through Instagram and Twitter while she waits for Kelley to call her, but 15 minutes later she's almost ready to give up. “Hellooooo,” she texts Kelley. “I'm sorry if I'm being annoying, just need to talk real quick…”

 

Barely five seconds later, her phone lights up with Kelley’s face.

 

“Hey, baby,” Alex says.

 

“I'm sorry,” Kelley says. “I was busy, but I'm free now. What's up?”

 

“Are you at home?”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Alex sighs. “Sorry, it was supposed to be a surprise, but I… I sent you something and the delivery guy called and said there was no answer and he left it at your door. I just didn't want anyone to come by and grab it.”

 

“I didn't get a buzz,” Kelley says, and Alex can hear her getting up off her bed or couch or wherever she was sitting to head for the door.

 

Alex stands up quickly, leaving her heavy bag on the ground. When Kelley opens the door, she grins at her dropped jaw. “Surprise!”

 

“Al,” Kelley breathes, wrapping her arms around Alex. She doesn't even hang up the phone while she squeezes her girlfriend tight. “This is the best surprise.”

 

“I didn't want to wait,” Alex says, grinning into Kelley’s neck. “We have training and then the game, then we have to go back to Boston, and—”

 

“You couldn't wait another day for this sweet sweet loving,” Kelley teases.

 

Alex laughs. “Sure,” she says. “Exactly that.”

 

She doesn't do a great job of disproving Kelley when they end up naked under Kelley’s covers within 5 minutes of Kelley inviting her in.

 

“What were you doing?” Alex asks, her fingers playing across Kelley’s freckled chest. “When I got here?”

 

“Oh, uh,” Kelley says. “How long were you out there?”

 

“Not that long,” Alex says. “Just wondering.”

 

“Oh, I had a conference call with the staff.”

 

“At 7:30?” Alex asks, scrunching up her nose.

 

Kelley shrugs. “I don't know,” she says. “Dawn called it last minute.”

 

“Anything to be concerned about?”

 

“What?” Kelley asks. “No. Obviously not. Why—”

 

“You're just being weird,” Alex murmurs, kissing her collarbone. “You don't have to tell me any secrets I can't know.”

 

Thanksgiving was a major turning point for Kelley and Alex, but even more so has been every conversation they've had since Kelley found out about Christen and Alex’s fight. Kelley seems extra sensitive to Alex’s feelings, and her sensitivity to Alex begets Alex’s sensitivity to everything Kelley has going on. When Kelley hesitates to talk about work, Alex finds it easier to drop it than press, knowing that Kelley tells her everything she can.

 

She also thinks twice about bitching about Christen, but she finds herself doing that less as Kelley hangs out with Christen much less. At camp they rarely hang out, and when they do, it's in a group. In training, Christen and Alex communicate openly about soccer and nothing else. Alex isn't sure yet if it works for everyone, but she knows it works for her.

 

“How was your flight?” Kelley asks, changing the subject. “I'm glad you got here early. I hate when you have such a quick turnaround between travel and games.”

 

“I know you do,” Alex says. Kelley only brings it up every time Alex takes a road trip. “That's totally why I did it, not because I wanted a night with my girlfriend.”

 

“What if I had plans?” Kelley teases. “I'm a popular woman.”

 

“You totally would have canceled your plans for me,” Alex says confidently.

 

“I hate how right you are,” Kelley murmurs, snuggling closer to Alex. “Having you here is the best.”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“You know how you've been spending, like, a lot more time in LA?”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says slowly. “You know it's because of the training center.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Alex says. “I was just thinking, like, maybe eventually this won't have to be your home base anymore.”

 

Kelley shifts so she's on her side facing Alex. “What do you mean?”

 

“I feel like you spend more time in LA than Chicago these days, and when you are here, you're always working from home and on conference calls and stuff.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“I know the headquarters is here, but I guess I don't see why you couldn't do the same thing with Boston as your home base.”

 

“Oh,” Kelley says. She tries to appear unfazed, but Alex can feel her heart racing.

 

“I'm not asking you to move in with me,” Alex says quickly.

 

“Because that would be ridiculous?” Kelley teases.

 

“No!” Alex says, blushing madly. “I just didn't want you to think—”

 

Kelley leans in for a kiss. “You're the cutest,” she says. “And I love you and I want to be with you. You know that, right?”

 

“Obviously,” Alex says, rolling her eyes.

 

“I know we’re going to be in the same place at some point,” Kelley says. “Maybe, like, forever.”

 

“Isn't that word super forbidden?” Alex teases.

 

Kelley shakes her head. “I want to be with you,” she says. “Today, tomorrow, all the time. We’re young though, and I think we have a lot of time for that.”

 

“Oh,” Alex says. “Yeah. I know that. I just—”

 

Kelley rubs her hip gently. “I'm not saying no,” she says. “I'm saying not right now. I don't even know—look how quick Seattle changed for you.”

 

“That's not going to happen again.”

 

“Not that you know of,” Kelley says. “But it could. And things could change for me too. It's possible I won't be with US Soccer forever.”

 

“I hear there's a decent medical school in Boston,” Alex muses with a smirk. “Harvard?”

 

Kelley rolls her eyes. “You're insane.”

 

“I'm just saying!”

 

Kelley flips Alex over so she's hovering on top of her. “I'm just saying,” she says. “You came here to spend the night with your girlfriend, which apparently means something totally different to you than it does to me.”

 

“We already banged,” Alex sighs with faux exasperation. “What more could you possibly wa—”

 

Her sentence is cut off by Kelley bending down to squeeze her waist and nip at her neck, making her squeal and giggle.

 

“One night only, my love,” Kelley murmurs. “Let's make the most of it, shall we?”

 

\---

 

HAO is out for the game with a calf strain, so Alex wears the captain’s armband, placing her right next to Christen in the lineups walking out, and, of course, shaking her hand for the coin toss.

 

“Have a good game,” Christen says with a tight smile, and Alex nods, shaking her hand firmly and tapping her on the shoulder in lieu of a hug traditional of players who are close friends. Christen’s smile becomes softer as she seems to accept Alex’s gesture as it was intended.

 

Alex spots Kelley up high in the stands with Dawn, who is in town to take in the game, and smiles. Kelley doesn't see her, so Alex makes it her personal mission to make Kelley react.

 

Her chance comes in the 17th minute, when she intercepts a terrible backpass to the keeper and slots it home decisively, opening the scoring. As she celebrates with her team, she looks back toward Kelley’s area to see her girlfriend standing and cheering as loud as she can.

 

In a moment of, well, she's not sure what, she grins and blows a kiss, catching Kelley and Dawn both off guard. Dawn seems to laugh, teasing Kelley, while Kelley turns beet red. Before Alex tears her eyes away, though, Kelley blows a kiss back.

 

\---

 

Chicago ties the game in second half stoppage time, a huge blow to Boston’s confidence, but Alex tells the team she's proud, tells them to enjoy their night in Chicago because it's back to the grind next week. She is proud. Their keeper only had to make a few saves because the defense was so on point. If it weren't for a poorly timed tackle on the edge of the box that led to the game-winning free kick, they might have won, and Alex can't fault her team for that. They showed they wanted to win, that they were willing to put their bodies on the line for the good of the team.

 

Kelley smiles and kisses Alex on the forehead as she finishes explaining that. All of Alex’s teammates who joined them out for dinner roll their eyes because it's the third or fourth time they've heard it. “You're an amazing captain, baby,” she says.

 

“No doubt,” Caitlin says from across the table, raising a glass. “And what a goal celly, eh?”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “It was instinct!” she laughs, looking back at Kelley. “Are you mad?”

 

“Not at all, just surprised,” Kelley says. “Dawn will never stop giving me shit for it though.”

 

“More shit than keeping her up all night at camp?” Crystal teases.

 

“Oh my God, that's an urban legend,” Kelley groans. “Never happened.”

 

Alyssa laughs. “You two ask for it sometimes.”

 

“Jealous much?” Kristie teases.

 

“You're one to talk,” Caitlin says. “When’s the last time you had a second date?”

 

“Wow,” Kristie says, pretending to be wounded. “That one hurt, Aussie. See if I come visit you in the offseason now.”

 

Caitlin sticks her tongue out and Alex rolls her eyes.

 

“We should go to Australia,” she muses, turning toward Kelley, who coughs in the middle of sipping her beer.

 

“What?”

 

“Like after the World Cup,” Alex says.

 

“Why?”

 

“For vacation, silly,” Alex laughs. “Whenever we finally get some time off.”

 

“You should!” Caitlin agrees. “We’d totally host you.”

 

“We’ll have to start planning after the tournament then,” Alex says. “For now you're the enemy.” She turns back to Kelley. “Have you ever been?”

 

“To Australia?” Kelley asks. “No. Never.”

 

“Would you want to?”

 

Kelley narrows her eyes. “I guess. I don't know. Why?”

 

“I'm just asking,” Alex says. “It's kind of on my bucket list but if you'd rather visit somewhere else…”

 

“Boo,” Caitlin jeers, tossing a napkin their way. “Best place in the world, mate.”

 

“Australia sounds great,” Kelley says, squeezing Alex’s knee. “I'd go anywhere you wanted to go.”

 

Alex leans in for a peck and sits back with her arms folded across her chest in satisfaction.

 

“Whipped,” Crystal coughs.

 

\---

 

When Alex wakes up Monday morning in Kelley’s bed, she's alone.

 

“Went for a run,” says the notepad hanging on the fridge. “Help yourself!”

 

There's no “love you” or x’s and o’s, which makes Alex frown even as she gobbles down oatmeal with banana and a handful of mixed berries, one of her new favorite meals.

 

Kelley comes back when Alex is about halfway through the Snapchat stories she missed from the night before. She's drenched in sweat, which isn't super typical, so it must have been a longer run than usual.

 

“How far did you go?” Alex asks.

 

“Ten miles,” Kelley says, her breaths coming out heavy.

 

“Jesus!”

 

“I got carried away,” Kelley shrugs, grabbing a chocolate milk from the fridge and taking a long swallow. “How’d you sleep?”

 

“Fine,” Alex says softly. “Is it okay that I'm here?”

 

That gets Kelley’s attention. “What? Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?”

 

Alex shrugs. “I just kind of dropped in unannounced.”

 

“Well I knew you were coming this weekend.”

 

“Yeah, but you've been off since I got here. I just wanted to make sure it's not me.”

 

“It's not, baby,” Kelley promises, placing her hands on Alex’s shoulders and dropping a kiss on her forehead. “I'm a little stressed with work stuff, that's all.”

 

“Anything I can help with?” Alex asks, unconvinced.

 

“No.” Kelley shakes her head. “But I love you for wanting to help. It's nothing bad, I promise. Just a lot coming up.”

 

“You're telling me,” Alex laughs. “Hey, your phone’s ringing,” she says, holding up the phone showing “Dawn Scott” on the screen.

 

“Look again,” Kelley says. “That's your phone.”

 

“But why would Dawn be…” Alex says, her eyes going wide. “Wait. Is this…”

 

“Pick it up,” Kelley says, giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

 

“Hello?” Alex says.

 

“Hi,” Dawn greets her chipperly. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah, good,” Alex says, reaching out to squeeze Kelley’s hand.

 

“This call is a bit of a formality, really,” Dawn says. “I'm just excited that I'm the one who has the privilege to tell you that the World Cup roster will be released to the public next week and you'll be on it. Congratulations.”

 

Alex's eyes fill with tears and she squeezes Kelley’s hand tighter. “Oh my God,” she says, trying not to squeal or cry. “Thank you so much. I can't tell you what this means to me.”

 

“It shows,” Dawn says. “I've personally been incredibly impressed with your progress over the past few years, and you're a joy to have in the locker room and on the pitch.”

 

“Wow,” Alex says. “I can't believe this. Thank you.”

 

“Quit thanking me,” Dawn laughs. “You've earned it. Now enjoy the rest of your day in Chicago. It was a pleasure watching you play the other day.”

 

“Thank you,” Alex breathes again. “I'll see you in Canada!”

 

“Well, you'll see me a bit sooner than that, I hope,” Dawn chuckles. “You do still have to show up for camp and the send-off games.”

 

Alex's face turns red and she's glad Dawn can't see her. “Of course,” she says. “I'll… see you then.” When she hangs up, her hands fly to her face and Kelley envelops her in a hug. “Oh my God! Oh my God.”

 

“I think I pieced it together, but…” Kelley says expectantly, a huge grin on her face.

 

“I'm going to the World Cup,” Alex says, tears streaming down her face. “Like for real.”

 

“I'm so proud of you, baby,” Kelley says, squeezing her tight. “You earned the hell out of that.”

 

“Did you know?” Alex asks. “Is that why you've been such a little weirdo?”

 

“Okay, rude,” Kelley says. “I didn't know, but I did know they were finalizing the roster and would be making calls today.”

 

Alex smiles, pinching Kelley’s cheek. “Oh, so you were just anxious for me. That's almost cuter.”

 

“Sure,” Kelley laughs, rolling her eyes. “Whatever you say.”

 

“You know what I say?” Alex says, smiling with her tongue between her teeth so Kelley knows she's about to say something cheesy. “We’re going to Canada, baby.”

 

“I've never heard someone sound so excited about going to Canada,” Kelley says, crinkling her nose. “It's so cold there. And they have those half-Midwestern half-whatever accents.”

 

“You can't dampen my excitement about this,” Alex laughs. “Who knows, maybe Canada is my new favorite country. Maybe Australia will just have to wait its turn.”

 

Kelley smiles, biting at her bottom lip. “Maybe so.”


	26. tough times, they keep coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley has to tell Alex something she doesn't want to hear

From the moment Alex gets her call from Dawn, she's antsy to be in Canada for the tournament. She's excited as she can be for the send-off series, but anything standing between her and that World Cup trophy is the enemy. The Golden Boot doesn't look so bad to her either.

 

“Alex, can you please stop bouncing?” Kelley snaps while trying to apply kinesiotape to the back of her thigh.

 

“I'm just excited,” Alex whines. She's lying on her stomach facing away from Kelley on the table in the training room, but she cranes her neck to see. “Aren't you excited?”

 

“Of course I'm excited,” Kelley sighs. “But if you don't stop moving I won't get this on right and that's like the majority of my job.”

 

“Oh come on,” Alex laughs. “You do way more than put tape on my ass.”

 

“Not much more,” Kelley says. “But thanks.” She taps Alex’s butt. “You're all set.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex says, pulling herself up to a seated position. “Kiss for luck?”

 

Kelley gives her a kiss as directed. “One for luck,” she says before leaning in for another. “One because I just love you.”

 

“How many do I get?” Abby jokes from the doorway. “I'm supposed to come to you for ice.”

 

“Gotcha,” Kelley says, pointing to the cooler. “Take what you need.”

 

“Thanks, Trainer Hottie,” Abby says with a wink, grabbing a bag and hoisting it over her shoulder to walk down to her room. “See you guys.”

 

“I hate that,” Kelley grumbles.

 

“What, the nickname?” Alex laughs. “You loved it at first.”

 

“Before I was yours,” Kelley says, still whining. “I can't believe you don't mind.”

 

“I like that they know how hot my girlfriend is,” Alex says. “They can look but not touch.”

 

Kelley shrugs. “I guess. It just rubs me the wrong way sometimes.”

 

“It's Abby.”

 

“Yeah, but I don't know. If I were in Dawn’s position would they do that?”

 

“In this imaginary world are you still super hot?”

 

“Alex.”

 

“Okay, probably not,” Alex says. “But Dawn is scary sometimes. She has a lot of power, you know.”

 

“But if being hot is a compliment…”

 

“Okay, I get it,” Alex says. “I'll tell them to lay off. I'm sorry, I didn't realize it bothered you so much.”

 

Kelley sighs. “It doesn't. I don't know. Maybe it's not the nickname, maybe it's just like… I don't know.”

 

“It's a respect thing,” Alex says. “I understand. I think they just see you as one of the gals. You know, we’re together, you spend a lot of time with us as friends, I think they just lose sight of it sometimes.”

 

Kelley smiles sadly. “I don't want to lose that,” she says. “I just want to feel like what I'm doing matters.”

 

“I know,” Alex says. “It does. My ass feels better already.”

 

“Well it looks as great as always,” Kelley says.

 

Alex smirks and leans forward for a kiss. “Wanna take me and my great ass out for dinner tonight?” she asks. “One last hurrah before Canada?”

 

“Isn't that tomorrow?” Kelley asks. After the game tomorrow night, the whole team has plans to go out and blow off some steam before getting right on a plane to Winnipeg the next morning.

 

“Well, for you and me,” Alex says. “I feel like once we get to Canada we won't have much alone time.”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says softly. “I know. I can't tonight though. I have a meeting with Dawn, she suggested we go to some fancy restaurant.”

 

Alex narrows her eyes. “You spend a lot of time with Dawn, and now she's wining and dining you? Should I be concerned?”

 

Kelley smiles. “You could be onto something,” she teases.

 

“But seriously,” Alex says. “Do you think you could be getting a promotion or something?”

 

Kelley shakes her head. “It's nothing like that,” she says. “I called the meeting, she just suggested the place.”

 

Alex raises her eyebrows. “See? You're totally important. Calling meetings with the boss lady and whatnot.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Kelley laughs. “Do what you want for dinner. I'll text you when I get back and we can pick a movie and cuddle for a little while.”

 

“I know what that means,” Alex murmurs.

 

“You do not,” Kelley says. “It's the night before a game. I need your goal-scoring form to stay exactly as it is.”

 

“Aye aye captain,” Alex says, leaning in for one more kiss before leaving. “Have a nice dinner with your other girlfriend!”

 

\---

 

Alex waits up for a text that doesn't come till 11, more than 4 hours after she last saw Kelley in the lobby getting ready to leave with Dawn.

 

“I'm so sorry baby,” it says. “We lost track of time. Just heading back now.”

 

“It's ok,” Alex replies. “Guess you guys had a lot to talk about.”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley says. “I'll fill you in tomorrow. I can come by tonight for a goodnight kiss.”

 

“Ashlyn’s asleep,” Alex replies. “I'll cash in tomorrow. Love you.”

 

“Love you more,” comes Kelley’s response, followed quickly by another. “More than you could possibly know.”

 

Alex wants to be comforted by that, but something inside her won't let her feel that way, not tonight. She stays up way later than she should coming up with nightmare scenarios about how Kelley’s planning to break up with her and trying to make it easier on her before the tournament, how she is being replaced on the World Cup roster because it’s all just a big error that she's even here to begin with, how the whole tournament is being canceled because of their turf battle.

 

Her head doesn't stop spinning till 2 a.m., when she goes on Instagram to clear her head and sees that Kelley liked Christen’s last Instagram post all of five minutes ago. Then she marches down the hallway to get her goodnight kiss.

 

\---

 

The team can't score a goal to save their lives in the last game before Canada, but Alex beams all the way off the field anyway, ready for what's next.

 

Kelley hands her a bottle to replenish her electrolytes and start the recovery process, and Alex smiles at her gratefully before glancing down at the cap, which always has “AM” in purple Sharpie with a small heart next to it. This AM is written in green and there's no heart, which means Kelley didn't do it, and that unsettles Alex.

 

She felt better after going to Kelley’s room and spending the night with Kelley spooning her from behind, holding on tight. When they woke up, they spent almost an hour just kissing and soaking up the warmth in each other’s arms, and everything felt alright.

 

Now, she's worried again. She's worried about the way Kelley doesn't wait for her outside the locker room so they can walk to the bus together, the way her phone doesn't buzz with a text from the front of the bus saying “I miss you,” the way Kelley’s chewing at her cuticles and not talking to anyone.

 

“I'll be right back,” Alex tells Tobin, squeezing past to make her way up the aisle to sit with Kelley, who jumps when she sits down. “Just me.”

 

“Hey,” Kelley says, turning her head away from the window, but not turning her body.

 

“You okay?”

 

Kelley nods, closing her eyes. “Just thinking about it all,” she says.

 

“Not avoiding me?”

 

“Maybe just a little,” Kelley says, turning her body finally. “Wanna get your stuff from your room and come to mine to get ready?”

 

“Can I bring the whole bag and sleep over after?” Alex asks.

 

“I was hoping for that.”

 

“Good.” Alex breaks their no-PDA right in front of the coaches rule and pecks her on the lips, making Kelley blush. “Quit thinking so much.”

 

\---

 

Music is coming from the crack in Kelley’s door, propped open just slightly, when Alex comes with all her luggage.

 

“Jesus,” Kelley says. “I forget how light you pack.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “We're going to Canada for a month!”

 

“Yeah, not a year!” Kelley laughs.

 

Alex sets her luggage down in the far corner and turns back around to catch Kelley staring at her. “Come here,” she murmurs, reaching out and coaxing Kelley toward her. She wraps her arms around Kelley’s waist, practically lifting her to her own lips for a long, slow kiss. “You looked like you needed that.”

 

“I did,” Kelley nods, biting at her bottom lip. She turns away too quickly for Alex to be sure, but she looks like she's tearing up. When she sits down on the bed, Alex knows for sure.

 

“Sweetheart,” Alex says, sitting beside her. “What's wrong?”

 

“I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this for so long,” Kelley says, her lip trembling. “I was avoiding it till I couldn't anymore, and now I can't.”

 

Alex feels her blood go cold. “What do you have to tell me?”

 

Kelley reaches for Alex's hand, which she holds between hers. “I got a job offer,” she says. “I'm leaving US Soccer.”

 

“Wait, what?” Alex asks, eyes wide. “Right now? Before the World Cup?”

 

Kelley shakes her head. “After,” she says.

 

Alex breathes a heavy sigh of relief. “Oh thank God,” she says. “Well that's amazing, babe! I didn't even know you were looking. But yesterday makes a lot more sense now, with you talking about not getting the respect you deserve, and…” She trails off. “Sorry, I'm rambling. What's the job? Where?”

 

Kelley buries her face in her hands like she's working up the nerve to answer. “Australia.”

 

Alex can't breathe. She can't feel Kelley’s thigh under her fingertips or smell the rose shampoo Kelley uses. The hairs on the back of her neck stand up straight. “What?” she breathes eventually.

 

“I haven't accepted yet,” Kelley says. “I wouldn't… I wasn't going to do anything official till I talked to you. But it's a huge opportunity. The Australian women's national team wants me to be their strength and fitness coach. My contract would be for a year, with the option to extend for another year. They've been really understanding with me, they know it would be a major adjustment, but I think I'm ready.”

 

“I don't understand,” Alex says, tears flooding her eyes. “I didn't know you were unhappy. I didn't know you were looking for other jobs. Why didn't you tell me any of this?”

 

“I told Dawn during January camp that I had some concerns moving forward,” Kelley says. “About being with you, making certain calls that concern you, working with Christen…”

 

“You told her about Christen?”

 

“Dawn knows all,” Kelley laughs. “We talked about it when she first found out about us, about what issues I might face if you got hurt or didn't make a roster or something. It’s gotten easier, but the Christen stuff makes it harder. I just don't think my staying is the healthiest thing for them team.”

 

“Australia?” Alex asks. “That's—”

 

“It's far,” Kelley says. “No doubt about that.”

 

“It's on the other side of the world.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You were supposed to get closer,” Alex says, sounding pathetic even to herself. “Not farther away.”

 

“Baby,” Kelley says, wrapping her arms around Alex and pulling her in close to her chest. 

 

“I'm sorry,” Alex weeps, finally letting herself break. “I'm so happy for you and so proud, but this just isn't what I was expecting.”

 

“Trust me, I wasn't expecting it either,” Kelley says. “I had an opportunity in England, but it wasn't much of a promotion and I talked to the coach on the phone and he was sort of a dick. But then Dawn told me about this, and it all felt right. Last night I told her I was planning on taking it.”

 

“On your date,” Alex tries to joke.

 

Kelley smiles, kissing the top of Alex’s head. “I don't want you to be sad, honey.”

 

“I'm going to be sad,” Alex says. She looks up at Kelley and tries to wiper her tears, but the second her eyes meet Kelley’s, her lip trembles and she's a blubbering mess again. “You aren't going to break up with me, are you?”

 

“What?” Kelley asks softly. “No. That's not—I was afraid you'd want to break up with me.”

 

“No!” Alex exclaims. “We've done long distance for the past year, we can do it again. I just don't want you to meet some cute Australian beach babe and leave me.”

 

“You're the only beach babe for me,” Kelley insists, wiping Alex’s tears with her thumbs.

 

“I need some time to process,” Alex says, taking a deep breath. “Can you just… not do anything for a day or two?”

 

Kelley nods. “Whatever you need.”

 

“I'm not saying no,” Alex says. “I mean, deep down inside I want to get on my knees and beg you to stay, but that's not okay. I want you to do whatever makes you happy, and this is an amazing opportunity. I just… need a few days.”

 

“I get it,” Kelley says. She presses a kiss to Alex’s mouth, letting her lips rest there for a few quiet seconds. “Do you still want to go out tonight? I don't mind staying in.”

 

“No way,” Alex says. “I packed my cutest crop top and bralette for you. We’re going out. And I'm going to pretend nothing sad or serious is going on. And I’m going to make out with you in public and dance with you and get you drunk and bring you back here and get you very naked.”

 

“If I had known this would be your reaction, I would have told you much sooner,” Kelley teases, making Alex tear up again. “Okay, no, no, don't cry! Sorry, no jokes. I see that now. That was a mistake.”

 

Kelley rubs Alex's back till all the tears are gone for the time being. Then, they crank up the music and dance around the hotel room while getting ready for the night out, where Alex definitely cries some more (blaming it on allergies and alcohol and all the World Cup feelings).

 

Nobody questions when Kelley keeps Alex close all night. It's nothing out of the ordinary, they're always drawn together like magnets. When you see one in a crowded room, the other one is never far away. They've always taken that a little for granted till now.


	27. friends with benefits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Kelley talk about what's next.

“I want to wake up like this every morning,” Alex murmurs, her fingers brushing against Kelley’s cheek. “No alarm, cuddled up with you, looking at your pretty eyes.”

 

“Me too,” Kelley says, tilting her head forward for a kiss. “It’s pretty close to perfect.”

 

“Then don’t go,” Alex whines. “Quit your job, move to Boston, just be with me. I’m almost like a full-time job.”

 

“You sure are,” Kelley laughs.

 

“I could pay you in sexual favors.”

 

“I’d never say no to that,” Kelley says. “But that’s not going to make me engagement ring money.”

 

“Who are you buying an engagement ring for?” Alex faux-gasps.

 

“Anyone who will say yes,” Kelley retorts.

  
“Hm, should have given those girls at the bar last night your number.”

 

“What girls?”

 

“The girls in line at the bathroom who asked if my ‘friend’ was into women.”

 

“They couldn’t tell by the way you were sticking your tongue down my throat?”

 

“That was after,” Alex says. “I had to make my point.”

 

“Oh, you made it,” Kelley laughs, running her fingertips over the light bruises Alex left on her neck the night before.

 

“You’re mine,” Alex murmurs, kissing Kelley’s lips.

 

“I’m yours,” Kelley agrees.

 

Alex swallows hard. “Even all the way around the world?”

 

Kelley nods. “Everywhere.”

 

“Can you tell me about it?” Alex asks. “I didn’t really give you the chance to be excited.”

 

“That’s okay,” Kelley laughs. “That’s what Dawn was for. And Erin. I didn’t expect you to throw me a parade or anything. I might have been a little offended if you had.”

 

“You know I want to visit Australia,” Alex says. “This is just my excuse.”

 

“You’re gonna visit me?”

 

“Duh,” Alex says, rolling her eyes. “Now tell me about the impressive job.”

 

Kelley grins. “I’m really excited.”

 

“I can tell.”

 

“I’m basically going to be Dawn,” Kelley says. “The Australia version anyway. I get to hire people! I’ll have my own staff.”

 

“That’s amazing, sweetheart,” Alex says.

 

“They’re going to give me a stipend for an apartment in Sydney in addition to my salary, which, babe…”

 

“Engagement ring money?” Alex teases.

 

“They can’t afford Dawn,” Kelley says. “But she told them what she makes, not what I make, and they’re doubling my salary now and they think they’re getting a deal.”

 

“They are,” Alex says. “You’re worth just as much as Dawn.”

 

“I don’t have her experience,” Kelley says. “But I can do what she does, you know? I’ve learned so much from her, and they were really impressed by the ideas I brought during my Skype interview.”

 

“I can’t believe you’ve been doing all this without me knowing,” Alex says. She means it as genuine amazement, but as the words leave her mouth, she feels a pang in her heart at the way Kelley really has been keeping things from her.

 

“It was hard,” Kelley says softly. “But I didn’t want you to get worked up over nothing. And I didn’t want to get my own hopes up.”

 

“You’re amazing.” Alex runs a hand through Kelley’s hair, kissing her softly.

 

Kelley blushes. “When you surprised me, that’s what I was doing,” she says. “That’s why I couldn’t answer the phone and you had to wait in the hallway.”

 

“Wow,” Alex says. “Okay, at least that’s a decent excuse for literally leaving me in the cold.”

 

“Drama queen,” Kelley teases.

 

“I’m going to miss the hell out of you, doc,” Alex murmurs.

 

“I’m going to miss the hell out of you, princess,” Kelley replies.

 

“Are you going to come back with a cute Aussie accent?”

 

“Probably,” Kelley shrugs. “Is it going to make you love me more?”

 

“Well you know about the huge crush I have on Caitlin,” Alex says.

 

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

 

“For sure.”

 

Kelley shifts so her head is propped up on her hand, elbow resting on the pillow. “I don’t want the team to know yet,” she says. “Not till the tournament is over. I don’t want it to be a distraction.”

 

“I can keep quiet,” Alex promises.

 

Kelley smiles. “You didn’t do a great job of proving that last night.”

 

“Shut up,” Alex laughs, rolling over on her back and pulling the sheets up to cover her chest.

 

Kelley leans over and rests her hand on Alex’s hip. “I do want to tell Christen, though.” Alex tenses involuntarily, and Kelley’s thumb rubs over her hipbone in reaction. “She’s still…”

 

“I know,” Alex says, nodding. “You should tell her. She should know.”

 

“And the more people you have trying to keep me here the better?” Kelley teases.

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “If you can get us both on the same side of something, it’ll be historic.”

 

—

 

Alex figures if she’s going to cry, the airport is the place to do it. So she huddles by herself on the floor in the corner, curled up with a hoodie pulled over her eyes, the way she does when she’s visualizing before a game. Nobody questions her because nobody knows she’s crying.

 

She wonders when Kelley will be back from her walk through the terminal with Christen, but she has a feeling Kelley won’t even come over to her for fear of making it worse.

 

She only looks up when she feels a presence hovering over her, then sliding down the wall beside her. Maybe she was wrong about Kelley keeping her distance. But when she looks up, she isn’t looking at Kelley’s pretty eyes, she’s looking at Christen.

 

“Hey,” Christen says gently. “You okay?”

 

Alex shakes her head quickly. “No,” she says. “Not really.”

 

It feels good to be honest with someone, but her chest feels like it’s about to cave in now that she’s letting the weight of it all sink in.

 

“I’m really sorry,” Christen says softly. “I know we don’t have the best track record, but if you need someone, I’m here for you.”

 

“Thanks,” Alex says, taking a shaky breath in. “I know it’s probably tough on you too, so. You know.”

 

Christen smiles. “I’ll miss her,” she says. “The whole team will.”

 

“You’ll miss her a little extra,” Alex says knowingly.

 

Christen nods. “I’ve missed her for a while.” Her eyes widen. “I mean, I deserved it. The whole being cut off thing.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Christen nods and smiles to herself, realizing Alex isn’t going to argue. “Yeah.”

 

Alex catches Kelley staring and smiles. “I should, um—you know.”

 

“Go get your girl,” Christen says. “Hold onto her while you can.”

 

Alex tries her best not to think about the double meaning behind her words as she gets up and makes her way toward Kelley.

 

—

 

In the airport, Kelley and Alex make a deal: no crying in Canada. Well, no crying till they win the whole damn thing, anyway.   
  
Alex may cling to Kelley a little tighter than usual, and Kelley may let Alex stay a little longer than usual on their nights cuddling in Kelley’s room, but they do a good job of holding up the deal.   
  
There isn’t much to cry about in the group stage anyway. Alex starts every game and scores one goal in the first game and assists another in the second. Nobody scores in the third, but they top their group anyway with a scoreless draw. Kelley and Alex celebrate with their first night together in weeks.   
  
It’s obvious Christen is frustrated with the way the tournament is going for her. She hasn’t started a game since the opening game, where she scored a goal. But her time comes when Alex picks up a second yellow card in their first knockout game, leaving her with a suspension in the next game.   
  
Kelley decides it’s okay for Alex to cry in Canada just this once, but just for a night. They win the game, so it’s still cause for celebration, but Alex is petrified about not being able to help her team in the quarterfinals.   
  
“Head up, pretty girl,” Kelley says when Alex is still moping the next morning. “Focus on the things you can control, okay?”   
  
During their film session that afternoon, Alex does just that. Christen looks surprised when Alex sits down next to her, but she smiles anyway and makes polite small talk till Alex whips out a legal pad and sets it the thigh closest to Christen’s, drawing X’s and O’s and showing Christen exactly the spaces Alex would be in if she were on the field.   
  
“You’re going to have to run these channels,” Alex says. “We’ll practice tomorrow.”   
  
That night, Alex opens her door to a knock, expecting a surprise drop-in from Kelley, but Christen is standing there with a legal pad. “I came for tutoring,” Christen says with a shy smile.   
  
When Kelley does drop in an hour later, she sits on Ashlyn’s bed and watches quietly while Christen and Alex sit on the other bed talking strategy and chemistry.   
  
“Something to say, Trainer Hottie?” Alex asks when Kelley laughs at something.   
  
“Just how cute you are being a teacher,” Kelley says with a smirk.   
  
“And that’s my cue to leave,” Christen says, sliding off the bed. “Thanks for this, Alex. See you guys tomorrow.”   
  
“No problem,” Alex says. “I hope you start. We’ll try out some of these things after training tomorrow.”   
  
When Christen is gone, Kelley hops up onto Alex’s bed. “How long till Ashlyn gets back?”   
  
“I don’t know, depends if she’s going for another record for longest time making heart eyes at someone, why?”   
  
“It’s kind of hot,” Kelley says. “Watching you and Christen get along.”   
  
“Does it remind you of that creepy threesome dream you had about us?”   
  
“Oh my God, that was like a year ago,” Kelley groans. “And remind me never to tell you anything ever again.”   
  
“If it helped you figure out you wanted to be with me, I won’t complain,” Alex teases.   
  
“Be with you, bang you, same difference.”

 

“You love me.”

 

“I really do,” Kelley says. “Especially when you get spicy on the field and soft off the field.”

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “That was not a yellow.”

 

“The foul wasn’t, the shove probably was a red.”

 

Alex scowls. “Did you want to get laid or not?”

 

“Uh, should I go?” Ashlyn asks from the door. 

 

“No,” Kelley says as Alex says “yes.”

 

Alex pouts when Kelley gets off the bed and kisses her. “Don’t go,” she whines.

 

“Sorry babe, got to get to sleep while the memory of you and Christen in the same bed is still fresh.”

 

“Damn, I miss all the good stuff,” Ashlyn whines.

 

—

 

Alex watches the quarterfinal game with her family in the stands. Her heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of her chest when they’re still stuck in a deadlock at the half, but in the 67th minute, Christen makes a run in the space Alex would have been in if she were playing that role to receive a ball from Tobin and slots it far post, just past the keeper’s fingertips.

 

“Yes!” Alex screams, jumping out of her seat while she watches the team jump all over Christen.

 

Christen points to the crowd, not knowing quite where Alex is, but Alex knows it’s meant for her. She points back as Christen tightens her ponytail and resets.

 

Alex doesn’t wait for the final whistle before she makes her way to the locker room tunnel where she waits (anything but patient) till she’s finally allowed out on the field to congratulate her teammates.

 

When she gets out there, Christen makes a beeline to hug her. “That should have been you,” she whispers.

 

Alex shakes her head. “You were awesome,” she says. “Thanks for holding it down.”

 

“Hey there, troublemaker,” Kelley says, wrapping an arm around Alex when she comes over to hand Christen a water bottle. “Do I need to call security on you?”

 

“Ew, no creepy role play,” Christen says, putting her hands over her ears.

 

Kelley rolls her eyes and shoves her playfully. “Shut up.”

 

“Besides, you of all people should know Kelley would make me be security in that fantasy,” Alex teases. It’s definitely the first time she’s ever referenced Christen’s past with Kelley, at least in this kind of context, and she isn’t sure how ready anyone is.

 

Christen looks surprised for a moment, but she rolls with it. “No doubt,” she laughs. “Good thing Halloween costumes are probably super cheap this time of year.”

 

“Maybe she’ll make me do an Aussie accent,” Alex says. 

 

“I hate this,” Kelley grumbles. “I’m going somewhere far away.”

 

“Oh, you know we’ll just get worse,” Christen calls after her before turning back to Alex. “She’s a good girlfriend.”

 

“The best.”

 

“I just wanted to let you know,” Christen says. “This doesn’t—I’m not trying to—Tobin and I are kind of, like, talking again.”

 

“Oh,” Alex says. “Good. That’s… that’s good.”

 

“I’m not saying that because I’d be after Kelley otherwise,” Christen says, blushing furiously. “Just, we haven’t talked in a while, and…”

 

“Does Kelley know?”

 

Christen shakes her head, and for some reason that makes Alex feel better.

 

“Our secret then.”

 

Christen grins. “We have a few of those now.”

 

“You’ve always kept mine,” Alex says seriously. “Even though we haven’t always been the best of friends, that means a lot to me.”

 

“Me too,” Christen says.

 

Alex looks past her toward Kelley, who’s joking around with Syd and Abby about something probably incredibly juvenile that will definitely make Alex laugh anyway when Kelley retells it. “I’m going to miss her,” she says.

 

“I know you will.”

 

“I’m going to need a friend.”

 

“You have friends,” Christen laughs, rolling her eyes.

 

Alex shakes her head. “Nobody who gets it.”

 

“You’re her girlfriend,” Christen says. “It’s different.”

 

“You get it,” Alex insists. “I know you love her, even if it’s different from how I do.”

 

“I’ll always be happy to be your friend,” Christen says. “I think that would be nice.”

 

“Same,” Alex says. “So we’ll be friends. Starting now.”

 

“I never stopped being your friend,” Christen says with a smile. “But I’m really glad you’re mine again.”

 

“I don’t want to be that girl,” Alex groans. “Who’s always jealous someone is trying to steal her significant other. That’s so stupid.”

 

“I didn’t do the best job of making you feel more comfortable,” Christen admits.

 

“And I didn’t do the best job of not putting you on blast in front of the whole team,” Alex says, cringing.

 

“It was coming. Nobody lasts very long hooking up on this team without it getting around.”

 

“Is that why we never hooked up?” Alex teases.

 

“No,” Christen answers breezily. “You wouldn’t have been able to handle me. I’m sure you’ve heard things from Kelley.”

 

“She’s not that stupid,” Alex laughs.

 

—

 

Christen starts on the bench for the semifinal, which probably isn’t how anyone wants to be rewarded for a game-winning goal in the game prior, but she handles it with grace, even giving Alex a good luck pat on the back before kickoff. 

 

It’s a gritty fight against Germany, who seem determined to make it as difficult as possible for Alex to even have the ball at her feet, let alone score a goal. It’s frustrating for nearly 70 minutes before it finally pays off by way of a poorly timed tackle at the very edge of the box. Alex holds her breath until the official points to the spot.

 

Carli Lloyd steps up and buries the penalty, doing a slight fist pump but barely celebrating. Back to business.

 

Christen subs in for Tobin a few minutes later, and Alex gives her a nod and a smile. Christen returns the gesture with a thumbs up. In the end, it’s only meant to be a one-goal game, but thankfully no late-game magic is necessary, and they’re onto the final.

 

Alex’s legs are exhausted after that, so she hops up on Kelley’s back for the postgame celebration, which she hesitates to partake in too heavily, knowing full well what happens when you celebrate too early.

 

“You were awesome, Ali Cat,” Kelley says as she carries her piggyback style toward the tunnel.

 

“You were good too,” Alex teases, leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek when they’re finally out of sight of the crowd. “They probably wouldn’t have taken Moe out if you hadn’t insisted.”

 

Morgan Brian, the youngest member of the squad, had been involved in a brutal head collision with a German player. The German player stayed on despite the blood that had been gushing from her head, but Kelley had played it safe with Moe, calling for an early sub.

 

Kelley shrugs. “It’s not worth the risk ever,” she says. “She’ll be back for the final.”

 

“Lucky girl,” Alex teases as Kelley sets her down. “How are you feeling?”

 

Kelley shrugs. “Emotional,” she says. “Really grateful. Nervous.”

 

“About the final?”

 

“And other stuff.”

 

Alex nods, propping herself up on her toes to kiss Kelley quickly. “Should we have a night in?”

 

“That would be nice,” Kelley says, squeezing Alex’s hand tight.

 

—

 

“I’m going to be so pissed if you’re still on your period for the final,” Alex grumbles.

 

“Relax, you still have like two weeks with me after that,” Kelley laughs, snuggling closer into Alex’s side while Alex rubs her back to ease her cramps. “What are we gonna do?”

 

Alex smiles. “For our two weeks of postponing the inevitable?”

 

“No,” Kelley says. “When I’m in Australia. How do we make it work?”

 

“I personally like you a lot better when you’re far away from Christen and not just me.”

 

“Evil.”

 

“Kidding,” Alex says. “You’re allowed to miss her. Just not as much as you miss me.”

 

“Never.”

 

“I’m going to be really focused on the Olympics next year, I won’t even have time to miss you.”

 

Kelley grins and stares up at Alex.

 

“What?”

 

“It’s just nice to hear you talk about the Olympics like that,” Kelley says. “Even after you made the World Cup roster you were all nervous about jinxing it.”

 

Alex blushes. “I mean, I know it’s not a guarantee.”

 

“Of course not,” Kelley says. “But confidence looks good on you. And you’ve earned that confidence.”

 

“I was thinking,” Alex says. “Maybe if you really love it and decide you want to stay in Australia in a year, maybe I could come play in the league there in the offseason.”

 

“They couldn’t afford you,” Kelley laughs.

 

Alex rolls her eyes. “They have benefits, too.”

 

“You get benefits through US Soccer,” Kelley says, furrowing her brow.

 

“Different benefits,” Alex murmurs against Kelley’s lips. “Waking up to you every day, falling asleep with you every night, exploring a new place with you.”

 

“That’s as good as healthcare, huh?”

 

“Probably way better.”


	28. that night was just like you: unforgettable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The World Cup (and this story) comes to a close

The first thing Alex sees when she wakes up on the morning of the World Cup final is a text from Kelley saying, “Today is going to be a good day.” She squeezes her eyes shut and visualizes hoisting the trophy, determined to make Kelley’s words true.

 

Starting on the bench is a major blow to Alex’s ego, but she knows she wasn’t as effective in the last game as she should have been. Besides, it means sitting next to Kelley during the majority of their very last game together. She prefers watching soccer with Kelley when they’re not watching a game she could be playing in, but she cherishes every murmured comment and observation from Kelley, knowing they’ll be in short supply soon enough.

 

The game begins in dream fashion, with two corner kicks working out exactly as they were designed right away. In less than 20 minutes, they’re up 4-0, and nobody is as stunned as the US bench.

 

“Is this real?” Alex asks Kelley over and over.

 

“Calm down,” Kelley says gently. “It’s not over till it’s over. We can’t lose our heads.” But the way she’s squeezing her own thigh shows she isn’t taking her own advice.

 

The locker room is buzzing when halftime rolls around, and it’s clear none of the coaching staff knows how to handle it, despite giving up a goal in the 27th minute.

 

“Hey!” Kelley calls, standing on one of the benches. “Everyone chill out for a sec!” Even Abby goes quiet hearing that. “I’m sure your captain and coaches want to say some things, but all I really care about is that nobody gets injured. So please don’t forget to rehydrate.” She turns pink, realizing everyone’s attention is on her. “That’s all.”

 

“Good talk, babe,” Alex teases quietly so only Kelley can hear her while Abby gets up to give the team another pump-up speech.

 

Alex starts warming up as soon as the whistle blows to indicate the start of the second half, and she subs in for Pinoe 15 minutes later. When she stands on the sideline waiting for Pinoe’s high five, she tries to soak it in as much as she can. She takes a deep, surprisingly unshaky breath, and looks all the way around. She feels like she’s in a virtual reality game or something, no way this can be real life.

 

She doesn’t think she’s ever played quite as hard as she does for the 30 minutes she gets on the field in a World Cup final. Part of her is determined to just enjoy and make sure she does everything she can to put her mark on a sure win; the other is determined to get a goal for Kelley under any circumstance.

 

Her chance comes in the 78th minute on a corner kick. She doesn’t score too many goals with her head, but the important ones can come from anywhere, including this one. When she sees the ball coming toward her, she leaps and whips her head toward goal. She can hear something in her neck snap or pop or do something else it probably shouldn’t do, but the ball goes just past the keeper and into the top right corner of the goal.

 

It’s not a game winner or an equalizer, just the cherry on top, but it should be enough to put the game away.

 

Her teammates converge on her, but all she can see is Kelley, jumping up and down and cheering wildly. Without thinking, she runs away from her whole team, making them chase her to the bench. As she approaches, Kelley’s arms open up almost instinctually, and Alex leaps into them. The rest of the bench joins in the mass hug without a second thought, but Alex can’t tell whose heart is beating faster: hers or Kelley’s.

 

“That was all for you,” Alex says in Kelley’s ear, pressing her lips to the only skin she can reach, high on Kelley’s cheekbone.

 

“Go win the World Cup,” Kelley practically shouts in Alex’s ear to make sure she can hear.

 

Fifteen minutes later, when the whistle blows and Alex falls to her knees on the pitch, her heart exploding with every emotion on the planet, she’s done just that.

 

\---

 

“We’re World Cup champions” is the refrain for the rest of the night. “We’re fucking World Cup champions” if you’re Abby.

 

The team has to shower off the turf and sweat and, of course, the champagne from the locker room celebration, so they’re finally clean (for what feels like the first time in months) when they get to the after party.

 

Alex is surprised to see her sisters taking shots with Kelley’s sister, as their families haven’t even been formally introduced, but they seem to have found each other (with a little bit of help from Kelley, most likely).

 

“There’s our World Cup champ!” Alex’s dad cheers, stretching his arms for her to collapse in. She goes around the circle to greet everyone before finally reaching Kelley, who squeezes her the tightest.

 

Kelley has an uncanny ability to know exactly what Alex is thinking and feeling at all times, so Alex isn’t all that surprised when Kelley whispers “time to celebrate. No crying till tomorrow.”

 

“I thought I was allowed to cry after winning,” Alex pouts, but Kelley just shakes her head, pecking her on the lips.

 

“Happy tears,” she clarifies. “That’s all.”

 

Even drinking alcohol with the team doesn’t stop Alex from clinging to Kelley all night long. They dance and do shots and Alex doesn’t even cry once. It’s hard to cry when Kelley is smiling so big, so full of joy, and Alex knows she had at least a little something to do with it.

 

—

 

In all the celebrating and jet setting and ticker tape parades, the team doesn’t get to debrief from the tournament till weeks later. Alex’s stomach hurts a little more every day, knowing the day Kelley has to leave is creeping closer, but she wouldn’t trade the feeling of being on top of the world with her best friends and her girlfriend for anything.

 

Kelley sits far away from Alex at the team meeting, as usual ever since they got caught doodling on a notepad back and forth months ago, but this time Alex wishes she’d break her rules of professionalism, especially when Dawn gets up to talk.

 

“This has been a wild ride, huh?” she asks, greeted by cheers. “You all deserve every minute of this success and more. We’re looking forward to Rio next year, and there’s a lot more hard work to come. And with that will come a lot of changes, some happy, some not so happy. And unfortunately, I have to make a not so happy announcement.”

 

Alex tenses in her seat and glances toward Kelley, who just smiles at Dawn, not turning her head.

 

“Kelley O’Hara has decided to pursue another opportunity, so she will be leaving our team when we part ways tomorrow.”

 

Gasps and murmurs fill the room, with half the team looking at Kelley and the other half looking at Alex, whose lips are pressed together tightly.

 

“Wait, seriously?” Abby asks. She looks between Kelley and Alex, making Alex’s face turn red. “Where are you going?”

 

“Kelley?” Dawn asks, gesturing as if to give her the floor and invite her up to speak, but Kelley waves her off, just standing up at her seat.

 

“Um, I’ll be moving to Australia to work with their women’s soccer team,” she says.

 

“Is this for real?” Syd asks, looking at Alex like she’s trying to figure out if Alex is just hearing about this for the first time.

 

“That’s awesome, Kelley,” Cheney says from beside Alex. “I’m glad we’ll get to see you here and there.”

 

“We sure will,” Jill says. “Including most likely next year in Rio, so we’ll have to be extra careful our secrets don’t get back to you.”

 

Kelley smiles along and winks toward Alex. “I’m pretty sure the women on this team love winning way too much for there to be any issue.”

 

“Truth!” HAO calls from the back.

 

“But really, it’s been an honor to work with you all through two major tournaments,” Kelley says. “I can’t wait to see what else is to come for you all as individuals and as a team.”

 

“What if you’re our good luck charm?” Tobin jokes.

 

“Nah,” Kelley laughs, sitting back down. “No such thing.”

 

Tears fill Alex’s eyes as much as she tries to will them away because she begs to differ. Having Kelley around may not be “good luck,” but it makes everyone better, including her. And as she listens to the team tell Kelley how much they’ll miss her, she has to bite her tongue hard to keep from crying. They don’t even know the half of it.

 

—

 

“Babe, have you seen my deodorant?” Kelley calls from the bathroom next door to her childhood bedroom.

 

“Pretty sure you packed it already,” Alex sighs, digging in her purse for another option. “Here, use mine.”

 

“Relationship goals,” Kelley teases, popping her head into the room and raising her hand to catch the tube Alex tosses her way. “Hey. You okay?”

 

Alex nods quickly, but the way she looks around Kelley’s room instead of making eye contact gives her away.

 

“Sweetheart,” Kelley sighs. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Please stop apologizing,” Alex says, a little choked up. “Please.”

 

“I don’t like that you’re sad.”

 

“Well I don’t like that you’re going to Australia,” Alex snaps.

 

Kelley looks at the clock on the nightstand and back at Alex, letting out a deep breath as she sits next to Alex on her bed. “Me neither,” she says. “Not when it means leaving you. But we can do it.”

 

“I’m not worried about that,” Alex says, fighting back tears. As much as they’ve talked about the reality of the situation they’re embarking on, she hasn’t let her vulnerabilities show, not really. “I just don’t want to do it. I don’t want to miss you for such a long time. It’s not fair.”

 

Kelley’s hand rubs comforting circles over Alex’s back. “I know,” she says. “That part is going to suck. I don’t think there’s a way to sugar coat that.”

 

“You could try,” Alex says lamely, resting her head on Kelley’s shoulder.

 

Kelley smiles, kissing the top of her head. “Okay. Well for starters, I’ll have no friends, so I’ll only be thinking about you.”

 

“That will last all of two days,” Alex laughs. “Next.”

 

“I’ll be across the world from Christen.”

 

“Don’t say that about my friend.”

 

Kelley laughs. “Jesus,” she says.

 

“Kidding, I love that,” Alex says. “But she totally is my friend. Kind of. I think.”

 

“I’m sure she is,” Kelley says. “I’ll get to send you lots of care packages with special Australian treats.”

 

“Will you actually let me eat them?”

 

“Will I let you?” Kelley repeats. “I think you’ve figured out moderation.”

 

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

 

“Yeah?” Kelley asks. “Then I better spend whatever sweet hours remain of our time together to tell you I’ve never seen eyes more beautiful than your baby blues. And that nobody makes me laugh more. And how I stole your shampoo bottle so I can catch a whiff of you whenever I’m lonely because it’ll remind me of cuddling in bed after you get out of the shower.”

 

“You took my shampoo?” Alex asks softly. “That’s so romantic.”

 

Kelley smirks. “I packed it right next to your underwear.”

 

“Oh, gross,” Alex groans. “You didn’t have to ruin the moment like that.”

 

“I did actually,” Kelley says. “Our dinner reservations are in 15 minutes and we still have to carry all my bags to the car.”

 

Alex pouts. She loves hanging out with Kelley’s family, but right now she wants to skip the send-off dinner and go straight to their hotel room near the airport to hear more of Kelley’s sweet nothings (and maybe make out a lot).

 

“We’ll eat fast,” Kelley says as if reading Alex’s mind. “I have a lot of ravishing to do before I leave.”

 

—

 

After Kelley and Alex are both well-fed and well-ravished, they cry. They hold each other tight in the big, unfamiliar bed at the hotel where they got a room for privacy (though they told Karen and Dan it was because of its proximity to the airport, which they probably didn’t buy for a second).

 

Alex listens to her own pounding heartbeat against Kelley’s as the tears fall from both of their eyes, mixing together between their lips with “I love yous” and “I miss you alreadys” when they kiss every few seconds.

 

They try to keep their eyes open as long as they possibly can, hoping to delay the inevitable moment that they have to part ways, but all that does is make them both cranky and groggy when the alarm goes off.

 

Alex all but refuses to open her eyes, determined that none of this actually has to happen, but then Kelley is kissing her forehead and running her fingertips down Alex’s shoulder, and she knows if she doesn’t face the day, Kelley will be gone and it’ll feel a lot worse.

 

“Hi,” Alex says meekly, finally opening her watery eyes.

 

“Hi, princess,” Kelley whispers. “We gotta get up.”

 

“Don’t wanna.”

 

“Me neither,” Kelley says, wrapping her arms around Alex’s naked waist. “I want to stay here like this forever. But eventually that credit card they have on file downstairs will be way past its limit.”

 

Alex pouts. “Can I try to make you stay one more time?” she asks, shifting so her thigh slides between Kelley’s legs, making her groan.

 

“God, I wish,” Kelley says. “But my flight leaves in two hours, and if I give you five minutes I’ll want five hours.”

 

“I want five years.”

 

Kelley smiles. “I can promise you five years,” she says.

 

Alex looks up at her, eyes wide. “Yeah?”

 

“One hundred percent,” Kelley says. “And after those five, we’ll see about another five.”

 

“Okay, but five years starting from today or starting from when we started dating?”

 

Kelley laughs. “I think you’re overthinking this.”

 

“I don’t care,” Alex whines.

 

“Five years from tomorrow,” Kelley says. “How’s that?”

 

“Fine, I guess,” Alex grumbles. “Still not long enough.”

 

Kelley raises her eyebrows. “Are you saying five years isn’t a long time?”

 

“Not in the grand scheme of things.”

 

“Interesting,” Kelley says with a smirk. “So would you say two years is even less time?”

 

Alex narrows her eyes before realizing what Kelley’s trying to convey. “Oh, shut up.”

 

“Hey,” Kelley murmurs, taking Alex’s hands and bringing them to her lips for a kiss. “You’re right,” she says. “In the grand scheme of forever, two years is nothing.”

 

“I’m still going to miss you,” Alex says, her voice small.

 

“Obviously,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes. “I’m irresistible.”

 

“Also super modest.”

 

“Just one of my many amazing qualities.”

 

The alarm sounds again as Kelley leans in to kiss Alex on the lips, and Alex feels like she’s jumping out of her skin. “Come on, you perfect specimen,” she murmurs, pressing another kiss to Kelley’s soft lips and willing her heart to stop racing. “Let’s get you to your next adventure.”


	29. epilogue: the next adventure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh, whoops? I forgot to post this?

Alex surprises even herself with how well she takes to being a long-distance girlfriend. Without setting any real schedule for it, she sends Kelley a care package once a month with treats and nice letters and sometimes a game-worn jersey from when she scored a goal.

 

Kelley adapts to the laid-back Australian lifestyle as quickly as Alex predicted, but the one-bedroom apartment doesn’t last long. She goes stir crazy there and ends up spending more time with Caitlin and Sam, who live in a house a few miles away. After a few months, she gets the federation to stop paying for the apartment and pay a stipend for her rent to live with Caitlin and Sam Kerr (and Sam’s girlfriend, Nikki, during the W-League season).

 

Alex would be lying if she said she wasn’t jealous of Kelley’s new life, but she has plenty of distraction in the form of Olympic preparation. Qualifying is a breeze, and Alex wins the Golden Boot for the qualifying tournament, but anxiety looms over the late announcement of the roster.

 

In her heart of hearts, Alex knows she’ll be on it, but there’s still some uncertainty. She just wants to be an Olympian. She wants to see Kelley in Rio for the first time since Christmas, when they got a few days together after Kelley spent time with her family. She wants to win a gold medal and spend a week in Brazil soaking up the excitement with her favorite people in the world.

 

She gets… most of that. Her name is on the roster. She and the team make it to Rio after a tumultuous group stage and hard-fought battle against Sweden that ends in penalty kicks, which Alex practiced with Christen every single day after Kelley told her they were the weakest part of her game. It pays off.

 

Alex only wants the best for Kelley, but she doesn’t actually expect Australia to make it past the first knockout game. But then they do. And then they win their semifinal. And then they’re facing the United States in their first ever gold medal match.

 

The team knows so many of the other teams’ players and staff, but there’s an unspoken rule to avoid them before a competitive match. Alex breaks that without a question, seeing Kelley the very second they’re both in the Olympic village. They only get a few moments together, but they have plenty to talk about that isn’t soccer.

 

It’s a weird feeling to see Kelley on the sideline in a different country’s colors during the national anthems, but Alex tries not to let it unsettle her. She even has one of those green and gold jackets in her suitcase that Kelley sent her months ago. She’s watched Australia’s games, always hoping for a glimpse of Kelley, so the visual isn’t new, but the situation is uncharted territory.

 

“Go get em, superstar,” Kelley calls when Alex passes by to jog into the field.

 

Alex turns back to wink at her, but Kelley’s already looking away toward her team.

 

The first half ends irritatingly scoreless, despite at least two clear cut chances Alex knows she should have made and now can’t stop thinking about.

 

“Remember your mantra,” Christen says softly, sensing Alex’s unease.

 

When Christen invited Alex to meditate with her, it was a nice gesture, but Alex didn’t really get it. She felt fidgety the whole time and would have preferred to do yoga or something active, but Christen told her it takes practice, so she stuck with it.

 

“You can only control right now,” Alex says to herself, barely loud enough for her own ears to pick it up. “The past is gone. The future will come. Stay in the moment.”

 

She repeats this to herself over and over, and it calms her going into the second half. For a few minutes, she lets herself believe it. Then, Sam Kerr gets in behind the defense and scores the opening goal, and Alex’s mind turns to complete chaos.

 

She can’t stay in the moment because she doesn’t know which moment she’s in. She’s frantic, she’s impatient, she’s anything but clinical, and she’s certainly not in control of anything, least of all the present.

 

It doesn’t come as much of a surprise when she’s subbed off in the 72nd minute, tears of frustration filling her eyes as she jogs to the bench. She can feel Kelley’s concerned eyes on her, but she just drinks the bottle Dawn hands her and rests her chin on her hands, hunched forward as she prays for something, anything.

 

Her face doesn’t have much farther to fall when the final whistle blows, Australia 1, US nothing. She can’t even cry, she’s so dumbfounded over the whole thing. This was never supposed to happen. Australia has good players, but they aren’t anywhere near the level of the US. She can’t wrap her head around it.

 

She doesn’t look to the Australia bench when she gets up to hug her teammates sadly. She can be happy for Kelley later.

 

When arms wrap around her from behind, she doesn’t think anything of it, but then she breathes in and smells the familiar scent of Kelley. She turns around to face her, her face crumbling, and the floodgates open as she melts into Kelley’s arms.

 

Kelley doesn’t say anything, she just rubs Alex’s back, soothing her as best she can. She doesn’t say “I know,” because she doesn’t. She doesn’t say “it’s okay,” because it’s not. She stays quiet for a little bit, just letting Alex break down, and then she says “I’m so proud of you.”

 

Alex isn’t very proud of herself. Not for the game she played, not for her attitude in losing, not for her lack of congratulations to Australia except for a half-hearted handshake and hug to her friends. She isn’t proud of the way she dumps the silver medal into her duffel bag, not even wanting to look at it.

 

But Kelley’s proud of her, and she won’t stop telling her so. Alex isn’t ready to hear it yet, but when she is, she knows Kelley will give her an earnest and honest assessment of her work rate and her positioning and everything else that went into the game.

 

What she’s not expecting is a knock at the door of her room and a slightly tipsy Kelley asking if she can lay with her. She’s numb until Kelley snuggles up behind her and wraps her arms around Alex’s waist, kissing her shoulder blades softly.

 

There are no ulterior motives, no intentions beyond simply comforting Alex in her time of hurt. Something about that is so sexy that Alex turns around in Kelley’s arms no more than five minutes later and wriggles out of her shirt before tugging on Kelley’s.

 

When she wakes up naked, wrapped in Kelley’s arms, it takes a few seconds for her to even remember the loss. She tries to hold onto those few seconds of bliss before waking up Kelley.

 

“Mm,” Kelley hums, nuzzling into Alex’s neck without opening her eyes.

 

“I’m proud of you,” Alex says.

 

“Hm?” Kelley’s eyes squint at her.

 

“I’m just proud,” she says. “You’re brave for going to Australia and taking a chance. And you’ve worked hard and gained their trust and gotten them to buy in, and it paid off. I’m really proud of you.”

 

“It was all them,” Kelley says, blushing.

 

Alex shakes her head. “If it were, I couldn’t be happy for them,” she says. “I mean, mostly I feel like shit. But I’m happy that the person I love helped them win.”

 

“Well, I’m just happy that the person I love is in my bed right now.”

 

“This is definitely my bed,” Alex retorts. “But maybe I’ll be in yours soon.”

 

Kelley smiles. “Nah, you should stay in the village,” she says. “Enjoy it.”

 

“That’s not what I mean,” Alex says. “I want to come to Australia.”

 

“I’d love that, baby,” Kelley says. “Just let me know when you want to. I want to make sure I get to spend as much time with you as possible.”

 

“How about 4 to 5 months?”

 

Kelley narrows her eyes like she’s trying to do the math. “Like you’ll come in December or January? That’ll be nice, that’s when it’s summer.”

 

“No,” Alex groans, exasperated. “Like I’ll come when the NWSL season ends and leave when I need to come back for preseason.”

 

Kelley raises her eyebrows. “What?”

 

“I have offers from teams in the W-League,” Alex says. “I’m gonna sign with Sydney so I can be near you.”

 

“No way,” Kelley says. “Are you serious? The national team would let you do that?”

 

“They only pay my NWSL contract,” Alex shrugs. “I can do whatever I want in the off-season as long as I can be back for camps and friendlies. The only issue with FIFA dates would be January camp, and they’ve made exceptions for people who need to come late in the past.”

 

“You’re serious,” Kelley realizes. “You’re really talking about coming to Australia.”

 

“I can’t tell if you’re excited or not.”

 

“Are you kidding? I’m thrilled!” Kelley exclaims. “I just can’t believe it. I’m having trouble wrapping my head around it. Should I let myself get excited? Or is there still a chance it could fall through?”

 

Alex shrugs. “They don’t even need my contract finalized till the end of the season, but the coach has been in touch with the Breakers, and as far as they’re concerned, it’s as good as done. We just have to figure out stuff like housing and insurance.”

 

“What do you mean, housing?” Kelley scoffs. “You’ll live with me.”

 

“Really? I don’t want to drive you crazy.”

 

“You manage to do that from the US,” Kelley laughs, rolling her eyes. “Yes, of course. I don’t even know where Sam and Nikki and Caitlin will sign, I’m sure you could technically have one of their rooms, but I’d hope you’d want to stay with me most nights.”

 

Alex doesn’t get much of a choice, because by the time she is set to move to Australia, Caitlin, Sam, and Nikki have all secured contracts to play for Sydney. Five girls to a house, four of whom are in relationships with each other, doesn’t seem like a recipe for success, but Alex is so excited to finally live with Kelley that she doesn’t even care.

 

Kelley picks her up at the airport, with Caitlin there to film the tearful reunion. She holds Alex’s hand the whole way home, where the house smells like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies courtesy of Sam and Nikki.

 

She knows the jet lag is bad when she can’t even enjoy a single cookie before she’s passed out on Kelley’s bed, exhausted from travel, emotion, and time change. When she wakes up, though, Kelley is asleep next to her, and she can tell it’s nighttime.

 

As soon as she stirs, Kelley’s eyes open. “Morning, sleepyhead,” she says. “I bet you’re hungry.”

 

Kelley drives them to a quiet restaurant that stays open for them and becomes their go-to date night spot over the next few months. Every moment feels like a date with Kelley in Australia, though, whether they’re eating takeout on the couch or watching the sunset on the beach.

 

It doesn’t take Alex long at all to become part of the family, though Kelley does forbid her from joining the rest of their roommates in calling her “Daddy” as a joke. (“Oh, I wasn’t joking,” Alex assures her.)

 

Australia is good to them and their blossoming love. They love their tiny room where all of Alex’s belongings mix in with Kelley’s and they can’t sleep on the bed without touching even when they’ve been bickering all day long. They take their days off to explore the town and each other, often at the same time. They hold hands in the street and make out for hours on the beach, spending enough time in the sun that they don’t need to worry about tan lines (but sunbathing topless on their roof helps that too).

 

International breaks for national team matches are the only times they have to separate, which works just fine for them. It’s a good teaser for what living together for good might look like… if a little idealized because it’s Australia. They’re invited to their roommates’ family homes for Christmas, but they spend it at home, watching Christmas movies and sipping hot chocolate and mulled wine. They agree not to exchange presents, but of course they both break that rule.

 

The weather in Australia doesn’t even get the chance to cool down before Alex has to go back home. In a cruel twist of fate, her flight falls on Valentine’s Day. Kelley does her best to make the most of their final days together, but a dark cloud hangs over the week.

 

Alex doesn’t want to fill their last days in Australia with fighting, so she avoids sensitive topics like Kelley’s contract coming to an end in August and what’s next for them, even though it’s all she can think about. It’s scary to leave with no idea of when she’ll next get to see Kelley, but they keep their fingers crossed tightly for the four nations tournament being coordinated by the US and Australia, hoping against hope that it won’t fall through.

 

Kelley insists on leaving for the airport an hour earlier than Alex thinks they should, but Alex understands why when they get there and her stomach is in knots. She doesn’t think she could physically get out of the car even if she tried.

 

Kelley seems to have anticipated that, though, because she pulls straight into a parking lot where they can sit for a while and process.

 

“I’m going to miss you so bad,” Alex says, her lip trembling.

 

“Me too.” Kelley squeezes Alex’s thigh tightly. “Thank you for coming.”

 

“Thanks for having me.”

 

Kelley laughs. “Next time let’s make it be for good, okay?”

 

Alex pouts. “I don’t think my family would love it if I moved here for good.”

 

“But you would.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex admits. “I would.”

 

“Good to know,” Kelley says with a grin, leaning in to kiss Alex on the lips. “I’d love to just sit here and kiss you forever.”

 

“You can,” Alex says, smirking, but Kelley shakes her head and leans her forehead against Alex’s, making her eyes cross in order to make eye contact. “I hate this part.”

 

“Me too,” Kelley agrees. “But I love the part where we reunite.”

 

“Which will be…”

 

Kelley sighs. “I wish I knew, baby. But I’m working on it.”

 

“Work harder,” Alex whines, making Kelley’s eyebrows shoot up. “I’m kidding,” she says. “I know you are. I’m just sad.”

 

“I know,” Kelley says.

 

“I know I’m too opinionated sometimes.”

 

“No such thing.”

 

“I’ll support you in whatever you do,” Alex says. “I just don’t want you to sell yourself short.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I don’t want you to do what you think you should. I want you to do what thrills you and challenges you and makes you excited to get up in the morning. I know you love the people you work with here, and if you want to extend your contract, I’ll support you all the way. And I don’t want you coming back home just because I want you there. Because I do, but I don’t want you to have any regrets.”

 

“I love you for that,” Kelley says softly.

 

“I don’t care,” Alex says, shaking her head. “I mean, I love you too. Obviously. But this isn’t about me. It’s about you. I know what sets my soul on fire, and I’m lucky enough to do it for a living. I just want you to have the same opportunity.”

 

Kelley nods. “I know that,” she says. “Thank you for caring about my happiness.”

 

“Thanks for making me the happiest,” Alex says, leaning in for another kiss. “I love you so much.”

 

“I love you too,” Kelley says. “Are you ready?”

 

“No.”

 

“Me neither, but I don’t think that matters right now.”

 

“Probably not,” Alex sighs. “Shall we?”

 

\---

 

Returning to long distance after almost nonstop togetherness for five months takes more of a toll on Alex than she wants to admit. She gets jealous seeing photos of Kelley and their roommates, even though she knows they’re all heading to America for NWSL soon anyway and Kelley will be the odd one out.

 

It doesn’t make her feel any better to know Kelley feels the same way she does because she wouldn’t wish the heartache on anyone, especially the person she loves, but Kelley at least seems to be taking it all in stride. She’s less anxious than Alex about when they’re going to see each other again, which drives Alex bananas because all she wants is a time frame. She knows it’s harder for Kelley to fly out to the US when it’s not for work, but the more Kelley tells Alex not to worry about it and that it’ll all work out, the more she doubts her ability to do this kind of distance long-term.

 

Kelley tries her best, though, never missing a set FaceTime or phone call, and sending care packages every so often, usually with an item or two Alex left in Australia along with Australian treats she misses terribly.

 

The time difference means that when Alex is waking up, Kelley is probably getting ready for bed, but they make the awkward times work, and sometimes Kelley FaceTimes Alex while she falls asleep and Alex prepares her breakfast.

 

One Monday during preseason when Alex is still getting adjusted to another set of new roommates living with her and HAO, she wakes up to three texts from Kelley asking if she’s awake yet.

 

“I am now, impatient much?” she texts back. “Are you ok?”

 

“Yes,” Kelley replies. “Call me. No rush, make your breakfast or whatever.”

 

“Kk,” Alex replies, stretching her arms long over her head before trudging her tired body to the kitchen to pour a bowl of cereal.

 

When she’s sitting at the counter, she opens her computer so she can FaceTime Kelley without sacrificing the use of one of her hands.

 

“Hey, baby,” Kelley says brightly. “You look pretty.”

 

Alex laughs. She knows she still has medicine on the area where she’s been breaking out on her chin and her hair is in a sloppy bun. She also knows that Kelley means what she says. “Thanks, how are you?”

 

“Good,” Kelley hums distractedly.

 

“Did you have a good day?”

 

“Uhh, yeah,” Kelley says, snapping her attention back to Alex. “Really good, actually. I don’t know if I’m allowed to tell you this yet, but you’ll find out eventually. The tournament is on.”

 

“The one this summer?” Alex asks, her eyebrows raising.

 

“Yep! You’ll get at least a solid week with me at the end of July.”

 

“I don’t know about solid,” Alex grumbles. “We’ll both be working.”

 

Kelley shrugs. “Better than nothing, right?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Alex says. “I’m excited.”

 

“Me too,” Kelley says. “The few weeks following that will probably be so super hectic for me.”

 

“Mhm,” Alex says. “Wait, why?”

 

Kelley smirks. “I don’t know, last time I moved across the world it was a pretty hectic time.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says, taking another bite of her cereal. She doesn’t register what Kelley has said until she dips her spoon back in the bowl for another bite. “Wait, what?”

 

Kelley grins. “When my contract is up, I’m moving home,” she says.

 

Alex’s eyes go wide as tears prick at them. “Are you kidding? Please tell me this isn’t a joke.”

 

“I wouldn’t joke, baby,” Kelley says. “I’m coming home. I didn’t want to tell you till it was official.”

 

“Oh my God!” Alex exclaims. “Where? Like, you’re moving to Georgia? Or back to Chicago? Did you get a job?”

 

“Eh, not really,” Kelley says. “I was thinking Boston seemed pretty cool. Know anyone who lives there?”

 

“You’re joking,” Alex says. 

 

“Yeah, of course I’m joking, I know you live there,” Kelley laughs.

 

“You’re seriously coming to Boston? To live?” Alex isn’t sure she’s actually awake. Her head is spinning. If anyone asked for her ideal phone call with Kelley, this would be it. The only thing left is for Kelley to say she got her a puppy.

 

“To live,” Kelley laughs. 

 

“But you don’t have a job yet,” Alex says, trying to get the story straight. “I can help you start looking, I’m not sure what I’ll find, but HAO knows people.”

 

“I think I might be a little busy for that,” Kelley says slowly.

 

“Why, because I’m a full-time job?” Alex asks, rolling her eyes.

 

“Yeah, exactly,” Kelley laughs. “No, I just… This is going to sound silly, but do you know what my favorite nickname you have for me is?”

 

“Kevin?” Alex teases. Kelley hates that one when it comes from her. “Ummm, babe?”

 

“No,” Kelley laughs. “It’s the first one you ever gave me.”

 

“Trainer Hottie?”

 

“No, that was Abby,” Kelley says, rolling her eyes.

 

Alex chews on her lip, thinking for a second. “I don’t kn—wait, Doc?” she laughs. “I feel like I haven’t called you that in ages.”

 

“Yeah, but I like it,” Kelley says. “Do you remember why you gave me that nickname?”

 

“Because I was a shameless flirt?”

 

“Well yeah, but that and the fact that I told you my dream was to be a doctor. And then I told you all the many reasons why that couldn’t happen, and you told me all the reasons it could. Every time you called me that, it reminded me that you believed in me even if I didn’t believe in myself.”

 

Alex smiles. “I do believe in you.”

 

“I know,” Kelley says. “That’s why I started applying to med school last year.”

 

Alex drops her spoon with a clang into the bowl. “No way. No way!”

 

“Yep,” Kelley says. “I took the MCAT and applied a few places in the US, but I got waitlisted at my No. 1. It was so hard not to tell you, but I wanted to be sure, and today I got the notification that I’m off the waitlist.”

 

“In Boston?” Alex exclaims.

 

“Yep,” Kelley says. “Remember when we used to walk through the Harvard campus and pretend to be students? One of us won’t have to pretend anymore.”

 

“Holy shit, Harvard?” Alex exclaims. “Harvard Harvard? The Harvard?”

 

“Harvard,” Kelley confirms. “It still doesn’t feel real.”

 

“I’m dating a genius, it’s official.”

 

Kelley laughs and blushes. “My experience helped,” she says. “I applied for a lot of financial aid, and I think I’m going to do a work study program where I supervise the training staff for their women’s soccer team.”

 

“I can’t believe this,” Alex says, tears falling fast down her face. “This feels like a dream. How is this real?”

 

“I don’t know,” Kelley laughs. “But it is, I promise.”

 

“I probably won’t believe it till you’re here in my arms.”

 

“Oh, gross, can I stop filming now?” Heather groans from her doorway, where Alex didn’t even see her.

 

“Yes, you can stop filming,” Kelley laughs. “Good job.”

 

“You snakes!” Alex exclaims. “HAO knew before me?”

 

“No, I just told her I was going to be telling you something!” Kelley laughs.

 

“I have to be honest, I was hoping for the world’s most awkward proposal,” HAO teases. “Congratulations, Kel!”

 

“Thanks,” Kelley says. “I hope we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.”

 

“Our apartment is only so big,” Alex says. “You’ll definitely run into each other once or twice.”

 

“Are you asking me to move in with you?” Kelley asks with a mock gasp.

 

“Yeah, unless living with me in Australia ruined that concept for life.”

 

“Of course not,” Kelley says, all the tenderness in the world softening her voice. “I want to live with you forever.”

 

“And forever starts now?” Alex asks, sticking her tongue between her teeth in a wide grin.

 

“Forever starts in August,” Kelley laughs. “Or it started three years ago.”

 

“Four!” Alex retorts, making Kelley roll her eyes. She knows it’s her girlfriend’s least favorite argument.

 

“Four,” Kelley concedes. “God I can’t wait to marry you so we can quit arguing about what really counts as the start of our relationship.”

 

“Should I start filming again?” HAO asks, ducking the balled-up napkin Alex tosses at her head. “Okay, I’ll leave you two alone.”

 

When the door is safely shut behind HAO, Alex takes a deep breath and smiles at her phone. “So, let’s continue this conversation about marriage.”

 

Kelley laughs, one of Alex’s favorite laughs, with her eyes scrunched and head thrown back. “One life-changing decision at a time, okay?”


End file.
